"She's hiding something."
I frowned, rubbing my thumb against my chin in curiosity. I am so eager to know every detail about Forest's life now that I can't even focus on my own life.
"Oh God. Not her again."
I turned to Haechan who was grunting after I just spoke. I chuckled and looked away from a distance. It was bright outside but I could picture Forest crying back in the woods during the camping-hike activity. I picture her down the ground as the man kicked her out mercilessly. I picture her that day I ran to her and her face was all bloated and her eyes, so red and lifeless. I sighed. Thinking about them makes me even more curious. What could you be hiding? "What are your initial hypothesis when you see someone walk inside a hospital, Haechan?" I asked and he looks at me with his brows creased.
"I'm not answering that if this is about that demon."
I blinked innocently. "I'm stating possible situations." I try to sound convincing but he doesn't seem to buy it. "I just asked what you'd think if you saw someone," I emphasized this time. "—enter a hospital."
"Well if it's the demon, I'd say she just went in to rob someone, I guess." He shrugs in a very bored tone but I still laughed. Everything Haechan says about her becomes funny to me.
"Forest wouldn't do that."
"And you know that because you're close friends now right? You're best friends." He emphasizes sarcastically. He wasn't even trying to hide it. "You know everything about her right? Is that it?"
I smiled bitterly. "Okay." Sarcastic Haechan is the wittiest person I've ever encountered. I almost hate him when he does that but for some reason, I laugh because he's just too funny even I can't resist it when I'm mad. "What would you really think though? Theoretically."
He sighs, a sign he's giving in so I grinned in anticipation. "Maybe she goes to visit doctors she's sleeping with."
Doctors she sleep with? My mouth gapped open. I don't see her as the kind of girl who would do such thing but the scary thought of her being capable of doing that made my stomach churn. "I don't think she—"
"Why are you even asking me if you're not taking ideas?" He cuts me off so I chuckled. I was just thankful that he still answers even though he already knew that I was indeed pertaining to Forest. Haechan already told me many times that he'd stop talking to me if I kept talking about her but he's still talking to – a great friend, truly. "I don't know. Checkup?"
Checkup. I wonder why I didn't think of that. I mean it's a clinic so I guess it must be some kind of checkup. "Could it be a normal checkup?" I thought.
"Or maybe she's getting abortion. Who knows honestly?!" He crosses his arms teasingly. He knew I wouldn't like the idea of that but checkup seems more like it to me. It's a little too much for abortion.
"I don't think she's pregnant though," Me considering this, is hilarious enough.
"Or, no way!" he suddenly snaps his fingers making me flinch a little in surprise. "Don't tell me she has a very deadly disease and she's dying and you're supposed to be together and do everything together before her life ends."
I froze. It can't be that right? I mean, Forest doesn't look like she might be ill. But is something wrong with her from all that smoking she's done? No. I can't have thoughts like these or it's just going to mess with my head too much. I'll just have to find out myself and confirm my assumptions. She's not dying. That's surreal. We're not living in some sort of drama or a movie. That can't be possible.
"Are you actually considering that right now?" I was surprised when I saw Haecham, glaring at me with so much disposition. "I mean, it's not impossible. Her smoking can kill her in a snap!" At the sound of his snap, my heart jumped in surprise.
I push him away from me, shaking my head as if it could help get rid of the thoughts I didn't want for her. "You're messing with me, Haechan. Stop."
He laughs and sits back at his chair. "You know Mark, people normally denies their affection for someone. How are you openly showing the entire school that you're interested with the girl everyone fears?"
That made me wonder. Even I didn't have an exact answer to that question. I just know what I want to do and I do it – no more, no less.
Today, I decided not to attend my Statistics class to go to the hospital that Forest went last time. I was scared and nervous because I was having unpleasant thoughts that I wish aren't true. Forest can't possibly be absent today because she's hospitalized, right? That's just morbid and unrealistic.
As soon as I was stepping closer to the information desk located at the front of the clinic, my heart raced anxiously. I felt like my neck was held by two huge and large hands of super villains.
I wasn't prepared to know the reason of Forest's hospital visit but I needed to find out now. I need to know where her personality is coming from. A person can't be that way without a reason. I'm pretty sure everything goes down to this and I have to accept whatever consequence is waiting for my nosiness.
"Good afternoon, sir. How can we be of help?"
I try to calm my fidgeting fingers as I watch the only nurse that was in the station, organize folders of folders before she fully devotes her attention to me. "H-Hi. I'm here to visit someone."
The nurse nods and shifts to where the computer was and turns back to me with a questioning look. "And what's the name of the patient, sir?"
