Kabanata 13
Hang Over
Nagulat ako nang pagdating ko sa lobby ay sumalubong sa akin si Grant na may bitbit na bulaklak. Malaki ang ngiting nakapaskil sa labi nito. At sa agarang pagtayo pa lang nito nang makita ako ay alam ko ng ako ang hinihintay nito.
Grant walk towards me, not minding those curious eyes na nagmamasid sa bawat hakbang na ginagawa nito pasalubong sa akin.
"Good evening, Captain."
Agad na bati ni Grant nang makalapit sa akin. Nagpakawala pa ito ng matamis na ngiti na naging dahilan ng mahinang ungol at tili ng mga babaeng nasa lobby rin, nagmamasid sa amin.
"Good evening too, Officer." I equaled Grants smile that made him slightly blush. Napailing nalang ako.
"Uh… flowers for you," sabay abot nito sa bulaklak na hawak-hawak nito.
I appreciate Grant's thoughtfulness. He is the first man in this airline who showed me his interest. I know what he's doing. And… I want to try to open up myself to someone too. Maybe… this is the right time for me to start moving on.
"Thank you, Officer." I politely said na dahilan nang bahagyang pagnguso ni Grant. Napakagat ako ng labi dahil sa kagwapohan at ka-cute-an nito at the same time.
"You're too formal, Captain. Told you, you can simply call me Grant." I snorted because of what Grant's said. I just called him the way he called me too.
"You can call me by my name too, but you keep on addressing me by my position."
"Because that's how it should be." Napapakamot sa ulong saad nito. Napangiwi nalang ako at di nalang nakipagtalo pa.
"Thanks for the flower, Grant. I appreciated it a lot." Totoong na a-appreciate ko ang mga pabulaklak ni Grant.
"No problem, Captain… " I grunt lowly that makes Grant chuckle kaya inilingan ko ito. Nanatili ang tingin ng mga tao sa paligid. Naghihintay sa kung ano ang susunod na gagawin namin ng may mapag-usapan na naman sila. I won't mind them tho.
"So… I'll go ahead. I still need to change," sabay senyas ko sa uniporme ko.
"Sure, sure…"
"Thank you so much for this." Inangat ko ang kamay kong may hawak ng bulaklak at ginawaran ng ngiti si Grant bago tumalikod.
Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pang maglakad papasok sa elevator matapos magpaalam kay Grant. Ramdam ko pa rin ang tingin ng mga kasamahang nakakita sa amin kanina.
Agad akong nagpakawala ng malalim na buntong hininga pagkasarado nang elevator. Humilig ako sa dingding at pumikit. I was all alone inside, kaya payapa akong nakakapag-isip-isip. Nang nasa ikatlong palapag na ay tumunog ang elevator at bumukas. Hindi ako gumalaw sa pwesto ko, hinayaan ko lang ang kung sinoman ang pumasok. Napakunot nalang ang noo ko dahil sa mahinang tawa na narinig ko.
I stand straight and frowned nang makitang pamilyar ang mukha nang lalaking kasama ko ngayon. Nakasuot ito ng uniporme sa tower controllers kaya sigurado akong doon ito nakadisteno.
I stared a man for a moment, pilit inaalala kung saan ko nga ba ito nakita. It seems like I really saw this man before.
Napawi lang tingin ko nang bumaling at ngumiti ito sa akin. Agad napataas ang kilay ko dahil doon. Okay! I remember where did I saw this man! I saw him with Amya last day in a restaurant. Hmm, seems this too has something in private.
"You have a consistent suitor," komento nito tsaka bumaba ang tingin sa hawak kong bulaklak. Hindi ako sumagot at hinayaan lang ito sa ginawa.
"I don't understand why most of men here are like moth who wanted to keep in touch with the only light. But seeing you now, I do understand why," patuloy nito.
"Well, I can't blame them. You really are a beautiful bad'ass captain." Tumango-tango pa ito na parang sumasang-ayon sa sariling sinabi. "By the way, I'm Officer George Stan."
Mas lalo yatang tumaas ang kilay ko dahil sa pagpapakilala nito. As if I care who is him. Tsk!
Nang hindi ako nagsalita at nanatili lang ang tingin ko dito ay tumawa ito nang mahina, naaaliw sa pagsawalang kibo ko.
"You are Captain Granada, right? I heard a lot about you. Mostly in men."
Umismid ako dahil sa muling sinabi nang kasama ko. Wala sana talaga akong balak na magsalita, but what he said irritates me.
"Men who spread news are gays." Umismid ako. Walang pakundangang kong sinabi iyon dahilan para matawa ito. Alam ko naman na ako ang pinag-uusapan sa airline na 'to. I won't surprised kung lahat ng iyon ay mga panlalait at masasamang salita. The way how girls reacts because of my presence, surely, it's a bad thing for them.
"Hmm… most of men talks about you. They're impressed and likes you a lot, that fast." Nangingiting dagdag nito at pinagmasdan ako nang mabuti. Naasiwa ako sa paraan ng pagtitig nito sa akin kaya pinag-crossed ko ang mga braso ko sa dibdib at diritso itong tiningnan.
"I don't like men who fall easily just because of the face women has. That's cliché."
Umismid ako kaya nagpakawala nang malutong na tawa ulit itong si George.
This man look intimidatingly handsome. I like his sterling gray eyes and his dirty blonde hair that is in pixie cut. He really looks handsome, no question for that. Aside of his a foreign, there is an air about him that can make him attractive without sweat. This explains why Elisse includes this man about the suitors thingy she's talking about.
