Sept 18/93.
hey. Long time no write! I've sorta been stressing lately because of my anxiety. It's weird, I feel high as fuck and I know I'm not. I don't know what's going on and I'm too afraid to tell the doctor about why I think I'm messed up. You see, back in grade 10 I tried acid. And I liked it sorta, I mean it was cool and weird and messed up but it is what it is. But there was this one time when my friend Jen and I, (yes the Jen that ended up fucking Jesse) we were going out and we decided to drop a hit. So I was walking to her place and I dropped mine, and then she dropped hers when I got there and then we took the bus downtown. We met up with these two guys, David and Dan who we met at a party thru another friend. I knew David liked me or whatever, he thought I was cute whatever. So anyway, we meet up with them and we tell them we are on acid but not really feeling anything too hardcore, so he gave us each another hit and a half and, well let's just say it was the worst experience of my life.
Ok, so it took about 20min to start and then everything turned into a cartoon. I was like a real person but walking around in cartoon land. And we went to Fast Eddies which was just the worst possible thing we could have done. I mean I couldn't even comprehend what was happening. All I remember after that is just walking around completely out of it and somehow we managed to sit ourselves down in front of a 7/11 and I was basically just freaking out and wanting to be anywhere but there. So I made Jen call her mom to pick us up and it was only 9:30. I don't know if she could tell we were on acid, I just sat quietly in the back seat and hoped to god she didn't noticed. Everything was just streams of lights.
Then back at Jen's we were just still flying so we watch The Doors (maybe why I still dream of Jim Morrison) and it was like the movie was spilling out into the room. I just remember Jen trying to get to sleep eventually and I was awake and all her posters were swirling around and everytime I closed my eyes I saw images of demons and devils, it was fucking creepy and even in the morning I didn't feel like it was totally gone. Everything I put in my mouth to eat tasted like popcorn.
So long story short, now I get these anxiety attacks when I'm stressed out and it makes me feel like I'm on acid again. It fucking sucks big time. It only happens every once in a while, but it happening at all is enough!
Oh well. But school has been okay so far. Grade 11. My birthday was 3 days ago, I turned 16. I have a lot of cool people in my classes. Especially Gaven! I get a hard-on every time I see him.
Yesterday was our first school dance this year. The band sucked, they played too much rap. Other than that I had a good time. I danced with Matt, Mark and Kris. Three people wow! I think Kris and Matt like me but me and Mark are just friends.
Tonight we went to a Tea Party concert. Universal Honey opened for them. It was really cool. The singer is so hot and he reminds me of Jim Morrison, totally. IT WAS AWESOME! I had my anxiety a little bit during the show but the band took my mind off it. I felt very weird going to the bathroom there, like instant acid flashback with their crazy patterned rugs. Ugh! I'm fucking losing it.
And she said SAAAAAAAAAAAVEEE MEEEEEE!!!
Until Later