December 15/93
Well, you certainly are out of date. Let's see, first of all, I told you the Ray thing was just a phase. The thing is I probably could have gone out with him. He told Jolene he kinda wanted to go for me. But I don't know, I got to thinking, I don't want a boyfriend right now.
It's fucked up. Maybe I'm scared to get hurt again? I don't know, maybe I'm afraid to hurt him again. I guess I kinda broke his heart or whatever in grade nine when I broke up with him, but frick I was just starting high school and he was a cute boy who paid attention to me, of course, I would fuck it up with all my raging hormones. Maybe that's it, maybe I can't commit, so we just kinda died. We aren't writing to each other anymore either. We did do our presentation a couple weeks ago and that went ok. But we don't flirt and we aren't partners for anything right now, so we're just like normal friends I guess. Oh well.
But okay so, there was this 89x dance at our school, so of course we all go. Casey is there, right, and he's in two of my classes. He's part of the crowd we used to hang out with, one of Jesse's good friends. We've talked occasionally in the past, he's funny. He has super long dark hair. I guess he's sorta a hippy stoner guy.
So at the dance, he was like - bam. He hugs me like fifty times and tells me he wants to dance with me. I just thought he had to be stoned, like seriously what the hell was that all about? He has a girlfriend, I might add.
Yeah, I ended up not dancing with him at all - I dunno he disappeared or something, maybe he was really drunk. But it was just really awkward.
On Monday he doesn't talk to me that much at all, so yeah, I figured he was out of it at the dance. Tuesday he wasn't at school at all. Today - bam - "where did you go at the dance? I wanted to dance with you - I'm gonna cry." I was just like - uhhhh you're the one who took off bud. And in Religion, we kept making eye contact but he doesn't seem to be much of a conversationalist around his friends. Whatever. He's a sweet guy though. If I had the chance I'd go for him. Maybe just like makeout with him for a bit. Haha. I seem to have a problem with having actual boyfriends for any length of time.
Oh and this guy Steve in grade ten keeps calling me. He likes me I guess. He's in my art class. I can't just say 'go get a life' cause he's a nice guy but I would never like him that kinda way. So it's kinda awkward on the phone talking to him. I hope he stops calling me soon. Oh well, I'll probably never have a boyfriend til college anyway.
Until Later