I suddenly woke up with a start, I was shivering and sweating as my mind was still unable to forget what I saw early in the morning.
I saw my door open and Koushik daa ran towards me with a worried look on his face.
"Are you all right dear? I heard you shouting Joe's name."
I jumped from my bed and hugged Koushik dada tightly. "Dada, please tell me is Joe all right?"
"Right now I really don't know anything, honey. Your mom and dad have gone to figure it out and trust me dear, you or your brother might not know this, but your mom was a hero. People in Purulia is really proud of her achievements. When it concerns you or Joe, your mom will even battle the devil to protect both of you." replied Koushik dada.
We stepped out of my room and sat on the couch of our living room. The clock on the wall showed the time was 1:30 in the afternoon. Mom and Dad have been out for a while now.
"Do you want to eat something, you might be hungry," asked Koushik dada.
"I have made your favorite gazar ka halwaa," he suddenly paused looked at my confused face and quipped "Or was it mine... I guess it was mine... Do you want to try some..."
I was not hungry however Koushik dada's lame attempt at humor made me agree and I nodded my head indicating a yes.
As I was having the halwa, Koushik dada said "You might want to spend some time in your brother's room. It might make you feel better."
It felt like a good idea to go to Joe's room. Koushik dada told me that he will be in the hall in case l needed anything.
As I entered his room, I could sense a shift to the usual chaotic and disheveled ambience of the room. His room was neat and tidy, and his bed was properly and tidily made. I have never known Joe keeping his room so well. There was a piece of paper with my name written on it, and a pile of papers neatly rolled up next to the paper.
As I picked up the paper, I found it was a letter for me. I opened the letter and read...
My Dear Monika,
We want you to read this letter because we have found something which makes us believe Joe, Abhinu, and you are in grave danger.
Right now your dad and I are with Mr. N.N. and Miss Sengupta to make arrangements for your safety and trying to figure out where your brother and Abhinu are, and who kidnapped them.
We want you to know that Koushik will be with you till we return and don't be afraid, you are in safe hands. Koushik and Babul's friends are keeping a constant watch over our house. We have made sure that you are well protected at the moment.
The reason I am writing this letter is to let you know about some facts which has come to the limelight and so we both need to be with Mr. N.N. and Miss Sengupta to find proof or knowledge about the extent of Mr. Banerjee's involvement in Joe's kidnapping and the reason why they kept hurting and abusing Aarohi, Abhinu, and Alena. Aarohi might have told you that Mrs. Banerjee lost a child during childbirth, that was Alena however he is not related to the Banerjee family.
Till we can locate your brother, don't trust anyone except the people who were present at our house that night. If you have any pictures or photos of Abhinu both as a boy or a girl, please give it to Koushik he will keep them in a safe place till everything is safe.
If you want to know, what we found out, you can read the rolls of paper kept next to this letter. As an 11-year-old, I know, it would be difficult for you to understand what is written there, but your Dad and I think this is important and you should know about it.
Be good and stay safe.
P.S. Your dad has made a mistake 6 years ago not trusting someone, it is time to set things right.
Love Mom.
**** I picked up the roll of papers, that was placed on the bed. As I opened the roll, the handwriting looked familiar and I sensed that these are the pages of one of Abhinu's Journal. ****
11th February 1994
I am writing the journal after 3 days. What happened last Friday made me wish I possessed a will strong enough to end my life or was mentally ill-equipped so that these incidents could not hurt or affect me at all. It was Garima's birthday. I helped aunty decorate the hall for the upcoming party.
I wanted to be included in the party too, but aunty had ensured earlier that I didn't have any male attire with me and I don't think aunty would let me socialize with outsiders dressed as a woman. Besides I knew it very well, that everyone in the family is ashamed of me, Who wouldn't be? I felt ashamed of myself too.
By 3 o'clock the room was ready for the party. Aunty told me that the theme for the party was Masquerade Ball. Everyone would be wearing a costume with a mask over their face to hide their identity. Aunty seems to have changed her mind, she enthusiastically asked Aamaya di to dress me up for the party. Maybe this was part of her attempt in introducing and acclimatizing this new version of me to the outside world. Aunty had to go to the doctor for a late check-up and would not be home till 10:00. She ordered my sisters to keep an eye on me during the party.
Aamaya di helped me put on a black laced skirt which had a white flower stitched on the left and along with that she made me put a white top over it. She made me wear a bra underneath it and stuffed it with big rolls of cotton to resemble breasts. She asked me to put on a nylon white stocking which complimented the dress. I put on white calf length boots with wedge heels to accentuate the dress. Finally she handed me a pair of white gloves and asked me to put them on. Once I was ready she gave me a mask to cover my face. She told me that this mask is known as the Volto which would conceal my face. I guess this being a masquerade party worked to my advantage. Little did I know….
