Staying inside my unit wasn't the best idea lalo na kung may midterm exam na kami sa Lunes. I always get distracted and find a reason to stay away from my notes like I would eat food from the refrigerator, watch movies or just lay on my bed and spend the day sleeping.
That's when I decided to go out and just study to a coffee shop. That way, I'll get motivated by some students who was probably studying too. Iwas antok na rin at hindi ako masyadong makakakain since kailangan ko pang magbayad.
I was preparing my things when my phone vibrated.
"Hi Rencey!" bati ko agad sa kaniya.
"Where are you?"
"On my way out of my unit kaso tumawag ka. Why?" I set the call in loudspeaker and put my textbooks and reviewers on my backpack.
"Saan ka pupunta?" I rolled my eyes.
"I asked you first! Answer me!"
"Just checking on you. Where are you going?"
"I'll look for a coffee shop. I need to review."
"You don't have your car."
Naibaba ko 'yung pencil case na hawak ko. "Oh, shit! I totally forgot about that!"
I heard him smile rather that see. "You need a lift?"
"No thanks. I'll just book a grab or taxi." Sinara ko ang bag ko saka sinabit sa aking mga balikat.
"I'm on my way. I told you it's dangerous for you to go outside alone."
I sighed in defeat. "Fine. Make it fast."
I was expecting na dalawa lang kami ni Terrence ang mag-rereview. Since he's taking engineering at sobrang dami ng math niya kaya sasabay na raw siya.
We came into the shop at saka ko inilibot ang aking tingin. A hand on the air was waving at us, which caught my attention. Sitting in front of a table for four was Zyle. A laptop in front of him.
Kumunot ang noo ko kay Terrence. "You didn't say he's here."
"Bakit, ayaw mo ba?" Tumingin siya sa akin bago ako iwan at lumapit sa table ni Zyle. Napailing na lang ako at sumunod sa kaniya.
After we had our orders, nagkaniya-kaniya na kami ng review. The table was huge enough para sa dalawang laptop at mga books. I was reviewing highlighted books at paminsan-minsan ay napapatingin sa dalawang lalakin nasa harapan ko. Terrence was looking serious doing mathematical equations while Zyle was on his laptop again.
Alas singko na nang muli akong mapatingin sa aking phone dahil sa may narinig akong tumunog. Akala ko ay sa akin pero nang makita ko si Terrence na tumayo at mag-excuse ay napasandal ako sa upuan.
"Ayoko na!"
Nakita kong napalingon sa akin si Zyle ganoon rin 'yung nasa kabilang table. Hindi ko sila pinansin at nag-inat. Minasahe ko pa ang aking batok dahil sa kanina pang pagyuko.
"You should rest first."
Tumingala ako kay Zyle at muling sumandal sa upuan. "Major e."
I draw a spoonful of a caramel cake on my mouth and savor the taste. "Heaven," I said dreamy.
I heard a chuckled, so I gave Zyle a raised brow. Umiling lang siya saka bumaling sa kaniyang laptop. Sakto naman ang pagpasok ulit ni Terrence ng shop.
"I'm leaving."
Pareho kaming napaangat ng tingin sa kaniya. "Agad?"
Tumango lang siya sa tanong ko at humarap kay Zyle. "Can you drive her home?"
"Yup."
"Thanks. Mauna na ako." Tinapik niya ako sa balikat bago siya nagmamadaling umalis. Napailing na lang ako at nagpatuloy sa pagrereview. I spend hours of reading and analyzing until I knew I was satisfied that I can pass the exam.
Nag-inat ako habang sumandal sa upuan. "Can't do it anymore. I'm done!"
I looked around at nakitang marami pa ring tao at karamihan ay puro estudyante. Kalahati na kasi ng pasukan kaya ganito.
Gumagala ang paningin ko at nakikinig sa mahinang tugtog nang may isang lamesang dinaanan ang mga paningin ko. Biglang naglaway ang aking bagang.
