Kawashita lifted his hand, hesitated, and brushed his fingers against my forehead, combing back my hair. His gaze was intense yet steady. "Are you regretting?"
It took me a second to pinpoint that he was talking about what happened earlier. I shook my head. "Are you? Are you disappointed?"
"Are you…" He frowned. "It's…" Then he sighed, scratching his head. "Did I not satisfy you?"
"What's got to do with anything?"
"Everything." He sounded frustrated.
Recalling how he moved earlier, I blushed and averted my eyes. "You heard me earlier. I wasn't faking." I paused then whispered, "And it was three rounds."
"Exactly." His tone rose. "I hadn't even had enough of you. I would have pushed for more, but I'm starving. There's a next time anyway unless…you're backing out?"
"I'm not," I said too quickly, gazing at him. Not after this.
His shoulders slumped a little. Kawashita let out a breath and then he dipped his head. Tucking my hair behind my ears, he pressed his lips on my forehead and murmured something.
I could have sworn he said I'm glad.
But before I could ask, he picked up his shirt. "Do you want to eat dinner or should I go?"
For a moment, the balance of my world shifted. I blinked several times, chasing away the dizziness from panic. We were not lovers. I almost forgot. I rubbed my hands. "I don't think I have any food here."
"I saw." He smiled.
"You can—"
"I can buy outside and come back if you're fine with convenience food."
"Are you sure?" I bit my lips. "I'm not requiring you to stay. I can take care of my own food."
"I'm positive." He put on his shirt and grabbed the can of juice. "I have some things to ask you, plus I heard your stomach growled when you woke up."
"It didn't!"
Kawashita just chuckled. "I'll be back. Go ahead and take a bath, senpai."
I did as he told me because I couldn't interpret his actions. Was this how this relationship worked? I freaked out a bit when I got inside the tub. Was buying dinner his code for see you later or goodbye, see you when I want to fuck? Thinking about those, I prepared myself. No expectations. No anything.
But my door opened as I was rubbing my hair with a towel.
"You didn't lock your door, Matsumoto-senpai," Kawashita called. "That's dangerous."
The door to the short hallway to the bath and outer door was also wide open. I saw Kawashita carrying a white plastic bag. He removed his shoes at the entrance and closed the inner door. I watched him assess my place, bewildered. He came back. With food.
"You're here," I said.
"Didn't I say so?" He frowned. "Do you want me to leave?"
I waved my hand no. "It's just…"
Kawashita only nodded as if he understood. "Where can we eat?"
I glanced around my so-called kitchen. It had that one small refrigerator, sink, small stove, rice cooker, and an electric coffee maker. My only table was the low legged one in front of the sofa which currently had most of my books and several dirty shirts. I cringed. Why did I ever suggested my place?
"Is it okay to clear the table?" Kawashita asked as he placed the plastic beside me.
Before I could stop him, he made the first move, placing the books on the floor beside the table. Fishing out the shirts, throwing it on the side, I grabbed a cloth, apologized, and began wiping the surface. This whole situation turned weird and uncomfortable.
"Don't be so tense," Kawashita said from the side. "I only wanted to see you face to face while we eat. This is your place, and I'm just a guest."
I plopped on the floor, facing the sofa, sighing. "Why do I feel tired?"
"Because we did it three times." Kawashita sat on the other side. "My thighs throbbed a little. I'm surprised you could even stand up."
Laughing, the anxiety from trying to impress eased. I shook my head. "You're underestimating me, Kawashita-kun."
"Does that mean you're up for another round?" He winked, grinning. "Who begged she couldn't take it anymore?"
"Oh, shut up." I smiled back. "Just hand over the food."
He took out two box sets and handed me one. "By the way, senpai, how did you find me?"
"I asked someone in front of the building."
"Just like that? What if you didn't find me? I don't I think I got a message from you." He narrowed his eyes. "I hope you were not thinking of finding some guy to finish what we started."
"I wasn't." I really wasn't. Not that it didn't occur to me. It was just I was lusting over a specific person—him. Meeting someone else was pointless. "I was going to call you on Friday if I didn't find you."
"Why wait? I could have met you anytime if you wanted."
"I was waiting for Friday. I thought you would have made the first move by then." I stopped and picked a bunch of rice with my chopstick. "I had free time and felt desperate."
Kawashita's eyes widened. "Wow. Why are you so honest now, senpai?"
Was I? I shrugged, keeping a straight face, but my palms began sweating. I prayed he would drop it there and wouldn't question my motivation. I was never this careless. This was supposed to be easy but it seemed like a mistake as the minutes passed by.