At the sound of my persistent sobbing, Koushik dada came rushing to my room. He sat on the bed next to me, handed me his handkerchief and asked "Why are you crying, sis? Is anything wrong?"
"Dada can you take me to Kolkata, please?" I pleaded to him with folded hands.
"Why do you want to go to Kolkata?"
"I want to teach someone a lesson" I replied.
"Whom?" he asked
"Soham, I want to teach him a lesson on respecting women, if someone doesn't know how to respect a lady, he deserves to be taught a good lesson." I replied.
Koushik dada looked at me and said, "Look at me... We know what you have read and why do you want to punish Soham."
"But you know your mom, she has explicitly instructed you to stay put at home with me and not wander off to do anything hasty right."
I protested, "How do you expect me to remain calm dada? Do you even understand what Soham did? How cruel and humiliating his actions were to Abhinu?"
"If you were a girl yourself you would have understood, how difficult and excruciating it can feel to get groped by a group of thugs and you are struggling hard to escape their clutches. It doesn't matter if anyone is a boy or a girl, no one has any right to hurt or bully anyone."
In my sheer rage, I might have talked back rudely to Koushik dada but for some reason, he was calm and without batting an eyelid responded: "Dear, I am a human too, ragging is illegal, besides I do have friends who understand what Abhinu had dealt with that day. Perhaps these friends know a little too well how it feels to be different."
"If only I can get in touch with Soham, I just want to ask Soham if seeing Abhinu's misery was not enough to quench his lust that he had to go on and enact his morbid abuse on him too???" I asked.
Koushik dada suddenly changed his tone and asked: "Monika, can you keep a secret?"
"What secret?" I asked curiously.
"First, promise me whatever I am about to reveal to you now, you are not going to tell your Mom or Dad," asked Koushik dada.
"What promise dada?" I asked.
"Not unless you promise me that you will not tell anyone." Koushik da insisted.
I finally gave up and agreed "ok... I promise."
"Do you remember the day when Geeta gave the journals to your brother."
"Yes." I replied.
"Your brother came to me to get the journal photocopied and when I was photo-copying the pages, I stumbled upon the pages your brother is making you read now. My Xerox machine has a function which allows me to scan the document first before starting the print"
"I gave a copy to your brother, and without telling him, I printed another copy for myself. I went through the manuscript and came to know all about Geeta before your brother and mom discovered the truth."
"I was so angry at myself, that I wanted to rescue Geeta away from that house. But since I knew your brother well and was sure eventually he would figure out things and get in touch with your mom or Babul da for advice. They would definitely have found out a good way to assist her."
"However, I felt that there was one person who needed to be taught a proper lesson and that was Soham. What he did on the night of 11th February 1994, no punishment was big enough to penalize him of the crime he committed."
"Dada, please don't tell me you have done something wicked," I asked surprised by Koushik Da's dark edgy change of tone.
I saw Koushik dada don a smug smile and wink at me at my cautious words.
"What did you do dada?" I asked in a shocked tone.
"I guess you know, that I spend most of my time working for the betterment of the transgender community and the people of the slums in Purulia."
"Yes, why do you ask?" I asked.
"Against my better judgment, I revealed Geeta's predicament to a few friends of mine who were ex-convicts. They have been coming to our NGO for counselling sessions so that they reform themselves for the sake of their families and provide them with a better life. They were really enraged by what Soham did, but they are mad at someone else too." Koushik dada continued.
"Who Dada?" I asked.
"You should read the remaining pages and you will get the answer to your question." Kaushik dada replied.
"You might not know this but in prison, someone serving their sentence for murder or theft enjoy a better life then those who were convicted of rape or molestation. Everyone from Auto drivers, Rickshaw pullers, taxi drivers to thieves are on a manhunt for that guy."
"All of my transgender friends want a piece of Soham, and since the past 4 days, a total of 79400 transgenders(hijra) from their community in Kolkata are hunting for Soham. Since we don't have his photograph and he doesn't study in D.P.S. anymore we are unable to trace him."
Hearing what Koushik dada just said, I could only dread to think what will happen to Soham if they catch him. I am also mad at him too, but my love towards Abhinu took precedence over taking pity on his current situation.
"What are they going to do when they finally get hold of Soham?" I asked.
Dada replied with a "hmm..." took a deep breath and continued, "They are very protective when it comes to taking care of their kind. But this situation is different. A child is being forced to be like them and then he is being tortured. They understand it very well how it feels when someone tries to body-shame them. The feeling of shaming someone because of how they look or what they wear is something that cannot be described in words."
"I can only dread to think about what they are up to. I can surely tell you something."
"They might be foul-mouthed or outcast, and a regular person is generally scared of their presence."
"But if you have ever been good to them, they will stand as a shield to protect you even from the gods or beasts of the underworld."
