Chapter 51 - Us
• JANINA NICOLE FORTALEZA •
Should I...?
"Oh? Parang natahimik ka yata girl?" asked Shibama.
Hmm. Yes. I actually cannot talk or think straight right now.
"Hindi mo naman kailangan magdesisyon o sumagot ngayon din eh. May oras ka pa naman Janina para pagisipan ang mga bagay bagay. Ang akin lang naman, baka ito na ang tamang pagkakataon para maging ate ka sa kapatid mo."
He's right.
"Another thing, why not talk to your parents?"
"My parents?" I asked.
"Hmm. Yes. They can actually help you."
Napatigil ako doon. Bakit ganito kung tumagos ang words ni Shibama sa akin. Weird. But something's telling me that this is what I should do – that this is going to be the right thing. But I am damn nervous.
After 1 hour...
Yes. It took me an hour to think things. But finally, narealize ko din na tama lahat ng sinasabi ni Shibama. Tama na this is the right time para maging ate naman ako sa kapatid ko na matagal ko nang hindi tinuring na kapatid.I was being very unfair to her from the beginning. This time, I need to straight things up. I need to act my age. No time for childish drama. I am old enough to know what is right and what is wrong.
And another yes, I have also decided to talk to my parents. They can really help me. Sila naman talaga – sa lahat ng tao sa mundo – ang tunay na nakakakilala sa akin. They know where I am coming from with all my actions. I need their advice. I am never the type of daughter na nanghihingi ng advice sa mga ganitong bagay. I always prefer doing everything by myself only. But this time, for my sister, I will do it. I will be brave enough to talk to my parents about this issue for Alynna.
"Yes, Shibby, you are actually right." I said, finally.
Pero sa tinagal ko yatang nagisip, one hour ba naman, ay nakatulog na tuloy si Shibama.
I just looked at him sleeping. My poor poor make up artist. He is really having a hard time with his kidney problem. Kahit natutulog siya, parang damang dama pa rin nya yung sakit. At parang pumapayat talaga siya. Where is the Shibama na kikayish with muscles?! He's gone. What I have here is a sick boy who is feeling the pain he doesn't deserve. Damn.
"Ahhh!" Shibama shouted in pain.
Shit! I panicked. What is going on?! It took me a minute pa para marealize na I needed to call the nurse or doctor for this one. Bakit ba ang tanga tanga ko! Inuuna ko lagi ang panic. I called the doctor very quick. I cannot handle seeing Shibama like this. No way. No way!
After ilang minutes – I don't even know how many minutes have passed!
The doctor already came. And did her job. I couldn't look. I just can't.
Napakalma na niya si Shibama. Sobrang kawawa si Shibama. If I were to feel that kind of pain, I'd rather die.
I quickly touched Shibama's face and asked him 'Are you alright?' but he just half smiled without even opening his eyes. I almost died. Naiyak talaga ako ng sobra.
"His kidney is really weak." A voice said.
Paglingon ko, may doctor pala sa room. Hindi ko man lang siya namalayan na pumasok o kung kanina pa ba siya nandiyan. I acknowledged her presence by look at her.
"The patient really needs a kidney transplant right away. Or else, I am very sorry but this might cause the end of his life." she said before she walked away.
Tuloy tuloy ang pagpatak ng luha ko. This is not true! Shibama will not die! No! Never!
"Shibby! Shibby!" Kinalog-kalog ko si Shibama. Damn! I don't know what am I doing! I just don't know what to do anymore!
"Hmmm" He answered, eyes still closed.
"Did you heard what the doctor said?! She said that you will be needing a kidney transplant right away!"
"Narinig ko Janina, that's alright." he said. What?! ALRIGHT?!
"Shibama you can have my kidney! Please please just live!" I shouted, crying, while I am hugging him from his hospital bed.
"No." He refused, eyes now open.
