"We need to talk.."
You nod. Knowing it was important you called the members. Your Manager didn't say anything then, just came in and went to the living room straight away. You all followed him there.ย
He grabbed the TV remote, switching the TV on.
"Sorry, Taehyungie oppa is probably taking a shower, heโ"
You explain but freeze when you look at the screen...
You don't know how to react. Your heart clenches so hard... you yourself can the hear the sound of it being shattered once again. You find yourself chuckling..
๐๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ ๐ง๐ช๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ต ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ด๐ข๐ฏ๐ช๐ต๐บ..?
"But TaeTae was... he was taking a..."
Jimin mutters, looking at Jungkook with hope. Jungkook slowly shakes his and bursts into tears, holding his face in his hands, his knees losing energy and he falls on them.
You drop back on the couch. Yoongi kneels downs, rubbing his face with his palms.
The leader just stands there, his eyes wide open, most probably blaming himself just like he always does when something bad happens.
Hobi, confused, not even believing it. Jimin leaves the room, also bawling. Jin covers his face, hiding his sorrow,ย being the oldest, he always told himself to be strong for his younger members. But this.. broke him into pieces. It broke everyone of you into pieces.
You get up but your legs fail you, making you fall instead. Jungkook lifts his head, turns and hugs you tight, sobbing.
"H-he can't be gone.. Y/N-ah.."
He mutters under his breath, holding the back of your head, wailing on your shoulder.
๐ธ๐ฉ๐บ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ค๐ณ๐บ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ...? ๐๐ฉ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ฃ... ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ท๐ฐ๐ช๐ฅ..
You just stare into space. Your, brain and body not knowing how to respond. As much as you wanted to cry, you wanted to laugh too. You felt like a complete psycho.
_
There was an umbrella on top of your head held by a staff member. Everyone was mourning, except you. You just don't know what it was.
There was a uncomfortable feeling in you caused by not crying.
Tears didn't come out, part of you didn't let them on purpose.
You shouldn't be crying.
You shouldn't be allowed to cry.
You didn't have the right to cry.
If Taehyung was going through something, then you should've known.
You loved him... but now that you found what, presumably, was going in his head.. that word "loved" sounds just like a word without a meaning.
When you love someone, you're meant to care for them, making sure they don't get hurt.
But you were too busy about yourself.
There was a guilt within you, putting unbearable weight on your shoulders. You were standing emotionless.
The rain was heavy. Perhaps the angels were crying on your behalf.
All of the members silently sobbed now, wiping away their tears from time to time.
You step forward, not realising that the raindrops were getting you wet, yet the stains weren't visible on your black outfit.
You just wanted to look at Taehyung... one last time.
Lifting your head, your eyes meet his pale, peaceful face. He just laid there in the coffin, looking so calm. Unconsciously, you tilt your head, observing every detail of him.
His closed eyes.. little nose.. perfect, now, blue lips... that you hoped, one day, would be yours.. the skin looked just so soft and you had never desired to feel it this much before.
๐ธ๐ฉ๐บ'๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ, ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ...? ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ...?
"Y/N-ah..."
You hear a familiar voice and you slowly turned around. The lady hugged you, crying at the loss of his son.
"Mrs Kim..."
You only manage to mumble, still your voice cracking.
Behind her you see Taehyung's dad, little brother and sister sobbing too.
Mrs Kim had always been so nice to you. You could never forget the time fun times you'd had with her.
Once, you couldn't sleep the entire night, grinning like a idiot because she secretly told you that you were perfect for his son.
Taehyung once yelled at her, flustered, when she called you daughter-in-law, winking.
Those were the times you had too try and forget now.
Because there was no more of Taehyung.
No more ofย "TaeY/N" as the fans and the members used to tease.
No more of "the flirting duo".
It was just you now.
_
You close the door behind you, after entering your room.
Resting on to your door, you let your body slide down, slowly pulling your phone out.
You still wondered how you managed not to cry. You didn't even stop yourself to do it.
You look through the last messages he managed to type..
" ๐๐ ๐/๐ ๐๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐๐๐๐๐ฟ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐พ๐ผ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐! "
" ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐๐๐๐๐ฟ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐พ๐ผ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ฟ๐๐ฟ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐! "
"Wow" you just thought. True, you don't think you'd be able to forgive yourself. But you were here, not even mourning.
" ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ฃ๐ค๐๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐จ๐ฉ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฅ๐๐... ๐ค๐ฃ๐ก๐ฎ... ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ค๐ง ๐๐จ ๐จ๐ก๐ค๐ฌ๐ก๐ฎ ๐ค๐ฅ๐๐ฃ๐๐ฃ๐... ๐/๐..
๐ ๐๐ ๐ง๐ ๐ช๐ ๐ฆ... "
You read repeatedly, again and again, until you started hearing his voice saying it to you in your head. Your throat clenched, burning.
"๐ ๐๐ ๐ง๐ ๐ช๐ ๐ฆ"
"THEN WHY THE F*CK DID YOU LEAVE ME?!"
You scream, tears finally invading, bursting out, not being able to, unintentionally, hide in anymore.
You bang your head on the door behind you, rapidly, and bury your face into your shaking palms.
The lightening strucks outside making the lamp light flash as you wail in pain.
You just simply wanted to be alone and take out the screeches that wounded you from inside.