"Damn, I want fresh strawberries too..." I said while looking at a plastic container having strawberries.
"Do you want to go to Bagiuo?" Napabaling ang tingin ko kay Zyle nang bigla siyang magsalita. I raised him a brow.
He just shrugged. "Baka lang naman gusto mo."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Ngayon na?"
Tumango ito saka ibinaba ng kaunti ang screen ng laptop para makita ako.
"May exam pa ako bukas."
"Edi bukas ng pagkatapos ng klase mo."
I blinked at him. Parang magnanubig ang mga bagang ko iniisip ko pa lang ang strawberry farm. "For real?"
Tumawa ito."Oo nga."
"Okay."
Bumalik ako sa pagrereview pero wala ng pumapasok sa utak ko kung hindi strawberries. "Damn, someone's excited."
Kahit hindi ko lingunin si Zyle ay nakita ko ang pag-iling-iling niya. Napairap na lang ako.
+++
"Alam mo, kaunti na lang, kukunin na kitang driver."
Zyle laughed at the driver's seat. Pumasok ang sasakyan niya sa isang drive thru at nag-order ng fries, at cokefloat.
"Ang gwapo naman ng driver mo."
"Oh my gosh, sobrang hangin pala kapag gabi!" maarting sabi ko sa kaniya at umirap pa. tinawanan niya lang ulit ako at saka nagdrive.
"If ever na mag-aaply ako, magkano ba ang sweldo?" tanong niya ng huminto kami sa tapat ng traffic light. I was enjoying my fries habang 'yung sa kaniya nakalapag lang at kaunti pa lang ang bawas.
"Ba't pa kita papaswelduhin, e pwede namang libre kasi magkaibigan tayo?" I smirked at him ng lumingon siya. Napailing lang ulit ito.
+++
Agad akong lumabas matapos ang exam namin. I texted Terrence kung nasaan sila dahil wala kaming klase sa minor namin kaya naman hindi ko na sila nakita kanina. Nang ilang minuto na akong nag-iintay ay sinubukan ko na ring i-text si Zyle. Nagreply ito at sinabing nasa cafeteria siya.
"Where's Rencey?"
"Hindi ko rin alam, walang text, e."
Inilapag ko ang gamit sa upuan at umupo sa tabi nito. I tried calling Terrence at makalipas ang limang ring ay saka niya lang sinagot.
"Where are you? Nasa main building ka ba?"
"Absent ako kanina."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Why?"
"I'm doing something important." Tumingin ako kay Zyle na nakatingin rin sa akin.
"Important-emergency or important-excuse? Be honest!" banta ko.
"Of course, emergency. Kailan pa ako nagsinungaling sa'yo?"
"You want me to enumerate everything?"
Tumahimik ang kabilang linya. Napairap ako.
"We're suppose to go to Baguio pa naman."
"Are we?" I blinked and turned to look at Zyle.
"You never told him we're going to Baguio?" I asked Zyle.
Kumunot ang noo nito. "Akala ko ikaw ang magsasabi?"
We are just staring each other when I heard Terrence spoke.
"So you planned without me?"
Kumunot ang noo ko at ibinaling ang atensyon kay Terrence. "What? Of course not!"
Napatigil ako.
"Well, I mean... kinda?" Nang mapatingin ako kay Zyle ay inirapan ko siya.
"Kasalanan mo 'to, e!"
He looked at me confused. "Ba't ako?"
Inalis ko an lang ang tingin sa kaniya at kinausap muli si Terrence. "It fine, we're not going--"
"Just go without me," putol agad niya sa sasabihin ko.
Napakunot muli ang noo ko. "Sure?"
Hindi agad ito nakasagot kaya inulit kong siyang tanungin. "Are you sure you won't come?"
I heard him sighed before answering. "Yeah."
"You knew we can postpone if you w--"
"Bilan n'yo na lang ako ng pasalubong."
