The cuts she had on her wrists, the bruises all over her arms were images I thought I'd never see.
No matter how much I wanted to erase my memory of her scars, I couldn't. I can't not remember how her scars felt under my skin and how awful it was even for me to just touch. Those that were almost flat but still visible, and those that felt like it's been cut just the night before. I can't not think that they're scars made by her, herself.
"Are you listening?"
I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to Haechan who gave me a concerning stare. His hands remained on my shoulder until he realized I wasn't listening to what he has been saying.
"If you feel sick, you can go to the infirmary."
I let out an apologetic sigh as I leaned back to my chair assuming he already knew I didn't feel sick at all but he still said so in case I did feel sick. I can't even remember how I got here, to our classroom, because of how preoccupied I am with everything that's been bothering me about her. "Y-Yeah. What was it again?" I scratched the back of my head, giving Haechan an obvious fake smile.
He grunted and flipped his notebook the other way around for no apparent reason. But I guess that it'd be out of his sudden frustration for me for the past few weeks I've been interested with Forest and how much she's bothering me all the time. "You, my friend, are the worse friend in the entire universe."
I grinned innocently. "What is it really?"
"Mr. Jackson said we need to get our things ready by tomorrow."
Oh. "Is that it?"
"You look so bothered." He finally blurted out as he glares at me with so much wonder. "Even more bothered than normal days. Why is that?"
I sighed. Haechan's my best friend and I tell him everything. I guess it won't hurt to let him know my concerns in life even if I know he'd end up scolding me for going after someone he doesn't personally like. "Is it." I replied still trying to get away from my bewilderedness.
He turns to me, resting his chin over his hands as if he was trying to figure something out.
"Hey Haechan." I finally say before he catches me. "Why do you think people hurt themselves?"
"What do you mean hurt? Like—"
"Like really," I emphasized. I said it like I felt her pain beneath all those scars. "Really, really hurt themselves."
"Like when they forced Jesus to smack those nails on his back kind of hurt?"
I nodded.
"Well from what I watch," He looks up, trying to remember. "It's only either they're going through something really hard," he lifts his pointer finger to my face. "Or they're just really crazy and they just do it for fun and show." He shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, like how I expected.
"They're going through something really hard?" I repeated and creased my brows. "Bad something?"
"Is there any good depression, Mark?" He asked matter-of-factly. "Seriously." Haechan moves back to his chair and fixed his things.
Depression? "Depression." Could she be—
"Oh God." My attention dart back to Haechan as he gave me a disapproving glare. He shakes his head. "Don't tell me this is all about that demon again."
I deliberately shook my head, opening my eyes wider hoping he wouldn't catch me lying this time but I knew that wouldn't help my case. Haechan always knew what was running inside my head. "No, no. It's for my research,"
"Research." He teasingly repeated already aware that I wasn't doing any Research.
"Yeah. On, uh, human..." Human. Human. Human. "Behavioral, uh," Human behavioral. "Actions!" I snapped my fingers, proud of what I just came up with. "Human behavioral actions." I repeat but he doesn't look convinced as anticipated.
"Human behavioral actions?" He emphasizes every word and now that they were really coming out of his mouth, it sounds even more pathetic than how I originally wanted it to come out. "No decent teacher would accept that title for a research. Let alone a study paper."
I gulped. I almost forgot that Haechan was a lot smarter than he looks – even the trickiest joker won't fool his soul. "You wouldn't have answered any of my concerning questions if I told you this was about Forest."
"That's why I'm telling you not to talk to me about that girl because if at some point we end up just talking about her every time we're together, we might not talk ever again."
I chuckled at how fast he talks when he's mad – specifically when it's about Forest. "Okay. Let's talk about how much you like Connie then."
"That's better."
I pressed my lips together in surprise that he'd actually bite into my trap.
"What? I mean, no! I mean, yes! Yes, let's talk about Connie or any other girl you like, duh," his eyes shake and I can tell how tensed he got after he just confirmed my speculations of him liking Connie.
"And that you like Connie?" I press harder, laughing.
"Who said I like her?!"
I crinkled my brows almost bursting to laughter. "You did."
"Hey, I never said that!"
I bobbed my head to save him from the embarrassment I just gave him. "Okay, okay." Even if he hates talking about Forest, I wasn't the type of friend that would embarrass him for the things that he intends to hide. "Whatever you say, Haechan."
"I really don't! What are you talking about?" I chuckled at him He looks so nervous right now I feel so guilty for making fun of his feelings for Connie like that. "Oh my shiz!" He leans closer to me examining my face. "What the heck happened to your face?!"
My eyes widened as I hastily moved away from him attempting to cover my left cheek which totally blew my cover off. "What do you mean? It's totally fine." I laughed and started looking to my left on purpose just so I can cover my left cheek but I guess it made Haechan more convinced that something happened to it.