"I-I can donate mine. I am healthy naman. Kaya ko naman magdonate. Please Shibama just let me save you! I don't want to lose you! Please Shibama! Please!"
"Stop it Janina, kung may magdodonate, may magdodonate. Pero hindi ikaw yun." kalmado ang boses niya. How can he do that after all the pain he has felt earlier?!
"P-Paano kung..."
"Paano kung walang nagdonate?" he cut me. "Then just be it."
"But Shibby!"
"Janina, I have the best people in the world that loves me. And that includes you. Masaya na ako sa naging buhay ko. Kung bibigyan pa man ako ni Lord ng extension, then swerte ko nalang, bonus nalang yun. Pero kung wala na talaga, wala na talaga. Pero I don't want you, or Alynna, or anyone close to me na magdonate ng kidney nila for me. And that's final." he said with conviction.
"Although I have one last request..." He added.
"Magbati na kami ni Alynna?" I said. I knew that this is what he was about to say anyway.
"Yes. Magkaayos na kayo ni Riri. Pag nagkaayos na kayo ni Riri, I can say, that I have already done my purpose in this world."
"Edi hindi nalang kami magkakabati! Para hindi mo ako iwanan!" I shouted.
"No Janina, pagnagkabati kayo ni Riri, I will live. Trust me." He said.
I touched his face again, putting our foreheads together. Crying, I said 'Yes, magkakabati kami.'.
–
Gray walls.
Cold room.
Silence.
Yup. I am here at my parents room. Ito na ang time para kausapin ko sila. Although medyo nagseremonyas pa ako bago ako pumasok dito, at least nagawa ko naman. Andito na nga ako sa loob eh. Success, Janina.
Kitang kita sa mga mukha nila na gulat na gulat sila sa ginawa ko. Well, ako din naman nagulat. Never ko naisip kausapin sila in my life, ever, ngayon lang talaga.
"Honey?" my dad started. "What made you visit us here? You need money? I will transfer to your ATM later on." he smiled.
But I felt pain.
What.
Bakit ganon? Bakit ako nasasaktan ngayon? Hahaha. Ngayon ko pa talaga nararamdaman ito eh noh. Iyon naman talaga kasi ang dahilan ko tuwing kinakausap ko si dad or si mom eh. Pera. Tapos aalis na ako ng hindi man lang nagpapasalamat sa kanila. Tapos manghihingi ako ulit kung kulang. And the cycle goes on. 18 years. Wow. Janina, what kind of monster are you?
Hindi ko namalayan na umiiyak na pala ako. Hindi naman kasalanan ni dad iyon. Ako ang gumawa ng ganito sa sarili ko kaya naging ganyan ang expectation ni dad sa akin pagpasok ko. Ang sarap sampal sampalin ng sarili ko. Hindi ko namalayan na mom was already hugging me from the back – this made me cry even harder as I hugged her back.
"Sweety, what's going on?" Mom started.
"M-Mom, D-Dad, we need to talk." I cried.
Pinakalma muna nila ako. Ang sarap pala ng feeling na kinakalma ka ng mga magulang mo sa problema mo. Yung tipong kahit hindi pa naman nila alam problema mo, parang naiintindihan nila yung nararamdaman mo? Ang sarap pala magkaroon ng magulang. Bakit ba ngayon lang nagiging malinaw sa akin ang swerte swerte ko pala? Funny.
"D-Daddy, are you comfortable talking about Alynna, my sister?" I asked him first.
"Of course honey. She's your sister. She might not be my daughter but she is still family. She's your mom's baby girl." He said. Walang halong bitterness. Wow. I can't believe it. Ako lang yata talaga ang bitter at inggit sa pamilyang ito. Oh Lord, saan ba ako nagmana?!
"Nung una, syempre galit ako. Lalo na nung pumasok sa isip ko na nagtaksil sa akin ang mommy mo. Pero in time, narealize ko din na hindi naman yun gagawin ng mom mo kung hindi rin naging mali ang pagtrato ko sa kanya bilang asawa ko. Kasalanan ko din naman lahat. I have learned that in this life, it is not always about how much money you can give to your partner."
