"Congrats baby girl!" ang bati sa akin ni ate Juris pagpasok ko sa classroom na may kasamang mahigpit at sinserong pagakap.
It was announced earlier this morning through the campus-wide intercom by the ever self-praising Principal Moon na ako nga ang magre-represent hindi lang sa school, pero isa rin ako sa representative ng bansa sa gaganaping World Championship Mathematics Olympiad.
Nagumpisa na ako makaramdam ng pressure kahit mahigit tatlong buwan pa bago ang kompetisyon. Pero mas nakaka-pressure lalo na't sobrang awkward ng huling indecent incident namin ng competition teammate ko na si Teacher Kim.
It was four days ago, which made this week the hardest week of my entire student life. Not to mention, it was midterms week also. Medyo proud naman ako na kahit papaano nalampasan ko ang mga exams, may ilan na din kaming nachekan at satisfied naman ako sa scores ko.
Teacher Kim was awfully not in the mood the next day after the conference room episode. The following days, naging masungit na siya. Napabiro pa si Mecky na para daw may regla si Teacher Kim this week, mahirap mabiro.
Pero hindi lang naman siya, bugnot at masungit din ako the entire week. Makailang beses ko nakita si Teacher Kim nakikipagusap sa ilang mga babaeng estudyante at may palitan pa sila ng malalanding ngiti.
Kaninang umaga naman, pagpasok ko, nakita ko si Hardine lumabas ng library. It was weird na pumasok siya ng sobrang aga at never ko naman siya nakita nagla-library before, higit sa lahat, si Teacher Kim ang sumunod na lumabas. There was this weird feeling in my gut, hindi ko lang mapin-point, pero I just didn't like it.
Sa pagtataka ko, hindi ko napigilang tanungin si Hardine ng direkta just right after the bell rang for lunch break.
"Hi Hardine," may pagaalinlangang bati ko. Sinuklian naman niya ito ng ngiti at akto ng mukha na sasagot siya kung may itatanong ako. "Saw you kanina coming out of the library. Was around six in the morning?" umpisang tanong ko. I instantly worry naman that I sounded pakialamera.
"Uhuh. Yea," maikling sagot niya. Her smile looked innocent. I started to regret this intended confrontation.
"Ah, e. Wala lang. I was just surprised na nag open yung lyb ng ganun kaaga."
"Ah, no," mabilis niyang sagot, "Teacher Kim opened it for me."
She pouted, the corner of his mouth shaped into a smile, still consistent of innocence.
"Ah, talaga. Hmm."
"I returned kase yung chairs na hiniram namin sa Dance Troupe practice. I forgot to return it last night, so I came in early na lang today. You know naman Mrs. Aklatan, you can't mess up her library and I don't want to be on her bad side."
We both forced a laugh and agreed about the her remarks on the librarian.
She continued. "Good thing Teacher Kim came in early, napakiusapan ko siyang pagbuksan ako ng library."
"Ah. Akala ko pa naman. Ok sana kung maaga na nga magbukas ang library no?" labas-ilong kong tugon at dun ko na tinapos ang pagsasaliksik ko sa katotohanan.
Alam kong may ilang faculty members ang may susi at access sa mga school facilities. It sounded like an honest answer, pero hindi pa din ako settled sa alibi niya. I realised, nagseselos ako, and I hated that I was.
Nagkakatinginan kami ni Teacher Kim sa klase pero parehas kaming nakakunot ang noo, halatang may inis sa isa't-isa. Hindi ko alam bakit ako naiinis, ako pa nga ang may kasalanan, ata. Pero basta, nakakainis lang talaga siya. I guess I felt rejected again when he interrupted my foot from doing what it was enjoying doing.
Lunch breaks were no fun this midterms week, or at least not for me. Iba ang mood ng mga estudyante kapag exams, mabigat, madilim, at nakakapagpabagabag. Karamihan sa mga estudyante sa cafeteria busy kaka-compare sa mga scores nila sa exam. May ilang nagrereklamo na mas madali daw yung prelims kaysa ngayon, at iyung iba naman, ang tataas ng mukha kasi mataas daw nakuha nila at madali lang naman daw ang exams.
Kami ni Mecky, well, wala kaming mga pake. Mataas naman nakuha namin pero hindi namin masyado siniseryoso. Hindi ko lang alam sa kaniya, pero ako kasi masyadong busy thinking of that paasa at pahard-to-get na si Teacher Kim.
"Oi, Mecky, sino ang may gawah ni-yan sa talohng mo?" biglang panggulat ni Balong na tumabi sa akin sa cafeteria, kaharap namin si Mecky.
Tulad ko, kinakasanayan na lang ni Mecky ang mga double meaning na banat ni Balong. Pero sa tinanong niya, hindi rin naman ako kontra.
