A month had passed since Zeke and I went to the homecoming dance together. June was approaching. Zeke and I would sit together at lunch most days. As well as hanging out together outside of school and work. Most of the time we would just hang out on the hill. It was our spot. While Zeke and I grew closer as friends, not much discussion about him being bullied popped up. He would dodge the topic every time.
I was sitting outside alone this time. During my lunch in a quiet area with no people around, I play the ukulele. A secret talent I had. I was playing the song Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis. I definitely wasn't the greatest singer, but I sang along for fun.
Wise men say
Only fools rush in
However, I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin?
For I can't help falling in love with y-
I begin hearing a male voice singing along. I stopped dead in my tracks. The voice was low and harmonized nicely. At times he was off-key but wasn't bad. I was also having a slight panic attack due to being startled. Someone was lurking around me. I didn't like that. I had a guess of who it could coincidentally be. Turning the corner to see that same classic red hoodie like I speculated.
"Lurking much!" I yelled. Scaring the crap out of Zeke.
Zeke whipped around frantically. Jumping out of his own skin. The look on his face was priceless and caused me to roll on the ground laughing. My sides hurt from how hard I laughed. Zeke had his hand on his heart, trying to calm himself down from his heart attack.
"That is revenge best served for scaring me last month in the halls!" I laugh hysterically.
"You're a mad woman Pattie! Scaring you was by accident and you hit me too afterward. Which left a bruise FYI. And how was I supposed to know you were gonna be around the corner playing an instrument with one of my favourite songs- Wait! I didn't know you had a knack for the arts. Or sing decently." He pointed out.
I freeze on the ground. Sinking in, I just found out a few things. Zeke now knows more about me than I know about him; he knows my secret hobby. Grrr that man-child. I grumbled to myself. Knowing that this is one of his favourite songs was interesting to be honest.
"Yeah yeah. Whatever. Not like you'll hear me do that again. I didn't think you'd be one for Elvis hmm?" I wiggled my brows at him. He blushes a little.
"There's nothing wrong with liking a classic. Plus, when I was in the ninth grade my....ex at the time...we went to a school dance. It was a retro night. It was our slow song. Since then I just loved the song. Even after our departure." Zeke muffles out his explanation.
"Well, that sounds lovely. Sorry, you two didn't work out. Did you two at least break off on good terms? You don't have to reply to that." I ask cautiously. Being gentle with any topic involving his past.
"Not really. No. Wouldn't be able to talk to them about it now. Even if I tried. ." Zeke responds coldly.
"Well sorry that your ex-was an asshole then. You don't deserve their meaningless words or explanations anyways." I say.
Trying to be supportive. He laughs, it wasn't cheerful. Not in an attempt to mock me either. Just a reflection on his past that made him bitter. "You can say that again. Like I said, I could never get a response if I attempted too. Far too late now. They'd never want to confront me." He repeats
I knew he hinted that something bad happened between him and his ex. Like maybe he was cheated on and they moved away or something. It'll come together later on.
"Well, some things are meant to be left unanswered. Sometimes we get to know later down the road." I imply. Trying to make him feel less doubtful.
"The thing is I know the answers for departing from me. That is a detail I may consider telling you one day. Within time." He tells me. I nodded. Not knowing what to say. Nor want to be pushy.
He cheered up and smiled at me from an acute angle. I was laying on the ground and he had his legs stretched out and his arms balancing. He looked straight ahead, not paying attention. I quickly grabbed my cell and snapped a picture of him. His eyes darted to me after hearing the shutter sound. I felt like being a shit disturber to him.
"And you say I'm a lurkey turkey. Here you are snapping horrible portraits of me. Delete it!" Zeke grumbled.
"Never! I just emailed it to myself. Now you can't do anything!" I taunt. He didn't like my playful taunt.
"If you say so." He says rather calmly.
Then he unexpectedly tackles me. Trying to grab my cell. Due to me being fit and got a good muscle mass, I was probably just as strong as him. He lies across my stomach. Making us create some weird cross. I couldn't move due to him being directly on my diaphragm. So without thinking, I did something shocking to try and surprise him. Which it did. I smacked him on the ass. Hoping to get him distracted enough to bump him off me. He looked at me and his jaw dropped. I was flushed.
