Scrolling on my twitter feeds, a very interesting headline caught my attention. I clicked the link and read the article.
Ayon daw sa isang pagaaral, on average, ang mga lalake daw, they think about sex 19 times a day. Ang mga babae naman ay sampung beses sa isang araw habang labing-limang beses naman about food.
Nakakatawang isipin na mas mahalaga pa sa mga babae ang pagkaen kaysa sa sex. Pero hindi ako kumbinsidong 15 times a day lang kung maisip ng mga babae ang pagkaen. I think about food every half an hour.
Tumingin ako sa ibang mga pasahero na kasakay ko sa jeep at napatanong ako sa isip ko - are they thinking about sex right now? Who do they have in their imaginations? What about the other virgins? How often do they think about sex? How often do we really think about something we haven't experienced yet?
I made a theory. I think, virgins think about sex at least three times - tatlong beses sa isang oras. We will never admit it, of course. Virgins hardly even realise it. We joke about it, act stupid, or naive, or pretend to be disgusted. But we long for sex, we wonder about it, and it is something we've kept on thinking - 'one day, it will happen'.
Napakamot na lang ako sa ulo ko sa mga naiisip ko. Si kuya Jared tutok na tutok lang sa nilalaro niyang game sa cellphone niya. Lucky for him, whenever he thinks about sex, he can just have it. Perks of being a badboy gwapo, I suppose. I know a lot of girls dig it, the badboy type.
Street style-sangganong gwapo ang dating ni kuya Jared. Semi-kalbo, suplado ang mukha, sa tangkad niyang 6'3, sure akong siya ang lider-lideran sa grupo niyang videogamers at mga bilyar boys. Hindi siya ma-gym, pero ewan ko kung paano at may magandang hulma naman ng mga muscles at abs ang katawan niya. Jeans at plain t-shirts lang ang klase ng mga damit niya, wala siyang tattoo pero ang dinig ko mula sa ilang mga babae na nagkakandarapa sa kanya, may kakaibang misteryo daw kasing bumabalot sa kuya Jared ko.
Kaya naman, most girls just throw themselves at him all the time, hindi na niya kailangan mangligaw pa. I know, kasi kapag tapos na siya sa babae, ako ang inuutusan niya sumagot sa mga tawag nila para sabihing tigilan na nila ang 'boyfriend ko'. May pandidiri din naman akong nadarama kapag pinapagawa sa akin ni kuya iyon. But I do it anyway, for free movies, books shopping, or an expensive food treat.
It was kuya Jared's hornyness and carelessness kaya ako namulat sa porn. Minsan niya kasing naiwan ang laptop niyang nakabukas sa isang porn site, na siya namang pinakialaman ko. I was 13 then.
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"Good morning Princess. Pasipag ka ng pasipag ah. Ang aga mo lagi pumapasok," ang uma-umagang bati sa akin ni Happy Aguinaldo, ang masayahing security guard namin sa school.
"Yung totoo Happy, ilan talaga kaming tinatawag mong Princess ha?" kulit-lambing ko sa kanya habang papalapit ako sa guard post niya.
"Bakit ilan ba kayong mukhang prinsesa sa school na ito. Ikaw lang kaya. Woooo. Loyal ako. Alam mo yan, Princess," sagot niya habang nakadungaw sa kaniyang bintana.
Malaking tao si Happy, kapag hindi siya nagsalita, katatakutan mo siya. Pero kapag nagumpisa na siyang kausapin ka, ngingiti ang buo niyang mukha na para bang siya ang pinakamasayang tao sa mundo. He had a natural pleasant aura that was effortless and sincere.
"Bakit ba ang aga-aga mo? Sarado pa din naman ang library. Hindi ka ba nalulungkot mag-isa?" patuloy pa ni Happy. Yung boses niya parang naglalambing na tatay, magaan pero may punto.
"Hindi naman ako mag-isa. Andyan ka naman palagi, Happy, di'ba?"
"Ayyy! Ikaw talaga. Syempre no. Ikaw pa!"
