Faith's Point of View
I firmly close my eyes for a few second and open it as I took a deep sigh. Not even saying something as it takes long time to get fully what he mean. No, I wouldn't forget that line...
While holding my coffee, I stand up and go back inside. Even still in a state of shock, deeply breathing helps to calm down my heart. Is it right? H-he has a feelings for me? Ah, no. That wouldn't be.
Naramdaman kong lumapit s'ya sa'kin at binuksan ang hawak na libro. He continues reviewing while I'm here, startled. Lalo pang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang magsalita s'ya.
"Shocked?" He said, forming his lips a smirk. Stay is still reading his books like nothing happened earlier, great. Fuck him.
"A-ano ba? Nababaliw ka na ba?" I asks with a confused face. Not concluding even a single idea why he did it. Did he just confessed?
"Why? Don't you believe it?"
"Paano mo ko nagustuhan?"
Finally, he closes his book and glances at me. I'm expecting a real, true answer from Stay that make me just shut up. But then, I don't know what will happen next after this.
"Sexy ka kasi," ngising sabi n'ya.
Malakas ko s'yang hinampas sa braso dahilan para mapa 'awww' s'ya at humagalpak ng tawa. "Why? Do you just feel something on your stomach?" He adds with a tease.
I rolled my eyes. "Napaka-assuming m---" I'm about to say it while my hand is on air to hit his arms, but he immediately grabs my hand. I feel like I'm on a trap, my body become close to him while our eyes deeply staring at each other.
He again smirk that makes me irritated. "Why can't you have feelings for me too? I'm a total package, guwapo, mayaman, matalino at---"
"Wala akong pake." Pilit kong inalis ang braso mula sa mga kamay n'ya pero bigo ako nang lalo n'ya itong kapitan ng mahigpit. Mabilis pa rin ang tibok ng puso ko habang nakatitig sa kan'ya.
"I can't wait for our date," he says and winks. I'm deeply going on the trap, pero nasa maayos pa rin akong pagiisip. Masyado naman yata s'yang speed? Anong akala n'ya sa'kin?
"Anong date ka d'yan? Bitawan mo nga ako!" ani ko at nang bitawan n'ya ko ay nagsimula na akong magreview.
---
Padabog kong isinara ang pinto at dumiretso sa kama, nagtaklob ng kumot, pinadyak ang mga paa na parang baliw. Five minutes had passed but I can't still believe nor expected he has a feelings for me. I lively get out from the bed and stare at the mirror. Tracing the parts of my face.
"Gosh, ganoon na ba ako kaganda?" I say, biting my lip and sweetly flash a smile. I jump many times and it never make me tired, I'm not breathless tho.
I sit in front of my study table and stare again for the second time, with my chin settled on my hand, playing what happened earlier. Mukha man akong asong nauulol, well I don't care. My lips form a wide smile thinking about my looks. And then stand up, jump and stare at the mirror, cause finally! May nagkagusto rin sa'kin! I purse my lips while thinking about Stay.
Mukha mang baliw, bumalik ako sa wisyo ng tumunog ang phone ko. It's a text from Samuel, "hey can we go for a walk?". I look heavenwards, it's already 11 pm ah? Even if it's still odd, I agree to meet him this late at night. Wearing a thick jacket, I went to Stay's door without even knocking, he must be sleeping now.
"Lalabas muna ako. Sorry, hindi tayo pwedeng mag date," mayabang kong sabi habang nakasandal sa pinto n'ya.
With my hands on the pocket of jacket, I went outside and here he is, his lips form a smile as soon he see me. Maybe he called me because he's dying from reviewing and it sucks. The cold breeze reaches my skin even it's hiding on a thick cloth, I look heavenwards while walking with Samuel.
Only lights and the moon are guiding us. Samuel looks miserable right now, with his hands on the jogging pants. While we're roaming around, I cleared my throat and glance at him.
"May problema ka ba?" I calmly ask.
He smiles a bit, but then it feels like he's hiding something. "Ikaw, bakit ngayon ka lang ulit nag aral ng college?"
"Dahil hindi lahat para sa'yo, as simple as that."
"Bakit ngayon mo lang nalaman na hindi pala ang course na 'yon ang para sa'yo?"
Sinipa ko ang latang nasa daraanan. "When I entered Dansola University being a Biology student, obviously it wasn't my type. I let my self to be dictated by the people around me - especially my mom. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, 'bahala na' since I only have myself when I went here, pinagbutihan kong mag aral for 4 years..."
I deeply sighed and glance at him, who's walking directly, listening to my shitty story. "Until the second to the last exam came, you know it was hard but I did everything to prepare for it. Pero kapag hindi mo talaga passion, hindi ka makakaramdam ng willingness para mag aral ulit."
As if I'm lack of the gas that makes my heart burning, to continue studying that course. A curse instead. In the past 4 years, I didn't learn to love it. I put everything aside as if nothing will happen, nakakatamad eh.
"So I'm kicked out. As usual, tinakwil ng ina, napagusapan, pinagbulung bulungan nang makapasa sa DMU. Kaya nga malaki ang utang na loob ko kay Stay, he really means a lot of me." I pursed my lips as remembering what happened earlier.
"Stay? Your brother?"
I suddenly stopped. I play in my mind what Samuel said to me a month ago, "If you didn't say he's your brother, I'll automatically think that he likes you."
And this...
"Yeah, I know guys. If he's like that, there's two things, you're his sister or he likes you so much."
Gosh, he was right. I haven't thought about that, seriously, no idea. Stay is a big brother for me, more than my biological brother, Fin.
"Hey, are you okay?" Samuel asks that make me back into the reality.
"Ah, yes," I answer with apprehension. "So, what's your problem again?" We continue to walk.
"Yeah, I'm struggling. You know, I just want to dance freely on my own. I'm not gifted at fighting for justice, I can't study law, ni hindi nga ako makabahol." Samuel chuckles softly. "But I want to pursue what my girlfriend wants, regalo ko na 'yun sa kan'ya."
I suddenly relate to his situation. As I graduated high school, I know I wanted to be a performer - a singer for specific. Holding a guitar, strumming it while feeling the rhythm of the song. That was so priceless.
But then I pursue Biology to be a Doctor, as my mother wished to be. I have everything, enough money, shelter, family, but I wasted them. I know I'm a piece of shit, but no one will never understand my situation. Our situation.
"We feel the same way, Samuel. I won't advice to what you'll choose, but in my case... I gave up everything. I have nothing even my passion."
"They say when you pursue your passion, you're selfish. But when you pursue what others want, you're a slave and jackass one. Which one will you choose?" tanong ko nang makabalik sa bahay. He's still silent, clueless what he'll do, I'm sorry, Samuel, I can't rule your life, everything is a choice.
"You only have yourself, Sam. You only have yourself to know the answer." And I walk towards our house, waving without looking at him.
As I open the door, the lights are still open and Stay is leaning against his door. Is he still awake or did he just waken up? He, again flash a smirk while his arms are crossed.
"Even if you date five guys or more, it's freaking fine. Don't be so loyal to a guy who's not sure for you."
A/N
Hi! are you guys feeling well today? I hope not. Thank you for continously reading this story, that's so unbelievable. Biggest appreciation to all of my readers! Don't forget to vote, comment and share, thank you! Lovelots🧡🧡🧡🧡