I was leaving my room from Calculus class devastated, shoulders sunken in distress. I've never really hated Mathematics before but Calculus is just another level my brain can't handle. There's too much formula to remember. I feel like my head's going to explode any moment – sort of like what happened in the Kingsman. What vague thoughts.
"Going to the cafeteria?"
My heart jumped as I turned to the person who just spoke. "Connie," I sighed, panting with my hands over my chest in relief. Ever since I started following Forest, I'm always so cautious of my surroundings. "You gave me a heart attack." The fast pacing of my heart doesn't calm down.
She chuckles, covering her mouth. "Sorry."
"Yeah." I said. My eyes unconsciously wandering around to search for a certain red hair. "You?"
"So am I,"
I just nodded after that. I didn't want to hear her say let's go together because that would only prevent me from being with Forest. "I'll—"
"Let's go together."
There it was.
I pressed my lips together, gulping hard. I plaster a fake smile as I turned to her with a forced nod. "S-Sure." I started walking and she follows beside me with a wide smile. I let out a sigh. Why does she have to keep asking me to go to the cafeteria with her? Maybe telling her it's okay to remain friends was a bad idea. Being unable to reject someone without coming off as a jerk was harder than I thought.
"You're alone today."
I hummed in agreement. "Haechan's got a ten to twelve thirty class today so," I shrugged. "Sometimes I don't eat when he's not around. It's just awkward to eat alone in a table." Should I just imagine I'm talking to Forest whenever I'm talking to Connie? I shake my head. That's too rude.
"I understand."
I turn to Connie and cannot help but notice the way she talked. Why does she talk so… formal and royalty? I might have gotten too used to Forest's rude and vulgar talking.
The whole time we were walking towards the cafeteria, to the moment we both sat next to each other with our meals, we were silent. I only agreed to walk with her to here because I thought we weren't going to eat together as well. I can't even begin to eat my meal with all these people looking at us.
"My friends are in the field." Connie says and I almost choke on my salad. "I think they're watching a soccer match between the east and west high. And I was really starving so I had to come here by myself in case you're wondering."
"Ah." My voice was shaking. "Is that so?" I let out a small laugh. But you were coming from the other side of my room and the field was on the other side? Did she walk around just so she could pass by my room? Girls… they truly are something. "Won't your friends look for you?" I asked Connie who stopped taking a sip from her soup to answer me.
"I doubt. They value boys more than our friendship." She laughs so I try to laugh along even though I don't find anything funny from it. "What do you do after class, Mark?"
I looked up to her surprised by the sudden interest of my life. "Oh you know," I blink a few times until I think of a good excuse to end the conversation. "The usual."
She nods. "Like?'
Like? I almost grunted in frustration but thankfully I didn't. "Like…" I try to look around hoping I'd find answers from the cafeteria but I know it was just an excuse for me to scan and search for Forest. "Homework?"
She nods – again.
This is good. She's not responding anymore. If we can finish our meals faster—
"What about the weekends?"
I looked away in annoyance. I never get annoyed by people so easily so I'm not sure why I feel irritated around Connie when she's nothing but nice to me. "I usually stay at home."
"Wh—"
"I actually prefer to be alone most of the time." I'm rude. Oh God. I felt so sorry right after I said those words. Saying them felt like they were meant for her and what was happening right now. I didn't want to make it sound like I didn't want to be with her right now no matter how much of that is true. "The weekends!" I repeated. "I prefer to be alone during the weekends."
"Ah."
Connie makes conversations feel so long and boring. It's like she's never been associated with the word fun her entire life – maybe she doesn't even the word.
Minutes passed, I finally see Forest's distinct red hair from a distance, walking out the cafeteria. I stopped munching my last spoon of salad as I stared at her direction, a smile growing out of my face. Everything feels so much better at the sight of her – it's crazy. When she was nowhere to be seen, my gaze was fixated on the spot she just left as if she was still there. My heart raced uncontrollably. Her effect on me never changed no matter how many times she tried to dispose me.