He drastically brought my right hand down, which was covering my left cheek (very smart move to hide something by the way), grabs my chin and tilts my head to the right. "Oh my God! That's not fine! Shouldn't you be consulting a doctor? That doesn't look normal."
I scratched my head and grinned. "Really. It's not a big deal. It will heal sooner or later. You won't even remember it's there. This is far from death." I assure him but he creased his brows unconvinced.
"I'd believe that it's not a big deal," he touches his chest part pertaining to himself. "But half of your face is bloated and red. I knew you looked different since a while ago!" he points a finger at my direction like my mom when she's mad at me. "You should get that checked up. What if cancer cells develop there?"
I blinked. Cancer? "Can you get cancer from a small bruise?"
"I don't know?! How would I know, I'm no doctor!" He exclaims frantically. "It might be possible now that you're experiencing it for all we know."
I laughed. "I'll have it treated in the infirmary later. Don't worry."
"Jesus." He lets out a sigh in relief. "What are you doing with your life recently? If you end up like that demon and her friends, I'm discarding you out of my life." He frowns and brings out a notebook from his bag. "How in the world would you even have that bruise?! You were never clumsy."
"I fell – very deep."
He turns to me aggressively.
"While I was running to class. That's all." I lied. It's amazing how much I lied in front of Haechan ever since I took interest with Forest. Of course I didn't fell running to catch my class because first of all, I am never late for my classes and Haechan knows this very well.
"Now you're late too? Impressive." But he didn't look impressed at all.
Yesterday, when Forest was sleeping, a group of volleyball players started playing across the field and it was relatively close to where we were. I was watching them out of boredom and when I realized a ball was about to hit her, I stood and caught the ball. The thing is, I didn't catch the ball with my hand, my face caught it which for a few minutes hurt a lot but it felt better after a while. But Forest surprisingly did not notice the swelling of my face or maybe she just doesn't care much as expected.
I chuckled at the thought. Even if I defended myself, he would know I was still lying. "My mom's birthday is coming up by the way, she wants you to come for dinner."
"Oh yeah, is it on Saturday already?" I was glad his face softened after that. Since a while ago, his face was stiff and tensed so fortunately, I remembered about it.
I nod my head at him.
"I should go buy something for her on Friday then. Tell her I'm never gonna miss a single birthday celebration she throws." He says and I laughed.
Ever since I met Forest, I've been so eager to attend my Chemistry class. But today – today's a little different. I was anxious. I felt anxious because I wanted to know how she got those scars and I know too well that she would bark at me at the end of the day telling me to get out of her face. No matter how much she despised me, I seem to always enjoy being near her no matter the circumstance.
The moment I reached the room, she wasn't there. She's always late so I guess that makes sense. "Good afternoon, class. Reporters, please set up your materials before we start the presentation."
Thirty minutes.
Forty minutes.
An hour already passed by and she still hasn't walked in that door. It was almost the end of our class and normally, she'd be making her entrance without our teacher's acknowledgement but she's still not here. Is she not attending today's class?
So that was the first time I was so eager for Chemistry class to finish. I haven't seen her today at all and I feel like I've been seeing her so much it's starting to not make sense when I don't see her – like I won't survive the day without seeing her anymore.
I rushed out of the room the moment Mr. Oliver was telling us our class is dismissed. I ran out to the hallway and scanned the place hoping to see her red hair flowing in the middle of the crowd but I was unfortunate and I never saw one.
I gulped. I wanted to see her. And it's making me worry that I'm feeling and acting like this. After seeing her scars last night, I realized I didn't want to be just friends with her. I wanted to be someone that reminded her of how great life could be – someone who can light her dark place.
Her friends. Surely she must be with one of them. I extended my neck and saw her half-shaved head friend, Han. I examine those she was with and still, there was no sign of Forest.
I ran out to the gate and hope that I'd see her walk out if I waited but the moment I was running by the back of the Science Department building, I noticed a girl walking suspiciously familiar with how I remember Forest was walking when drunk.
She was wearing a hooded jacket, almost impossible for me to see her face but the magnet that was pulling me to walk to that person without certainty is very similar to how I feel whenever I see Forest at a distance. But my feet froze and I was only staring at the hooded girl waiting for some kind of confirmation and I had it the moment she turns and strands of her red hair peeps out of her jacket.
I ran to where she stood, yelling her name but she wasn't giving me any attention. "Forest!" I grab her arms and I unintentionally made her turn to me. She looked surprised. She probably didn't hear me shouting her name as I ran here.
My brows creased as I met her seemingly unfamiliar eyes – her eyes weren't lined with heavy eyeliner the way they usually are. Her under bags were bluish and violet and just dark – I can almost see veins popping out of them. Her eyes were bloodshot red but there were no hints of reeking alcohol from her scent, her lids were puffy and reddish; and there were bruises on her face – the type she had over her arms only swollen. Her whole face was bloated and unproportioned. Running my fingers through her face in worry, I ask, "What happened to your—"
She jerks my hand off her face before I could finish my question and gives me a strong glare.
