"Uy, bakit abot tenga na yang ngiti mo dyan? May sapi ka na ba?" Payapa kaming naglalakad ni Andrew papunta ng klase nang bigla na lang tumigil ito at niyugyog ang katawan ko.
I just smiled at him and continued walking. Sumunod naman ito. "Hmm. Today just feels like a good day." Sagot ko dito at agad ibinaling ang aking atensyon pabalik sa paglalakad.
Ramdam ko muli ang paghapit niya sa aking balikat sa pagtatangkang pigilan ako at ang pag-ikot niya sa akin upang harapin ko muli siya. "Bes, naman. Tinatakot mo naman ako. Was it because of what happened at the bar last night? Sorry na kasi. Kala nga namin makiki-party ka rin samin e."
I smiled at him again and shook my head, "If I tell you, promise me not to tell anyone. Lalo na sila Reese at Khiera. Alam mo naman yung mga yun, I'm sure kukulitin ako pag nalaman nila." Andrew has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. We trust each other with everything. And it's not that I don't trust my two other close friends, pero kami talaga ni Andrew ang pinaka-close.
"Oo na, promise. Eh ano nga kasi yun? Kanina pa ako kinikilabutan sa mga pagkilos mo." He eagerly replied back. I can't believe I was about to confess to my best friend that I had hot sex with a total stranger I met from the bar and that I've been completely obsessing about it this whole time.
"I texted you and told you that I was going home last night, diba?" Panimula ko. Buong atensyon naman itong nakinig at tumango bilang sagot. "Eh kasi.. Hindi naman talaga ako diretsong umuwi..." I tried to examine his reaction but I couldn't really tell what it was.
Napakunot ang noo nito, "Just get straight to the point. Nagpapaligoy-ligoy ka pa dyan."
"Oo na. Chill ka lang kasi." Reklamo ko. Humugot ako ng hininga bago muli nagsalita, "I met a guy at the bar last night. It escalated. Tapos yun, boom, may nangyari."
His eyes went wide and it looked like it was about to pop out of its socket, "With who?!" Tili nito na nagaparindi sa aking tenga.
"Shhh." I shushed him. I pressed my lips into a thin line and continued, "And to answer your question, hindi ko alam. I never asked for his name or anything and he never asked for mine either. It was obviously just a one time thing. Umalis na agad ako nung nakatulog na siya."
"Girl naman, this is why you still don't have a love life. Alam mo, minsan okay lang maging marupok ng kahit konti. Hindi ko sinasabi na maging marupok ka sa point na martyr na martyr ka na, you just need enough to let yourself love. May pag-ibig na sobrang sakit at meron namang hindi, but it's all a learning opportunity about who to keep in the future and who stays in the past." Sermon nito. Biglaan akong napaisip sa mga sinabi niya. Totoo naman ang lahat ng yun. My heart has set a barrier to keep itself from getting hurt. It's already broken enough that it's preventing itself from breaking even more. Is it inhumane to feel such things or does it just make us even more human? Who knows.
I shook myself from all of the thoughts, "Tara na nga. Baka mahuli pa tayo ni prof sa labas." Sabi ko bago ko siya hinila patungo sa loob ng classroom.
Agad kaming nagtungo sa usual spot namin at nakita na nakaupo na dun sila Reese at Khiera. "Hi girls!" Bati ko sa mga ito bago umupo.
"Uy, narinig ko may new prof daw tayo." Bulong sakin ni Khiera. I furrowed my brows in curiosity.
"And I heard that he's young and good-looking." Dagdag pa ni Reese. I looked at the both of them. Baka nanloloko lang 'tong dalawang to. New professor? Professor Lapitan loves his job way too much to even consider taking days off, let alone giving his job away. Hindi ko naman ma-imagine na nasisante siya kasi magaling naman siyang magturo.
Tinaasan ko ang mga ito ng kilay, "I highly doubt it."
"Well, hindi mo na kailangan magduda because he's standing right over there." Sabi nito habang nakabaling ang tingin sa may pintuan ng silid aralan.
