The man spoke "Who are you? I thought you were doctor Chassis. How did you just do that? Only Chassis could have done that open heart surgery so well." I looked at him "My name is Kanami. I used to be an emergency trauma bay doctor. I've done more than my share of open heart surgerys." The man shook his head "amazing. Are you a new medic in this unit?" I shook my head "no, just a recruited soldier." The man blinked "Well, I'm doctor Corvette '' I nodded "pleasure to meet ya. Are there any more injured that need tended to?" The man paused before asking someone else who said "Oh, no everyone has been treated."
I nodded. "I think I'll go now then." Doctor Corvette nodded. I then left the infirmary. I headed for my tent where my bed was. I noticed that everyone who was waiting to be seen as was mandatory after a battle was looking at me like I was some kind or monster or they looked at me like they would a hero. I walked ignoring them. I then heard togima call out to me. I sighed and walked over to him and saw our squad. I looked at togima and didn't say a word.
It seemed like an eternity before Togima finally spoke. "Since when have you been able to do that?" I paused "Since that incident." I answered honestly. "What happened to you during then?" I closed my eyes "Things I wish I could leave behind but will never be able to. I was tourchered till I could no longer even scream." I watched Tajima's reaction as he went pale and wide-eyed. "Then why are you here? No one who has any bad physical condition is not allowed into the armed forces." I paused "Because, I am not affected by my body and I am someone that the government wants to be here in this war to destroy the enemy's resolve to fight with my ability to kill them without being injured."
Togima was shocked "But... But, to do that one must abandon their emotions and delve into the deepest darkest parts of a human's psyche" I shook my head "I already have. I did, a very long time. I've just become good at faking a smile. I'm good at putting a mask on for other people's sake. You saw me today on that battlefield. I killed and I am not affected in the least by it. Why do you think that is?" I saw him open his jaw; eyes wide but before he could speak I continued.
"It's because I've killed before and tossed my emotions to the side. I can no longer sit still. I am but a shell of who I used to be. I am no longer human. I cannot feel joy or sorrow. I only feel that I can do the things I must when I must."
I sighed "I am no longer your sister. I may still be by blood but by heart, I could be nothing more than a shadow." Togima gaped "I am nothing more than a monster and I don't even care. Maybe deep in my heart I do but I am dead." Togima shook his head as anger blazed across his face "I don't care that you can't feel your emotions. I am your brother and that will never change. No matter what. I do not see a monster but a hero. Today you may have killed but think. How much more men and women did you save. I don't care that you've killed before. You saved people today. I saw you rush to the aid of strangers. I saw you risk your life for those strangers. You healed them from their injuries. You rushed to their aid. You saved their lives. Even if they fear you. You, then at that moment, rushed and saved the lives of the majorly injured. You fearlessly stared death in the face and chose to become strong. You chose to use that strength to aid and heal others. I don't know what the others think. But I know for a fact that those simple acts make you a real hero."
I blinked surprised by his response and I could tell he was also surprised by his own response. I nodded to him and walked off. I could see a change in everyone's eyes. There was no longer fear or hatred in their eyes but pure unadulterated joy and respect. I only frowned slightly and went to my squads tent and jumped on my bed. I yawned. I had used a lot of energy and was for once, tired. I closed my eyes and soon fell asleep.
I slept peacefully till I heard the others come in and I opened my eyes and sat up looking at them as they entered. They all seemed to have sullen looks on their faces and avoided looking in my direction. I sighed and looked at the roof of the tent. I then heard someone groan and heard Jamie ask a question.
"Do you believe what you said back there?!" I looked at her and she had a defiant look on her face as she looked directly at me. "I know it to be true despite what my brother said." Jamie scowled "how can you?" I paused "Because I know it to be true. I've done and seen things that should make me angry, sad and disgusted but I don't in any possible way feel anything for what happened. I have watched men die and I felt nothing." Jamie frowned "What could have happened to you to make you feel that way?" I shook my head "I was tortured. I was broken yet I somehow i'm still alive despite my throat being slit wide open when those who tortured me could not get what they wanted. I have no clue why I'm even alive yet here I am alive."
Jamie was shocked and silent. I struggled to keep my mind from entering the depths of my mind that would send me into the depths of those horrible days. I was losing the fight within my own mind and then it flashed before my eyes once again…
~
I panted in pain covered in blood. The blood was my own and others who had stood in front of me and were tortured and killed over me. I couldn't even think of anything other than the searing pain within my own body. I was thirsty and hungry but that was at the back of my mind due to the immeasurable pain I was feeling. I gasped as I felt cold fingers roughly grab my chin and yank my head up to look into Ice blue eyes of a man who had been the main cause for my pain.
I swallowed my throat already dry from lack of water. I watched as I saw the man seeming to talk to somebody behind him. I could only hear the muffled talking of the man. I then gritted my teeth as the man pulled out a bloody knife. It had been days or maybe weeks. I didn't know. Days had blurred together til I knew nothing but pain and suffering.