"Okay." Bumaling ako ng tingin kay Zyle na nanonood pa rin. Ibababa ko na sana 'yung call ng tawagin niya ang pangalan ko.
"Yep?"
"Kahit kaibigan ko 'yan si Zyle, 'wag ka maglalalapit d'yan ha."
Agad na kumunot ang noo ko.
"Bakit naman?"
"Because I'm your only bestfriend."
Napatahimik ako saka biglang natawa. Am I hearing it wrong?! My goah!
"Really, Rencey?" Binaba niya agad ang tawag na lalong nagpatawa sa akin.
I looked at Zyle who was watching me with a frown. Mas lalong natawa tuloy ako.
"Rencey was jealous of you!" I smiled knowingly. "Asarin natin!"
Teasing Terrence was really fun. I'm now excited for tomorrow.
Zyle drive to Baguio while I was sitting on the passenger seat, watching the scenery before my eyes. I connected my phone to his car kaya naman puro 1D rin ang tugtog. Mabuti na lang at hindi siya nagrereklamo. Some of my friends are so against by my playlist. Like, really, what's wrong with their songs?!
Hapon na ng makarating kami sa strawberry farm. Mabuti na lang at maagang natapos 'yung midterm namin kaya nakaalis kami agad ng Manila. Next week pa naman talaga ang midterm week kaya pwede pa naman kaming gumala since Lunes pa lang naman. We have the whole week to review.
Nauna akong pumasok kay Zyle at naramdamang nanubig ang aking mga bagang. "Finally!"
I have my basket with me and started to pick strawberries. Sinigurado kong red ang kulay nito bago pitasin at iniiwasan ang mga kulay green.
Ikinuha ko na rin si Terrence para pasalubong sa kaniya.
"Saan mo pa gustong pumunta?"
Imbes na lugar ang isagot ay pasalubong ang nasabi ko. "Ube jam."
We go to the famous Ube jam makers in Baguio which was made by the sisters. Pagkatapos noon ay nahinto rin kami sa Mines View kaya naman napakunot ang noo ko kay Zyle.
"I wanna try horseback riding."
Bumaba kami at naglakad palapit sa rentahan ng mga kabayo. I fished my phone on my bag saka kumapit kay Zyle.
"Let's take a picture. Inggitin natin si Terrence."
Napailing lang ito at lumapit sa akin. I moved closer to him and put my arm around his waist. Ipinatong naman niya sa balikat ko ang braso niya. The smell of his manly perfume never escaped my nose as we find a spot where we are going take a photo.
He's just smells... so good I think I can stay this close to him for so long.
Ipinaling ko ang ulo ko. Does Terrence' smell ever make me wanted to stay this close to him?
I shook my head and just raised my phone and took photos. Pagkatapos noon ay tinangal ko na ang kamay sa bewang ni Zyle at tiningnan ang aming picture habang naglalakad. His hand was still on my shoulders. Guilding me while we are walking.
When I looked up, He was looking around. Umiiwas sa mga nakakaalubong namin at syempre nadadamay rin ako.
I was looking at him when he looked down. I looked at him in the eye then he gave me a smile. I felt my breathing stopped that I even opened my mouth a bit. He looked in front of us, then he stopped to give way to the other tourists whose existence doesn't matter to me.
"Are you happy?" I asked suddenly because of the smile on his face.
"Yup. Ang tagal ko na ring hindi nakapunta rito. 'Yung huli kong punta, medyo bata pa ako."
Kumunot ang noo ko at nagpatuloy kami sa paglalakad. "Bata ka pa naman."
"Am I?"
I rolled my eyes on him. "Bakit, ilang taon ka na ba?"
"Turning 23."
Napakunot ang noo ko. "Hindi ka ba nag-aaral ng mabuti?"
"What?!" Napatigil ito sa paglalakad kaya napatigil rin ako. He's arm was still on me.
"Ba't ka irreg? Mukha ka namang mayaman so you entered school in time." Bumalik kami sa paglalakad.
"I stopped for a year."