"Tortang talohng pa ba yan? Eh mook-hang tus-tadong talohng na yan ah."
Hindi ko mapigilang ngumiti, hindi dahil sa tustadong tortang talong na baong ulam ni Mecky, kundi sa nakakaaliw na accent ni Balong. Infairness naman din kasi kay Balong, effort talaga siyang magtagalog kasi pinoy by heart daw talaga siya.
"Ga-leet ba ang nagluto ni-yan? Parrang ga-leet ang talohng mo eh."
"Eh kung yung talong mo kaya ang pagalitan ko? Baka gusto mo tustahin ko rin yan?"
"Sew-ngit! Pasuuboh nga ng talohng mo, kung mahserap."
"Yuck ka talaga!" Hinampas ni Mecky ang kamay ni Balong.
Patuloy lang na nagpalitan ng banat na may mga double meaning itong dalawang kasama ko sa table. Habang ako patuloy lang din sa pagkain nitong inorder ko. Natawa rin ako sa loob-loob ko kasi ang ulam ko hungarian sausage at dalawang buong red tomatoes, may double meaning.
Halos mabilaukan naman ako sa sinubo kong sausage nang matanaw ko si Teacher Kim na nakatayo sa gilid ng isang poste nitong cafeteria. Hindi siya masyadong halata sa bandang iyon, mahalaman at bihirang may napapadaan. Nakatingin siya sa akin, mapusok at parang galit. Tumango siya at kumunot ang noo na tila ba isang senyas sa akin.
His face was very commanding, I figured right away that he was trying to call me in. Hindi ko na natapos ang lunch ko, and I was sure I made a lousy and stupid excuse kina Balong at Mecky.
"What?" pagalit pero nahihiyang tanong ko paglapit ko sa kaniya.
"Follow me."
Teacher Kim lured me into this foyer, sa gilid ng main building, ang long-cut na daan from main bulding to the cafeteria and the gym compound at building 2. Wala masyadong ibang dumadaan dito, kasi dito madalas dumadaan si Mr. Severus at Mrs. Reklamor, ang dalawang pinakaiiwasang guro sa school.
"I don't fancy you chatting up with that knobhead, Balong," bungad niyang reklamo.
Nagulat ako, hindi ko inaasahang may ganung salita siyang masasambit. What else did he not want me doing? Nagdulot naman ng bahagyang pagkibot ng aking hiwa ang tanong niya.
"I don't chat -- talk to him, he talks to me. Ok naman si Balong eh," depensa ko.
Na-weirduhan din ako sa tono ko, para lang akong isang girlfriend who thinks that her jealous boyfriend (pertaining to Teacher Kim) was being stupid.
His brows furrowed, he pressed his lips together then he scowled at me. His face disagreed with my statement.
"Why did you lured me in here, sir?" I asked, emphasis on the 'sir'.
"I didn't lure you in here, you silly," he said matter-of-factly. "I wanted to speak with you. It's important."
I raised my brow in surprise and curiosity.
"I just checked your midterm exam. What's going on Cece? It is not what I expected."
He sounded mad. His towering height just didn't help this situation at all, I looked like a little girl.
Nagalala ako bigla sa sinabi niya. It couldn't have been that bad? I figured it wasn't my best performance but I was careful not to fail any of my exams.
"Was it, that bad sir?" I asked, awkward.
Even more awkward when he pulled his gaze from me; he stared at an empty space, like he was angry at something or dissapointed or being cautious; it was confusing.
"No, you didn't fail it. But it was bad. Not the score of someone to compete in an international math competition."
I could hear the dissapointment in his voice. There was a biting pain at the thought that he was dissapointed at me.
"Then, if that would affect my entry... fine with me."
"That's not the Cece I think I know."
I lowered my head. He was right.
What's wrong with me?
He massaged his temple with his two fingers. "No, it's not ok, Cece. We are going to that competition, together. I'll fix this."
Nakayuko lang ako. Nakaramdam ako ng lungkot at pagsisisi. I thought, I could have done better. Kung pinagtuunan ko lang sana ng mas higit na pansin ang exam ko kaysa sa nararamdaman ko kay Teacher Kim. The math competition will do good in my student profile, and with or without Teacher Kim, I would be honored and excited to be in the competition.
Marahang hinawi ni Teacher Kim ang isang kumpul ng strands ng buhok ko mula sa tagiliran ng mukha ko hanggang sa gilid ng aking tenga. May kakaibang init na naman akong naramdaman. Pero hindi ang tipikal na init sa katawan, this time parang init sa aking dibdib, sa aking puso.
"What now?" mahina kong tanong.
"It's going to be ok. You'll be ok. I will make sure of that," malambing niyang sambit.