I could feel myself breaking. I could feel a part of myself that was dieing. I couldn't tell what it was but I knew that something was changing within me. This change seemed to make the pain and suffering seem more distant but it was still there. I was losing myself to the pain. I knew that if I went through any more pain I would lose myself and no longer be myself.
I watched as the man brought the knife up to my throat. I watched frozen in terror. I watched as the man mercilessly slit my throat. I felt something shift in myself as I then struggled to gasp for air. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest. I couldn't breath and my vision started to go black. The last thing I saw before my vision went black was the man's cold gaze as he watched me gasp for air, choking on my own blood, collapsing to the ground. I could see a faint sadness in the man's eyes.
~
I sighed and looked at Jamie who was just staring at me for a long moment. "Whatever could you have done that made you believe something like that?" I paused "I died and then killed several men without hesitation even though I was injured" Jamie scowled "so what?!" I shrugged "I am no longer human though I'm not sure I was even to begin with. I can't feel emotions. I've killed. I've died. I can move faster than any bullet. I can't feel pain. So how can I possibly be human?" Jamie froze then lowered her head "I don't know but, I know you are a good person. Otherwise you would have left all those injured to die."
I sighed and merely shook my head. I couldn't possibly understand why she felt this way but even then I silently thanked her for it. I watched as Jamie walked to her bed and sat down. I paused before I stood. I could no longer stay in this tent. I needed to leave. I felt like I was being suffocated.
I walked out of the tent and nearly bumped into Togima. I blinked and focused my mind. Togima smiled yet I could see a deep sadness in his eyes. He then spoke. He spoke softly as if he were afraid someone would overhear him.
"Just the person I wanted to talk to. Come to my tent." It was a command and so I followed him slightly curious yet not at the same time.
I followed Togima as he walked headed to his tent. I watched him and knew something was up. Togima was acting oddly and his heart was pounding in his chest. I frowned following him as he entered his tent. I stopped in the center of his tent and watched as Togima stopped a few feet away with his back to me. Togima was running his hand through his hair and seemed really nervous. I waited till finally Togima turned to me with determination and spoke.
"Kanami, When you were a baby you died for an hour at the hospital. The doctors pronounced you dead but after a few minutes of them declaring you dead you started crying. You somehow lived then. The doctors said it was a miracle and said someone must have made a mistake. I had then promised mom never to tell you but I feel you need to know this." I froze in shock my brain momentarily not registering what my brother had said. I blinked then nodded dumbfounded.
Togima continued "I later discovered when messing around in father's study a paper that said father had terminal cancer which we already knew but this cancer was contagious. I asked mom if she had cancer and when she said no I asked..." He paused before continuing "I asked her how you could be alive and she, free of cancer. She told me that you were not fathers child. You are the child of a sperm donor. When I tried looking up the sperm donor there was no file no way to know who your biological father was or is. It was as if the donor never existed."
I froze. If what he had told me before was shocking, this was earth shattering. I blinked my brain not registering the information for a long bit. I took a deep breath and cleared my mind and tried to piece it all together. I could feel Togima's gaze watching me. I shook my head. Thinking; how could this be? Who could my father be? No what could my father be? This was the first time in a long time I had felt so many emotions.I took a deep breath again and let it out slowly before asking.
"Does mom know?" Togima nodded "She does and was shocked to learn that the donor was unknown as if he never existed. She went on a frenzy to find the man but was unable to at all and she made me promise to never tell you. But, I know that I needed to tell you." I nodded "So my biological father is a mystery. It's like he doesn't even exist. Like a ghost?" Togima nodded "Yeah it seems that way to me."
I nodded and sighed. I shrugged and relaxed thinking of the matter. So me and my brother had different fathers. I had a mystery father who could be something altogether. I had no idea who or what I was and yet I felt no anger or any emotion other than a subtle calm curiosity. I wondered who my father could be. I sighed before speaking to Togima.
"Well, thank you for telling me. Maybe I can piece together some things about myself." Togima nodded "Yeah, I hope so." I nodded "Well, I'm going to go now."
Togima nodded and I turned and left the tent frowning as I thought on the matter. I had never expected a revelation such as what Togima had given me. I sighed thinking how something like this could have happened. I shook my head of the matter and walked back to the tent. That was when I noticed it was almost dark. I looked up at the sky and watched as the sun set. I then stood in the dark for a long while even after the sun had set. I sighed and headed back to my tent with the others and entered.
I walked over to my bed and jumped up onto it. I sat thinking for a while before I realized everyone was already fast asleep. I sighed softly I would need to change clothes soon but till then I slept in my clothes which the others were mostly doing as well. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes thinking about my father and my odd abilities. I lay thinking of the matter and before I knew it, it was dawn.