After Zeke left to go to the bathroom abruptly. I was left dumbfounded. What the hell did he mean I was leading him on? I know it wasn't for sex. Nor would that be my intention anyway. Maybe he thought I liked him. Maybe I wanted something more than just friendship. And he may have been willing to try it? To be honest there's a small chance of me seeing Zeke doing that. However, it's not the case. I'd never like Zeke that way. At least for the time being. Maybe way down the road. Or maybe I'm completely blind at the moment. There's a possibility that I currently do like him more than I'd realized.
Could it be possible he had feelings himself? I asked myself. I wouldn't believe that. He rejected my kiss. Zeke had good morals. He wished to only share those between someone in a committed relationship. Not just being a "friend with benefits" though I would never make Zeke feel used like that. Hell, I know that better than some. I was taken advantage of. I had no say.
I knew our kiss was out in the moment but, all the emotion that I felt off of Zeke, was more than an act. Maybe he did feel something for me. Or was imagining someone he was in love with? Like his ex possibly. To be fair, it wasn't my business to pry into Zeke's love life. Or any love affairs he may have. Like how it was no one's right to know about my abuse story.
He obviously didn't want to ruin our friendship. So I was just going to leave it alone for one day. I'll ask him if he has feelings another day. I've caused enough hassle for him. I looked to my left as I sat on his bed to see a brown, leather journal under his pillow. It was sticking out.
I had seen that journal before. Sometimes I'd pass Zeke at lunch, sitting alone with it. Writing away like a mad dog. If he saw any wandering eyes he'd shove it away in his bag. Zeke was skittish and protective over it. A little possessive even.
I didn't want to deprive Zeke's privacy, but I needed to know what he writes in that book. Why it was so crucial for him to have. I pulled the book out from behind. Hands shaking from feeling horrible as I continued snooping. I fiddled with the cover and quickly flipped it over to a random page.
I saw the date was jotted down. Written a while back, before Zeke and I became close. He just talked about school and his interactions with me. I flipped to another page. This time it revealed something that confirmed some suspicions I had about Zeke. Part of me deeply wished it wasn't true, but I am not blind. The evidence was right here.
It read:
January 12th, 20XX
Today was the same. Like no other. Being grasped by the cold hands by that bastard Charlie Love. Today he actually spared me a little. By not hitting me in the face. So I wouldn't have to straight-up lie to my parents, for the hundredth time?
By now I lost count. All of my cover-ups seem fool proof as my family was never once suspicious as to why I was covered head to toe in bruises and cuts as often as I am.
I laugh at how gullible they are. They honestly think this is from falling over a lot. I could keep this charade up forever and they wouldn't stop seeing blind to my lies. Always too focused on Ashley to notice me. As well as too busy making sure I don't fuck up. No matter how small a mistake may be.
I'd rather they put the effort form in my sister anyways. The Jensen offspring who isn't a failed attempt. Ashley is far from that. She is going to make it far. She'll make a good future for herself. Hopefully and more than likely without me a part of it. So she has zero chance of me screwing it up. Like how I ruined yours, buddy.
Got nothing left for you. You're probably fed up with my endless whining anyways.
Zeke,
I just felt saddened that no one noticed Zeke's pain earlier. He was hurting. And has been for a long time. I definitely knew that. I took a picture of that with my phone so I could show it to someone. I didn't know who I could talk to yet, but I needed to show the proof of Zeke's pain.
I read another few pages and came across a poem Zeke wrote, that left me in tears. I could see past tear marks stained on the page too. Tears of Zeke Jensen
Drip: by Zeke
Here I am, laying again once more
In my lonely bed, lightly shedding tears
Out of complete peace and silence
As those walk past my door
No one would of known my heart breaking
Or take note of the unheard weeping
As I walk out of the room
Like nothing ever occurred
As I feel my heart slowly break
And the sensation of my stomach drops
My eyes begin to swell up
And sting like small needles piercing
My lashes dampen from my orbs
Due to my broken eyes leaking water out
That I can't keep within my glass
Which has been overfilled to the top
I poured in too much
Now I'm stuck pouring out the rest
That is too much for me to contain
In my delicate and frail structure
The drops drip, drip, drip down
My cold, fragile and clear surface
Imagine hearing the sound of water
Dripping off a sink that was forgotten
To be completely turned off
All you hear is the subtly sounds
Drip, drip, drip, drip
Hitting the bottom of the sink
The sound is so subtle and soft
That people often forget or not hear
The sounds of the drips falling
Like how people don't hear me
With my own drops and dripping
As my heart breaks even more
Knowing no one comes to see
Or turns off the dripping water I create
Soon enough I become that glass cup again
However, the one that someone drops
As it slowly slips out of their fingers
I hear that soft sound once more
The endless sound of the water going
Drip, drip, drip, drip
As I slowly fall to the ground
And once I come to contact
I shatter into sharp shards
And as those who remain
Clean up the mess and cut themselves
All I hear is the bittersweet sound of
Their glistening red blood going
Drip, drip, drip, drip
I covered my mouth with my hand as some tears formed. I snapped a picture as well as more proof. I heard the bathroom door close and footsteps down the hall. Scrambling around to shoved the book back to its normal form under his pillow and get myself together. Forcing myself to play a game on my phone to not appear suspicious. Zeke returned to the room.