"Young," I nervously replied.
She types and stops, turning back to me with a worried look on her face. "Oh, are you a family member of Ms. Polar, sir?" she asks and if I don't answer now, my cover up as a relative would miserably fail.
Ms. Polar? "Yes." At this point, I wasn't sure whether to feel relieved that I wasn't hearing Forest's name from the nurse but for some reason, I still felt the need to dig deeper. The nurse wouldn't have said someone that isn't relatively linked to Young since Young is what I said. "Yes, I am."
Could it be..?
She bobs her head, walking away from the computer. "You must be visiting her the first time."
First time? What does that have to mean? "I just recently found out so I came as quickly as I could," I'm doing great. You're doing a good job, Mark. I never knew I could lie this could to convince a nurse – a nurse to bring me to a patient associated as Young. That could be a threat to this clinic.
"Her room's 113."
Her. Who is Polar? She must be a Young otherwise the nurse wouldn't have said her name. Is it her mother? I couldn't help but cloud myself with questions I wasn't ready to find out. 110. 111. The closer I get to the room, the louder my heart was beating. 112. Here it is. Room 113. I was lucky that the door had a glass window pane so I can see through the room from outside.
I leaned closer to the door and saw Forest sitting on the side of the bed with a book on her hand. I extended my neck to see who was on the bed and I saw a little girl. She looked like she was about seven to ten years old but there was a lot going on inside. She was wearing an oxygen mask, there were a lot of machines next to her – it was like I was seeing a scene from a drama movie.
Polar Young.
Forest has a sister.
I carefully stepped back from the door, making sure I wasn't making any noticeable noise, returning to the front desk with more questions than I imagined. "Excuse me but can I ask how the patient's condition is?"
"I think her guardian is in her room, sir." The nurse replied suspiciously. I blew it. Of course they know when the visitors came. How am I supposed to cover that up? This is a bad plan. I should have thought of this through before going in like this unprepared. "The doctor always informs the relatives about the patient's condition, sir. I believe they're the ones you should be asking."
I'm busted. "Oh." Answer with confidence, Mark! Answer! "S-She's sleeping and I didn't want to wake her up so," There's no way they're giving me information about her sister after stuttering like that. I'm the worse spy in the planet.
I mean, I 'm lucky I even got room information about the patient but giving important details seem far-fetch. The hospital's too strict with their privacy code – let it be big or small.
"Well the recent transplant failed miserably and—"
Wait what?
"I'm sorry, sir." My heart shatters the moment an older looking nurse pulls the nurse I was talking to at the back and takes charge. "I'm afraid we can't give you information not unless you are listed as one of her relatives. Sorry, what's your name again, sir?"
"I'll just…" I slowly stepped back from the counter in fear. I can't be caught off guard here or I'm banned from this hospital for good. "I'll just come back with my friend then. Thank you."
Failed transplant? My heart felt so heavy as I walked out of the hospital. That could mean so much. If her sister is suffering like this, then she must be suffering herself, Forest. Is this the reason why she said nothing's worth being happy about? Is this why she was crying those nights? I wanna know everything but I can't know everything because Forest shuts herself away from people. No matter how much I wanted to help her, make her feel worthy and cared for, I can't because she's too closed and guarded. If I wanted to help Forest, it would require her to open up to me willingly.
The whole afternoon, I sat outside the hospital in deep thoughts. I can't seem to leave the place after finding that out.
I never knew Forest was suffering like this. She looks so tough and fearless outside, I wouldn't think that she'd be dealing with problems like these. I always thought she was the type who would only get problematic when she doesn't have anything to smoke or don't have anything to drink, or don't have any illegal meds to take and now, here she was – conquering her trials on her own without showing and throwing the world her misfortunes. I feel guilty for thinking of her like that when I never really knew the context of her mysterious life. Everyone should br.
By the time I snapped myself back to reality, it was already too dark. Now I know why people say time flies when you're spacing out with so much thought in your head.
I was about to go and leave when I saw her suddenly step out of the hospital. I quickly hid myself from the nearest post I could run to and watched her walk away.
Something about Forest makes me do things like these. I carefully traced back her tracks as she walks further away from the hospital. My heart races every time she pauses and looks around as if she senses that something wasn't right – that wrong is me. Everything I'm doing is wrong and I'm guilty about it. But if I don't trail on her like this, I would never know who she truly is. This is my only shot to know her without asking.