"Right." I agreed. I can't believe that this is happening. Dad is opening up his mistakes to me and to mom.
"So mind telling us what is going on with you and your sister?" Dad continued.
Oo nga pala. Ako nga pala ang magkekwento.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
"It's just..." I started.
"I am just so useless. I am so freakin' bad. Mom, dad, I am very sorry. For everything." I started crying. I told myself I wasn't gonna cry!
"What happened baby?" Mom asked.
"Ang sama sama ko mom! Ang sama sama ko sa kapatid ko. Kumampi pa ako sa mga evil sa school namin para lang pahirapan ang buhay ni Alynna. And right now, Alynna is hurting so bad but I cannot do anything! And it is all my fault. I am very sorry mom!"
"What happened to Alynnna?" Mom started crying. Dad is hugging mom.
"Nakipagsabwatan ako kay Farrah para pabagsakin si Alynna. Naiinis kasi talaga ako sa kanya noon mom. Kasi parang lahat nalang ng tao nasa kanya na. Lahat nalang ng mahal ko siya na yung mahal nung dumating siya. Ikaw mom, sometimes I feel na mas love mo siya kesa sa akin. Childish, I know. Pero that is what I feel eh. Also Shibama, my make up artist, he loves Alynna so much. Even Dave, my ex. Even my friends. Even my dreams. Almost everyone and eveything.
"Nagpatong-patong na yata lahat n galit, inis at inggit ko sa kanya kaya lahat ng sabihin ni Farrah, my evil friend, nag-aagree ako. Wala akong pakialam kahit umabot na pala sa point na sumosobra na ako. I even planned of stealing her boyfriend, Sky. What the hell, 'di ba?
"And right now nagpakita si Farrah ng video kay Alynna na dumurog talaga sa puso ng kapatid ko. It's a fake video showing Sky na parang niloloko lang pala si Alynna. But that video almost killed my sister. She even went back to Bohol. Sobrang nasaktan siya. And she doesn't deserve that mom! Kung may taong deserve lahat ng ito, it is definitely me! I am so selfish! I am so bad! I am a monster!" pinagsasasampal ko sa ang sarili ko.
Ineexpect ko naman na magagalit sa akin si mom lalo na't nalaman niya ang mga pinagagagawa ko sa baby niya pero she just hugged me. At kahit konting hate or inis sa akin ay wala talaga akong naramdaman. It's just pure love from my mom.
"It is never too late to fix things honey." Said dad. "At least this time, you have now learned your lesson."
"I love you baby. I love you and I love your sister. Don't ever think na mas mahal ko siya o mas lamang siya sayo. You are both very pretty inside and out. You may look the same but you will always be different from each other. But what will stay the same is the way I see both of you. You are both my angels. And I thank God na kahit hindi maganda ang sitwasyon ay binigay parin kayo sa akin." it's Mom. Crying.
"Huwag ka magpapadala sa inggit anak, it will eat you alive. Layuan mo na yang Farrah na yan. It's never too late to fix your relationship with your sister, especially now that you now know what were your mistakes." Dad.
I agreed and thanked them before I went out of their room. But just when I reached the doorknob, I went back to hug them again. Oh my parents. I love you so much!
Wow. This is the best conversation I have ever had in my entire existence.
It felt so refreshing. I feel like a new person.
Nakakatawa na ngayon ko lang narealize na nandiyan lang naman talaga ang family ko para sa akin. Never naman nila ako pinagpalit kay Alynna ever. Ako lang naman talaga ang hindi nakakakita noon sa simula palang. Kasi pinipili ko lang ang gusto kong makita. Ako lang naman talaga ang gumagawa ng sarili kong walls. But right now that I have realized everything, I have now made my decision. I will do eveything for my sister.
