It took us about 30 minutes to complete our lunch. They have made a make-shift dining area to have food. They have separate dining areas for officers and other ranks.
I could see a few known faces there. There was Captain Sagar who was looking at me and giving me a broad smile. Then there was Major J.P. I don't know his full name. Everyone called him J.P. Bhai. There were a few other officers whom I saw during my kidnapping ordeal. They were from the medical team.
Dad was sitting on the other side and Mom sat next to me. There was not much talking while having lunch. Dad told me that the officers consider it bad manners to talk while having food hence there was not much talking. We finally completed our lunch and went back to our tents.
There was nothing much to do and so I decided to read the remaining entries, eager to discover about Abhinu's life and the truth behind his struggles. The whole truth was still not evident to me yet but I was getting closer.
As I climbed on the bed, Dad looked at me and said "Honey, We will be in Capt. Sagar's tent for some work. If you need us, give us a shout."
I smiled at them and replied "Ok Papa..."
As they left I picked up the bunch of papers and started reading them.
11th July 1994
Yesterday's chain of events was still lurking on my head. I was proud of what I did. It feels good to be able to help someone who needs my help. I still wonder how my family would react when they come to know about it. I am worried when Shabnam Masi said that they are going to make my family life miserable. I wonder what they are going to do with them.
I sat on the couch in our hall holding the presidential bravery medal on my hand recalling the day I lost Aarohi, I received a call. As I picked up the phone, it was Aamaya di on the other line. She said that there will be a delay in reaching Purulia and that I have to be alone for another 4 days. As I was about to say anything, she hung up. I cannot call them back too as they have made sure I cannot make any phone calls by putting on a cover over the number pad and whenever they are out they make sure to lock it down.
Food arrangements were only for 3 days when they left. Feels like I might have to starve myself once again, for the next 3 days. I felt like going hungry tonight so that I can preserve today's food for tomorrow however my hunger got the better of me and I had whatever food was remaining with the hope that a miracle happens and they return tomorrow. I am used to starving myself and so without giving another thought I finally went off to sleep with the hope that tomorrow would be a better day for me.
12th July 1994
I am so used to waking up early that I didn't realize that it was 5:00 AM when I opened my eyes. There was nothing to do at home with the family in Kolkata. I went up to the balcony and started to practice yoga. Time passed and slowly I started to feel hungry. I searched the house for whatever food I could find but there were none. I felt like going over to Mr. Jairus's place and ask him for some food, but ever since I cam to Purulia, I have not seen any lights or any movements in his house, which gave me the impression that there was nobody at home. Something happened which felt like a miracle. I heard some noises coming from the balcony. A man was standing there who had his face covered with a piece of cloth.
At first, I was scared to confront him, but then he spoke up and said to me not to be afraid of him and that Shabnam Masi had asked him to bring food for me. Her friends have been keeping watch over the house and since my aunty's family has not come back, she felt that I would be hungry and so she asked him to get something for me to eat. He bought me a packet of biriyani. I have never tasted biriyani since I transitioned to Geeta. As I was about to have it, I asked if he wants some, but he replied that he has already had his food and that packet was only for me. Once I had the food he left the house. I tried asking him for his name but he said I can call him whatever I want to. It's for my safety. I named him Captain Delavega.
**** Wow, this is amazing, I read somewhere that If you do a good deed for someone, your reward usually is to be set to do another and harder and better one. I used to think that these are just words, but I never expected that in the case of Abhinu this is true. Besides, I have to say he has really given a nice nickname to that mysterious man. I was not feeling sleepy and so I continued reading the journal ****
13th July 1994
Nothing much happened. The same man who came yesterday came back again during lunch and dinner to make sure I don't starve at all. I should thank god that even with all the harsh conditions I was living in, she always finds out a way to keep me safe. Perhaps God is keeping me alive for a greater purpose.