"You might not know this, but recently I came to know about an incident which proves how great Geeta is. And just because of that one incident, she has earned their protection and Soham have earned their righteous wrath."
"What incident are you talking about?" I asked.
"You will know about it in due time. Even I don't know about the incident, but all I can tell you is that Geeta is the saviour of one of their Guru's, which according to them makes her a messenger of their deity Bahuchara Mata."
Things felt creepy, and I desperately wanted to know what Abhinu did to gain these people's protection. Koushik dada patted my head and continued "The journal entries are so disturbing that I feel that Soham's destiny has been sealed."
I was determined to help Koushik dada and his friends on their quest for Soham and before Koushik dada could say another word, I took out my photo album and gave him a picture from the day when Abhinu was christened Geeta. Behind the picture, I wrote Soham's present school name in full. I recalled that Abhinu had forgiven Soham for what he did that day, but I lacked his grace or tolerance and can never bring myself to forgive him in a million years.
I know I was instigating Koushik Da by giving him the photo from that dark day. As Koushik dada saw the picture, he turned his head towards the left and shut his eyes tightly as if he was disgusted by what he saw.
The picture had Soham sitting on a couch, and Abhinu was made to sit on his thighs, with the veil covering his face and Soham was trying to lift it, while Abhinu was resisting.
"Dada, please promise me, that if your friends find Soham, you will ask your friends to let me meet him once. I only want to look into his face and question him what kind of pleasure he was seeking when he was hurting Abhinu that day." I requested.
"I promise" replied Koushik dada.
Koushik dada then asked me to read the remaining pages and said once I was done reading them, I should let him know so that he can confide in me his next plan of action.
As I was reading through the entries, Koushik dada got busy with his laptop.
Koushik dada suddenly called someone on the phone and said: "Uncle, everything is ready, can you give it a try please."
"Perfect" and then Koushik's dada started to look up into the ceiling with a weird smile and his hands raised to the air and waving at something. Suddenly he receives another call and stops.
I decided to ignore him and continued my reading.
17th February 1994
As I woke up, I knew a great deal of punishment was in store for me. To stop matters from escalating, I wore the red salwar suit that Aunty got for me before I ran away from home. After the last few days of living my normal self, I was feeling awkward dressing up as a girl again. But I have no other choice. Aunty came to my room. She told me that she is really sorry about the incident 5 days ago and that she didn't expect that such a thing might happen.
Things felt too odd to be true. I don't know whom should I trust. Monika is ashamed of me, Uncle agreed to what aunty kept telling him. Mr. Jairus doesn't believe my story. Aunty has proved to the cops that I am mentally unstable and now she is asking forgiveness from me. I don't know whom should I believe?
Finally, Aunty told me that I don't need to be a girl again. And that she was sorry about what she made me do and regretted it. She also told me that Soham's parents had also taken away the complaint because she showed his parents a video that my sisters took on the night of the incident and if they don't take the complaint away, she would tell the cops about it.
She asked me to remove all of the jewelry and clothes and got me a pair of Aamaya di's shorts to put them on. She said that she has asked uncle to get me new clothes to wear.
Later in the evening when uncle came and I went out to greet him. I was less excited to meet him and more excited about the clothes, uncle bought for me. Uncle looked at me, gave a smile and asked me to stay in the hall for a while. He asked Rahat to take Aamaya di, Garima and Darika out for a movie and not to bring them back for the next 5 hours.
He took out a bottle of rum from the shelf and poured it into a glass and started drinking it. He had a couple of glasses and then poured the rum to a second glass and made me drink it. It tasted yucky, but he told me if I throw up, he will make me drink the whole bottle. With great difficulty, I drank it. As I started feeling dizzy, I was not able to comprehend what was happening around me. I started to feel as if someone was trying to grope me inappropriately and my subconscious mind was trying to resist the touch. Everything was a blur.
I could barely sense Aunty's sudden presence and her attempts at pulling me away from uncle. She poured some lime juice down my throat which made me feel a little better. Still partially unconscious and rocky on my feet, I couldn't muster enough strength to get back to my room and taking the support of the pillar I sat on the floor.
I could hear Aunty and Uncle quarreling and aunty requesting Uncle not to force me to dress up as a girl. In my subconscious state, I heard a secret which shook me to the core in my fragile state. Uncle revealed himself as the one who conspired to kill my dad because of some prophecy. He bribed my doctor to implant TESTOPEL under the skin near my hip during the surgeries for my accident. Since then my body had been developing a lot of changes. It has started to develop more feminine characteristics. My body has grown 2 very unpleasant bulges on my chest ever since. Hearing Uncle's confession, I couldn't believe my ears but the real reason for all my torment and misfortune was dawning on me and I was encountering the true face of my culprit. In my weak state, I felt a deep rage burning my soul.
