L'Arc-en-Ciel's Drink It Down pierced the air. Kawashita's tense body loosened. Averting his gaze, he rolled off of me without me saying anything. I glanced at him before I dug my phone from my bag. Unspeaking, I stepped out in my narrow and small balcony at the far back near the end of the sofa. It was wide enough to give a whole view of my room.
"Reiko?" the other line said as soon as I answered.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and peeked inside through the crack. The curtain at the left side remained untouched. Kawashita was lying on the floor again, his arm over his forehead. I kept watching him until I heard my name again.
"Yes. What is it?" I turned around, edging closer to the railing. The rain had let up, but it left a small puddle in my veranda.
"Your father is asking about tomorrow." Mina's voice was gentle as if she didn't want to offend me, but it was pointless. My stomach had sunk, doubling over. I felt the weight of my memory lapse. I wished this day would end already. The tiredness and sadness seeped into my bone. I could no longer avoid it.
Drink It Down rarely came on. I set it for home and Mina's for reasons. I should have seen it coming with the way the dinner with Kawashita ended. Uphill? What a joke. It was downhill all the way.
After assuring her, I ended the call, sauntered back inside, and locked the sliding doors. Kawashita's head perked up from clearing the table when he heard me. "You're a fan?"
It took me a while before I realized what he was asking. I only shook my head. Mina was the one crazy about them. Kawashita was really a music fan. It would be one of our safe topics. I glanced at the clock and it was past 20:00. It wasn't the time to be worrying about potential topics for the days to come.
"Do you mind if we continue this next time?" I peeked at him as I grabbed my bag.
"It's okay," he said, picking up his bag too.
No questions. No violent reactions or a questioning look. I didn't have to come up with some ridiculous excuse or feel guilty whenever I said no. It was a strange yet nice feeling. My shoulders lightened, and the pressure to my stomach eased. It was easier to breathe too. This was what Kawashita was talking about. I smiled to myself and began putting on my coat.
Maybe this relationship was worth it despite the possibility of being replaced at any moment's time. I would get what I want no questions asked. I also didn't have to give out anything I didn't want. It was unexpectedly freeing.
"Are you going out?" Kawashita asked as he tied his shoelaces, and then he faced me when he finished. "You might want to check yourself in the mirror." I jutted my chin, and he only smiled. "I think it got messed up when we were fooling around earlier."
I fished out a compact mirror and saw that my hair was indeed a mess, and my cheeks were flushed. I trotted back to my room. As I fixed my hair, combing it through my fingers, I heard the door shut which made me hurry. But I stopped when I realized I didn't need to. He wasn't waiting for me, and we weren't going together. Exhaling, I smoothed my hair and set in a bun again.
Within two minutes, I was out of my apartment, and Kawashita was nowhere to be found as expected. I didn't know some people have it in them to be so warm and cold the next like it was nothing or wait, maybe that was me. Half-amazed and half-disillusioned, I checked the time again and sighed loudly. I had forty minutes before the store closed. I wouldn't make it in time if I dawdle further. I ran for the stairs to find a familiar figure leaning on the railings.
"That was quick." Kawashita straightened up. "I figured we could walk together to the station if you're also heading there."
"Are you going somewhere?" I raised an eyebrow, unable to help myself.
He smirked. "I'm going home, Matsumoto-senpai."
The walk to the station was fast and unsettling. Kawashita's remark played in my head over and over. It didn't even cross my mind that he might go someplace else to continue what we couldn't finish.
"Are you sure you're not going anywhere else?" I asked, walking that tight line again. "I think I have the right to know if you're going to…umm…fulfill your needs."