Single at nasa 40s na ito si Happy, pero dahil masayahin siya, walang bahid ng tanda sa kanya. Bearish ang tindig niya, bilugan pero hindi mataba. Dati din daw kasi siyang bouncer sa mga bar. Nakakatawang isipin na sa sobrang bait at magalang niya, lahat siguro pinapapasok niya noon sa bar. Hindi ko rin maimagine that he could control a possible bar fight, para kasing gugustohin mo na lang siyang akapin, kilitiin at gawing friend. Kudos talaga sa mga magulang niya at tamang pinangalanan siya ng 'Happy'.
For a few weeks now since the class started, mas maaga na ako pumapasok para prepared ako sa first subject ko. Mahirap pigilan ang tawag ng laman kapag kaharap ko na si Teacher Kim. Ilang beses na ako nauutal o natataranta kapag kailangan ko magsalita sa harap niya. I now need to mentally prepare myself na hanggang pagnanasa lang talaga ako sa kanya, hindi ko siya matitikman in real life.
Habang paakyat ako papunta sa classroom ko, nakasalubong ko si Yoona Eloy at Mitty Castro pababa ng hagdan. Mga Grade 12 students na sila at sikat din silang mahuhusay na miyembro ng Dance Troupe, at well, sikat sila dahil na din di naman maikakaila ang angking ganda nila at ng mapang-akit na hubog ng kanilang katawan.
Binati nila ako ng isang matipid na "Hey" at isang ordinaryong ngiti na siyang ibinalik ko din sa kanila. Hindi man ako kasing sikat nila, pero madalas ako ang pambato sa mga Math or Science competitions ng school. So, pinapansin naman nila ako kapag nakakasalubong ko sila.
Habang patuloy lang ako sa pagakyat sa hagdan, napaisip naman ako kung ano ang ginawa nilang dalawa sa taas ng pagkaaga-aga. Pero naalala ko ang sabi ni Mrs. Reklamor, ang class advisor ko last year, na madalas na nga daw ang puyatan pagdating sa Grade 12. Napaisip tuloy ako kung dito na ba sa school natulog sina Yoona at Mitty.
Tumigil ang mundo ko nang makarating ako sa classroom. Dahil medyo lutang pa ako sa aga ng gising ko, binuksan ko ang secondary lights at dire-diretso lang ako tumungo sa upuan ko. Hindi ko namalayang may ibang tao pala sa loob ng room.
"Teacher Kim!!" gulat ko. Napatayo agad ako mula sa isang segundong pagkaupo ko. Para akong biglang nalagutan ng hininga.
"Cece," agad niyang tugon.
May kakaibang impact talaga sa akin kapag binabanggit niya ang pangalan ko, naninikip ang bukana ko. Zeze. It sounded like a deep whisper; heart-stopping, intoxicating, hot and dirty. He was standing at a corner, by the window, and damn! He was breathtakingly gorgeous.
"Isn't it too early to be in school yet?" tanong niya while hastily tucking-in his shirt. Batid kong nagulat din siya sa biglang pagdating ko.
Basa na naman ang labi niya. I felt a fire blazed inside me nang mapatingin ako sa nakabukas na unang tatlong butones ng damit niya. I would lick those collar bones all day.
The naked hint of his firm, barrel chest consumed my dirty, curious mind. My throat dried up. Ang natural na lamig ng madaling araw ay napalitan ng nakakalibog na init sa katawan. Isn't it too early for him to be in class yet?
But I had to try to keep my cool. "My brother drops me off everyday po sir, sa college campus po siya and his first class starts a bit earlier than mine. Just neccessary adjustments."
"I see," he replied. He seemed a bit rattled tho.
We were alone in the classroom's early morning darkness. The sun hasn't completely risen yet. It was quiet around, but I could hear him breathing.
Such torture.
He bit his lips, wet it again a little more than he should have, and then he combed his wavy hair with his long and thick fingers and walked towards his table. He was scorching hot. His hair is usually fixed and cleanly set, but this time, it was unruly, bare and sexy. I wished I was those fingers. And those fingers, they looked... delicious.