"If you wanted to touch my ass, all you had to do was ask like holy shit. I was not expecting you to do something like that honestly." He laughed and winked.
"God dammit." I growl in playful frustration.
He laughed. "If you're frustrated cause you didn't get a good feel all you gotta do is ask Pats." I was confused before he grabbed my hand and placed it back on his denim covered butt cheek. My blushing intensifies. He lets go of my hand.
I accidentally lingered on too long and to make this less awkward I squeezed slightly and squeaked out. "Squishy, squishy." Making him roll off of me in laughter.
"My god Pattie. Are you just full of surprises today hmm? You actually squeezed. Good to know you appreciate the only good looking part of my bod." He jokes.
"Your bottom isn't the only nice looking thing about you. You're a good view- God, I can't keep my motor mouth shut from blurting stupid and embarrassing crap!" I blurt out. I just accidentally confirmed he had a nice butt. I can't lie about that. And confirmed he was attractive too. I facepalmed myself. Sighing dramatically like no tomorrow.
"Kill me now," I mutter. Earning snickers from Zeke.
I heard him crawl over due to the rustling grass. He started poking my sides and tickling me. Making me panic and laugh.
"Zeke stop it you ass!" I yell out at him. While it makes me laugh uncontrollably.
"Never! Not until you delete that picture." He mimicked me from early.
I used my free hand to push him back just enough to crawl away. He caught up with me again. We were on a big hill. We were getting closer to the edge. We both moved in a way that caused both of us to tip over. I begin to roll down the hill. Not before Zeke grabs me into his embrace. Protecting my head from any possible impacts with rocks.
We made it to the bottom of the hill. Where Zeke's longer frame hovered over me. The only thing that hurt was the extra weight of Zeke while we rolled down the hill. He held me tightly. Making sure no harm came in my way.
"Zeke, I think we're ok. I'm not hurt. And I don't think you are. You can loosen up now. I thought it was kinda fun." I reassured him. He lifted up his head to stare at me and unwrapped his limbs. Still remained somewhat laying on me.
"Are you sure?" Zeke asked with worry in his green eyes. He looked beyond scared for a simple tumble down the hill.
"I'm 100% certain Zeke that I'm unharmed because of you. Thank you. I would have been fine either way. I probably would have purposely rolled down at some point." I say sincerely. I did appreciate his quick action to protect me.
"Good." He stuttered out. Brushing a bit or my hair behind my ear. His voice cracked a little. This situation really scared him. Probably reminding him of something with somewhat similarities.
"I really am ok Zeke. There's nothing for you to be scared of. Why are you scared? It was a small downhill roll?" I asked softly. Not wanting to pressure him. Zeke continued to play with the ends of my hair.
"I know I'm completely over reacting. Except, I was afraid you were going to get hurt. People I know people got hurt badly and lost 'em. For some reason, rolling down the hill triggered that thought." He quietly whispered. Losing friends can have a lot of different meanings.
"Zeke. What do you mean by losing friends?" I ponder, needing to know specific answers to this.
"Long gone. No longer with us. Dead. Three in total. Two due a car crash. The other friends I had abandoned me. A group of seven people fell apart. The third friend is a topic I can't talk about." He muffles out as he hides his face.
My world just froze. I could feel my stomach drop. Zeke had to deal with multiple deaths of his friends. Only to be abandoned as well. This poor young man has endured so much loss and heartbreak. I stroke his black hair. Hoping it would bring some comfort. I just let him stay on me. Needing the comfort right now.
"Did your family help you with your grieving? I won't ask any more questions for a while if you tell me that." I questioned.
"They knew about the crash that my two friends were in. I was in the eighth grade. Mandy and Taylor Locke. They were twin brother and sister. They were driving with family when they got hit by a drunk driver. I may answer more questions later down the road. When I'm more composed and willing to share." He hissed out. Obviously hurting from bringing up the past. I held him close. Even tighter.