Mas kumunot ang noo ko. Hindi ko namalayang naitago ko na pala 'yung phone ko sa bulsa sa sobrang curious. "Why?"
He stayed silent for a moment making me looked up at him. He was looking in front of us a bitter smile made it's way to his lips. "I was admitted to a mental institution."
Napaawang ang labi ko at hindi makapaniwalang napatingin sa kaniya. Magsasalita pa lang sana ako kaso ay lumapit na sa amin ang isang lalaking nagpaparenta ng kabayo.
I watched him with a frown while he was talking to the man.
It seems like he was not smiling bitterly earlier. Napailing na lang ako.
We ride the horses with the help of the old man. Kumuha kami ng tig-isa since pareho naman kaming first time sumakay sa kabayo. Nagpaikot-ikot lang kami sa may kakahuyan. Ang sinag ng araw ay paminsan-minsang sumisilip sa espasyo sa gitna ng bawat dahon. Mahalumigmig ang paligid at maraming nag-uusap sa paligid pati na rin ang iilang huni ng mga ibon.
Nang matapos ang oras namin ay tinulungan ako ni Zyle bumaba. Nagpasalamat kami at dumiretso na ng kotse dahil lumubog na ang araw. Bago umalis ay dumaan kami sa mga tindahan ng mga pasalubong at namili ng iba't ibang produkto.
Pagbalik sa sasakyan ay idiniretso namin ang mga pinamili sa likod.
"I'll drive," sabi ko at inilahad sa kaniya ang kamay para hingin ang susi. Siya na ang nag-drive kaninang papunta. Baka pagod na siya.
"Ako na." Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay inunahan na niya ako.
"I know you can drive. Pero ako na lang, kaya ko pa naman."
Hindi ako nagpatinag sa kaniya at nakipagtitigan. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, my brow still raised.
He sighed after a moment and get his keys on his pocket. "Fine. Just the halfway."
Ibinigay niya sa akin ng susi saka ako pinagbuksan ng pinto. Sumakay na lang ako at umupo sa driver's seat saka niya isinara ang pinto at umikot papuntang passenger. Ikinabit ko ang seatbelt saka siya hinintay na makapasok bago paandarin ang sasakyan.
Dumaan muna kami sa Drive thru para may makakain kami habang bumababa pa-manila. Madilin na ang paligid ng simulang naming tahakin ang paikot-ikot na daan ng Baguio pababa.
"What's your life plan?" Binagalan ko ang takbo saka sumilip sa kaniya sandali.
"What?"
"Remember Terrence told me to ask you about your Weird life plan?"
I snorted. "That wasn't weird at all."
May narinig akong kung akong ingay at nakita sa peripheral vision ko na isa-isa na niyang inilalabas ang mga pagkaing inorder namin. Binuksan ko ang maliwanag na ilaw sa kotse.
"We should eat in that fastfood earlier."
Napangiwi ako. "Yeah, I figured. Should I stop?"
"Yup. Sana may makita tayo." Nakita kong kumuha muna siya ng fries. "Gusto mo?"
Gusto ko sanang kumuha pero ayokong bitawan 'yung manibela. Madilim at masikip ang daan. Paliko-liko pa at may bangin. Ayokong mapahamak kami. Hindi rin naman ako makahinto dahil nang silipin ko ang side mirror ay may nasa likod namin. "Later."
Nagfocus ako sa pagdadrive sa paliko-likong daan. Paminsan ay sumasabay sa kanta sa radyo.
"Here." Sumilip ako sa kaniya at nakitang inilapit niya 'yung fries sa akin.
"I said later."
"Hindi pa tayo kumakain simula lunch. Sumubo ka lang muna nito."
I just rolled my eyes on him and look at the roadway in front.
"C'mon, your stubbornness won't feed you."
Nang medyo diresto ang daan at nilingon ko siya at tinitigan nang masama.
"Here," pilit niya pa rin.
I just sighed dahil mukhang wala siyang balak tumigil. I opened my mouth as he feed me with fries.