For the past few days of me following her without her knowledge, I've come to learn her walking pace and tonight isn't her normal walking pace. She was walking but almost running but she wasn't running – or maybe this is what they call fast walking. I stopped following her when she enters a restaurant. I stood from the other side of the street watching her approach the counter table. A middle-aged woman was standing across her, a hand resting over Forest's shoulder. The woman looked kind and harmless so I wasn't too bothered but what would she be doing here? Is the woman her mother?
I couldn't read what they were saying but as soon as the other lady nods her head, Forest made her way to the counter, pulls up her hair to a bun, puts on a hairnet and wraps herself with an apron that was similar to the lady.
At first, I was doubting whether or not my thoughts are correct but the moment I saw her grab a mop and starts cleaning the floor, I knew then my speculation wasn't wrong at all. She was cleaning the whole place and it's already – I brought my phone out to check the time and it was already 7:45 in the evening.
An hour passed by and she was still there.
Two hours.
Three hours.
Five hours.
The clock already read one and a half in the morning and she was still there cleaning tables if not mopping floors every time a new costumer arrives. My eyes began feeling heavy and I felt so sleepy but she was still there, standing, working like she wasn't tired from all the work.
I wanted to leave and go but my heart won't let me. It keeps telling me to stay put and watch her no matter what. I was lucky there was a bench just across the store she was working at so I can at least lie down whenever I felt like.
3 AM.
5 AM.
I yawned. She got back to the counter, took off her hairnet and apron, took her bag upon crouching, and steps out of the restaurant. I looked up and the sun is already out now. I stood from the bench, stretching my limbs out in relaxation. I averted my gaze to Forest who was now walking away with the same outfit she had last night. My eyes felt so dead – like needles were poking around the eyeball. The street started to look busier, people were already passing by fresh from the showers and here I was, watching a girl work in a shop for the entire night – no bath, no sleep.
She walks back to the hospital so I stay outside, rubbing my eyes in sorrow. My whole body never felt so tired like this. I can only imagine how worse it could be for her who was in the shop, working without any rest. I sighed. It's time I go back home. Classes starts in a few hours and I'm not sure how I'll be able to cope up with it in this condition.
"You look like a zombie."
I force my eyes open. "Zombie? Where?" I mumbled. I didn't drink any alcohol last night so I don't know where all this light-headed thoughts were coming from.
Haechan grunts as he pokes me in the chest like I was a slime. "What happened to you?" My eyes were half closed but I can tell he was wearing a confused, worried look on his face. His voice always possessed the emotions.
"I…" I yawn for the nth time. "I didn't sleep."
"Well, duh," Haechan says matter-of-factly. "I'm sure you can give more obvious answers than that," He adds and I almost drop my head to the side. "What for though?"
I suddenly chuckled. "I've never not slept before." I sighed.
"Well nobody said it's a good idea to not sleep, you idiot."
My vision went circles, like I just spun for ten time for no reason. "I feel so heavy and tired." I gave up, landing my cheeks over the table, spacing out and trying to keep my eyes open as much as I can. "But I feel like I'm floating though. Cloud nine, sort of."
"Why did you do that for then?!" He exclaimed.
I let out another big sigh.
"Hey! Fix yourself. Should I remind you that we're in the middle of a freaking cafeteria?"
"Cafeteria…" I repeated then I let out a small chuckle. I don't know why no-sleep is affecting me like this – like a drunkard. My brain seems to be functioning well enough but my physical self isn't doing so well. Is this how it feels like to drink too much? It's awful.
"Mark Lee, look at me." Haechan orders so I glanced up at him. "Tell me the truth."
Truth?
"Did you drink last night?" He whispers and I scoffed. Although I really was acting like one to begin with. I shake my head and tried to clench every heavy feeling I had out of my system. "Then why are you acting like this?!"
"Forest Young…" I turn towards her direction and she was quietly finishing her meal. "—makes me do things I'm incapable of. I now acknowledge that." I sighed and rising up from my dead self when I saw her walk inside the cafeteria. I rubbed my eyes making sure that I wasn't seeing things. "Do you see her?"
"You mean the demon? No, Mark. I don't see her. Nope. Not a single strand of her burning — Of course, I see her! What is wrong with you?!"
I blinked. Did she really just came to school acting and looking like she hasn't done anything for the past ten hours? Am I seeing a twin of her? Why doesn't she look as zombie-ish as me? Why does she look like she's not devastated from all the work she did last night? "What the—"
"Are you okay? Geez, Mark! Get a hold of yourself, will you?"
"She—" I can't help but stare at her with my rock heavy lids. "She's so amazing." Apart from being literate of almost everything she pictures in her mind, now I get to know the other reason why Forest Young sleeps during classes.