"I was scared that you were going to get hurt because of me. A few people close to me got hurt due to being associated with me.." He breathes out. His voice cracking once more.
"What happened today wasn't your fault Zeke. I didn't even get a mark on me. Besides grass stains, but that's not the point. To be honest, rolling down the hill would have been kinda fun. Now we know there aren't any rocks in the sighting. Whatever happened to your friends wasn't your fault ok? You need to forgive yourself for things you had no control over. Sometimes things happen for a reason." I pause letting Zeke sink in my words.
"Like meeting me. So I can be a friend that won't leave you or abandon you." I whispered.
I leaned my face closer to his neck as he hid his face in the crook of my neck. He moved his face so his forehead touched the left side of my face. We didn't completely face each other vertically. His eye was forced to shut due to leaning it on my cheek. His nose lightly touched mine.
Zeke raised his head a little, nuzzling in affectionately. His green eyes still locked in with mine. His eyes were trying to tell me something. A new emotion took over. He was still rattled up. As well bringing up old wounds he had never revealed to anyone. This emotion radiating of Zeke was warm.
"What is it that your mossy green eyes are attempting to tell me?" I say out loud. As I sought out to know what Zeke Jensen is thinking.
"You would probably kick me in the balls." Zeke winches. That caught my interest. I was oblivious to what Zeke was thinking.
"You won't know unless you tell. Or tell me in a way that makes me less oblivious. Whatever it is I swear I won't flip. It takes a lot to do so." I imply.
Zeke just nods. Continuing to stare. He glanced down for a moment and back to me. Uncertainty washed all over him. I could almost smell it. That's how strong it was coming off of Zeke.
He raised his head more away from mine. Like he was ready to tell me. Instead shakily bring his face to mine. Pressing his lips against my own. Lingering on for a few seconds. While I froze from the unpredictable kiss. Zeke pulled away from me quickly.
Taking my frozen state as a negative reaction, he rolls off me and quickly attempts to scurry away. I grabbed the sleeve of his hoodie. Restrained from leaving. Pulling Zeke back down onto his butt. Zeke probably thinks I'm going to lose it on him.
He hides his face away and uses his hand to cover his eyes. We are both sitting up now. From the perspective that I can see his lips are slightly formed in a frown and quivering a little more and even with his hand covering his eyes.
Zeke was afraid he just messed up his most current friendship. And maybe a stir in the moment feelings happened. It was clear we had attraction for each other. I guess I can't argue with him for that. We jokingly flirt a bit too. Thoughts about what would happen if you dated your friends of the opposite sex appeared once in a while too. The two of us shared a deep moment, and I guess it brought on the idea to share a kiss. To see if there was something there.
I sat closer to Zeke. Wrapping his arm around me as I leaned in. "Why aren't you screaming or lashing out? Yelling at me that you hate me or something. Everyone does at some point"
.I turned to face him knowing he could see me through his finger gaps. "Is that what you honestly expect me to do? Don't you know I'm not like everyone else? I'm not a cruel asshole who abandons my friends or treats people like shit. You may not know but, I need a friend as much as you do. I don't show it but I have a hard past as well. You're probably the first real friend I've ever had.. And I only froze when you kissed me because I was naive to what you were hinting at...I usually catch into your hints on other matters. However, when it comes to affection and romantic stuff, I struggle to read those questions. I've experience being in a toxic and destructive relationship." I pause. Not feeling completely strong enough to talk about my horrible experience.
"That kiss was honestly in the moment. I don't think I have feelings towards you. Though I clearly have an attraction. You're beautiful inside out, The kindness and the way we were close, the urge was there. I'm sorry if I forced it on you. " He said. I could understand his reasons. I wasn't upset by the kiss in any means.
I had moments where Zeke looked attractive to me too. I became even curious about what it would be like to share a kiss even. It was clear he had similar thoughts too. I knew he would never try to take advantage of me in any other way. I missed getting affection after missing out on it. Platonically and romantically. I wasn't going to tell him the worst thing that happened in my relationship but, give him the light version of it. I rolled up the side of my shirt. And exposing my old wounds, full on display. I had really bad scars left from being in an abusive relationship.
