It's warm in the pale colored room. It has this distinct feeling that makes me think I'm always in a coat. I keep the small cat gripped between my fingers as I hug it lightly, ridding the scary reality that bleeds it's way through my thoughts. Eventually, I allow my gaze to wander around the room, processing details I had overlooked before. The small, light yellow coasters set on the edge of the birch side table located near the honey chair. The sunflowers sitting in a crystal vase, rested on the center of the counters behind me. The fading green bag set on the counter on top of some files.
I lift my index finger and lightly tap the tip of the cat's nose, guiding my palm down the rest of the way. Setting it down limply in my lap, I rest my head on the back of the couch and let calming breaths flow throw my nose.
"Mr. Min?" I hear. Looking away from the ceiling and turning towards the melodic voice, I saw the pretty man once again. That's odd. They usually don't return after the first session, easily concluding I cannot be fixed. I didn't say anything in response, but much to my surprise he just smiled softly with his lips still together and took a seat in the honey chair. The pretty man- Jung Hoseok- has a deep black hair color, with a style done so effortlessly you'd think he woke up like that. Maybe he did. It was parted to the side with a light curve that rested easily with itself, displaying a small portion of his forehead.
"I see the cat has done you some good?" he asked, clicking his pen slowly, looking up at me with his eyebrows slightly raise. After a pause, I hesitantly nod my head and he writes something down in his silver notepad. "Are you comfortable enough to speak today?" he asks me, setting down the notes carefully in his lap and resting his hands on top with his fingers intertwined.
I shake my head softly. Not yet. He smiles at me with closed lips, showing the smallest indents in his cheeks. He reaches his hand out at glances at me for approval. I stare at him for a moment, drawing circles on the top of the cat's head with my thumb. I stretch my arm out shyly, handing him the cat and he takes it from me, setting it in his lap. He looks at me with those eyes. Those ever so beautiful eyes I could just lose myself in. But I won't look at him.
"If you're not ready to speak, I completely respect that. But I'm still going to speak to you. Is that alright?" I nod my head, averting my gaze to the floor. He takes in a light breath.
"Everybody has triggers that can spark some sort of... negative feeling. Whether it be need, anger, or sadness. Contrary to this, we also have triggers that spark a positive feeling." I look at him once again, feeling somewhat interested. "These triggers can be anything. They make us feel calm, comforted, and even joyful."
"I want you to find things that keep you calm. Try new things. Take pictures, paint, garden, anything you've ever wanted to try."
Things that make me calm. Okay... that isn't like anything they've told me. It's always about where I've been, or what I've done. They say the future doesn't matter until I fix my past. It's different.
The pretty man is... different.