"Are you okay?" I hear Connie ask.
I smiled at the thought of her. "Have you ever liked someone so much that even after finding out how unpleasant their life is, you still like them?" The moment I realized how much of a fool I was babbling about someone else in front of a girl that liked me. "Sorry." I snapped back, shifting my attention back to Connie who looked just as shocked as I am. "That's weird. I didn't mean to—"
"I have." She suddenly cut me off. "You start feeling less conscious of the things that are unpleasant to you because the person you like overpowers it, right? Like when you usually hate people wearing heels but you start o appreciate them because the person you like uses it."
I stared at Connie and tried to take in everything she just said. This is probably the first time I was actually interested in hearing her. Everything she said made sense to me. I mean, I never thought I'd like someone with tattoos and piercings over their noses, or party maniacs, or even girls who smoke publicly, or girls who skip their classes to sleep apparently. Not once have I ever thought of being with someone like that but I somehow did – with Forest.
"Why do you ask that?"
I smiled scratching the back of my head in embarrassment. "Just some random thoughts."
"They don't exist if you aren't bothered by them,"
Right. "I just," I paused trying to think of a great alibi to cover myself up.
"Do you like someone?"
Oh no. "I-It's nothing like that re—"
"You do like someone." She chuckles and turns to me. This wasn't the reaction I expected from her but I'm glad she responded this way. It's a lot more comforting. "It's okay. I'm not that bothered of the idea that you might actually like someone. I expected this at the very least. It'd be not normal if you didn't like someone."
I gulped. Is this even right? Talking to someone who likes you about someone you like? It doesn't feel so right to me. I feel like I'm hurting her without even intending to do so.
"She's lucky." She doesn't feel that way though. "That she made you like someone. It was almost impossible for you to like someone before. You almost had me convinced that you were allergic to women." I laughed "You basically reject every girl who confesses to you."
Now I get to feel what I did. "She doesn't feel half that way though," I smiled at the thought of Forest pissed off at almost everything that happens around her. "If anything, I'd think she'd feel worse."
Connie chuckled. "I don't think a girl's that stone hearted. One way or another, she'll come to realize how relevant you are to her life."
"Yeah," I bobbed my head. "I sure hope so,"
After what seemed like a year of lunch break, Connie's friends finally excused her away from me. She thanked me for today and left with her friends the way I wanted to happen forty minutes ago.
It was Chemistry class – finally. Being able to attend this class with Forest is already a blessing but being able to attend this class and not see her, is a nightmare. I've ditched this class once already – her being the sole reason – and I don't think I can afford to miss another class. I might end up getting dropped from the subject if I do.
"Mark Lee,"
I raised my hand in the air for Mr. Oliver to see. He was always very strict when it comes to attendance. I think more of our grades come from there that's why it's always better to fail his quizzes than not attend his class at all. He called names after names, after names but Forest still wasn't in the room.
I wonder where she went after lunch break. I frowned. Maybe she slept again and had some errand a while ago. Maybe she's at the hospital? Maybe she's too tired to come to school
"Forest Young."
.
I shot up from my seat and looked at our teacher unsure of what I wanted to do. Mr. Oliver doesn't call out to my sudden behavior instead, he ignores me and says, "Last call, Forest Young."
"She," I raised my hand to catch his attention and he turns to me with a questioning look. My fingers started fidgeting the edge of my table as I spoke. "I saw her went to the infirmary sir. I think something happened during," I blinked and gulped quickly before he notices my lies. "P.E class. She wants me to tell you Mr. Oliver that she won't be able to attend class today because I think her head hurts from the..." I'm never good at lying. "Fall."
Mr. Oliver squints his eyes in hesitation. Maybe he saw through me and realized I'm just lying to cover her up. "And you're telling me this because you're her?"
Oh— "I'm her," no. "H-Her friend."
Mr. Oliver jots something down from his notes. "Grayson Chance."
I guess I'm a good liar after all.