"Hmm… I think I will have a hard time on getting your attention, huh."
"You don't need to. I don't have interest in your little game, Officer."
Tumunog ang elevator hudyat na nasa tamang palapag na ako. I look at George again and shrug my shoulders before I left him in the lift. Bago sumara ang elevator ay narinig ko pa itong matunog na ngumisi kaya hindi ko na ito pinansin pa.
Dumiritso ako banyo matapos ilapag ang bulaklak sa coffee table na nasa loob ng kwarto ko. I sighed as I let myself sunk in the bathtub and feel the warm water that relaxes my body.
Memories flashed on my mind immediately as I close my eyes. I let myself treasured those memories again. No matter how long my day is, I will always end up thinking those memories we had. I will always end up crying because of that memories. I still can't get over with it. It's so hard.
There is no way you can ever fully express the pain of losing love ones. There is no way you can make others understand the pain you have endured, unless they experienced the same situation.
All you can do is to deal with things the best you can and hope that those who are close to you, your friends and family will care enough to support you through the toughest time in your life. For it is during the dark times in your life that the ones who truly care for you will step up to the mark.
Pero wala paring mabisang paraan ang pweding gawin para matanggal ang sakit na nararamdaman mo. Yes, they say that acceptance will help you to move on, but it only lessen the pain, hindi iyong tuluyang mawala talaga.
You need to deal with it. Kasi, kahit anong gawin mo hindi na maibabalik pa ang nawala. Alam ko yon. Alam na alam. Kaya hindi ko kayang tanggapin na wala na talaga si Adriel. I still need to undergo in a long process of moving on.
Tahimik na nakatitig ako sa larawan naming dalawa ni Adriel na wallpaper ng cellphone ko habang nasa harap ko ang Bacardi 151. Kasama ko sa bar hopping sina Aida at Lawrence, pero nagpaalam ako sa dalawa na sa bar counter lang ako.
I want to drown myself in alcohol. Ayaw kong magpakalunod sa luha. Pero sa mga alaalang bumabalik sa akin ngayon, surely, I'll drown myself to alcohol and tears.
"My mind knows you are in better place, where there is no pain. You are at peace... I understand that. I just wish... I could explain that to my h-heart,'' umiiyak na kausap ko sa larawan habang hinahaplos ang mukha ni Adriel.
"Why you left me this broken, Love?" basag ang boses ko dahil sa nararamdaman. "You left me hanging," pumiyok na nang tuluyan ang boses ko dahil na rin sa pag-iyak at sa inumin. Even if I wanted to stop my tears, but my eyes won't cooperate. Walang makakapantay sa sakit na iyon.
"You said you love me? But why did you hurt me? Why did you left me?" pagpatuloy ko. Hinayaan ko ang sarili sa ganoong sitwasyon.
Ilang sandali pang pag-iyak bago ko naramdaman ang kamay na humawak sa balikat ko. Hindi ako nag-angat nang tingin. The familiar scent that covers my nostril was mixed by the smell of alcohol I drink. Mas lalo lang akong naiyak dahil sa pagyakap ni Alec sa akin.
Kahit gustuhin ko mang singhalan ito ay hindi ko magawa. Sobrang sakit nang nararamdaman ko para tarayan ito. I'm too weak for that. I'm too broken to protest.
"I'm still here," Alec's whispered on my ears. Wala akong balak na sawayin pa ito, dahil sa mga oras na to, 'yon ang kailangan ko.
"I'm still here for you… just cry, I'm willing to lean my shoulder on you," bulong ulit ni Alec sa akin, the reason why my tears stream like a river again.
How many times do I need to shred my tears for this unfortunately love? How much tears do I need to shred to stop the pain I'm suffering from? Is there any way to end this pain? Because honestly, I don't know if I still can make it. This pain consumed me so bad.
Why destiny do this to me? If this is His way for me to find the right person, I don't like it. It's damn painful! Bakit yung iba nahahanap naman kaagad nila iyong taong para sa kanila, and then they live happily. Why can't I? Why I need to experience a pain like hell?
We stayed like that for a moment, iniisip kong ano ang dapat ko pang maramdaman maliban sa sakit. Kailan ko ulit maramdaman ang sumaya?
"Do we really need to experience a one of a kind pain before we found the right person for us?" Mahina at wala sa sariling usal ko bago ko naramdaman ang antok.
"The right person for you is me. You don't need to wait for someone else. I'm right here."
I woke up in the morning with a headache. My world spin as I tried to stand up from the bed. I unconsciously closed my eyes because of hang over.
"Demm*t!" mahinang mura ko nang maramdaman ang matinding kirot sa ulo.
Thankfully, it's my day off today. I am a mess! For godsake!
Dahan-dahan akong naupo sa kama at nakitang may gamot at isang basong tubig sa bedside table ko. Kunot-noo ko itong kinuha pati na rin ang maliit na papel na pinatungan ng baso.
'Take this med for your hang over, Captain.'
-Flight Captain of your heart,
Nagsalubong ang kilay at napangiwi ako nang mabasa iyon bago napagpasyahang inumin ang gamot. Ilang sandali pa, naalala ko rin niya ang ginawa ko kagabi. I'm in a bar with Lawrence and Aida. And it stops when I'm with Alec at the bar counter, crying.
Mas lalo yatang sumakit ang ulo ko dahil sa naalala! What the f*ck did I do?
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