"I'm sorry, I was.. uh, preparing lesson plans. Since ditoh din naman first class koh, I opted to just do this here," paliwanag niya as he sat in his chair. I didn't even asked. It was off-timing. The thought that he thinks he owed me that explanation made me want to slap him and make him fuck me really hard.
"Wait na lang po muna ako sa lobby sir," nahihiya kong sambit. Hinawi ko ang buhok ko at inipit sa aking tenga, picked up my bag and opted for the door. Since that first day in class, napansin kong may bago akong mannerism. I often, unknowingly and awkwardly, comb or swirl or tuck my hair when I am in the presence of Teacher Kim.
"No. No, stay. Stay Cece. You don't have to leave.. Stay," pagpigil niya sa akin. It was commanding, without modesty, just straight-out orders. His voice was dark, cold, and teasing?
"Sit and do as what you originaly plan to do. I don't want you to go," he continued.
I. Don't. Want. You. To. Go.
It was obvious in his expression that he regretted saying those last six words. I noticed, he snapped at himself silently, clenched his fist, making the air in the room even more awkward. He was delicious.
I sat as I was ordered. It was quite erotic, the thought of him bossing me around. Nagumpisang pumintig-pintig ang hiwa kong nakatago sa gitna ng aking nakadekwatrong mga hita. I was wearing my favorite super thin, lacy, candy red lingerie. It snapped a picture in my head.
If only Teacher Kim could see it.
Pero hindi na muli siyang tumingin sa akin. Simula noong unang araw ng klase, that very stupid first day, batid kong may pagka-aloof si Teacher Kim sa akin compared sa iba kong classmates.
I would often try to catch his gaze pero masyadong mailap. Which, for the good part, helped me to bring myself back to that old me. Ayoko mabuo ang pagdududa sa akin ng mga matagal ng nakakakilala sa akin. I had to keep being Cece, innocent and appropriate; hindi pumapatol o nakikisalo sa mga naughty banters ng iba kong mga kaklase.
It wasn't as if I was having a crush on Teacher Kim tulad ng ibang kinikilig sa kanya. I don't blush because he's pretty, or feel the butterflies when he smiles. I lusted him. I lust him very very much.
Seconds passed and minutes felt like a century. It was excruciatingly quiet in the room. I was trying to review my notes pero hindi ako maka-concentrate. I could hear the flipping of the pages in his workbook and it would put me in a lot of tensions, particularly in my aching pussy.
Maya-maya pa'y may mga paminsang ingay na akong naririnig mula sa labas, sign na unti-unti nang nagbubukas ang buong school. The room's darkness slowly faded into light, nagumpisa nang lumiwanag ang umaga. But the air remained empty, smokey and misty.
Kapag nagkakaroon ako ng lakas ng loob, nagnanakaw ako ng tingin sa kanya. He looked sexually inviting in his fitted, buttoned down long sleeves na nakatupi ang sleeves hanggang siko. I drooled at his naked forearms, they were a bit hairy but neat and sexy. His hands were massive and his fingers were thick. His large biceps would flex whenever he makes a movement, either pulling something, picking up his stuff, or just as he writes in his notes.
He was the youngest faculty member but he had this air of maturity - smart, witty, confident, and too often, formal. But then again, of course, he's British.
This greek god of a teacher was the most stalked person in school. Ilang beses na rin siyang naging trending sa social media dahil sa mga stolen shots ng mga estudyante habang nagtuturo siya. It was rumored that our school enrolees spiked at all time high since his photos circulated the internet. It was never confirmed though if he was single, he was good at keeping his private life, private.
The sound of silence in the room turned out to be arousingly erotic. The air felt steamy at nageenjoy ako na ako lang ang magisang lumalanghap sa hanging hinihinga ng lalaking lubos kong pinagnanasaan. The scent of his perfume circulated in the air, seducing me and driving me crazy. Pamilyar na ako sa amoy niya, he had been wearing the same perfume since that one fine day I got a good whiff of him on Teacher's Day three years ago. That was the closest I got to him before.