–
[Eastville College of Business]
I will do everything for my sister? But how?
I really don't know where to start.
First of all, I have no one to talk to right now at school. I have no friends. Karen and Debbie already left me. The only person I have with me is Farrah. But damn, I don't want to talk to her or even see her right now.
And speaking of the devil... here she comes.
"Janina dear! Guess what! I have a new plan against Alynna! HAHAHA! This is going to kill her kahit nasa Bohol na siya! I am sooooo excited!!!!" She said with glee. And I just looked away.
"Aren't you excited?!" She asked me. At ginulo-gulo pa ang buhok ko! Bitch!!!
"No I am not. I am not in the mood today Farrah so please stay out of my sight. Naiirita ako sa mukha mo." I said to her before I walked away. Wala na akong pakialam kung maoffend man siya. She's too much.
I sat alone in my pink chair at the cafeteria. Mas okay na siguro ang ganito. Wala man akong friends, at least this time, wala naman akong tinatapakang tao. And I think I deserve this.
I ate my meal alone until two guys came and sat with me. What the hell? Sinong nagbigay sa kanila ng permiso umupo katabi ko?
Until I recognized the first guy. It was Erick from the Vengeance.
The other one was surely a no one because he is still wearing a visitor's ID from the ECB guard.
Wait. I know him!
He is Dylan! My old gym trainer. Yung gwapo na bakla kong gym trainer pero pag nagsalita na sobrang ipit ng boses na parang boses ng chipmunks! He is indeed Dylan! What is he doing here at ECB? And why is he with Erick? How did they knew each other? What's going on?!
"W-What is this?" I said. Shocked.
"We need your help, Janina." said Erick.
"What? Why me?" Tinaasan so siya ng kilay. "And you? Why are you here?" I asked Dylan.
"Pinsan ko si Erick." said Dylan. What. The. Hell.
So Erick knew everything from the start?
"Yes, alam ko ang lahat." Erick answered as if narinig niya yung tanong ko sa isipan ko. What?! How?!?!
Yup, Dylan was one of the few people together with Shibama, Alynna at Alynna's dad that knew about the plan. Yung planong pagpapanggap ni Alynna na maging ako. Kasi naman before, gusto ko maging sexy si Alynna kasi naman sobrang payat niya. Kaya pinakiusapan ko ang boyfriend ni Shibama na si Dylan na ipawork-out ang body ni Alynna to be fit and sexy. Yup, boyfriend ni Shibama si Dylan. And Dylan doesn't know yet about Shibama's current condition. Damn. I feel like I am hiding too many secrets. But I need to fix my relationship with my sister first.
So Erick knew everything from the start kasi pinsan pala niya si Dylan. Pero why didn't he stopped it from happening? I cannot understand.
"Why Erick?" I asked. I know that he knows what I am asking about.
"Binbantayan ko naman si Ynna noon palang. Syempre ayokong napapahamak siya lalo na't alam ko na hindi naman talaga siya ikaw. Maraming beses ko nang muntik nang sabihin kay Sky ang totoo. Syempre ayaw ko din naman na naloloko ang kaibigan ko.
"Pero alam mo yung tipong tuwing nakikita ko sila ang saya saya nila pareho. Kitang kita ko sa mga mata nila na masaya sila sa isa't-isa, sino ba naman ako 'di ba para pigilan iyon?
"Miserable ang buhay ni Sky nung hindi pa niya nakikilala si Ynna. Galit na galit si Sky dahil iniwan siya ni Farrah para kay Dave. Pero nung nakilala na niya si Ynna, unti unti nang bumabalik ang Sky na kilala namin. Yung masayahin na Sky. Yung nagmamahal na Sky. Kaibigan ko si Sky at alam kong masaya siya sa piling ni Ynna kaya kinalimutan ko nalang muna na pagpapanggap lang pala ang ginagawa ni Ynna. Kasi alam ko naman na lahat ng pinapakita ni Ynna sa kanya ay totoo.