"Ketchup?" Tumango lang ako at nagpatuloy sa pagmamaneho. Ilang sandali pa ay inilapit niya sa akin 'yung fries na nilagyan niya ng ketchup. Sinubo ko naman 'yun at nginuya.
"Ginagawa mo akong bata," komento ko.
I heard him chuckled. "Sabi mo nga, bata pa ako. Ibig sabihin, bata ka pa rin."
Hindi ko siya pinansin but I remember our conversation earlier. My curiosity kicked in.
I was thinking of a way to asked him when an idea popped in my mind.
"Do you wanna know what my life plan was?"
He shrugged. "Kung gusto mo sabihin, then go."
"Okay. Pero may kapalit."
Kumunot ang noo nito. "What?"
"Just some of your stories."
Mas kumunot ang noo niya saka ibinaba ang fries na hawak. "What do you mean?"
"The reason why you stopped schooling?"
He never answer.
When I glanced at him, I saw how his body stiffened. Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa daan.
"Am I being insensitive?" I looked at him who was looking at me. I squared my shoulders. "I'm just curious."
Lumipas ang isang kanta at nananahimik pa rin kami. He was staring on the roadway, his brows in wave, like he was in deep thought.
"Okay." Napalingon ako sa kaniya.
"Okay what?"
"I'll tell you."
We stopped in a gasoline station when we reached the downside of the mountain. Sa gilid ng gas station ay convenient store at meron ring benches. May nakita pa akong ilang turista na nakasuot ng salamin at jacket. Kumunot ang noo ko. "Gabi na nakasalamin pa?"
I followed Zyle as he entered the strore. He got a coffee from a vending machine and offered me but I declined. We bought some snacks and drinks. Nakabili naman na kami ng dinner kanina kaya hindi na kami bumili roon. Isa pa, puro preservatives 'yung mga boxed meal.
We settled on the benched saka inayos 'yung mga gamit. Hindi pa ako nagtatagal na nakaupo ay napasimangot na ako. Napansin niya ata 'yon sa mukha ko kaya kumunot ang noo niya, nagtatanong.
"Kinakagat ako ng lamok. Sa kotse na lang tayo." Sayang naman. Malamig sana rito sa labas at sariwa ang hangin. Kita rin ang kalangitan.
"Pero gusto mo ba rito?"
"Sana." Later on, I knew that we will be bless to witness the sky full of stars.
Iniabot niya sa akin 'yung bucket ng chicken. "Here, may bibilin muna ako."
Kumunot ang noo ko pero pumasok na siya ng convenient store. Baka may gusto pang pagkain na bilhin.
Kinuha ko 'yung phone ko saka nag-send ng picture namin kay Terrence.
Alam mo, masaya pala kasama si Zyle.
Terrence replied with a straight face emoji making me laughed silently.
Pagtingin ko sa harapan ko ay nandoon na ulit si Zyle.
"Here." Naglahad siya ng kamay at may kung anong iniabot sa akin. I looked at him amused as I read the label of the bottle he gave me. Mosquito repellant lotion.
Why was this guy so... thoughtful?
"Are you Harry?"
"Ha?"
"You know, he has this treat people with kindness motto."
"Styles, you mean?"
"Yeah, I'm such a sucker for him," I said, imagining Harry Styles specially with long hair.
"So, if I answered yes, you'll be a sucker for me too?"
Napahinto ang imagination ko ay napatingin sa kaniya. There was a hint of playfulness on his face.
I rolled my eyes on him making him shook his head in laughter.
Umayos na kami at nagsimulang kumain.
"My life plan was simple," I started while we're eating.
He looked up at me while eating his fried chicken.
"To find a good job before inheriting my family's company. Then have a baby before or at the age of 30. Then go to the city of love." I smile while imagining Eiffel Tower. "Paris."
I think of rhe things I can do in Paris. The destinations, the foods, the arts...
