I glanced at the watch which was almost pointing at 11 PM. The night was getting late, while the starlight wasn't dim yet.
I left my bedroom towards the downstairs swimming pool; spread out on the right side of the house and right in the bottom of my room. Dipping my feet into the water, feeling the cold, the air, and the night breeze.
All of those even couldn't be comparable with a half of sorrowful one-sided love that I have been experienced.
I stared up at the sky, the scenery of the incandescent objects amazed and entertained me at once. Although they didn't last forever, they distracted me from a long endless chaotic.
Since my childhood, the beauty of the night sky has never failed to comfort me. Ryan knows that, perhaps that's the reason why he decorated my bedroom's ceiling with milky-way liked miniatures.
I cried out loud without a sound. The tears flowed without a barrier bursting the deepest pain.
Without an announced, Ryan appeared and sat beside me. We were only 30 centimeters apart. He imitated what I was doing; dipping his feet into the pool.
Immediately, my tears were held while my cheeks remained damp and my nose was red. He sat beside me in silence without a question or conversation. How can I handle it ?
After accompanying me in silence for quite a while, he left without saying anything. Then, came back with a medium cup of ice cream and a bottle of mineral water.
"You can eat as much as you wish", he said as he put ice cream on my lap.
In a quiet silence, I ate a quarter medium cup of ice cream which melt in my mouth. My wishes were simple, like a melting ice cream, I hoped my feeling towards Ryan melt away either, then disappeared.
My hopes weren't in line, the cries continuously flowed while I tried so hard to hold on. The tear was spilled, it was no longer restrained.
I'm exhausted, this feeling is tiring. I've never been honest with myself. Trying to be a sturdy woman whom can't be defeated by anyone. Now, I gave up being strong in front of him.
"You can tell me everything", he said.
"I know, there's something wrong with you", he continued.
I didn't answer since my head had getting sore and tired. My tears slowly started to dry. Everything went awry, crying was tiring, but it was exhausting if I didn't.
***