May napansin din ako sa tensyonadong umagang ito; with my newly discovered mannerism, whenever I make a movement and do something with my hair, Teacher Kim would fidget in his seat. Iaangat niya ng bahagya ang pag-upo niya na para bang tatayo siya pero balik-upo lang din naman siya. It seemed he was uncomfortable about something. Then he would, and not seemingly random, twist his neck, clench his fist, sit up straight then back to normal crouching. He was amusingly awkward.
Natutuwa ako sa loob-loob ko thinking na parang I have an effect on him, o baka rin, pinaglalaruan lang ako ng malikot at malaswa kong imahinasyon.
Napatalon naman ang puso ko nang bigla siyang tumayo. Nagsitayuan ang mga baby hairs sa batok ko at kinailangan kong ipitin muli ang namumukadkad kong hiwa sa gitna ng dalawa kong hita. And then I saw something.
He quickly turned his back on me though and started to write on the board. Which to my greatest delight, naglaway ang paningin ko gaping at his firm, tempting and masculine bubble butt.
Sa totoo lang, may kakaibang hatid talaga sa akin ang mga lalaking maganda ang hulma ng puwetan. Sa mga porn na napapanood ko, it gets very enticing when their butts flexes as they move and stroke in and out of the lucky pussy they were petting lasciviously.
I couldn't stop but imagine what was hidden in those fitted clothes. It must be a body of a greek god, almost unreal. Para siyang magazine photoshopped A-list hollywood hearthrob. With his towering height, everything in his body appears to be thick and strong; hindi naman scary or rungy muscular, but he evokes a powerful built.
"Cece," mababang bigkas niya. The vibration in his voice created an instant feeling of orgasm for me.
Napahigpit ako sa panga ko. Hindi niya dapat ako binibigla ng ganoon. His voice filled me full, it went straight in, walang abiso, madiin at sagad lang siyang pumasok.
"You can begin reviewing these equations on the board so you can have a headstart later when class starts. Start on your workbook's page 69," patuloy niya habang nakatalikod pa din sa akin.
Wait... Page 69?
That voice tho. It was a morning voice, like he just woke up. Parang unang beses ko pa lang narinig iyon sa kanya. It sent shivers to my body, down to my wildly pulsing pussy. I started getting wet.
"Will.. there.. also be a quiz sir?" pasumalang tanong ko. Wala kong ibang maisip na response. I thought I had to respond like I am still a student. Pakiramdam ko any moment mapapabulalas na lang ako ng kung anong malaswang salita.
Humarap siya. Muntik ako malagutan ng hininga. Hindi ko mapigilan at maitago, napalagok ako ng isang tipon ng laway. I could feel my face having its own life, definitely making an expression I didn't intended it to.
Sobrang laki ng umbok ni Teacher Kim. Nakapababa. Alas-kwatro. Hulmang-hulma ang ulo. At bakat din ang haba. Bakit naman iyan ang sinuot niyang pantalon? He should have at least worn a proper underwear that would keep and hold that monstrousity in its right place.
My eyes got stuck in his mahiwagang umbok. Innocent Cece felt awfully ashamed while the porn addict in me screamed 'pull it out! pull it out!'.
Ang type kong mga porn na pinapanood ay yung may mga lalaking gahalimaw sa laki ang ari. Iyung talagang napapasigaw sa sarap ng sakit ang mga babaeng walang pakundangang winawasak nang brutal.
It was obvious, Teacher Kim was keeping a massive, dangerous and shameless gargantuan beast in that not so hidden lair of his. I desperately wanted to see it. Wala akong pakealam kung lamunin ako ng buo ng halimaw na alaga niya. I wanted to lick it, sniff it, devour it. I wanted it mine, all of it inside me.
But he just stood there, non-chalant, leaning sideways by his table, flipping through his notes' pages, as if he wasn't showing anything delightfully scandalous. Pero ilang saglit lang, his poker face failed him with a side smirk that suggested he knew what he was doing.