"Tuluyan ko na lalong hinayaan ang binabalak kong pangingialam lalo na nung nalaman ko na may engagement si Farrah at Sky. Alam kong hindi magiging masaya si Sky kay Farrah. Kaya hinayaan ko nalang magtibay ang relasyon nila ni Ynna. Alam ko namang masasaktan si Sky kapag nalaman niya ang totoo – na nangyari naman, pero dahil mahal niya si Ynna, alam kong masosolusyunan nila ito. At nasolusyunan naman nila 'di ba?"
Tumahimik na si Erick sa kanyang pagpapaliwanag at tumitig lang sa akin.
"Ikaw Janina?" tanong niya.
"What?"
"Hahayaan mo bang masira ang relasyon pilit kong inililigtas noon pa man? Kaibigan ko lang si Sky Janina. Kapatid mo si Alynna." Sabi niya.
Natahimik ako doon. Oo nga naman. He is just Sky's friend but he is willing to do everything for his friend's happiness. And me? She is my sister. She's family.
"S-Syempre hindi ko hahayaan noh! Kaya nga ako nandito magisa to think things eh. I need to make up with my sister! And I need her to be happy again with Sky!" I said.
"Ayun naman pala eh! Edi we are all on the same page." Singit ni Dylan na bakla.
"Yes." I answered again.
"You cannot think things by yourself to Janina. You need us. You need a plan."
"Plan?"
"Yes. We need a plan to bring back Skynna. I will be coordinating a meeting with my team for us to work on the mess that we have made. May kasalanan kami bilang The Vengeance for doing that silly voice record before. And you for giving Farrah all the reasons to get that from Dwight. Kaya you need to be with us on this plan. We need Alynna and Sky to be okay and back to each other. Are you with us, Janina?" Seryosong tanong sa akin ni Erick.
"Yes. I am with you." I said.
–
[The Vengeance Room]
The black room.
Wow. It's been a while since I last got in here.
May meeting kami ngayon with the Vengeance organized of course by Erick. Kasama din sila Debbie, Karen and Dylan. Wala sa meeting si Sky na naglalasing nanaman daw sa Tritonne bar dahil sa nangyari sa Bohol. Wala din si Dwight – kasing isa siyang traydor.
We are all seated in a round table na parang meeting talaga. Mukhang sobrang seryoso ang team para pag-ayusin ang dalawa. Nakakatuwa na sobrang gusto nilang maging okay ang friend nila na si Sky. True friends talaga ang The Vengeance. How I wish they are also my friends.
"Okay. Isa isa tayong magbibigay ng ideas kung paano natin pag-aayusin ang Skynna. Let's start kay Ash." sabi ni Erick.
"Let's just have them heal through time." Simpleng sagot ni Ash.
"How about you King?" Asked Erick.
"Same with Ash." Sagot niya. Gaya gaya.
"Same with Ash." Clyde.
"Same with Ash." Viel.
"Same with Ash." Austin.
"Same with Ash." Chase.
Anu ba naman yan! Walang mga originality! Ako na tuloy agad yung next bago si Erick tapos si.. D-Dave. Hala?! Bakit narito na si Dave? Wala siya dito kanina ah! Bakit kailangan niyang sumulpot dito ngayong ako na ang magsusuggest!!! Hindi ako makafocus! Bakit ganito parin ang effect niya sa akin? This is weird!
"Janina?" Asked Erick. Kanina pa pala ako nakatulala. I saw Dave. Natawa siya sa akin. Hmp!
"M-Me? Ako na ba? Haha. Sorry. Okay. My plan is..." I started.
"My plan is..."
"My plan..."
"Mine is..."
Damn! Why is he looking at me like that?! I really cannot focus. It is just too damn awkward!
"Hmmm." It's Erick. "Hindi pa ba kayo okay ni Dave?"