Gusto ko isusub ang mukha ko sa matitigas at hulmadong niyang dibdib. Gusto ko siya akapin ng mahigpit. Bakit? Bakit niya sinasabi sa akin ito? Bakit ganyan siya magsalita? Naguguluhan ako, sa kaniya at sa nararamdaman ko.
"See me later after class. I'll be waiting at the library. I booked the study room to ourselves, for our first math review and prep for the competition."
I couldn't help it, I bit my lip and sucked on it a little. I felt like a shy little girl, blushing. He pinched my cheek sweetly and it made me happy, very happy inside.
"Don't get too naughty later, will you?" bulong niya.
"Ha?"
He smiled. "I mean, control yourself, Cece."
I flinched, parang may yelo na dumampi sa balat ko. Sumunod ay hinalikan niya ako sa noo bago niya ako iniwan, uhaw at naguumapaw sa pagnanasa.
Hindi na ako mapakali sa mga sumunod na subjects ko. Sobrang excited ako na magkakasama kami mamaya ni Teacher Kim. May ilang nakapuna na may nagbago sa mood ko, may mga nagtanong kung nakablush-on ba daw ako, at pilit nilagyan ako ni ate Juris ng konting lip shimmer para daw bumagay sa nangungulay rosas kong pisngi.
Nang tumunog ang huling bell for the day, nangibot-kibot na bigla ang bukana ng hiwa ko. Bawat parte ng katawan ko excited. I felt stupid and cheap somewhere deep inside me, but I didn't care. I will open myself wide and naked for that damn greek god in an instant.
"Hi po. I'm Cece, and I am supposed to be in a study room with Teacher Kim," I said to Mrs. Aklatan.
Idiniin niya ang salamin niya sa mga mata niya at masungit niya akong tiningnan. She has this intimidating appearance na parang nangaapi siya ng mga bata, lalo na mga orphans.
"And?"
"Ah. Which one is it po?"
"Newton."
"Po?"
Tumaas ang kilay niya, she's got this protruding brow bone that made her eyelids high and broad. "Newton's room. Far end, left."
"Ah. Ok po. Newton."
"This generation. Ugh! Such lazy bunch. Can't even find a room," bulong niya sa sarili na dinig na dinig ko pa din naman.
Tumungo ako sa duluhang study room sa loob library na siyang tinuro ni Mrs. Aklatan. May siyam na private study rooms sa library na kailangan i-book in advance kung gusto mong gamitin. I knew Teacher Kim was thinking naughty when he booked ours, kasi nasa banda ito na hindi masyado nadadaanan ng tao, walang makakasilip sa amin.
I went in and saw Teacher Kim all smokey and mouthwatering, like a well-seasoned steak served in an expensive dish. His hair was messy, his lips, wet, his lush blue shirt was buttoned down by three, and his posture, ready - one elbow on the table, the other arm laid lazy in his chunky long thigh. He was sitting sluggish, both his legs wide open, and his crotch was full and waiting to be ravaged.
He stopped looking at his notes when he noticed me coming in, his face looked both alluring and obscene. He gave me a look that could, in fact, make anyone pregnant in an instant. There wasn't going to be a review, we were going to have sex.
"Brilliant, you're here," he said. I ached a little when he sat up properly.
I went in, sat and put my bag on the side of my chair. He pulled out what seems to be a set of exam sheet from his stack of folders on the table.
"First thing, you will have to re-take your exam. You'll take the other set, so it's still somehow... less cheating," he said explicitly but hesitant at the same time.
I was bewildered. I couldn't believe what I just heard. But for some strange reason, I understood. Good Cece would never agree to this, but I obliged. I didn't care.
"Well, sir, mas madali sana if you'd give me the answer too."
"That is a brilliant idea. Cheating is genius, isn't it?"
"If I'm already cheating, why not make it easy?"
"Hard is better, Cece. And I know you like it hard."
I gasped. Nahiya ako at napayuko, pero hindi ko rin mapigilan ang bahagyang pagngiti ng mukha ko.
May pagaalinlangan man, sineryoso ko na rin ang re-take ko sa exam. Halos parehas lang din naman sa una kong sinagutan, only this time my attention was sharper and unhindered. Kahit kaharap ko ang lalaking pumupukaw sa pagkaberhen ko, I kept my focus. I wanted him proud, not dissapointed. He kept himself busy checking test papers while I answered mine.
Mabilis ko lang nasagutan ang mga tanong. Karamihan kasi, same lang doon sa una, at iyung iba nama'y confident akong alam ko na rin ang isasagot. If Good Cece was here, malamang sa malamang, magtatalo ang isipan ko sa krimeng ginagawa ko. I wasn't sure how or when it happened, but I realised I was ready to cross the border and break more rules.
"Finished," I said proudly.
