The New Job Of Deadpool Chapter 8 Wade Wilson's Whacky Whimsy.

The events of Halloween passed and naturally, rumors were somehow less outlandish than the truth. They had been passed around like diseases in an area of ill-repute. So much insanity, and hysteria, and also people speculating how a troll got let into the school, and also the rumors of what exactly happened a certain deputy caretaker of magical sanitation at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Okay, the rumors about Wade were not that prominent. Be that as it may, after his injuries healed, Wade was back on the prowl inside of Hogwarts.

'So what happened since I've been laid up?' Deadpool thought. 'Well, the entire school is going mad with rumors. Also, Ron Weasley has been sent home.'

Understandable, that Ron suffered injuries after being walloped in the face with a troll. Deadpool could see why Molly Weasley freaked out about her youngest son being walloped in the face by a troll. She was a mother, it was her right to freak the hell out any time one of her children got injured.

What was not understandable was the fact that Molly Weasley pretty much howler bombed the Hogwarts staff. Deadpool might have been laid up in the hospital wing at the time, but that did not matter. He heard each and every screaming word about how the staff did not protect her poor little boy.

Ron was sent out of the picture because of his mother brought him home. Whether or not Ronald Weasley would be allowed to return to Hogwarts, Deadpool could really not really say for sure. Molly wanted to pull her other three children who were in school out of school.

'Understandable she's upset, although her insane mollycoddling is going to hurt her kids later on,' Deadpool thought. 'Huh? Molly Weasley….coddling….equals Mollycoddling…no that can't be a coincidence."

Regardless, Deadpool stepped out to resume his duties. He came face to face with Albus Dumbledore. Dumbledore looked about as jovial as a man who had his ears heavily bandaged could look.

"What happened to you?" Deadpool asked.

"I have been rendered completely deaf," Dumbledore said. "It appears that Molly got overly anxious with her howlers."

"You think?" Deadpool asked. "Wait, if you're deaf, then how can you hear me?"

"I can read lips," Dumbledore said. "Yes, even yours, Mr. Wilson, I can see them through your mask."

"Oh, I thought you were just doing your magic mind Jedi thing," Deadpool said a second later.

Dumbledore just gave Deadpool a knowing smile. No matter what anything thought of what Dumbledore did in the past, what he might do in the present, and what he might do in some kind of alternate future, it still was hard not to feel a little bit bad.

"I've come to the conclusion that howlers are not exactly the kindest thing to inflict on the students of this school, or the staff, or any innocent bystanders," Dumbledore said.

Complete befuddlement appeared underneath Deadpool's mask and through his body language. It took him a couple of seconds to regain any sense of himself.

"You really…you're really coming to this conclusion now?" Deadpool asked.

Words failed Deadpool, which was sure a rare occasion it should have been marked down on the calendar. Deadpool's mouth hung open for a couple of seconds and then he closed it.

"Yes, well, perhaps it's long overdue that they are banned from Hogwarts halls," Dumbledore said. "I hoped that allowing howlers would promote freedom of expression, but it appears all they do is embarrass the occupants who receive them."

Dumbledore really wished that he could continue this conversation. He gave Deadpool a smile and the two of them parted ways.

'Time to check in with the big boss,'

The Sanitation Captain Dread Pirate Filch sounded pretty upset about the damage was done to the hallway with Deadpool's first team up with Harry Potter against the troll. He moved down to a part of the school which had been taped off. Filch had been on his hands and knees on the floor. He grumbled when rubbing a particularly gruesome spot on the floor.

"You know, I hear that singing a jaunty tune makes cleaning a whole lot easier."

Filch bounced up to his feet and almost sent the bucket flying. "Oh, it's you."

The Caretaker swallowed for a few seconds.

"And nothing makes this job a lot easier with those hooligans making mess and muck all over the school," Filch said. "And it's going to be worse after this weekend. You know what's this weekend, don't you?"

"Well, I've been laid out with a troll related injury," Deadpool said. "And no, I don't mean I ended up headdesking when I started reading YouTube comments."

The joke just flew over the head of Argus Filch.

"Thanks for the fruit basket by the way."

"I didn't send you a fruit basket!" Filch snapped.

'And the fine art of sarcasm fails to enrapture another man,' Deadpool thought.

Still the rotten look Filch's already foul face meant something got his dandruff up. And his dander as well, but mostly his dandruff, because it looked like he needed some good head and shoulders right about now.

"It's Quidditch!" Filch yelled. "And what's worse it's Gryffindor against Slytherin, and those two houses about ready to play are going to make my life a lot harder."

Deadpool figured it was something along those lines. Filch never really cared much for any kind of fun and games, so obviously not liking Quidditch would be directly up his alley.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure it won't be too bad," Deadpool said.

Grumbling came from Filch, with Deadpool turning his attention away from the caretaker. Deadpool was pretty sure the state of the toilets turned gross, much like any other public restroom.

