I sigh as I float in the void. Thinking of what to tell the readers to get them caught up to why I am here.
*sneezes*
Oh! You guys are back again! No wonder I sneezed!
Well if you all must know, the first two chapters were just the precursor as to why I am here. Where Author-sama can really fuck my life over.
Well… screw it. I will just give you the highlights as to why I am dead waiting for Author-sama to put me out of my misery.
You see, when I was taken over to the one chick's friends house, the drop dead raven haired and violet eyed beauty on legs some how got me to calm down enough that we had an orgy like no other.
And yes people. That crazy chick who wanted to fix me up, fixed me up alright. I'm just glad that I could undo it all.
BUT MAN DID THAT SHIT HURT LIKE HELL!
But back to the bombshell.
It was the next day after I was out of the hospital that the orgy happened. And it was the morning of the day after that, that I woke up to this vampire chick giving me some head.
With her friend sitting behind her.
When the vamp chick moves to the side making me even hornier that I already was.
To which she licked and then bit.
Causing girl number two (I will never remember their names do to the fact that I just don't understand why I need to when I knew I was never going to see them again), who is now in firing range, received a load to her eye.
A load going about 15 miles per hour.
Causing her eye to swell shut.
But the pleasure from the bite however…. Let's just say that I REALLY did not care. Until a few hours later. That is when I noticed that my dick (as small as it was) was not the size of a grapefruit and hurting like hell.
All I could do was stare at it as I heard both those bitches laughing at me. as I am sure you know, as cliché as it is, the laughing brought me out of my stupor. To which I went immediately to the hospital.
When the doctor saw me again, and saw the problem I was in, he almost reprimanded me about overuse until I told him about what occurred a few hours ago. Namely that morning.
He looks at me with a blank face, then down at my dick, back up at me and says "all I can say is that you have your priorities straight. And as much as I want to say that I wish I could have traded places with you to keep my man card, I would not trade this death sentence with you no matter how much you beg.
"What you have here is the death kiss that only vampires that have a certain disease known as Rabies. While not rare, finding one that has it is what makes it so rare. So I'm afraid you are going to die here soon. My condolences sir."
All I did was stare at him and beg that I heard him wrong.
I finally got laid, with two chicks that I did not know, and the hottest vamp that I have ever seen (porn included), and the bitch had Rabies.
I look up to Author-sama and ask "why me? WHY ME!? I finally get laid and you take my life away!? How could you be so cruel!?"
It was then that I received a manuscript of all the girl I could possibly meet. Which perked me right up.
"Thank you Author-sama!"
Then I felt this cold chill (don't know what to call this cold, dead, and lifeless feeling that I can felt) and I had a very, very, VERY bad feeling just then.
3 days later I died. But not before I broke into those bitch's house, tie them up, and began to beat them with my 4" dick with a .5" girth.
Glad I won't be to pay for the repercussions.
Or that is what I thought before I died.
Somehow (and I really don't know how), I can see all the thoughts, schemes, plots, and my eventual demise that Author-sama has for me. And all I could do is cry.
But right now? Right now, I am just chillen like a villain. A very bored chilled villain.
I have no clue how long I sang "beer on the wall" or fantasied about fucking my little sister who was only 19. And still a virgin. Only because I kept trying to talk with her.
Hmm. I even think she got a restraining order put against me.
Meh. Can't remember.
And before you assholes judge me (again), I will have you know that my sister is not only a idle singer, but also in the top 3 good lookers on the Tuber Calenders (same thing as Miss America calenders). Raven hair that somehow has the ability to glow a slight purplish color, hazel green eyes, and the most flawless porcelain skin you have ever scene.
Now you try to not want to screw your own sister. Or just fantasize about it, you perverts.
I thought so.
Going back to thinking about what might be in stored for me.
As if sensing my thoughts, a door appears before me. and just like any other noobish idiot, I opened the door, looked inside for a split second, and slammed the door shut.
As to what I saw inside, let's just say that I am now convinced that the author is going to be having you all laughing so hard, I will be begging him to kill me. I mean, I am still crying just thinking about what I saw.