Uncle caught hold of aunty's neck in a choke hold and threatened to kill everyone in the family if he sees anyone masquerading as a boy in the house indicating towards me. He did however concede that even tough he will kill everyone in the family, he will make sure he will not harm the 2 of us, he wants me alive for a greater purpose. He also confessed about killing Aarohi and someone named Alena and intimidated Aunty menacingly that he won't hesitate to kill me if required if she didn't abide by his orders.
Aunty pleaded with uncle to shift over to Purulia to my place so that I would not feel lonely and being in my mother's home would help me get over my misery. Uncle took a pause and agreed but under four conditions. Firstly I should stay as a girl, secondly, he thrust a piece of paper in her hand and told her that he had listed a set of rules which I should be made to follow for the rest of my life, third she should prepare me for the next surgery which I will have to undertake after a month and I should not be saying no to it, and finally every now and then, he should see her or one of my sisters attempt to make my life miserable. It was upto Aunty how she made that happen. Aunty wanted to know about the surgery from uncle but he wouldn't reveal anything about it. He only insisted that they will come to know about it in the right time.
After seeing this deeply disturbingly turn of events and Uncle's sinister self, I dragged myself weakly to the safety of my room. I was shocked and shattered by what I saw. Looking at the cruelty with which he treated aunty, my indignation evaporated, and I was filled with horror. Unexpectedly I could feel Aunty silently helping me step towards room. Once we were within the confines of my room, she hugged me weeping inconsolably and apologized for breaking her promise, but she also promised me that as long as she was alive no harm will come from uncle. She gave me the note uncle gave her and asked me to follow it, She made me promise that if my friends ever enquired about my misery, I should always blame her and not mention Uncle's role in all of this. I made a solemn promise to myself, that I am never going to forgive uncle for what he did to me.
**** I don't believe it... It was uncle who was behind all this and I have been thinking it was aunty's doing. Abhinu never told me anything about this too. I kept praying that uncle soon has the brains to stop the family from screwing up Abhinu's mind in this manner. But after what I learned, I don't know what to say. He is living with a psychopath and a sadist. ****
20th June 1994.
I am very ashamed of what happened to me today. Aunty and my sisters are in Purulia for the week. We are going to live there till I am all grown up. I only hope that I can muster up enough strength to stay alive until I am all grown up. I was happy that I won't have to be in front of my friends in my current state. In the evening uncle called up Rahat kaka and 3 of his friends. Uncle told me that recently he has acquired a new company and that's why they wanted to celebrate. He told me I am his lucky charm. Since I became his daughter, he has been doing very well in his business. He told me to go and stay in the room while uncle and the 4 of them had fun. Later in the evening, Rahat kaka entered my room in an inebriated state and dragged me out into the hall.
I tried resisting but was too helpless. Recently my health has weakened to a great extent. 3 months ago after the surgery things have really started to get difficult for me. Doctors at the hospital had warned all of us that we need to be extremely careful, at-least for the next 6 month. Every-now and then my pee-wee bleeds because of the surgery. Aamaya di keeps telling me that I should stop calling it a pee-wee and instead call it a pussy. I don't have enough strength to even resist Darika and Garima when they try to overpower me sometimes. As he dragged me out of the room, his friends pounced on me and tore off my frock. I tried to run but uncle caught hold of me tightly, He made me take off the tattered frock and sit on his lap in a semi-naked state and made me watch pornographic videos in front of 4 other men whom I barely know.
After a while, they were fed-up with those dirty videos and the 4 of them wanted me to give them a deep throat. They dragged me to uncle's room, I tried to resist but they were too strong and forced themselves on me. I kept begging them not to do it, but they wouldn't listen. Uncle didn't even stop them from hurting me.
They took turns at me and did some really dirty thing which I want to forget it but I doubt I am going to forget this disgusting night till the day I am alive.
Finally, after they left, I was too exhausted to even get up for the bed. I was still semi-naked when uncle picked me up in his arms and took me to my room. He laid me on my bed and sat next to me. I was so tired and exhausted that when he began to touch and kiss me in places which my semi-conscious mind kept saying that it is not feeling uncomfortable, I couldn't raise my arms to push him away from me. Things became extreme when he inserted his hands inside my panties and did something shameless which I cannot explain lest Monika reads this diary someday.
After a while, he finally pulled a blanket over me, tucked me in, and left the room. I struggled to fall asleep but the incident was so terrifying that it kept repelling me towards disgust. I wanted to kill myself but I guess I am a coward to even try that too.
**** Oh my God... what the hell. I remember after we shifted to Purulia, Abhinu told me about a surgery, however when I asked him about the details he was too embarrassed to tell me about it. Does this entry meant that his… Naah… I don't think so… ****
I got down for the bed to pick up the dictionary to search for the word Deep-throat. I flipped through the pages searching for the word but was unable to find anything.