Nagkatinginan kami ni Dave for a moment before I looked away.
"No we're okay. We're fine." I said. Looking down. I don't want them to see my red face!
"Are you sure?" Asked Austin.
I didn't answer. I cannot even look at Dave anymore.
"Bago kaya kayo magplano ayusin ang Skynna, yung inyo kaya muna ang ayusin ninyo? What do you think?" Suggested Clyde. Fudge!
"I need to go to the comfort room." I said before I walked out of the room.
I splashed water on my face. My heart is beating so fast. I don't know why. And I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I don't know if I can still have the strength to go back to that room with Dave in it. I just went out of the comfort room and sat on a chair in the park, alone, closed eyes. Maybe I just need some fresh air.
The moment I thought na okay na akong bumalik sa room, that is when I felt Dave's breath on my neck.
Wait.
WHAT! BREATH?! NECK? DAVE?!
I opened my eyes and shocked filled my face. Dave is here with me in the park! And we are so near to each other!
"K-Kanina ka pa ba nandiyan?" I asked.
"Oo."
"Gaano katagal?"
"The moment you closed your eyes." He said.
My heart is beating crazy again. Ugh.
"Janina.." he started. I just looked at him. Damn those eyes. I miss him.
"I know we have issues. We have a lot, actually. But right now, I want to make it up with Sky. Gusto ko man lang makabawi sa kanya kahit konti. Kaibigan ko pa rin siya. Alam kong hindi kami naging okay noon. Pero ngayon gusto ko talagang tulungan siya magkaayos sila ni Ynna." He said. Seriously.
"Ako rin naman. Gusto kong magkaayos sila." I said. Although parang may double meaning. Weird.
"Magkakaayos din sila." He said, holding my hand.
"Oo nga, in time." I replied, locking our fingers.
He kissed the back of my hands. I closed my eyes. If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up anymore. Automatic akong sumandal sa braso niya. He hugged me and then kissed me on the forehead. He kissed me slowly until he reached the tip of my nose going down almost reaching my lips. I am so hungry for his kiss. I am so kilig to the highest level na I have almost forgotten about Sky and Ynna. But then I needed to go back to the reality. Before I mind my own business or my own love life, I need to fix my sister's first. I have a lot of things to do first before doing what is for myself. I have been very selfish for 18 years anyway.
We were about to reach each other's lips but then I looked away.
"I'm sorry." I said. "D-Dave, we need to fix Sky and Ynna's relationship first. L-Let's just forget about us first, can we?" I said, almost crying.
He wiped away my tears with his handkerchief like he always does. And he nodded.
"Okay. Let's just forget about us and our issues first. Let's just focus on Sky and Ynna This time. We will do everything to get them back together." He said.
"Yes. We will." I smiled.
Kinurot niya ang pisngi ko bago siya nagsmile. Ang cute niya pa rin ngumiti hanggang ngayon.
"And then we will also get back together." He said something very soft na hindi ko maintindihan. What?
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing." He smiled. Ahhh. That smile.
Pero ano nga kaya yun?
Nevermind. We need to do our priorities this time. I need my sister to be happy again. I need Sky to stop his drinking at Tritonne too. And most specially, I need Shibama to be happy and alive. I will do everything step by step. I know that we will find a donor for a kidney transplant. I know that in the end, everyone will be happy.
"What are you thinking?" Daved asked. Napatagal yata ako sa pagiisip ko ng happy thoughts.
"Us." I accidentally said. Oops! Ugh! Embarrassing! Napa-facepalm tuloy ako.
"You're thinking about us?" He smiled and moved his head a little closer to mine.
"No! I am thinking about us! Yes! Us! Like... everyone of us! Duh! Tara na nga! Bumalik na tayo sa black room at magplano! Let's not waste our time!" I started walking. Also blushing.
"Okay." He agreed. "Us pala ha."
"Us daw."
"Us us us."
Ughhhh! He's annoying as always.