Binigay ko kay Teacher Kim ang test paper ko at agad niya itong tiningnan at ni-screen check. He was smiling, proud and impressed. Pakiramdam ko pumalakpak ang magkabilaang pisngi ng aking hiwa.
"Brilliant. Now we do the other thing."
It sounded dirty, but it must be just in my head because he dived in quickly to his prep plan notes.
"Sure.." I responded coyly.
He glanced at me, his brows puckered. "We're going study, Cece."
"Sure.."
"Stop doing that."
"What?"
"Your lips.. and your hair."
I blanked my face and put my hands on top of each other above the table.
"Just, focus. Ok?" he said, stern.
I nodded, feeling like a little girl being scolded. So like a little girl, it didn't last long too, I kept on wetting and sucking my lips. I couldn't help it, it was like my mouth and throat was drying up. And my hands and my hair, well, they were involuntary movements.
He shook his head. He opened his Macbook and went through his computer files. "Ok. Let's watch some videos here then, that, I, uh, found, and, uh, downloaded."
Hindi na magkandamayaw ang malikot kong utak sa narinig kong pagsambit niya ng 'videos'. Kung alam lang niya, I had plenty of different sets of porn videos downloaded in my computer too. I thought, sure we would enjoy binge-watching all of mine.
"Here! I thought, mas better kung, we watch videos of the actual competition, the previous ones. So.. uh, wait, this not it, oh, here, so, we get an idea of what it might be for us, what it's like in the competition."
I thought he was being too proper and serious, I rolled my eyes na siyang ikinagulat niya.
"You don't want to watch videos?"
"No, sir, I, uh... love, watching.. videos," sagot ko agad.
I was sitting so close right next to Teacher Kim and I couldn't keep my attention to the video we were watching. His scent was sticking on my nose. He smelled a light airy freshness in a blue sky mixed with an after-rain dewy scent. I could even smell his breath - it was menthol, fresh, with a hint of a very expensive oaky alcohol. He was utterly and distractingly intoxicating; I was drugged.
"How many times do I have to tell you, control yourself, Cece," he said, exasperated.
My body trembled. "I can't. It's impossible," I whispered. It came out too fast than I could stop it.
He chuckled. "You are massively cute, Cece."
Inilapit niya ang mukha niya sa leeg ko na siyang ikinagulat ko, pero hindi ako gumalaw. Damang-damang ko ang init ng hininga niya. Nakabagsak ang buhok ko at inihahawi ito ng ilong niya at dinig ko ang pagsimhot niya sa leeg ko patungo sa batok ko.
"Why is it impossible?" nakakapang-init niyang bulong kaya't napapikit na lang ako.
"Uhm, it's, uhm, just, impossible."
"What do I make you feel?"
I swallowed. "Wet."
Para akong nakuryente nang dumikit ang labi niya sa tenga ko,
"We should do something about it, shouldn't we, Cece?"
Hindi ko napigilan, walang patumpik-tumpik na dumiretso ang kamay ko sa mala-batong katigasan na ni Teacher Kim. I didn't expect he'd have an erection this quickly.
Natawa siya ng matipid. "Why am I not surprised? You know what you want, Cece. It's good you learn early on to grab what you want at the first sign of opportunity," sambit niya habang nakatingin siya sa gilid ng aking pisngi.
Hindi naman ako makalingon sa sobrang lapit ng mukha niya, natatakot ako, baka biglang mahalikan ko siya.
Hinimas-himas ko ang halimaw na nagpipintig sa galit sa loob ng pantalon ni Teacher Kim. Hindi ko mabuo kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ko na sa wakas nahawakan ko na rin, dama nitong palad ko, ang pinagpapantasyahan kong ari ni Teacher Kim.
Sobrang laki. Dahil wala ng ibang matutubuan sa loob ng naninikip niyang pantalon, dumiretso na sa tagiliran ng kaniyang hita ang kabuan ng kaniyang haba. Malahigante na siya sa tangkad, gayun din ang haba ng kaniyang hita, pero ang kabuuan ng kaniyang ari umaabot na halos hanggang tuhod. I thought, his european blood has indeed blessed him with such monstrosity.
It went like that for a long while. Time was irrelevant, I was having a blast. His hard and throbbing erection felt magnificently good in my hand. They made a connection, a strong bond; it was like nothing else existed in this world but my hand and his penis. His face remained burried to my neck, sniffing every bit of me.
"Stop," he pleaded.
He briskly pulled my hand from its new bestfriend. I stopped breathing for a couple of seconds. My nostrils flared up.
Again??? He did it again!
It was so cruel. He did it again, rejecting me. I was ready to slap him, I didn't know why or how I could do that, but I just wanted to slap him so bad. Until..
"We will finish this some other time, Cece. You deserve better. I want you to have all of me," he said.
(I want you to have all of me.)
Mind blown.