Kabanata 17
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Losing my mom is painful, but losing Cleo is another story to tell. It was our 3rd anniversary and I'm planning to surprise him in his condo. I brought his favorite black forest cake and dressed up perfectly. Excited from all of this, I press the elevator's button for the right floor.
I was ended surprised when I open Cleo's door, bumungad sa akin ang magulong kagamitan. The sofa, chairs, table, sofa pillows, paintings and all are not in the right places. Thankfully that I had a duplicate for Cleo's condo unit.
Nanginginig ako dahil sa kaba. Hindi dahil sa excited ako para sa surprise ko kay Cleo. Pero dahil ito sa nadatnan ko sa sala.
With a heart beating so fast and a shaking hand, I shallow hard and slowly open Cleo's room. At doon na ako tuluyang bumagsak dahil sa panghihina. I almost beg to God to wake me up from the nightmare I had now when I saw Cleo, lying on his bed, with a lash in his pulse and unbreathing. Walang makakapantay sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon.
"Ma'am, here's the letter that we found in his bed, near his body. It was addressed to you."
Wala sa sariling tinanggap ko ang papel na binigay ng pulis. Nakatulala lang ako at walang ingay na umiiyak. Patuloy lang ang pagbuhos ng luha ko habang hinahagod ni nanay Atari ang likod ko. Hindi ko pa rin lubos maisip ang nangyari.
Why Cleo? Why you left me like this? What's going on? Bakit wala akong alam? Bakit wala akong makitang dahilan kung bakit mo to ginawa? I hate you for leaving me!
Sobrang sakit. Pero parang namamanhid na ang puso ko at ayaw ng tumangap pa ng anumang makakasakit pa sa akin.
You promised to be with me forever. I believed in it. But what you did? You broke all your promises! You broke me! You left me dumbfounded!
Those are the words I want to shout. Pero di ko magawa. Wala akong lakas. How can I move forward with the pain you caused?
Please baby, wake up. Another tears fall from my eyes like a river.
"Let's go, hija. Magpahinga ka muna." Daddy held my hand towards our SUV.
Wala ako sa sariling naglakad at nagpa-alalay kay Daddy. Nanatiling tulala. At kahit wala ng bahid ng luha ang mga mata, pero ang puso ko, walang tigil sa pag-iyak.
Now that you're gone. How am I supposed to cope up?
Kinabukasan, I woke up early and dressed myself up when I saw the paper, folded properly but with a stain of blood. Siguro ay dahil sa paghawak ko ito kagabi kaya nabahiran iyon ng dugo.
Kinuha ko iyon pero nilagay ko sa closet. I'm not yet ready to read whatever is written in there.
"Luinne?"
Napalingon ako nang tawagin ako ni Race. He look so shock as he saw me walking down the stairs. Kitang-kita ko pa ang pag-alon ng Adams apple nito, tanda ng paglunok nito. I just look at Race without any emotion in my eyes bago ako tuluyang bumaba sa hagdan.
"How are you?" mahinang tanong nito na nagpabaling ulit sa akin.
I don't want to lie, but I don't want to show to everyone that I'm in pain. I just can't let my guard down. I am strong now. I need to.
"I'm fine. Did you see Daddy?"
"He's in his office. Where are you going?" dagdag nito.
"I'm going to see Cleo. If daddy look for me. Kindly tell him that I'm going to visit to Cleo," Race was hesitant for what I said, pero tumango din kalaunan.
Papasok na ako sa sasakyan when Race stand in my side. Holding my cars door. Tiningnan ko ang kamay nitong nakahawak sa pinto ng kotse bago ko ito tiningnan sa mata, questioning if what is he doing.
"I'll drive you." Di na ako nakipagtalo pa at pumunta nalang ako sa passenger seat. Race open it for me too.
Walang imikan sa loob ng sasakyan, which is, pinagpasalamat ko rin. Gusto ko ng katahimikan. And Race gave it to me. Miminsan din itong sumusulyap sa gawi ko, pero nanatili ang mata ko sa daan. Iniisip ang napakaraming bagay na tumatakbo sa utak ko.
I'm done crying last night. But I know to myself that I can't hold back my tears once I see Cleo's cold body, laying on a coffin later. Crying will always be my favorite hobby. Of course, I will cry. I am not numb. I still can feel pain. I'm just good at hiding it.
The thing that hard to do is when you feel comfortable to someone but you need to let them go. Wala e, iniwan mo rin ako.
Another tear formed in the corner of my eyes as I stared at the most handsome guy I laid my eyes on. How could you left me like this, baby? What did I do wrong?
I was happy being alone. I became happier when you came along. But when you left, I don't know how to be happy anymore.
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GorgeousYooo 🍀