The moment I wake up, I immediately check mini me. and start to cry the moment I see that the little bastard is saluting tall and straight.
You might be wondering why I am freaking out. Well, when the last thing you hear is that you have horns, and then dream that you changed genders and did not know how to turn back, would you not freak out too?
Hence the crying.
Why are you judging me again?
Whatever.
Well back to me waking up and crying like a little girl who found out that she that her boyfriend did not dump her for another girl on prom night.
Oh! I should also mention why I passed out!
I guess I had another dream before this one that I had wings, tails, horns, a big dick, and I was coveted by all women.
Too bad the sad truth is that women are terrified of a 20+ inch dick, horns that look like something out of a monster movie, and they just can't understand how cool it is to have wings and multiple fox tails (more details on when I actually noticed them down below).
I personally think all women should have their heads checked. But that is just me.
Next on the list, I somehow morphed into a slime. Don't ask. I wasn't awake for that.
Then I was everything and anything that was so small, that all the female nurses took pictures of me and them when I was a cute little fury thing. Either a puppy, or this creature that goes meow in that
high-pitched little thing it calls a voice. I can never really remember what they are called.
But now I have thousands upon thousands of those pictures floating around on the internet and all over town. There is even little girls begging me to turn into that vile creature.
And before you judge me, yes, I turned into it. At $10k a piece.
What? You though I was going to dishonor myself by changing into that thing? HELL NO! THOSE THINGS ARE EVIL! ALWAYS MAKING THOSE SOUNDS TO TALK TO YOU AND MAKES YOU ALL GOOEY INSIDE! NOT TO MENTION....
A few hours later...
Now you see why I hate those, those, things! If I have to change into one, then you better believe those beautiful asses ladies, that I will charge them.
Huh?
.........
What do you mean I can't single out the ladies!?
.........
I don't want to look at a dude's ass!
......…..
Fiiiiiine!
Sorry people. That was conscience telling me I had to include everyone- in that.
What? You never argued with your conscience before? Then you suck!
1 point for the geek vs. 123, 989 points for the jocks.
So there you bastards! I finally got a point on you!
Now, as I was saying.
Throughout the week that I was unconscious, I was examined at every instance that I morphed into different things. But for some odd reason, I always morphed into a kit, puppy, furball thing, etc. Unless it was my actual body that I "adjusted".
I say "adjusted", because that is what it is. Me adjusting that part of my body into whatever I wanted it to be. Hence why that one nurse ran screaming when she was tasked to check out my mid area and saw my new size that I was ever so proud of.
Which cause me to walk to a corner, squat down, and draw circles on the ground with trying to understand why she ran screaming. Even now I still don't understand.
MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MINDS WOMEN! EITHER BIG OR SMALL! NOT BOTH!
Then came the time I finally saw my tails (about 1 week later because, remember, I don't look at dude's ass3es. Not even my own) and damn near had a party. That is when I also noticed the wings.
And I had been blaming the hospital for is poor conduct for patient comfiness this whole time.
Oh well. Just don't tell them (hands reader a hundred buck).
When I was finally, guess what I did when I got home, and the doctor forgot the lower the pill amount?
That's right! I sold only half this time and damn near OD on the rest.
And I will not mention the copious amounts of liquor bottles I have laying around as I took them thinking that it will dissolve the pills faster and get them into my blood stream faster. Nor the lack of female body that were supposed to be making up my furniture.
*Bring Bring*
Me: Hello?
Reader: You just told us dumbass!
Then they hung up the phone.
"Well fuck. Not the doctor is going to know" I spoke as I realized that I heard the line was cut.
Hopefully the fat bastard won't find out. But then again, if he reads this, I'm fucked. To include when he finds out that I sold most of them.
My life sucks.
I can't get laid. I can't get a break. I can't…
Then I hear knocking on the door and I hide behind the wooden kitchen chair. The one that you can clearly see through.
And now you are wondering why I hid behind something that I can obviously be seen behind. The answer is simply. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, knocks on my door. I am like literally a ghost in my neighborhood. My next-door neighbor, of whom I really want to teach her who her daddy is, doesn't even remember my name. she even called the cops on me one time after I have been living here for roughly 7 months, thinking I was a robber or something.
But what I want to know is, why the hell did I get a ticket for indecent exposure. I mean, I was in my little pony boxers. So I was covered up right? I mean, I know she did not see my size.
Meh. I will never be able to understand women.
As I mused, the person of who should not be knocking knocked again.
Against all reasoning, I crawled ever so slowly (1 inch an hour) to the door.
I guess I should not mention that my dining room and kitchen area are in plain sight of both my see-through storm and front doors. So you can now see why, when this goddess of a bombshell woman that I just want to stain white sees me, she walks straight in with this look of "what in the world is this child doing again?" look that all women give to men when they are caught doing something stupid.
You know the look. the confused eyes, tilt of the head, with an almost motherly posture as she walks towards you.
And for some reason or another, she is taller than me.
How the hell did that happen?
Next, I see her hand reach behind my head, and I feel her… pinch? grab? the back of my neck and lift me up. And that is when I heard the phrase that cause me to lose my man card.
"Why did you morph into a kitten?"
I cried.
I cried so hard, that the pitiful mewling that came out of my mouth caused her to squeal with delight. To which she shoved me in between her massive rack and spin around, all the while bouncing on her feet like a little girl in a teddy bear store. Or is it a barbie store?
Doesn't matter. Cause I cried even harder now.
You would too ya bastards! How would you feel if the only way YOU got to touch those valleys is by becoming what you hate and forgotten their species name is!?
Now back to being in the valley of heaven (not the pearly gates. That's somewhere else you perverts) where I am now stuck but can't enjoy because of the form I am now in.
But what I want to know is, why is she cooing at me? Why am I purring? And why, for the love of all that is holy, IS SHE TEASING ME WITH MY BLOODY TAIL DAMMIT!?
"Awe! You suck a cute little purr box! I know a lovely lady that I tend to call Faithy. But she is such the blood sucker. Maybe I shouldn't take you to see her like this? I mean, as soon as you calm down and turn back into the human boy that you are, she might decide to kick you in the balls before she starts to suck on you" the strange woman said.
And boy did her words create some interesting images in my head. I mean, if you were told that she was going to suck on you, wouldn't you want to go?
Then I remember the bit about her doing a upside down karate chop to my nuts via her leg, I almost shit myself. All the while trying to escape this lady's booby trap.
"Come on little purr box. Let's take you and get you fixed!"
Words no man wants to here from any woman on earth.
I turn my head and look at the readers (or where I think they are) and say with dead eyes, "I blame you for this."