Zeke's hands were removed from his face. Those eyes quickly drifted to the deep scars on my torso. "How did you get those? Those aren't scars you just accidentally get casually."
I smiled sadly. "I was in the eighth grade. Thirteen at the time. Completely smitten over a guy a few years older than I. We got together. Me being the naive kid I was didn't know the signs of danger and turned out he was a really bad guy. Even older than he said he was too. He did some absolutely horrible and despicable things to me. Those scars give way enough. There's more I could reveal, but that's something I have to be ready to tell you. Within time. You catch my drift though." I confess to Zeke.
Zeke turned furious as he revealed someone had harmed me. His hand traced to the length of some of the scars. Making me a little nervous. He wasn't disgusted by them. "Any sort of abuse you experienced, you didn't deserve it. Not at all. I know you're probably tired of hearing it but, it's not your fault." I could only nod. Not knowing what to say.
I dropped the end of my shirt and it fell back to the bottom of my stomach area. Zeke pulled me close to him again. "Why are you so Goddamn focused on helping me Pattie Clarence? You reek of this determination."
I shrug. "Honestly? I could tell that you are hurting really badly. I know what it's like to suffer alone while no one notices you. I didn't know why but, I knew you needed a friend. Everyone needs one. A good one. I had to make a difference in someone's life because no one was there for me so I vowed I'd be that person to someone. You're the person that called out to me needing someone the most." I was honest to Zeke.
"I am not very good with words but, Pattie Clarence, thank you for showing up in my life. I'm not perfect but, I'm trying to be good enough for you too. And I'm sorry for doing that unmentionable action. My thoughts scrambled everywhere." Zeke thanked and apologized.
" I thank you back. Giving me a friend while I'm at it. Just because I was in one really bad relationship that was long ago, doesn't mean that I'm not open to the idea of relationships and romance. Or kissing. Or give up the idea of it. Not all guys are the same. I didn't feel uncomfortable, I wasn't expecting it. That's all. It's normal to sometimes wonder what it would be like to kiss your friend of the opposite sex. Or think they're attractive. Who knows. Maybe you didn't give me enough credit for I didn't mind it. To be honest I'd probably do the same thing. We shared a deep moment together. A flash of chemistry appeared. " I blurted out. Feeling red for confessing that.
"What." Was all Zeke said?
"If I had the option of reacting better to that kiss I would have. And your intention wasn't ill driven. I would redo it even. For better memories. That's as blunt as I can get. I know this won't disrupt our bond. It's weird to actively share a not so platonic kiss between friends though. I've heard of it happening though. Like that episode of iCarly. Sam and Freddie kissed despite being enemies, and went straight back to normal. " I say a little frantically to get it out. Using the old show from my childhood as an example.
I lay back on the grass, staring at the sky. I knew we were both late for our classes. We honestly didn't care. Then a wild Zeke hovered over me. Blocking the sun,
"I'm trying to sunbathe here." I joke. Trying to end to end the awkward silence.
Zeke smiled at my silliness returning. "What do you want lurkey turkey?" I questioned Zeke and made turkey sounds.
He rolled his eyes. I sighed in content and laid out flat on the ground. Knowing Zeke wanted to be close. He was one affectionate person when he wanted. Zeke was somewhat hovering over me still . Asking in silence if it's ok to lay somewhat on me. I nodded and he proceeded to curl up by me.
"If it's ok with you, I'd like to try and redo what I did earlier. And not to be an emotional baby either. If I wanted my first kiss shared with you, it definitely wouldn't have gone down like." He asked innocently.
"I'd be fine with that. Nothing serious. We can forget today even happened and not bring it up. Go straight back to being friends. " I suggest.
"I think we'd be mature enough to maintain being friends after one kiss." Zeke pointed out. I nodded in agreement. He was correct, our friendship was too important to just throw out the window.