You hear running footsteps, coming towards your room but you do your best to ignore them, not even after a few seconds, someone knocks on the door.
"Y/N... open the door"
Yoongi implores, his voice aching, full of agony.
You didn't respond, still loudly weeping, just shaking your head, briskly as if he could see it.
"Y/N.. if you're going to cry... then lets... why not lets just cry together...?"
You heard Namjoon mumble, his voice cracking in between, just as hurt as Yoongi's. You wipe away your tears slowly getting up, sniffing, unlocking the door.
They come in, Jimin hastily embracing you as soon as the door opens and you blub on his chest. Hoseok softly runs his fingers through your hair, his own eyes puffed from all the sobbing, seeing his maknae like this causes more tears to flow out. Jungkook joins, hugging you from behind and Yoongi sits on your bed cleaning away his tears.
"Yahhh..."
Jin lightly yells, snuffling, making all attention turn to him.
"Tonight... lets cry to sleep.."
He urges and no one contents, agreeing. "The night of grief" he named it.
_
You were in the arms of your members, lightly snoring on the couch. You all shifted to the living room, since your room was small. Everyone talked and sobbed the entire night, reminding each other of some of the forgotten memories of Taehyung. It was as if, each one of you were drunk. Confessing guilts, without being in your minds.
Some of the things they said were just so foolish... but you understood.
You admitted it. Everyone had gotten a bit distant from each other because of the rough schedule. But now, you knew. This one night had brought you all closer than ever.
Taehyung's death had brought you all closer than ever.
But if you were going to draw near each other this way, you preferred staying distant.
At least you would know that the love of your life is safe and sound. Not buried underground..
You wake up, slowly opening your puffed eyes. Finding yourself and the others in the same position as you were at the movie night. You were in the arms of Jimin and Jungkook. Hoseok and Yoongi laying, looking unconscious, on the carpeted floor. Jin and Namjoon were squashed by each other, on the side of the couch.
Only.
Taehyung wasn't there.
Holding on to your legs.
Your head hurts, recalling yesterday, but you couldn't move. You just half-laid there. Staring at the ceiling, the back of your head resting on the cushion, behind.
๐๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ฉ๐ข๐ณ๐ฅ, ๐บ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ...
You say in your head, not knowing, yourself, who exactly you were confessing it to.
๐๐ง๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ท๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ง๐ต... ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ญ๐บ, ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ...
๐๐ค๐ช ๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฉ๐ค... ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ก๐ค๐ซ๐...
๐๐ถ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ...? ๐๐ฉ๐บ...? ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ...
๐๐ค๐ง ๐ฝ๐๐ฃ๐๐ฉ๐๐ฃ... ๐ฉ๐ค ๐๐๐ญ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐๐จ... ๐๐ค๐ง ๐ข๐..
You're brought to this world as Jungkook moves, groaning, snuggling more into your stomach.
"V hyung..."
He mumbles in his sleep, with such a small, damaged voice, it makes your eyes teary.
You caress his hair when you hear him lightly whimpering.
"Its okay..Kookie..."
Jin sits up, still half asleep.
"Morning"
He whispers, rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes. You don't reply to him, afraid that you might wake up one of the two babies on you. Jin glances at you and understands, nodding, to which you smile. He gets up and heads to the toilet.
_
Slowly, they all had woken up. Even Jungkook, who hugged you lighlty, pleased by waking up in your lap.
Only Jimin was still in your embrace, showing no signs of rising, any time soon.
Your back had started to hurt, staying in the same position, but you ignored it, thinking it was better for him to sleep than to wake up and miss his bestest friend.
Every minute, Jimin's hold on you, just got tighter and tighter. By now, his head was resting on your shoulder and his face was pressed against your neck, giving you tingles, every time his lips moved on your skin.ย
For the 5th time now, Namjoon came and tapped your shoulder, aware that you were awake, just sitting there, cradling the member who was almost 3 years older than you.
You slowly shook your head, asking for some more time, and the leader nodded walking back to the kitchen.
"Y/N..."
Jimin breathes out, making you gasp at the sudden coldness of his breath, crawling on your warm skin, giving you chills.
Your body tenses and all your attention goes to him.. and you realise.. that voice didn't sound like his at all.
He slowly lifts his head and your eyes widen, perfectly recognising those pitch black eyes. Jimin just glares at you.
No.
That wasn't Jimin.
You start panting, moving back, even though your back was already pressed against the couch. Finding the fear in your eyes, he smirks, coming closer.
"JIMIN-AH!"
Jin yells, coming into the living room, startling you. He freezes, looking back at the kitchen door.
"Yahhh! What are you talking about Namjoon! He's awake! Come and eat breakfast, you two.."
You glance back at Jimin, who seemed to look perfectly fine, smiling, really.
Frowning, you catch your breath. He kisses your cheek, gets up, leaves, and you just sit there alone, questioning yourself.
" ๐๐ง๐๐ช๐ข๐ ๐๐๐ฃ ๐๐๐ช๐จ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ก๐ช๐๐๐ฃ๐๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐จ.. "
You remember the doctor say.
๐๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ถ๐ค๐ช๐ฏ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด, ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ข ๐ด ๐ด... ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ช๐ด๐ฏ๐ต ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ถ๐ค๐ช๐ฏ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด...