April 19th, 20xx,
Hey buddy, sorry yet again for taking a while to tell you how the life of Zeke is going.
Things are beginning to look a little less dim for me. Things have been going well.
I'm starting to feel something warm from my numb heart. Was it delight? Relief? Joy? I didn't know.
I haven't felt so god damn free and light like this for a long time. Since the accident. Since...you…
Oh, never mind that. I wanted to tell you about the homecoming dance. And how it went.
To be truthful, it was honestly amazing.
The first thing that took place that night was just spotting a girl in a pretty, and simple green dress. Her back turned away facing the bleachers. Her dark brown hair just flowed down her back in slight curls. I didn't know how but, I just knew it was Pattie Clarence.
Then she moved her head and body around frantically, most likely looking around for me. I melted a little at the thought that she was genuinely on the lookout for me. Wanting and expecting my presence in a happy way.
Pattie then twirled around suddenly and stared right into my direction. However, it looked like she went into some sort of deep thought. Just fading out of the world for a moment.
I walked closer to her direction, softly so I wouldn't startle her like a deer caught in headlights. Plus, I would rather not gain another bruise from the many I've received from her karate chops. And other circumstances.
She had simple makeup on and could see the effort put into her hair. Her hair was a mix and hint of chocolate and caramel colours. Parted to the left. And I could tell that she curled the bottoms of her long flow of hair to empathize the waviness of her hair. Reaching a fair length past her collarbone. And it's really pretty. I never really noticed how extraordinary her locks are.
Or how much I've been paying attention to her. Like Pattie's tanned nose is sprinkled with chocolate freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. There was one freckle that stood out, right in the corner of her left eye, right above the tear duct.
I've begun taking note of the little things like that. Really taking in Pattie as a human. And the little things that make her unique.
Her brown eyes were painted with a dark green shadow. Making her eyes look like a deep, fresh forest floor. The green of her eye makeup matched the forest green dress she wore. One thing I noted about the dress was that the colour stood out to me. Pattie wore all sorts of colours, by today she went with green, out of them all. A dark, mossy green. A shade similar to my own eyes.
Her lips were obviously painted in dark red lipstick. They certainly caught my attention. I had no idea why but, I was suddenly beginning to desire to do something with those lips. With my own.
That thought scared me. I was beginning to get attracted to Pattie. In a way, I deliberately tried to avoid it. I wasn't only attracted to her because of her looks, which she was no doubt beautiful, but her personality.
I didn't like the idea of growing attracted to Pattie. I didn't want to grow too close to her and become caught up in mixed emotions that will be influenced by her sooner or later. Interfering with my future plans I sought out for.
For the meantime, I zoned out of my thoughts, back to focusing on reality.
We just stared at each other, until she finally broke the silence. And basically joked with each other. She threatened to karate chop a very sensitive part of the male body. Sassed me and I just listened to her nice laugh. I never thought Pattie could be so cheeky, and full of life. A lot more full of it than me. Despite clearly going through her own traumas, she still tried to enjoy life. She was so strong.
Pattie led way to the top of the bleachers, offering me the corner near the railing so I'm not seated next to a stranger. Or feel anxious. I accepted the offer. Since I was anxious about this scene of people. However, what I didn't expect was Pattie to also display her own discomfort and anxiety about being around a large crowd of people. She scooted away from me, as far as she could to give me more breathing room.
Only causing her to look claustrophobic, which she confessed later on that night. Pattie was hunched over, to not touch the person next to her. There was enough space to fit another person between Pattie and me.
I confronted her to come closer, but decided to be stubborn about it. I found her stubbornness adorable in a weird way. So I just boldly forced her to scootch over by grabbing her torso and pulled her closer to me. Earning Pattie's famous stink eye after the pleasant sound of her bones cracking. I also did the unexpected.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and neck. The best part was, she didn't push my arm away. Pattie actually accepted my form of affection. Resting her head and body closer to my form. I also leaned in more, resting my head gently by hers.
I ended up biting my tongue when I said I wouldn't try to act out on my new discovery of attraction for Pattie but, I couldn't help it when showing her this sudden display of affection. The thought just came and took over. And for the moment, I didn't complain.
We watched the game, which to be honest was kind of boring. I didn't care for the sport, but I kind of owed it to Pat. I was rude to her yesterday. just for being caring towards me. As well as noticing that I was in fact hurt.
Let's just say the black eye I had was received after I disappeared for the rest of the school day a few weeks ago...how I received it...that doesn't need to be discussed. At least not at this moment.
Anyways, after a few hours of murmurs from other people in the crowd and comfortable silence between Pattie and I, it came to the end where our school won. It shouldn't be a surprise that Charlie Love was the one who won the last touchdown. I just scoffed to myself when anything has to do with that dick.
I realized that as everyone cleared off the bleachers to head for the gym, where the dance took place. While a certain girl to the right of me had dozed off while watching the game. She looked peaceful. Precious even.
I was tempted to not disturb her and just wait out here. However, I didn't want to waste Pattie's night away. So I gently nudged her, trying to wake up her slumbered form. I remember the words I spoke to her.
"Pattie, you got to wake up. The game is over." I spoke softly to her.
All I got in return was her groaning. Beginning to wake up, she lifted her weight off me, stretching her back out. Hearing her spine crack once more. Pattie still had a drowsy look in her eyes. Knowing she had a good nap.
"What happened?" She asked, confused.
"Well, the game is over. Our school won, but you probably missed most of the game because you dozed off. Guess football is so boring that it will make you fall asleep." I joke with her.
Pattie face palmed herself. "My God, I'm sorry. I decided to just use your arm as a pillow. And not pay attention to the game or you. That's incredibly rude of me. SInce I'm the one kinda being a hostess for you tonight." Pattie groaned.
"Woah there Pattie. It's all good like I said. You weren't missing out on much, the game kinda sucks anyway. I probably would have passed out of boredom too. I'd rather know you nap comfortably then watch a game that you're not really interested in. I really could care less for this sport. I came here for you, thinking you like football. I was sucking it up but, from what I see, you don't really care for it either."
Pattie continued to look sheepishly at me. "I suppose. Maybe I was trying to find an excuse to spend time with my friend." She confessed.
I smiled softly at her. "Well, it's a good thing you asked then. I still enjoyed your company, even if it did include football and you dozing off."
Pattie was now wide awake and swatted me playfully. "Then let's head to the gym since you're so worried about me dozing off."
I nodded in agreement as she began making her way off the bleachers. I followed shortly afterwards.
Pattie slowed her pace once we were closer to the school. Hearing music already blasting in the gym.
She was less tense, but no doubt nervous. I was too. Dances are like a forbidden place for us outsiders.
"We're going to be in there one way or another, let's just get this procrastination over with." I announced to Pattie. And just grabbed her small hand, dragging her gently into the gym with her.
The music blasted louder in our ears as we walked into the room. There were streamers hanging from the top of the door of the gym. We walked in and found a bunch of other guys and girls hanging out and dancing to some new hip-pop song.
You know buddy, most of the new music made today sucks, but not all of it.
The first place we went to was directly near the wall. Definitely exposing us as wallflowers.
We sat on the bench, just staring away at the other teens enjoying themselves in groups of four or more.
Pattie looked lost. Her eyes in the dark lighting of the room became less vibrant. The look of disappointment spread across her face. Probably tuning in back on some old memories. I just realized that I haven't seen Pattie associate with other students in the school. The subtle look at all the happy teens with their cliques and close friendships brought a hint of heartbreak among her.
I remembered what her mother told me yesterday. She was in need of a good friend herself. Pattie did tell me that many people have either used her or gotten tired of her over time. Which is heartbreaking to see because she was a beautiful person all around.
She also had sadness on a different level. Caused by another reason. This girl has been through hell before too.
Pattie Clarence is just as lonely as I am. She's been hurt badly. Instead of turning her back away from the world like I have, she still proceeds to have her wide open. Still wanting to trust people and just be kind in general. Perhaps we were the missing plot twist that both of us are needing?
I turned to her so she could hear me.
"I think we have a more genuine friendship than half of these groups." I yell over the music.
Pattie whipped her head in my direction. Her eyes became more vibrant.
"What makes you say that?" She asked.
"Look at them. By the time they graduate most of them will likely never remain in touch. The bigger the group, the more likely drama will happen. And more likely for people to backstab and gossip about each other. There are times when groups make it but, there's little to none. At least a couple of those friends branch off, so their circle grows smaller. We don't deal with gossip or drama. The two of us are able to make more effort towards one another. We've both dealt with some kind of shit to be this wary of others. We can tell from real and fake people. We can be ourselves around each other. Enjoy the simple things in life. We don't need a large number of social interactions to be satisfied. A few close people are just right."
I hoped that I was accurate in what I assumed about her. Pattie just suddenly began to glow and smile appeared. Hopefully, that's a good sign.
"You know what Zeke. You're completely right." She nodded in agreement.
I felt warmer inside, knowing that there was another person that had similar views as me. Pattie smirked at an idea she was having after about ten minutes of more silence between us. The loud pop music blasting, being the sound between us.
She got up off the bench, placing her clutch and over coat on the bench, and walked looking down, in front of me. Pattie reached down and grabbed both of my hands, and began pulling me off my ass. Dragging me into the dance floor.
Pattie had a fair amount of muscle mass and strength from being athletic. She's probably got more muscle than me. I wouldn't be able to fight out of her grasp on my wrists without bruising probably. Not that her grip was deathly or anything.
We stood somewhat in the center of the gym. In a space away from other students.
She dropped my hands at last. So she could start dancing to the music. Jumping around, throwing her hands in the air. You name it. She realized that I just stood there. Stiff as a board.
Pattie wasn't taking my stiff standing as an answer. She took my hands again. Forcing them into the air and other directions. Forcing me to dance. She would step side to side, hands still locked together, trying to pick up a beat. She definitely wasn't the greatest dancer but, she didn't care. Pattie was able to enjoy herself, no matter how silly people would think she appeared. I appreciated that about Pattie.
