Recap: Mikado had an argument with her parents in the Shibuya Corporations building. The chapter finished with her about to exit the elevator however, this chapter starts slightly before she exits the lift, a chapter from her perspective
As I entered the elevator, only then did it occur to me that I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry because I can't. The last time I cried was when I was a young kid, not older than 6 or 7.
That's the harsh life of a 'celebrity'. Don't cry, don't shout, don't be you. So many times have I wanted to run away, tell the world the truth, cry in front of them but then what? People will suddenly hate me, us. All the love and support will turn to hate and anger just because we show that we are human and not a perfect machine. It's just so frustrating!
Why can't people just be happy and appreciate what we all do for them? Why can't humans ever be satisfied with what they have? Why must we always make life a competition, a fight where only the strongest survive? Why can't others understand the pain instead of blatantly pointing out the obvious facts? Why?Even though I can't, I'm not allowed to cry, the pain is still there. Not a stabbing pain but an aching pain that has grown stronger over the years.
To be honest, I don't feel sorry or remorseful in the slightest, I actually feel relieved, like I can finally breath again. All these years of anxiety and depression, all this stress has finally gotten of from my chest. It feels like a very heavy weight has suddenly been lifted. I feel happy, outrageously happy yet I know it's so wrong. I yelled at my parents, said I hated them, blamed them for everything yet I don't feel a bit sorry. I'm a monster, those tall walls are gone and have finally released the slumbering beast inside of me.
No longer shall they walk over me. No longer will I listen to them. No longer shall I play this facade by their rules. I'll play but not like them. I'll stand on my own two feet like I always have and pull through this. I'll win this once and for all, put an end to this. I'll keep this dumb charade up but not anymore like that naive girl. She never existed in the first place, I mean Mikado Shibuya. I'm Mikado Akane, daughter of Daiichi Shibuya and Sakura Akane, twin sister of Mikano Shibuya. I'm done running away. I'm done hiding. I'm done having my choices made for me. I'm done being a coward, a pushover? I'm Mikado Akane and I'm going to play this dangerous game with my rules.
As the elevator dinged before the metal doors slid open, the million dollar smile crept onto my face. It's a habit now. Before, I had real trouble with it. Now, you can't even tell if it's real or not. Perfect for the press and other events.
The flashes of cameras and shouting of voices greeted me and honestly, I felt like I died right there and then. All of a sudden, I'm the headline news and it's just so...bothersome. Answering questions left and right, smiling and waving like I'm the queen. It's just so....I feel so fake. I feel like a puppet, a plastic barbie doll. I even need to wear an itchy wig to hide the fact that my hair is short and messy and...I look like a boy. Well...I have gender ambiguity. It's where a person is too feminine to be a male but to masculine to be a female. You look a bit like both. And I hate it that I have to hide this, looking like the perfect naive girl everybody believes I am.
I hate when they call me 'Ms Shibuya'. My name is Ms. Akane thank you very much but of course, I can't say that out loud, any of it.
I so badly want to scream, throw the camera's on the floor, make them all realise we're not so perfect as we look. I so badly want people to see that us rich people are nothing but fakes. People filled with lies. Money and power cause nothing but heartbreak and distrust. I so badly want somebody to know the truth, even if they would forget it the next day. I just want somebody to realise that all this, this is not the real me. I just wish that people, humans wouldn't be so judgemental, so smart at the wrong time. I just wish that I could sometimes just escape from this world, this living hell hole, this painful and annoying thing called life.
As the car doors closed and the blinds went up, I sighed in relief. My whole body could be visibly seen relaxing. I just feel so tired from all this. So worn down. Maybe, this fiancé choosing isn't such a bad idea. Maybe, it'll prove as a way to escape my world and live in another's, just for a few moments. Maybe, it'll give me a chance to live like a normal person, have friends. Maybe, this is not such a bad idea after all and it will make my life better than worse. Maybe, just maybe having the chance to live like a normal teenage girl is possible. Maybe.
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Author's note
Hi guys. I hope this chapter has made you understand a little where I'm coming from. I know that the fact is: people don't know what happens behind closed doors however, Mikado's feelings are just based on the stuff i have read from other writers and what i just think makes sense. I hope that you all start to understand where i am coming from: that we should support our idols instead of criticizing them for their mistakes.
See you guys soon. Also, lemme know what you think about this chapter.
😊😊😊😊😊😊
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