"Whimsy Wadey Wilson!"

Peeves the Poltergeist popped up pretty much out of nowhere. Deadpool prepared for his arch nemesis.

"Peeves," Deadpool said. "What have you been up to?"

"Oh, nothing special," Peeves said. "It has been boring without you here. I mean I can torment Filchy-kins over there, but he just yells a lot and threatens to have me expelled. As long as there is chaos, there will be Peeves, and a bunch of witches and wizards going through puberty are going to cause a lot of chaos. So why wouldn't I hang around the school?"

Deadpool hated to say the Poltergeist had a point, but he made a good point. To banish Peeves would mean banishing all of the students. And to do that would not mean much of a school.

"But, Peevey has made you a pie," Peeves said. "To celebrate your glorious return to carrying Filch's mop bucket."

The comment about him being good for carrying Filch's mop bucket was not something Deadpool was excited about hearing. Still, he was just a sucker for pie to be perfectly honest.

"So, do you want it?" Peeves asked. "Do you really want Peeves to give it to you?"

"Yes, Peeves," Deadpool said. "If you really have a pie then give it to me!"

Peeves reached from behind his back and put the pie in Deadpool's hands. Deadpool looked surprised at a second. He thought for sure when he asked Peeves give him a pie, Deadpool was going to get a full facial with the pie.

The Mercenary decided to dig into the pie. It did not taste half bad to be perfectly honest. Perhaps this was the beginning of a more cordial relationship between himself and Peeves?

A loud cackle followed as Peeves zoomed out of the other end to hit Deadpool over the head with a particular large cake.

"Almost forgot the cake!"

Now, that was more like the Peeves Deadpool knew. The Mercenary slipped and slid in the green frosting on the ground. It was very hard for him to gain a footing.

"You just wait! You just wait! I'll get you! I'LL GET YOU!"

Deadpool did a face-plant onto the ground. One of these days, one of these days, he swore, Peeves would get his, and it would be delicious.

The first Quidditch Match of the year took placed between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Deadpool took his spot in the stands with the other members of the staff. He climbed in between Snape and Filch both of them who looked disgusted.

"Potter," Snape said. "He always gets special treatment."

"You're just upset that he has cleaner hair than you do," Deadpool said. "Besides, your little snakes are out there tonight."

"Please don't refer to them as my little snakes ever again," Snape said.

Deadpool patted Snape on the shoulder which caused him to move over as far as possible. The Mercenary might have let Snape off with a warning.

"So, tell me, will your little snakes rise to the occasion and become hard enough to defeat the Gryffindors?" Deadpool asked. "Or will tonight, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps ton…

Deadpool stopped to prevent song lyrics from inadvertently going into the story. He watched Marcus Flint, who looked like a candidate for the Big Book of British smiles, shake hands with Oliver Wood. Who caused Deadpool to slip and called Oliver Queen. They shook hands, going straight for the hand crusher.

And the Quidditch people were off, doing Quidditch type things. Balls were being passed around and shot through the hoops, points were racked up, people were flying on broomsticks. Really, there was only so many ways to describe a Quidditch match, so Deadpool's mind began to wander.

There were the fouls as well, oh boy where there were the fouls. The elbowing someone accidentally on purpose, the good old knocking the end of someone's broomstick, and a fishhook to the mouth, they all were pretty much used by the Slytherin Quidditch team.

'Kids these days,' Deadpool thought. 'If you want to foul someone, go straight in for the family jewels.'

The Quidditch match went on and on and on and on and on with a lot of points being racked up. Deadpool rose up to his feet and tried to get a wave started in the crowd.

Absolutely no one bit on the obvious hook Deadpool tried to deliver.

"This is Quidditch!" Deadpool shouted. "This is Quidditch! This is Quidditch!"

And still, everyone was trying to ignore Deadpool. He had one more trick up his sleeve.

"Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! "

Some of the Muggle-born students started to chant along, even though the purebloods were baffled.

Anyone who had not been distracted might have seen Harry Potter lurch for a moment on his broomstick. The chants in the arena got louder and more continuous.

Quirrell seemed visibly annoyed as the chants kicked up in the arena.

'So are people getting annoyed by this running gag?' one of the voices in Deadpool's head.

'Well, obviously.'

'Behold! The most shameless attempt of stretching out a word count to date!'

"Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole!" Deadpool chanted. "Oil of Olay...ALL DAY EVERYDAY!"

Quirrell smashed head first into the railing thanks to Deadpool's hand striking him in the background. Harry Potter flew forward and caught the Golden Snitch.

'Hey, Harry Potter won,' Deadpool thought.

'And he did it without deep-throating the snitch this time,' one of Deadpool's many fractured voices.

'That's likely a fanfiction somewhere.'

Chapter 8 - Wade Wilson's Whacky Whimsy.

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