How could I not smile at her attempts to get me as engaged as she was. That eagerness was rubbing off on me. I knew I would give in. Pattie knew it too by the knowing look expressed on her face.
I slowly mimicked her actions. More wary of making an idiot out of myself. I gradually started to pay less attention to the perspective I had on myself. Just letting loose. Enjoying myself. No matter what others thought.
We went through a few songs. Like Party Rock Anthem by: Lmfao.
Now that was fun. Shuffling along and acting like a badass with our not so cool dance moves.
After a few more songs, things began to 'slow down'. If you know what I mean buddy. A slow dance song was going to play.
Awkwardness spread between Pattie and me again. I shuffled my feet awkwardly on the ground. Knowing that slow dancing was completely out of the question. That would push boundaries too far with her. Since we aren't even that close of friends.
Pattie stepped closer to me. Her eyes shined in the dark light. And a soft, innocent smile appeared. Less mischievous and crazy like she had while we danced. This had a kind approach behind it.
Pattie stepped even closer to me. A little too close, like as if we'd physically touch. Maybe two inches of space between us.
"Do you trust me?" Pattie asked me while yelling over the music. That was starting to change into the slow song. I nodded.
Making me feel like I was in Aladian. I knew she was quoting the movie by the slight smirk that appeared in her face. She took my hands once more, placing them on her waist. Pattie wrapped her's around my neck. I was blushing like a mad man. She was probably blushing just as bad, even though she initiated this.
The song officially changed to a song called Where We're Going. By Corey Grey
I did remember all the lyrics to the song as well. I couldn't help but write them down:
What's this all about
give me your doubt
all I need is your full attention
gather round
Were never going down
listen to my sound
as the beat fades in
and your chest pounds
If you see
what I see
then you know
where we're going
Just believe
its a dream
and I'll show you why
I'm glowing
Cus well never have to fight again
there's no reason now
cause all you need is love and love is all you've ever found
don't you know my friend
that you know how
Cause I am you and you are everything you think about
I can tell your cold
so let me hold
the moment you've been dreaming of
but never told
Together we'd be bold
out hand would never fold
when our eyes meet
we can see each others soul
Follow me
soon we'll be
where the clouds
hang from
Just believe
it's a dream
and our sounds will make love
Cause we'll never have to fight again
there's no reason now
cause all you need is love and love is all you've ever found
don't you know my friend
that you know how
cause I am you and you are everything you think about
Slip into where you've
been hiding all along
and all your fear is gone
Give in I swear there's
so much waiting for you
I was absolutely lost in the music. Feeling every word. Pattie and I had eventually closed in the small gap between us.
Her head rested on my shoulder while mine rested on hers. My arms had moved closer to the center of her back. Like I was giving her a tight hug.
I felt content. I could feel a smile creep on my face. Truly loving Pattie in my arms. Feeling the warmth of another person.
This moment was perfect. I was free from my cold reality for a moment.
As much as I hoped this would last, the song came to an end. Pattie and I slowly backed away from each other. I instantly missed the contact. Definitely something I would cherish.
After a while longer of dancing to upbeat music, Pattie had retrieved her clutch and coat. She had this mischievous glint in her eyes.
She mouthed 'follow me'. I nodded and shuffled slowly behind her. Confused and wary. While intrigued by what she was planning.
Pattie halted to a stop. Turning back and looking annoyed with how slow I was moving. She grabbed my wrist and bolted out of the gym. With me dragging along.
She forced me to run off the school grounds until we came across a hill. That was connected to a child's park. Pattie decided to become even crazier and run up the big hill. This time I followed, not being dragged by the wrist.
We got to the top of the hill, in the dark. And we both plopped onto the cold ground. Huffing and puffing from running.
"Y-you know P-pattie. You're c-crazy." I told her breathlessly.
"Oh, I know. Like they say, the crazier the better." Pattie laughed and smiled at my comment.
"You gotta live life to the fullest. And even get a little crazy sometimes. Or else you're not gonna enjoy it and miss out." She said, giving me something to think about.
Pattie laid on her back. Looking up at the starry sky. As cliche as this seemed, I joined in.
I laid on my back. When I did, Pattie scooted closer to me. I looked to the left of me and noticed that her arms had goosebumps. She looked a little cold.
I sat up for a quick moment and took off my red hoodie. I wore a long-sleeved dress shirt. I knew I was going to be fine. I looked down at her. Pattie watched my actions. I offered her my sweater. She rejected me at first.
"Come on Pattie. I see that you're cold. I'll be fine. Rather you did not get sick." I ended up persuading Pattie in the end.
She muffled out a defeated sigh and slipped on the jacket. To be blunt, she looked really adorable in it.
"Better?" I asked.
Pattie rolls her eyes at me. "Yes it is Zeke. Thank you and your stubborn ass." She joked.
"You're the more stubborn one. I'm just more reasonable and passive." I comment.
"Touché Mr. Zeke." Pattie said.
We laid back down and just looked up at the sky. Pattie laid by my side again. Taking my hand in hers. She rested her head on my chest. And we just star gazed for who knows how long.
To me it felt like we were in our own little infinity. It was just Zeke and Pattie, against the world.