Kabanata 18
Smile
Ito ang huling araw ng burol ni Cleo. Mas marami ang bisita na dumating araw-araw. Friends, colleagues, relatives, and those who knew him. But I have never seen his dad since the day of his death. I don't know if they are in good terms now, because the last year, Cleo told me that they had a fight with his dad.
Race was with me awhile ago, pero nagpaalam ito nang kausapin ito ng isang kilalang business man. I don't mind it anyway. Who wouldn't want to talk to the one of the famous bachelorette and the youngest successful architect and a lawyer at the same time in his field. I didn't know that tho. Not when a sexy as f*ck, hot with a f*ckable ass woman called him 'architect' yesterday, with matching flirty tone.
"Ate, I miss kuya Cleo." Mahinang boses na saad ni Ynona.
Ynona is crying while I hugged her tight. Ynona is the only sister of Cleo, at mahal na mahal ito ni Cleo. Just like me, I'll probably cry a river later for missing him so much.
"I miss him too, Nona, so much."
This is the most painful goodbye. The one that were not expected.
Crying all over the cemetery. Cleo's mom almost collapse after the mass at tuluyan na ngang inilibing si Cleo. Nona cried hard too. But I remained calm and silent. Di na umiiyak, pero puso'y patuloy na nabibiyak.
Di sukatan ang luha para sa kung gaano kasakit ang nararamdaman mo. It will never be matter. Pain will never only show by tears, but also on how calm you are in the middle of those painful event in your life. And this one isn't an exemption. It was ended, as painful as hell.
Everything is temporary and even the darkest times will pass. You will be fine, we all be fine. But as of now, I will let myself mourn and put myself into grave again.
If I could just sleep all day to ease this pain inside me, I really want to. But I know I can't. I don't want Cleo feel so sad seeing me like that. I know, because he's been comforting me when I lost mom. He's been my shoulder in those times that I'm crying. He's been my hanky of my flowing tears. He's been my hero. And I know, if he saw me a mess like this, he'll be sad.
Alas sais nang umuwi ako sa bahay. Pagod ang katawan, pati na rin ang puso. This moment will always hunt me whenever I'm all alone.
"Luinne."
Nilingon ko si Race na kakababa lang sa sariling sasakyan. He looked dashingly handsome in his formal suit. Hinatid lang ako nito kanina sa bahay nina Cleo at umalis rin dahil may importanting meeting na dadaluhan. Tho, di naman na kailangang ihatid pa ako, pero nagpapasalamat narin ako rito.
"Yes?" I look at Race hand that holding a paper bag. At inangat muli ang tingin.
"I... Just want to give this to you."
Race licked his lower lip when I look at the paper bag again. He hesitantly gave the paper bag to me kaya inabot ko ito.
"Thank you," mahinang saad ko. Race shifted his weight and tilted his head then look at me again.
"Good night."
Tipid akong ngumiti bago tumango kay Race who look shy. And continue walking towards our house.
At least, just this moment I'll let myself smile, even just a little. Kahit ngayon lang ayaw kong ipagkait iyon sa sarili ko.
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GorgeousYooo 🍀