At this moment, I was already expecting her to yell me her usual eff word but she didn't. She just gave me a long and deep stare before turning to walk away from me.
Me, being the unconsciously nosy kid I am, I followed her tracks a few feet away from her back making sure I wouldn't get caught dead from trying to stalk her. I wasn't going to go as far as stalking her because I know when to respect privacy but this wasn't privacy to me anymore. I wanted to protect her in any way I can if she, for chances, got those bruises from men who harasses women when they're alone.
Did she cry? Who did that to her face? Why did she cry? Who made her cry? And where is she heading? Why is she taking such narrow road? Where is this place?
For minutes, I was just thankful that Forest hasn't noticed me yet. Or maybe her senses are off right now as much as how off she is. Where are you going Forest? I asked myself as she walked through the rocky, steep alley.
I stopped walking when I realized she was about to enter a house. It wasn't a big house. As a matter of fact, it wasn't a decent one as well. If I could describe how it looks from my perspective, it looks more like a witch's home - like those you'd normally call a haunted house.
I watched her go inside as she takes her hood down. I slowly took steps closer to the terrifying house - closer to the window opening that wasn't even glassed or framed, not even curtained properly at the least. The curtain hanging by their supposedly window looked like a part was eaten by a huge rat or worse, burnt. I can clearly see everything inside from here – it was that transparent from the outside.
Their worn out furniture, their not-cushioned brown chairs, their scratched sofa that had huge springs coming out from different direction, their rusty table – the house was a mess like it had been hit by a tornado.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!" My heart jumped in surprise when the old man suddenly pokes Forest by the shoulder with the intention of making her fall. "Where's the money?! Give me my fucking money!"
Forest stood across the half-naked old man with her head bowed down helpless. I've never seen her bow her head down like that. The man walked towards her. There was something about that man that is very terrifying that even my knees were shaking from watching afar. My whole body clenched at every poke that hit Forest's head.
"How many times do I have to tell you? You can't come back here if you haven't any money!"
My heart was pounding so fast. I was hoping I never followed her so I don't get to see any of this but at the same time, I was also thankful that I get to see this because now I know where the wrath was coming from.
"Now give me my fucking money!" The old man yells even louder. I look around and their neighbors don't seem to be as bothered as I thought. Who is this man and why is he acting superior towards her? Does she owe him money? Is she working for him? I had so much questions that only Forest could answer and I was sure I won't be getting any of it.
"I need some money." When Forest spoke, I wish I was next to her to cover her mouth. I was too worried of what this old man could do to her if she spoke back. "I can't give you money while I'm paying the hospital bills. You know I don't earn much from the—"
"HOW DARE YOU!"
"Are you gonna beat me again?" I squint my eyes in terror. I didn't want to see what was happening but I cared too much to just walk away. "That's what you love to do right? You beat me to death but when you need me, you fuck like nothing was ever fucking wrong!
"You bitch!"
My whole body jumped in fright as soon the man lands his fist over Forest's cheek. I felt my hands shaking as I watch the man continuously slap and punch her in ever part of her body and Forest just laid down helpless. My inner self was telling me to go inside and protect Forest but I was frozen in my place. I couldn't move because of how scared I was. I felt my feet stuck on the ground unable to move. Watching Forest receive the man's hand without doing anything felt so wrong to watch – it's eating my conscience up as I stayed there to watch, doing nothing. Forest was just a girl and this was a big old man who was capable of killing people with his bare hands.
"Is that all you got this time?" Forest crawls from the ground with a smirk on her face as she wipes the blood off her lips. Oh Forest. My heart started beating out of my chest – harder this time. My eyes were almost watering as I watched the old man beat her more.
"You fucking bitch! You tell me you pay fucking hospital bills yet I see you pay your fucking manwhores every fucking night for sex! You fucker! Get the fuck out of my house and be a fucking bitch like your whore mother!"
"At least I don't fuck kids like you do."
I froze.
There was something about her voice that hits hard in my heart. The way she said it wasn't sarcastic nor was it to piss him more. She was speaking as if she really meant what she said and that scared me the most for her. What if this man—
"You don't get to provoke me."
"Why, does it provoke you?"
I looked away before I could see the man kick Forest harder than he ever did. When the door slammed close, I watched Forest stand up from the ground still wiping blood from her mouth. "That's right!" She yells at the closed door. "Hide, you fucking asshole! You dead is only one less asshole in this world because you're a shitty fucking father!" she throws a punch over the door.
"FUCK YOU!" I hear the man shout from inside the house.
Forest turns away from the house, face busted and almost unable to walk on her own but I try to stay away as much as I wanted to give her the tightest hug. The last thing I wanted to happen was for her to find out that I was snooping on her and I just watched her get beat up by a man whom she called a father.