"Gwapo nga talaga." Dagdag ni Khiera.
"Oo nga. Pasado na." Dagdag naman ni Andrew. Kunot noo kong ibinaling ang aking atensyon ko kung saan sila nakatingin. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa nakita nito. It's him. He was wearing a similar outfit to the ones he was wearing yesterday. He had on a light blue dress shirt that had its sleeves folded up to his elbows tucked into black trousers that hugged his waist perfectly. His hair looked as soft as I had remembered it. His face and physique looked as gorgeous as ever. Everyone else in the class seemed to have noticed him too and was now gossiping with each other, most likely about him. My heart started to beat erratically, it felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. This moment was too cliche to actually be happening right now. It felt too unreal, like it's out of a movie or a book.
I snapped out of my erratic thoughts when I heard Andrew talk, "Okay ka lang ba dyan? Para kang nakakita ng multo." No, it's more than just a ghost. Para itong anghel na pinadala mula sa langit para habulin ako. Too cheesy, I know. But I couldn't think of any other way to describe it.
"May sunglasses ka ba?" Yun lang ang nasagot ko sa kanya dahil hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari. He just shook his head no, looking completely puzzled at me. "Eh kayo, meron?" Baling ko kila Reese at Khiera. Mukhang naguguluhan din sila, pero buti inabutan na lang ako ni Reese ng sunglasses niya. Agad ko naman sinuot iyon. Wala akong paki kung mag mukha akong tanga basta hindi pwedeng malaman ng lalaking yun kung sino ako. Especially right after what happened last night.
"What's wrong?" Kunot-noo na tanong ni Andrew.
"Basta." Tipid na sagot ko sa kanya. I wasn't ready to tell him just yet. Buti at hindi na niya ako kinulit pang muli nang may narinig kaming malakas na pagtikhim. We both faced forward. I was trying to act as normal as I possibly could, despite how stupid I looked right now.
"Alright, class. As some, or should I say, most of you may not know, Professor Lapitan has retired." Many people gasped. They couldn't believe what they were hearing and neither could I. "Now, no need to panic because that same exact reason is why I'm here. I'm sure all of you loved Professor Lapitan. He couldn't tell you this in person because he knew it was going to make him sad, so he told me to let you guys know that he loved you guys. Moving on, I'm Dr. Guzman and I will be replacing Professor Lapitan. I'm pleased to meet you all and I hope we have so much fun in this class. Do you guys have any questions or concerns before I take the roll?" Bwisit. Wala 'to sa plano ko. We were never supposed to see each other ever again. Pero heto kami ngayon, nag-krus na naman ang landas namin. I can already see how this situation could go horribly wrong on so many levels.
"How old are you, sir?" Malanding pag tanong ng higad na si Sophia. Yung higad na yun, kahit teacher lalandiin. Yuck.
"Hindi naman ata appropriate yang tanong mo, Sophia. Hindi namin alam mga teacher na ang trip mo ngayon." Bara ni Andrew dito. The room filled with laughter. I pressed my lips together to keep myself from laughing.
Lumingon ito at sinamaan ng tingin si Andrew, "Oh, shut up!"
Susumbatan na sana siya muli ni Andrew nang biglang magsalita yung lalaking yun, "Alright, guys. Tama na yan. Let's focus, so we can cover what we need covered for today." Inirapan na lamang ni Andrew si Sophia at binaling muli ang atensyon sa harap.
A few moments later, he started to take attendance and I tried my best to act as normal as I could. Mukhang hindi pa niya ako napapansin. That's a good sign.
"Kay Medina."
"Present."
"Reese Mendez."
"Here."
I looked at him and I could feel myself drowning in the thoughts of what had happened last night. I can't lie and say it was a bad experience because it wasn't. He made me feel things I've never felt before and it was amazing. I know I shouldn't be recalling that time because he's now my mentor and I'm just his student but I can't help myself. I wanted him; I still want him. I want him so badly and I feel guilty for it. I know that I could get in big trouble if I continued to pursue what I wanted but I just can't help myself. I need him.