Around 4 p.m. the guests reached the house. Aamaya di came to me and said that a few of my classmates would also be there at the party and requested me to be a little bit cautious. Because of the masks everyone's identity was masked unless we tried to interact with one another. I decided to stand in a corner and watch them having fun.
Watching their happiness, I regret the unfortunate day I fought with Soham. Had I not fought with him, I would not have been sent to the detention center, had I not been sent to the detention center I would not have been expelled from school, getting expelled from school led me to lose all my friends and finally my identity. I am not Abhinu anymore. I don't get to be the boy I was born to be anymore. I am scared by the simple possibility of the consequence that if any of them even knows that I live like this, what would happen to me. My eyes were watering but due to the mask on my face, I cannot rub the tears off my eyes too. I just want everything to be normal once again.
Time passed and at around 6 'O' clock the dance started. I was standing in a corner trying to be invisible from everyone in the crowd, when all of a sudden the music changed, and everyone came down to the center of the room to dance. Suddenly someone approached me, stretched his hands, and asked me for a dance. It was quite an embarrassing moment for me. Another boy asking me for a dance. He was taller than me and well build. I guess he might be one of Aamaya di's classmates. I was really terrified by the prospect of what would happen if this boy recognized me and understands that I am not really a girl. I decided to enjoy the moment without thinking about the consequences.
We kept dancing, and for the first time in a while I was happy. It was probably because the boy didn't understand that I am not really a girl and the last 1 and half month has actually changed my body language to be more girly. For that matter even my thought, my behavior has changed. After a while, everyone started to leave. The boy was a true gentleman, and since we both were hungry we decided to have our dinner. I took some food on the plate and went to my room. The boy followed me too.
I was scared of opening the mask in front of him lest he figures out who I am and changes his mind. As we both sat on the bed, he looked at me and said, that I am a very good dancer, and also a very talented artist. I asked him what he meant and he told me that for a boy I was easily masquerading as a girl. Not everyone has such talents. He also said my secret is safe with me, and that I don't have to worry about anything because he knows that I am Abhinu. I came to know from him that he is Sam's elder brother Daniel. He was the first person to date who didn't come into any conclusion even after knowing who I was. He told me that Sam had a crush on me since the first day he saw me at school, but Sam was an introvert girl and she thought that if I don't like her she would be heartbroken. She decided to remain one of my best-friends and passed on to the afterlife happy that her best friend was there during the last days of her life.
He told me that it takes a lot of courage to be dressed up as a girl in a masquerade ball. I was not afraid of him anymore but I still decided not to tell him about me and instead I lied to him that I was missing my dearest friend Aarohi and so I am dressed up as her. I took off the mask and had dinner together. I also told him that I love Monika and that I was sorry I couldn't save Sam on the day of the accident. He told me that he is never angry with me, and as a matter of fact, he promised Sam that he will always take care of me and that's why he came to today's ball to learn more about me. Before he left, he stepped forward and kissed me on my cheek and left. While leaving he told me that Aamaya is spreading some rumor in school and he just came to confirm the facts.
He even asked my permission if I would be comfortable if he keeps visiting me once a while, when no one else would be around. I said yes, since I am in dearth of friends and someone actually approached me to be a friend. After he left, I pulled down my mask and went downstairs to put my plate in the sink. The boy was nowhere to be seen.
Almost all the guest were gone by the time I finished my dinner. There were only 4 boys who were still there and looking at the body language I could very well understand that they are none other than Soham and his 3 best friends. I tried to avoid the four of them fearing the possibility that if they see me like this it is going to humiliate me.
As I was leaving the room, someone called me from the back. The word they used to call me was really insulting and it nearly made me cry. I had no option but to meet them. Things turned worse when all of them removed their masks and Garima suddenly said to Soham that they miss Aarohi so much that they make me dress-up like Aarohi all the time. I was afraid that my sisters were very capable of outing my truth in order to humiliate me and that's what they did.
The 7 of them started making fun of me and started calling me names like Tranny, Crossy, Sissy, and Lady-boy. I was too scared to retaliate and reply back. I tried running away from there, but they were much stronger than me. To my horror, the inevitable happened. Soham removed the mask off my eyes, caught hold of my hip with his right hand, and pulled me close to him and kissed me in front of everyone. I was so ashamed that I pushed him away and slapped him.
The slap bought the monster within Soham and they caught hold of me and tied my hands with a scarf which Garima bought from her room. He then dragged me out into the hall, pulling me by my hair and kept repeating that I love to fight so he is going to teach me a lesson I won't forget. The pain was unbearable and I kept pleading them that I was sorry, but they all wanted to teach me a lesson for slapping Soham. My sisters also agreed that I need to be punished.
I was dragged to our basketball court and then they blindfolded me with Garima's dupatta and told me to run while I try to escape from them. He told me that this game is called catch the fox. They will throw balloons filled with water on me to hunt me. Everyone was given a packet of balloons to fill it with water. Aamaya di took the game to the next level and took out the plastic pellet guns which dad had once gifted to the 5 of us. I was never allowed to touch those ever since the incident with Soham. She thought it would be fun to use those too and then gave one each to each of them. Darika and Garima was told to use only the balloons. They gave me 5 minutes to hide.