I smiled genuinely at him. He grinned softly at me. Still incredibly nervous, it was adorable. I knew this scenario was weird and odd, but it was the Zeke and Pattie type of odd. Zeke leaned down, bringing his lips to mine yet again. This time I reacted better. I brush Zeke's shoulder with my thumb. Zeke brought his face away from mine to stare into my eyes. Making sure I wasn't uncomfortable.
Zeke wanted to kiss me more. He wasn't going to pressure me. Especially after knowing that an ex-abused me. Zeke took the silence as a hint that I was done kissing. I pulled him back down. To make this a first kiss he'll silently never forget. Even if it wasn't his, I wanted it to be a good one for him to remember too, As well as somewhat for myself. His eyes widened and glistened happiness. Matching my own.
Zeke leaned back down. Putting his lips back on mine. This time bringing his hands back to my cheeks. Deepening the kiss just slightly with small, slow continuous pecks. He was a good kisser, not that I'd properly know what good kissing is. I enjoyed kissing him. We definitely had chemistry. If only the circumstances could be different. Maybe down the road. I didn't want to help Zeke by romancing his struggles. That someone swoops in and saves him by being romantic. No, I swooped in to support and motivate him. He chooses whether or not to sink. He's kept a float so far.
I wrapped my arms around under his arms. Bringing him a little closer. Zeke shifted so he was completely on top of me by now. I brushed a hand through his dark hair while we gave each other soft little pecks.
He pulled away again so we could breathe a little. "You know this is somewhat the first kiss for me." I coughed up and blushed.
"Oh?" He gave me questioning eyes.
I smile sadly. "I'm not trying to ruin the moment alright? Technically I have been kissed but not by consent. Nothing over the top happened on that topic." I say quietly.
He caught on quickly by the area and meant it. Knowing I was someone who was sexually assaulted. What he wouldn't want to know was I was also raped by that same man and his best friend. That's something I'll never repeat to anyone.
"Well, I promise to never take advantage of you and always listen when you say no. With anytime of touches for now on. Even just poking." Zeke promises to me ever so sincerely. It hit deep. He was so genuine and wanted to be careful towards me.
"The best part is that I know you would in the first place," I tell him the words he needs to hear to reassure he's a good friend.
Zeke brushes more hair behind my ear. "You're really beautiful." He compliments. I think he was little more into the moment than I was. I could hear the honesty behind it. I blushed right on cue.
"Blushing makes you look really adorable too." Zeke also added.
He leans his forehead on mine. Our noses are touching. I reach for Zeke's face with my hands and bring him back down to contact our lips again. Responding quickly to the slow kisses I started off with. I decided to deepen the kiss. The kiss quickened in pace.
Zeke grabs me and sits up. Sitting on his lap sideways with my legs dangling straight out while he kissed me. The way I sat wasn't comfortable so I shifted around. Wrapping my legs around him. He held me close and we kissed more slowly and innocently.Then changing back to our deepened, more intense tempo.
He brushed his thumbs on my cheeks before running his fingers through my hair. We pulled away for the last time. Leaning my cheek into Zeke's palm while he massaged it gently. I turned so I was sitting sideways again and curled up into his embrace. My head rested on his chest and shoulder area.
"You know. I never said we had to end the kiss so quickly." I barely whispered out.
Quickly gaining Zeke's attention again. "I know what I said but, we are down here and now one is near us. No pressure though. I'm not being a hormonal teen either. You can't deny we have some type of flame together. At least in this moment we do."
"Oh? Seems I'm not doing too bad of a job after all. Believe me, I know it's there." Zeke teased.
"Honestly Zeke. You are actually a good kisser." I honestly say.
He chuckled, but couldn't hide his pink cheeks. "I'm glad I'm making this the proper type of first kiss you deserve. Respected and enjoyable." My eyes widened by his boldness.
I definitely wasn't finished with him yet though. I grabbed his face and kissed him again. He was frozen from the subtle action. He breathed in deeply before joining me. Really making this the best redo for each other's first kiss shared together. Possibly our last too.
Time passed until we eventually put our makeout session to an end. To prevent two teenagers from getting horny. Zeke and I laid on our sides, facing each other. Though Zeke wouldn't meet me in the eyes.