I got pulled out of my thoughts when I felt someone elbow me. I turned my head and saw that it was Andrew. Sinimangutan ko ito.
"Leia Mercado?" My heart started pounding when I heard a familiar voice say my name. Lumingon muli ako sa harap at nakita ang mga magaganda nitong mata na nakatitig sa akin. My heart started pounding even faster. Was he really staring at me? Alam niya ba kung sino ako? "Are you here, Ms. Mercado?"
I gulped and slowly raised my hand, "R-right here, s-sir." I stuttered. I fucking stuttered. Great— this is just great. I could feel everyone's attention turned on me. I felt uneasy. My plan didn't work. I'm now the center of attention. I turned to look back at him and saw his piercing eyes looking directly at me.
"What's with the sunglasses, Ms. Mercado?" Parang banta nitong tanong. I was sitting down, but I could feel my knees weaken.
"U-um, meron po akong p-pink eye." I lied. I knew it wasn't a good lie but I just needed something to say. My heart was racing so fast, it felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. Calm down, Leia. I kept repeating in my head.
"Hmm." He gave me an assessing look. He was still staring at me but he was now expressionless. Eventhough I had sunglasses on, I felt like he was looking at me right in the eye. I blinked a couple of times and broke the staring contest we seemed to be having. "You probably should've stayed home then." Matipid nitong sabi before moving on. I looked at Andrew, Reese, and Khiera. Kunot noo silang nakatingin sa akin, halata na naguguluhan ang mga ito sa mga aksyon ko pero binigyan ko lang sila ng matipid na ngiti.
I successfully survived his class but I was uncomfortable the whole time because I often felt him glancing over my way. Buti naman hindi na nagtanong ng kung anu-ano pa sila Andrew habang nasa klase kami kundi mas hindi ako magiging komportable.
I finished fetching things from my locker and was about to close it when someone else did. Napatalon ako sa gulat. "What the hell, Andy! Don't scare me like that!" Sigaw ko nang makita ko na si Andrew lang pala iyon.
Umiling-iling lang ito, "Sabihin mo sa akin yung totoo. Anong meron sa inyo ni Mr. Macho?" Taas kilay nitong tanong na nagpa-kunot noo sa akin.
Punong-puno ng pagkalito ang isip ko, "Mr. Macho?" Sagot ko na nagpa-irap sa kanya.
"Gaga, yung new prof natin!" My eyes widened and my mouth slightly opened. Should I really tell him that the guy I slept with turned out to be our new professor?
I pressed my lips back together and licked them, "W-wala." Pagsisinungaling ko dito but I knew he didn't buy it.
Ngumisi lamang ito, "Sinong niloloko mo? I know you and I know when you're not telling me something." He was standing in front of me with both of his hands on his hips like an authoritarian mom.
Lumingon-lingon ako sa paligid upang tingnan kung may ibang tao na baka makarinig sa amin at nang wala akong nakita ibinaling ko muli ang mga mata ko sa kanya. I sighed, "Fine.." I paused for a moment. "Siya yung lalaking tinutukoy ko kanina. Happy?"
Napatakip ito ng bibig, "So, you mean to tell me na siya yung guy na nakapag-anuhan mo kagabi?!" Tinugon ko iyon sa marahan na pagtango. Napatakip ako ng tenga nang biglaan na lang siyang tumili. "Yieee~ So ano, masarap ba?" Pinandilatan ko siya sa panunukso niya.
"Andy!" I whined causing him to chuckle. I can't help but to feel a little bit at ease that I told him, at least I'm not keeping it all in by myself anymore.
"Wag kang KJ, nagtatanong lang naman. So, ano nga?" Pangungulit muli nito. Napakagat ako ng labi nang gunitain ko muli ang mga nangyari kagabi. Hindi ko maiwasan ang pag-init ng mukha ko sa tuwing pinag iisipan ko iyon.