His bulge didn't even seem hard. I know what a hard-on looks like - gumagalaw, pumipintig at walang hiyang magsasabing 'eat me'. Pero sa eskandalosong bakat nito, it was clear that it is thick and long, massive and it looked very strong.
I started to wonder if he was going to be showing it off the rest of the day. He always have had an interesting bulge but not this obvious. I felt a fang of jealousy, I didn't want to share the pleasure of this sight.
I was screaming in my head. Nanggigil. Masikip, masikip na masikip. Yearning, I started flipping and massaging and squeezing my legs.
He knew. I could sense it. Alam niyang pinagnanasaan ko siya. But he was still very standoffish, his eyes were clearly avoiding me. I catched him a few times when his eyes would move at a spot where he could get a peripheral view of me, like he was observing me.
The anticipation was excruciating. My throat was dessert dry. My head was in a whirlwind. I couldn't stop imagining his beastly bulge. I'm sure katulad iyon nang mga napapanood ko - massive, tough and brutal and I'd gladly let it slap me in the face.
I could feel my body splitting into two. Yung isang kalahati was trying to keep me in my sad, boring, lousy chair, while the other half naman gustong-gusto nang sumugod, lumuhod at sambahin ang kadakilaan ni Teacher Kim.
Shame on you, Cece!
Out of the blue, my lost, forgotten and virtuous consciousness snapped me out of my dirty train of thoughts. I realised, I just revealed a piece of my secret, parang masyado na akong halata.
Uncertain if it was me being lost in my thoughts or it did took him awhile to answer me back. "Yes, you'll have a quiz later. But again, I'm sure you'd get another perfect score, wouldn't you Cece?" he ascertain. He looked at me, swift and penetrating. Dear lord!
Pero natanga ako. "Eh, huh?"
"I've been told you're a Math whiz. Sir Abraham spoke highly of you. And you won two consecutive inter-school math competitions already. I'm pleased you're in my class."
Hindi ako kumportable na pinupuri ako kaya medyo nahiya ako sa mga sinabi ni Teacher Kim. Napamasahe na lang ako sa batok ko. "Sir Abraham was like a father to a lot of his students po. And he's like a proud father all the time," sagot ko trying to muttle down the praise.
His lips curved into a smile. "Oh, that he is. I hope retirement is serving him well now."
We both smiled in agreement. "But I'm really pleased you like Math. I like Math," dugtong pa niya.
Is it me or was he being suggestive? I was confused.
His gazes bored into me and I just didn't know what to do. It was like I was being pulled into his eyes like a magnet. His posture was poised, confident, commanding even. He exuded some kind of a force, something that made my pussy ache so badly. I was almost gasping for air. I had no idea how I must have look. I must be very very obvious at this point but I didn't care. I wanted him to know that I want him.
And then in a heavy pull back into reality, his expression went blank, his face hardened, he turned cold, stern and distant. Biglaan niya na lang pinutol ang mga tingin niya sa'kin. Like he saw something he didn't want to see. Umupo siya muli sa kaniyang lamesa and returned to skimming through his notes.
What. Just. Happened?
I tried to recall what I did. Was I flirty? I may have just tucked my hair behind my ear couple of times but I've been doing that for sometime because of him. I did bit my lip tho, I think. But what just happened?
It was a painful tease, or was he even teasing? Or was I putting a little too much into it? I felt so dumb, assuming and very amateur, too young to know men. Hanggang porn lang siguro talaga ako.
It was the worst feeling. Parang akong sub-standard na firecracker, sinindihan pero hindi pumutok. I could feel there was some kind of tension between us. I couldn't point my finger into it, but the way he looked at me, it seemed, it meant something.
I thought I was acting it right, being such an appetizing virgin that I am. Don't men just like that? I wanted him so bad I almost tried to strip my clothes off several times for him.
But why, why was he distant?
"Control yourself, Cece," he said.
I was stunned. His voice was deep, full and sure. But it also came out like an exasperation.
His new three words - Control yourself Cece.