Uminom ako ng tubig. I've been eating sweets these past few days. Hindi pwedeng pati iniinom ko matamis na rin.
"What's weird about that?" he asked confused.
"I said a baby not family." I turned to him. "I'm not looking for a man who'll stay with me while I'm alive, you know? That's why Terrence thought it's weird. I mean, it's every girl's dream. To be married."
He was just looking at me as I started eating again. Agad kong tinapos ang pagkain ko dahil na-excite ako sa ice cream na binili namin.
Pagkatapos namain kumain ay naglagay ako sa cup ko ng ice cream. Ganoon rin siya.
"Two years ago, I met a woman on a summer vacation."Napatingin ako sa kaniya habang subo ang isang kutsara ng icecream.
"We clicked so fast. Fall in love so fast. Kahit sabihin na sobrang bilis, sobrang tinamaan ako."
"But love works that way, right? Bibiglain ka na lang. Malalaman mo lang kapag sobrang hulog ka na, tapos kapag nahulog ka pa, minsan hindi ka na makaahon. That's love. Unpredicted. Minsan mabilis, minsan mabagal. Madalas, nakakalito."
I looked at him who was watching the roadway while some cars were passing. Doon na lang rin ako tumingin habang hinahayaang matunaw ang ice cream sa bunganga ko.
"It's like what? Almost 2 months? That was the time span we've been together. But look... it's been two years... and I'm still waiting for her."
I felt something heavy on my chest as I listened to his story. Maybe because I'm seeing Terrence in him? Maybe because they share the same sentiments. Or maybe because something else.
I don't know. But for once, after few years, I felt pain again. and I unbelievably glad to welcome it.
Knowing that I still knew what pain was makes me feel good. That I'm still able to feel emotions.
"Should I get a beer?" I joked.
He faced me and shook his head with a smile. "We're driving."
I rolled my eyes.
Nanahimik kami.
Kumakain ng ice cream. Kung anu-anong tumatakbo sa isip.
"I broke the momentum, didn't I?"
I'm facing the roadway, but I sensed that he faced me. "A bit," pag-amin nito. He sighed. Ako naman ang tumingin sa kaniya habang nakatingin siya sa kawalan.
"We had a fight the last time a saw her... Kinabukasan, hindi ko na siya nakita. Nawala na lang siya bigla. Pareho lang kaming bakasyonista noon. I don't know where to find her. I don't even know her relatives. We tried to search for her. Pero wala. I was a mess that time. I skipped classes, waiting for her to come back. Drink myself to death, hunger myself that I got sick abd all the sleepless night, afraid that when she came, I am not awake to see her."
Inilpit niya ang kamay sa neckline ng damit niya. For the first time since I knew him, I saw the pendant of the silver necklace he's wearing.
It was a key. But unlike a designer's brand, it was a literal key.
"It's the key to her house that I always visits every summer. I wear it as a necklace because my heart was still her home. She occupied the biggest portion of my heart. She made me crazy when she left that my parents admitted me to that institution." He looked up. Looking at the sky illuminated only by the stars.
"But I think it was the right decision. I mean, looked at me. There might be something that changed in me but at least, I'm in the university now, right?"
We felt silent after that. A comforting one. I was watching his as he watched the stars above. Thinking what made him bare his soul to me. Maybe because of our deal. Maybe because of the night. Maybe because of the atmosphere. Or maybe... simply because I'm his friend.
I move beside him and instantly hugged him on the waist from the side like what I've always done to Terrence. Nabigla lang siya sa pero pinabayaan lang ako.
"Let me comfort you."
When I looked up at him, he was still looking at the stars. Maybe hoping for a wishing star, to wish for his love to come back.
I closed my eyes, wondering why it stung suddenly. My embrace slowly felt akward for me kaya bibitaw na sana ako pero ikinilos niya ang kamay niya at ilagay ito sa balikat ko.
"I hope you'll find her," I whispered to him, eyes still close.
But then... why does it feel like I wanted the other way around?