I looked down and fiddled with my fingers, "Syempre." Marahan kong pagsagot dito. Hindi ko naman magawang magsinungaling pa dahil alam ko namang walang magiging epekto yun.
Tumili muli ito na parang baliw sa pag-ibig, "Mukhang single pa naman si sir. Angkinin mo na. Bagay naman kayo. Maganda ka naman, gwapo siya. You guys will make gorgeous babies." Natigilan ako sa sinabi nito at binatukan siya.
"Kung anu-ano yang pumapasok sa kokote mo. Bahala ka na nga diyan, mala-late pa ako ng class dahil sayo." Sumbat ko dito bago magsimulang maglakad ng papalayo mula sa kanya.
Before I got too far off, I heard him yell, "I'll always be here to drive you crazy. That's what best friends are for." Napangiti ako sa sinabi nito. I shook my head and kept walking.
Mapayapa akong naglalakad papunta sa klase nang bigla ko na lang naramdaman ang isang mahigpit na kamay na humila sa aking braso. Bago ko pa makita kung sino iyon ay nahila na ako nito sa isang madilim na silid. Pabilis ng pabilis ang pagtibok ng puso ko. Was I going to die? Hindi, hindi pwede. I felt the person push me to the wall. Ramdam ko ang pagkulong nito sa akin sa pagitan ng kanyang mga bisig. I tried to push whoever it was off but they were much stronger than I was. Sisigaw na sana ako ng tulong pero inunahan nito ang pagtatakip sa bibig ko.
"Shhh. Please don't yell. I'm not going to hurt you." I calmed down and stopped fighting back when I heard that voice. It was him. I knew it was him. How could I forget that voice? Mukhang nahalata niya naman na kumalma na ako at agad inalis ang kanyang kamay mula sa bibig ko.
"S-sino ka?" Marahang pag tanong ko dito kahit sa tingin ko ay alam ko na kung sino yun. The room was pitch black, but his face felt so close that I could feel his hot minty breath hitting my face. Hinaplos nito ang aking pisngi na nagpadala ng kislap sa aking gulugod.
"I knew it was you." It suddenly felt hard to breathe. I could feel my heart thumping even faster.
"You know what, kailangan ko nang umalis. I'm going to be late." I tried pushing him off but he didn't budge. He was way stronger than I was. Sh*t! Letse naman kasi. Ano nang gagawin ko ngayon?
"You left me without notice last night. Why's that?" His voice was deep, cold, and demanding. It sent shivers down my spine. I couldn't see him but the tension probably wasn't going to be any less if I was able to.
"Can you at least turn the lights on?" I felt him walk a few inches away from me. The lights went on and I had to close my eyes to adjust to it. Nang binuksan ko muli ang mga mata ko, agad bumungad sa akin ang kanyang anyo. I glanced around me and realized we were at a storage room. Napalunok ako dahil sa mapusok nitong titig sa akin. "Look, I-I was going to tell you b-but I didn't w-want to wake you." Pagsisinungaling ko dito. Kala ko naman kasi na hindi na kami magkikita pang muli. Sa linaki-laki ng Pilipinas, dito ko pa siya makikita. Mangguguro ko pa siya.
"You know you could've at least wrote a note or something to show some courtesy." Itong englisherong palakang 'to, may pa-note note pang nalalaman. Bakit ba kasi masyado siyang affected? Don't tell me, may habol pa sa akin 'to. Damnit! Ano ba kasi 'tong mga pinapasok ko?
"Sir, mawalang galang na po. Wala naman po akong utang na loob sa inyo. Last night was a mistake, it shouldn't have happened." Mukha namang hindi niya ako maabot pag tumakbo ako palabas, so I hurriedly went for the door and ran out of there, leaving him open-mouthed. I stopped when I knew he wasn't following me. I sighed and held my chest, it was beating erratically. Ano ba? Kumalma ka. Please wag, hindi ko 'to kakayanin. I thought to myself while leaning on the wall with my eyes closed.