He looked at me, less upset as previously. I knew he noticed my vulnerable mood all of a sudden. My eyes were still red and puffy enough to notice. "Were you crying?" Zeke asked, confused.
I looked away. Subconsciously rubbing my runny nose. "Yeah, for pressuring you and possibly hurting your feelings. Whether it may possibly be towards another or...me I won't pry. Leave that for another day. I've overstayed my welcome. Stirring up enough drama for you." I speak softly. It was true. However, I was being eaten by guilt for being nosey. It was the right thing to do. Now I had proof to back me up for Zeke's case.
Zeke walked over to me. I began to get up from my seat, but Zeke pulled me back down as he sat down with me. "Let's forget anything happened ok? I like your company. Would rather not see you leave with tensions between us. That ends poorly for friendships. This can be a discussion for another day." Zeke suggested.
I nodded. Not able to find the words to use at the moment. Zeke moved around so he could lie on the bed completely straight. He pulled me down to join him. Yeah, I knew for sure now that people who are just friends don't cuddle like this. However, it is what it is at this moment.
I laid beside him. On my side as my arm laid across his chest. His arm wrapped around me. My head was resting under his jaw. He held me close to his warm form. Ever so slowly, we dozed off that way. I was certain about one thing. We had become extremely close to each other to feel comfortable doing this.
We stayed like this until Zeke's father, I believe his name was James, knocked subtly on Zeke's door. Opened it and woke us up to come down for dinner. Which was an interesting scenario.
I nudged Zeke to get up. His green eyes stared at me tiredly and happily as he woke to see me in front of him. He stretches out, earning a loud crack from his back. Meaning he was comfy as hell.
"Sleep well sleeping beauty?" I joke to him. He gives me a tired grin. My heart melted. That was an attractive moment to see. Something I wished to see with someone I'd be with one day. It was adorable. And precious. He looked so innocent and carefree.
"Yeah yeah. I hear you." He mutters playfully. That black messy hair, happy eyes and sleepy smile was definitely one of the sexiest things I had ever seen. I had also admitted I found Zeke no doubtfully attractive.
He sits up. And unzips his classic red hoodie. I didn't even notice he slipped it on. "Gosh it is boiling in here." He noted as he took it off. I had no idea how he thought it was warm. Given it was June but, it was still the cold spring weather season.
He looked at my arms. Seeing the dark arm hair standing up against my skin. "Hey. Nice goosebumps. Making your hairy arms stick out. You cold?" Zeke assumed. I cover my arms.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with your arm hair. Or any body hair. It's natural. Hell, you're lucky. My toothpick arms have nothing. And I have extremely dark hair. My legs are just as hairless. I'm pretty much a naked mole rat." He comments. Which makes me laugh. Making me feel better.
"You're far from a naked mole rat Zeke. Though you would be a pretty cute one even so." I tease. He pokes his tongue out.
"Pattie if you're cold, just say so."Zeke pushes.
"Fine. Just a little." I huff out.
He rolled his green eyes at my stubbornness. Zeke then drops his red hoodie on my head. "Here, wear that to keep you warm in the time being. I feel like I'll have to give it to you because each time we're together, you end up stealing it."
I couldn't keep my drop from dropping. I didn't bother to object with Zeke for the fourth time today. Shutting up was my best option and I slipped it on. It was still warm from Zeke's body heat. Definitely smelt like Zeke too.
"Not too shabby. Fits ya nicely." He compliments. And jokes around by making squares with his fingers like a picture frame. My cheeks obviously heated a bit.
"Dinner is happening. When it comes to my mom. You need to be cautious. I'm not trying to scare you. Be polite to her if she speaks to you. She has a habit of being critical of people who aren't as high class as her. Hell, when I came home from the hill we got into a fight. She blamed you for my choice to miss class. It wasn't your fault. Plus I needed to talk to someone at that moment anyways. She gets it in her head that me having friends is a bad thing. You're far from that. If she makes a snarky comment don't be surprised if I step in. I won't have her be disrespectful and out of place." Zeke warns.
I nodded, understanding completely. "I have family like that. Believe me I know." I added.
"You don't have to worry about my dad or sister Ashley. They are sweeter." He added also. Zeke motioned for me to follow and that's what I did. Entering the dining room, to have dinner with the Jensen's.