I picked up my phone to search for the word on the internet and finally I found a video in shareyourworld.com. As I went through the video I couldn't believe my eyes. 'Oh!!! My god… This is disgusting. Yuck…Did this really happen? I feel like throwing up.'
**** They keep hurting him, this incident must have really left a scar in his heart that could never be cured, but he still keeps a smile on his face as if nothing has happened. I wish one-day Abhinu gets justice for what Uncle and the creep Rahat made him do that night. He has suffered a lot. Why didn't he tell me about this incident? O' god where-ever Abhinu is right now, I hope he is safe. ****
I sat down on the floor, kept my phone on the ground and placed both my hands on the head. I was feeling really helpless, knowing what has happened and I unable to do anything about it. All I could do was cry.
After a while Koushik daa entered the room. He came and sat next to me.
"So..."
"I hope you understood why your mom is out."
I was lost for words and with my head pointed down I replied "Hmmm... I think I do."
'Dada... can I ask you something?'
'Go ahead dear?'
'Why was uncle being such a shameless man. Why was he not thinking about his daughters before doing such a shameless act. Forgive me if I am stating the wrong question, but what if someone does the same thing with his daughters... how would he feel?'
Koushik daa looked at me, stretched his arms around my shoulder with his right hand and replied "This world is full of characters or people who can baffle you, surprise you, disgust you, or frighten you. As adults, it is our job to protect and shield the young ones, from this kind of ugliness. You might believe that this is one isolated act of pure hatred and cruelty which is unique and not commonly encountered in today's world, but you would be surprised to learn that these acts are far more common and brutal and psychopathic than our innocent guileless lives allow us to be exposed to. The only difference is once we come across these atrocities, we lose our belief and trust in this world and cynicism takes hold of our hearts and embitters us."
He paused for a while giving me an opportunity to digest what he said and continued "As kids, you are always protected from these realities by your parents and guardians whose only intention is to save you from this cruel and cynical realism and preserve the innocence and virtue of your minds. Sadly, for Abhinu the person who was entrusted with his guardianship turned out to be one of those psychopaths who could stoop to the lowest of thresholds of human indecency and use and abuse anyone for his personal gains. But there are people who will come forward to extend their help and support in your times of need selflessly and without any personal interest. You know very well whom I am talking about. So to summarise, there is both good and bad in this world and it is easy to be frustrated and disgusted by the bad and lose hope but each and every act of kindness also acts to balance out the bad and stop us from extinguishing that little ray of hope for humanity. I hope yours is not affected by Uncle's demonic acts."
**** I guess I understood what Koushik dada meant even though most of what he said went over my head. ****
He moved his hands away and using his phone he took a picture of the photograph I gave him earlier and sent it to someone. As soon as the delivery notification pinged his phone, he received a call on his phone.
I couldn't hear what was being said on the other line but all I could hear was:
"Yes, Aunty it is done. She has seen it."
"Ok... we are on the way."
He disconnects the call and dials up another number.
"Hello, Masi... This is Koushik here."
"Everything has been set in motion. I will need your eyes and ears on the road."
"I will be traveling from 37 Netaji Road to 21 Ketia Junction, and I need you to keep track of us throughout the journey."
"Remember I told you about Monika, I need to take her to a safe house and I want your people to keep a track of my bike during the journey"
"I have sent you an address. In case something happens, can you promise me you will take the child to the address I have sent you."
Koushik dada looked at me and said "Monika, we need to go somewhere. Please get ready." And left the room.
Before leaving he said "I will get the bike ready… please get dressed."
I went through my cabinet for something to wear and found the denim pants and the blue jacket papa bought for me on my last birthday.
I had never worn pants since the unfortunate incident with my Abhinu, but today I wore it happily without any hesitation. Along with it, I wore my favourite black boots.
It took me around 15 minutes to get ready. As I came out I found Koushik dada was going through the rooms to make sure all the windows were properly closed and locked.
He gave me another plate of Halwa and told me to have it as he needs to finish some work before leaving.
He started going through all the rooms of my house and pointing his fingers in the air, he said, "I have installed some micro camera's throughout the house which are connected to 3 different mobile vans monitoring the house."
"Every hour one of the 3 vans will be making rounds around the house. We have a feeling that Mr. Banerjee is desperately searching for Geeta because he thinks we have taken her away from him."
As he was talking, his phone buzzed. He looked at me and replied "Honey, you finish the halwa while I go and get this call." and went out of the house to respond to the call while I devoured the halwa.
I saw Koushik Dada's Blue and Red 800cc Honda parked outside the door which I had always dreamt of riding one day. Suddenly a black-coloured SUV entered our house and parked right next to Koushik dada's motorcycle. As I was admiring the 2 vehicles, my eyes got heavy and my head felt a pounding. I tried to accustom my eyes to my surroundings, my eyes watered and then everything went completely blank.
TO BE CONTINUED...