I pleaded them not to do this, but Soham whispered in my ear that either I run and hide, or imagine the worst, which will be more embarrassing. I didn't struggle much and started running to find a safe place to hide from them. I was unable to see where I was running because of the blindfold on top of that the wedges made it more uncomfortable to run. If that was not enough they didn't relieve my hands. While trying to hide, I tripped and fell. With my hands tied behind I struggled to get up but was unsuccessful. A few minutes later someone helped me get up and everyone started shouting at me to run.
I felt a balloon hit me but I was unable to dodge it. While running I tripped again and felt face-on into the ground. My ankle was hurt but I was not able to use my hands to caress it. Soham and his friends pulled me up and made me run again. It was the same thing again and again. They kept throwing balloons at me but I was unable to dodge them. Every time I tripped, they pulled me up and made me run again. I finally had enough and decided to stand up for myself. My binds came off too. I was bleeding from my face but I stood ground and shouted at them, to fight with me. The 5 of them took out the guns, which until that time for some reason had kept it aside. Soham asked the 5 of us to make sure the pellets shouldn't touch my face. They kept shooting till the whole magazine was empty. Every hit of the pellet hurt me a lot. It didn't bleed but the pain was unbearable and I started to cry.
Once the guns were empty, they started to throw the remaining balloons at me and finally Soham landed a hard punch at my face and I fell on the ground. They tied my hands behind my back again and soham slapped me very hard and I felt on Aamaya di's arms. She caught me by my top and slapped me hard and I fell on Grihamani's arms he did the same and I felt on Darika's feet. Darika and Garima also joined hands in slapping me. This continued till I was lying down unconscious on the ground.
I don't remember how long I was unconscious, but when I woke up, I was inside the house, lying on the floor. They had tied me up once again and this time it was my legs as well. I saw my skirt on Soham's hands. I looked down and found that I was not wearing anything waist down other than my stocking and inner. My cheeks were hurting and I also felt a pain in my neck too. I came to know that they have placed a collar on my neck with a chain on it and Aamaya di had the end of the chain on her hand. I kept struggling to relieve myself of the binds but was too helpless, my head and face were hurting badly from the wounds.
The rest of the boys have already left. To my horror, Aamaya di said if I want my skirt back I should not mention the incident to uncle. I looked up and ignored her comment and replied in an angry tone that I am going to tell uncle about it. She took off both her shocks and stuffed it in my mouth so that I cannot say a single word. As I started to choke on her stinking socks, I kept whimpering, trying to tell her to get it out of my mouth but they ignored, unable to do anything and ashamed of my current situation all I could do was cry.
Aamaya di stamped my face with her shoe and shouted this is where I belong. She told Soham that he has nothing to worry about anything that happened today, I don't have the balls to tell anyone, she also said that "aunty had made sure I don't have balls at all." and if I even dare to tell anyone, she will teach me a lesson I will never forget. Saying that she dug her heels deep on my wounds, it started to hurt, even more. All I could do was whimper and cry as I was too weak to do anything.
At around 9 p.m. I heard the bell rang. It was aunty and when she saw me on the floor all tied up, gagged and my skirt on Soham's hand, she scolded Soham and told him to leave the house that very instant. After Soham left, Aunty started to beat Aamaya di till she was hurt and began to cry. I felt like aunty really cared for me but then she told Aamaya di that what they do to me in the house stays in the house, she can punish me the way she wants, but outsiders should not be involved in it. I could finally understand that all she cared about was her reputation in front of others. I meant nothing to her.
Finally, I was let go. Aunty told me that she was sorry and that she should not have left the house. She touched my forehead and found that I had a very high fever. She promised me that Soham would never enter the premises of the house. She let me go off my binds and helped me change my dress and cleaned my wounds. My life has become a living hell. I guess when people say that your bad deeds will come back to haunt you, It might be right. I remember the day dad gifted us the guns we were playing cops and robbers and just for fun I had hit Aarohi with the pellet gun a couple of times. Aarohi was crying because she was hurt but later she forgave me for it, but maybe Aamaya di might have not forgiven me for it.
**** Oh my god… what the hell was that all about… this is pure bullying and molestation… I don't believe it… I wonder how much Abhinu could be in pain that day. I just wished Daniel dada would have stayed in his place for one more hour and this incident could have been well averted… ****
I remember a few years ago, Daniel dada had to leave school because everyone found out that he considers himself to be a Gender Binary which created a lot of problems in school and he was expelled. I guess that was the reason he didn't come to any conclusion when he saw Abhinu crossdressed. I never knew Sam has a crush on Abhinu. Daniel dada is among the few people who knew Abhinu and Geeta was the same person. There were times when he came to our aid whenever we wanted.
TO BE CONTINUED…