ALANA
Nanginig ang buong katawan ko sa takot na buksan ang pinto para sa kanya. He was banging and shouting against the door again. He was drunk.
"Bitch! Aren't you going to open this door or wait for me to wreck this fucking door to your face?!" he shouted with a loud bang.
"I'm coming, please wait," I breathlessly answered. My entire body was trembling in fear as I was nearing the door. At nang buksan ko ang pinto, his dark aura welcomed me, his fiery eyes that full of anger and then suddenly I found myself on the floor holding my swelling cheeks, a loud slap just landed on my face, I can't feel any more of the pain, I guess my body was already immune and used to this. I was about to stand myself up when I felt a pang of pain, it was my foot, I dislocated it. I cried in pain which makes him even angrier which makes him pulled my hair hardly in my scalp.
"What? Are you going to fucking cry again you bitch?!" he roughly shouted near in my ear which cause me to just close my eyes and my tears were freely flowing down into my cheeks, I should be immune to this situation but every day and every time he acts this way he keeps on giving my heart an ache. Until when? Kailan ba niya matutong mahalin ako bilang asawa niya? Is that hard for him to love me? What did I even do to hate me this much?
"Because of you, because of you, the woman that was supposed to be in your position, supposed to be my wife, the one I want, the one I love is not here! Ano bang ginamit mong gayuma o kulam sa mga magulang ko to agree for our fucking marriage?!" he shouted, pulling even tighter to my hair.
I don't even have enough voice to answer him. It became a ritual in this house for doing this to me. My body went numb and used to it, but my heart is not.
"Please," that was all I can say as I breathe in pain.
"You slut!" he screamed but before he gets off his hand in my hair a loud slap landed in my face and pushes me like a trash. Yes, he feels me like trash. A disgusting woman.
He was swaying as he was walking to our room. He left me dumbfounded and cracking in pain. The room fell into silence until it was again quiet, a silence that was supposed to be a bliss, happiness of a husband, wife and a baby but it was not. I winced in pain as I tried to get up. This was my routine every night. I want to cry but it seems my eyes won't deliver tears, my body is weak, I have cried a day, but the pain was still there. What did I do to deserve all of this? I loved him, but why it is so hard for him to love me back? It's been years, but he still thinks of her. His heart was still beating for her. He still loves her, even though we are married. I thought he already learned to love me when he agreed for our marriage but I was mistaken, he acted that he loves me in front of our parents but when we are already alone, he acted as nothing had happened. He turned cold and cruel.
I curled up like a ball and close my eyes as the wind caress my cheeks, hoping that this is all just a nightmare but I suddenly open my eyes and a single tear escape as I see that all of this was true. I wish our parents was here so he can act again, that he loves me and how he cares for me, even if he was just pretending. Even in just pretending, I felt love. But I was just fooling myself if I think of those thoughts. But I was then a fool.
Flashback
"Dress yourself, our parents will come," he sternly said as he massages his temples.
"Here?" I softly asked and slowly I saw how he grips his knuckles that were slowly turning white.
company,"Just go fucking dress!" he shouted that I took a step back, afraid. At first, he was so gentle after we just got married and he was so happy telling his parents how grateful he is that I'm now his wife. Maybe he was just stress and have problems in the company that is why he acts this way, maybe later he will go to normal again.
I choose a modest dress and fix myself, I put a little cream sa kung saan may pasa ilang araw naring ganito ito pero hanggang ngayon ay di parin gumagaling, baka walang bisa ang cream na ito sa akin.
I heard a beep of a car, a sign that our parents are here. I hurriedly peak on our window and saw Knight opened the gate and let them in. His parents were full of smiles as they get out of the car and there was no trace of sight of my parents, maybe they were all busy with their new build company.
Knight welcomed them with a genuine smile and kiss his mother and embrace his father, which cause me to put a smile on my lips. This was again the first that I saw him smile. He never smiled when we were alone.
I hurriedly walk at a life-size mirror and take a look of myself. My eyes reflected a true pretender, blue eyes. It was good enough that I woke up early and cook their favorite food to eat, beefsteak with potatoes, it was his favorite but his mother told me not to tell him that she had told me his favorites. As soon as I walk down stairs a tight hug embrace me, it was his mom.
"My beautiful Alana, how are you?" she squeaked in excitement and full of happiness.
"Were completely fine mom and-" I wasn't able to finish my words when she cuts me off.
"So are you two already making some babies?" she whispered, which makes my face turned red in shyness. I didn't have the power to answer her, but she just winked at me and slyly smiled. She's so adorable. Katulad din siya ni mama.
"You two will go to San Francisco for a honeymoon," she said as she winked at me for the second time.
"San Francisco?" Knight suddenly asked.
"Yes dear, San Francisco, isn't it fantastic? You'll love it there, I swear. That is where the place me and your Dad made you," she giggled as Knight just rolled his eyes off. I don't know, but I felt rejected and in pain, again. Doesn't he want us to be together? Doesn't he like the idea of his parents?
"We don't need to mom," he answered coldly and turn his heels into the kitchen.
"Don't mind him, Alana, maybe he is just thinking about the whole expenses," she laughs even though I know the whole reasons already. Alam ko naman kung bakit at di na dapat ako mag expect na tatanggapin niya ito, it was so good to be true.
We were sitting and enjoying our food when his dad breaks the silence.
"Alana, is Knight taking good care of you?" he asked while looking at Knight who is busy drinking his water.
"Yes, Knight is taking wonderful care of me, you don't have to worry about it dad," I answered and was startled when Knight seized a kiss on my cheek and was smiling at me that I instantly return his gesture. I can't help myself not to go red.
"I love you," he says which causes me to smile, a real smile but it slowly vanished when I remember that this was all a show. Kahit ngayon lang makita ko na mag-asawa kami, ganito pala ang pakiramdam, ganito pala ang iamhe ng may asawang nagmamahal sayo.
"Oh look at my son," his mom exclaimed that she could almost cry in our scene.
"Look at our son honey, he was just a baby, and I used to kiss him and tell how I love him and now he is a grown-up man with a beautiful woman. So when will I see my apo or apos?" she hyper asked that earned us laughs.
It was just days ago when his parents come here, but why is it still we were in the same situation? Did I do a big mistake? A wind touches my skin that I can no longer feel the coldness and I found myself asleep, deep in thoughts and pain.
I hope this will be gone just like a dream, a dream that I first thought from the first place.