"I outta thank you again, Zeke. It makes up for my first one being forced from me. If people ever ask me what my first kiss was, this will be it."
"I'm glad I could have made it better for you then. Thanks for being a better kissing experience too." Zeke replied. Still not looking me in the eyes.
"Is something wrong? Did I say anything that upset you?" Questioning why Zeke is distant now.
"No, you didn't do anything. I'm just trying to process myself a little. I need to compose myself. My mind is all over the place." Zeke confessed.
"How do you feel? About 'this' and such?" I pondered.
Zeke smiled, now meeting my eyes. "There's definitely a spark. I won't lie."
"I feel the same. We're still dealing with our own struggles at the moment. I don't want to conflict with a bond that may have mustered up on pent up urges for affection. Or use physical attraction or romance as a way to get away from our problems. Maybe we just had a burst of adrenaline and a need that was desperate to be diffused. I think we have chemistry but, at this very moment, I only see you as a close friend." I explained.
Zeke's smile dropped a little, but still remained. Understanding my points too. "I understand. It's better off we remain platonic anyways. We got a good friendship here. We're probably not ready for anything more than that anyways."
"Plus, it would be a bit too late in our friendship to randomly form a crush anyways." I chuckle. Making a light joke.
Zeke now looked like he was fighting with his emotions. His face went completely blank at my comment. I guess he was a bit scrambled still about the kiss. I won't lie, it was an amazing kiss.
"I think we should go back up and get our crap. The school would be long overdue by now. Seeing how long we talked down here?" Zeke suggested.
I tapped his back and yelled at him. "You're it lurkey turkey!" I ran up the hill. He looked unimpressed. However, a hint of amusement lingered.
"Hey, Zeke! Don't be a pussy! I still have the photo of you too!" I taunt and stuck my tongue out. Calling him out for being was enough alone to get him to playfully react. And the picture was just an add-on.
"Oh, that's it! I won't have Patrica calling me a pussy. And get away with it. You better run little girl!" Zeke yells before charging up the hill. I booked it. Making it to the top.
The school was definitely over. Stopping at the top of the hill to catch my breath. I was a fair bit away from the edge of the hill with a Zeke hot on my trail. I made a run for it again. He was about to grab me before I dodged him smoothly. Zeke stumbled a little before regaining his posture.
I was low on energy at last. Zeke caught up to me and snatched me up in his arms. He was holding me bridal style.
"Woah!" I yelled as I got swept up. I knew Zeke had a good hold on me.
"I win." He cheers. Spinning me around in his arms.
He puts me back on the ground, innocently brushes hair behind my ear once more. Taken back by the gesture. Usually, people do that if they had affections for another; I wasn't going right to look into it for once. Zeke did it a lot. I got used to it. He reached for his phone and checked the time.
"Damn. It's only 3:27 pm. School ended almost a half-hour ago. I'm still up to hang out if you want?"
"Sure. I like being around you anyways Zeke." Agreeing simply.
"Me too." He also agreed.
"Don't you still have to finish your tune on that dinky little ukulele hmm? Let the said lurkey turkey continue hearing." He reminded me.
"Never happening. However, I know how to somewhat make up for that. And don't forget you sang along too." I pointed out.
"Shit." Zeke cussed to himself.
I rolled my eyes and pulled my cell out. I had a karaoke version of the song saved to my cell. Which was also a ukulele instrumental.
"You're singing along with this screeching banshee," I demanded Zeke. Knowing he'd give in easily.
I wrapped my hands around his neck. He slipped his around my waist as we swayed and sang along. When with our unprofessional voices. Can't Help Falling In Love by: Elvis Presley
Wise men say
Only fools rush in
However, I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you?
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand,
Take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand,
Take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Zeke twirled me around near the end and brought me in again. The jingle ended and we laughed. We just sat around and goofed around until we both left to go home at sundown. Explaining to my mom and dad why I skipped two classes wasn't too hard dealing with. Thank goodness my mom and dad were understanding. Hopefully, Zeke's were the same.