Opening the door again, I slam it shut once more. And try my best to move away from it. but the damn door keeps following me. Taunting me with what is behind it.
I look up at the top of the door and see a symbol that ANY gaming nerd has seen. A status window.
All I could do is squint my eyes at it. form all the web novels, books, anime, manga, and more that I have both seen and read, I know enough that this is not going to be a fun trip to my next life.
Especially if I am forced to let out my inner chubi sex demon.
I would not wish that on anyone. Not even my worst nightmare.
And before any of you think that I have not met it, I forgot to mention that I have.
Hence why I hate those stupid purring things. And it was not just a single species either. It was mixed with a white wolf, a fox, and an all black purring thing. And then it takes have black fur with white stripes. The damn thing has a canine body with the fluid grace of a feline.
Don't ask me how, I really don't know. Ask the author if you are felling venturous about it.
Hey! I just used a big word just now! That's 2 points you dumb jocks!
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Welcome to your new life.
Sorry I had gotten back to you sooner, but I was too busy laughing at what is in store for you.
I also had to wait for about 4 million years where people like you would not be killed off as soon as you were found. So be grateful.
I will be starting off by saying 'I HOPE YOU DIE A MISERABLE DEATH YOU PERVERTED BASTARD!'.
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My jaw hits the floor from not only seeing a range window, by the fact that whoever is talking to me not only saved my life, but always wishes me dead.
All is right in the world. I can feel a happy, calm grin spread across my face as I continue to read the text.
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I will be sending you to a world where people like you can somewhat survive. On your old world, people like you had a 4% chance of living. This new world, you have a 1%, I mean a 15% chance to live.
Instead of letting you choose what race you will be, I will have you look like your inner chubi sex demon. By grateful I could at least do that for you, you pervert.
Now on to your status screen you ungrateful bastard...
Name: Jeff Kingpin (Really? This is your name? No wonder you are a loser.)
Sex: Male (debatable)
Race: Chimera (Don't know what to call your new race. Too lazy to make one.)
Title: Perverted Beast Kill on Sight
Str: 15
Agi: 22
Dex: 19
Int: 6
Wis: 2
Luc: -13
Cha
Points Available: 5 (Be grateful you got that many you pervert)
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Str = strength (you are above average do to your… activities at night watching your "educational" videos)
Agi = agility (from having to run for your life at every break you think you get *snickers*)
Dex = dexterity (how limber you are. You are this limber due to being shoved into wall lockers, boxes, crates, etc.)
Int = intelligence (being a nerd in school must have paid off somehow)
Wis = wisdom (you suck)
Luc = luck (you have really bad luck if you died from rabies)
Cha = charisma (what charisma)
Sta = stamina (running those *marathons* (snickers) had a positive on this area)
Looking at the status screen, I begin to cry. Not only do I cry, I begin to prostrate myself to who ever decided to give me this wonderful ability. I even have a title!
YAY!
My stamina must be high from all the running I had to do in middle and high school.
*flashback* (brief)
Running from jocks looking to teach him what a swirly is.
Dodging girls who are trying to kill him because he "accidently" walks in on them as they are
changing clothes with camera in hand. (for educationally purposes! I swear!)
Being chased by 10 bulldogs and rottweilers.
*flashback ends*
Good times. Well the girls' locker room anyways.
Wish I can forget the rest though.
So… what now? Will I be reborn? Will I have to be a fucking kid again!?!
GOD NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO HAVING A SAMLL DICK THEN
WHAT I ALREADY HAVE!!!!!
--------------
Assign you points dumbass!
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Oh! I had points to spend? AWESOME!
*Does the worm, sprinkler, and all the other white boy dances known to man that makes all the girls want to kill themselves if they find out their man is doing it in front of their guests. *
So where should I put those points. Well since I am going to be a magical sex creature (any man out there knows where it all lies baby), I put them all in my Int.
Wis is for losers and wimps.
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Bebirth in...
25…..
24…..
To long of a count
1…..