"To be honest," he said, breaking my train of thoughts. "If you didn't find me today, I was going to look for you tomorrow. I got a tip of your schedule from Tachibana-san. I had been asking about you since I left the motel room alone. I was as desperate as you."
My shoulders loosened, and the breath I didn't realize I was holding came out. Kawashita squinted his eyes. I grimaced, realizing I had been pretty obvious yet again. This guy had been scaling my walls and rendering it useless. I bit my lips and considered.
"Is this how it's supposed to work?" I asked.
His face lightened, and then he shook his head as if he couldn't believe me. I opened my mouth, but he raised a hand. "Is that why you're so tense?"
"I'm not tense." I scowled.
"You clearly are. If I touch you now, I bet you'd jump away from me." He scratched his jaw and shook his head again, sighing this time. "You don't have to be uncomfortable. Shut me down when you don't want to do anything or you don't want to answer me. I won't take any offense if you do. If you didn't want to eat dinner with me, I will not mind."
"It's not that," I said too quickly. I rubbed my temple and gazed at him. "I was starving too. I would have gone hungry all night if you didn't offer. It's just…" I trailed off, thinking how to explain without revealing that I was scared of the effects he had on me.
"It's okay. You don't owe me anything." He put down his chopsticks. "I offered dinner because I wanted to make sure you weren't backing out and that you still desire me."
"Desire you?" I squeaked, flushing.
"Yes." He smirked, reaching for my left hand, caressing my fingers. "If you'd still want to hang on to me while you scream for me to go faster."
"Another round?" My voice rose in disbelief, making me grip his hand tightly. I chuckled. "Your stamina knows no bound."
"Of course. I'm young, unlike your ex-boyfriend." Kawashita grinned without letting go of my hand.
Smiling as well, I shook my head. "Don't you have an evening class or something?"
"You haven't seen the time?" He glanced around, and his eyes landed on my digital clock in my bookcase on the wall beside my small kitchen. It was 21:03. "We slept too long."
"You really have a class?" My eyes widened. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"And miss this chance with you? I'd pick you over any class." Kawashita interlocked his fingers with my mind, smiling as if he wasn't playing with my hand and flirting with me. "Also, I doubt you'd let me go. Remember what happened in the pottery studio?"
"What?" I swatted away his hand and regretting it a second later when I missed the warmness. "You're the one who drove me to that point. You practically seduced me."
"You got seduced, huh?" He chuckled, clasping his hands together. "In my case, I had to take cold showers for five days. I couldn't get you out of my mind and I'd stay hard, thinking of you."
I put a hand over my mouth and shook my head. "How could you say that without blushing?"
"Coming from the person who doesn't hesitate to talk about sex in public."
"That's different."
"Yes. Yes." He started cleaning up his bento box. "Anyway, this is how it should feel like. This, us, isn't supposed to be hard or tense or uncomfortable."
Easy for you to say who was unaffected by everything. You were stripping my clothes but also my defenses, and I had to be careful. I wanted to say to him but instead, I said, "Just sex."
"Just sex," he confirmed. "And this easy bonding."