I tried to convince the person to tell me more about him, and all he told me is that he and uncle go a long way and that his only aim in life is to make uncle pay for a crime he committed 9 years ago. He also told me that, he owes Shabnam Masi a favor, and so on her insistence, he came to help me. However, he still would not tell me his name. I was bored sitting at home the whole day and stepping out of the house was a far-fetched dream for me. The books cabinet is also locked so I don't have access to the books too.
Since there was nothing to do, I decided to try on the bodycon dresses uncle bought for me, Aamaya di used to tell me that when I wear pencil heels with these dresses my body language looks tomboyish, I don't know how to balance the body in heels, actually, she is right, I hate wearing heels. I thought of trying these dresses and try to walk in heels. If I know my sisters well, the day is not far when they might make it compulsory for me to wear those just to torture me. I know Monika, Daniel dada or Captain DelaVega keeps telling me to stay strong so that the day I am free, I don't have to be a girl anymore.
Even though I try to be strong, but no matter how hard I try, I don't think I can ever become a boy again. During the last surgery in Kolkata, the doctor had got my pee-wee surgically removed. There has been a lot of surgeries done to my body which is gradually changing my appearance. Daniel dada told me that they can't perform surgery on my face as I am very young, atleast till the day I turn 13. Thinking about what the future has in store for me, I felt like staying in the present and let the time take its own course.
14th July 1994
I woke up late today since I had nothing to do as usual. It was about 8:00 AM and suddenly I saw a car approaching our house. I looked out of the window, I found that the family has returned.
Aunty came to me and gave me a packed sandwich and an apple and asked me to have it as she feels that I might be hungry. I decided not to tell her anything about the incident with Shabnam Masi and the mysterious man and had the sandwich she bought for me. Aamaya di told me that I am looking stunning in the dress I am wearing. I didn't change my clothes I was wearing last night. She also told me that there is a surprise for me and asked me to wait until tomorrow for it.
Aunty wanted me to transfer some of my parent's belongings into my room as they are planning to turn over my parent's room into something else. I asked them what was their plan and they replied that I will know about it in due time. I didn't question much as I knew very well that if I insist they would end up hurting me again. Later aunty asked me to take all my parent's memorabilia into my room as they were going to turn the room into something else. Around 1 P.M. a yellow-colored tempo entered our compound. 2 men stepped out and began unloading something. It was 3 large wooden cabinets. By the looks of it, they were the same almirah Aarohi had in Kolkata which was later given to me.
Aunty instructed them to keep them in my room. Once they were done, she asked me if there were anything else from my parent's room which I might want to transfer into my room. I asked her if I can get my mom's wardrobe and dad's trunk to my room, which she agreed. I specifically asked for dad's trunk because it has his uniform and his medals which were precious to me than anyone else. It would always remind me how brave my dad was, and being his child, I should remember that I have to be brave to survive this hell.
Once that was done, she asked those men to transfer the remaining things into the spare-room. It used to be my playroom when I was a baby. I had a lot of sweet memories with my mom in that room. There was nothing there except the things that were shifted from my parent's room. Aunty allowed me to arrange things the way I wanted. She gave me the keys to the room and said that it would be my personal space and that no one would be allowed into the room that would also include her and uncle too. Aamaya di tried to convince aunty about not letting me waste my time in doing that, but aunty somehow reminded her of someone called Allen and how she keeps certain memorabilia of his to keep his memory alive.
Di was finally convinced and actually helped me arranged everything properly. For the first time in months, Di has been good to me.
**** Why do they have to shift the belongings into the spare-room. This is bad. Abhinu never told me anything about this. As a matter of fact, I never knew such a room even existed in the house. I guess he has some secrets of his own and he might want to keep it that way. I continued reading, eager to know the reason why the room was cleared.****
15th July 1994
There was nothing much to do today. Except my sisters wanted me to clean up their rooms after they woke up. It took me about an hour and later on after breakfast, I had nothing to do and so I was idling in my room and kept thinking about the surprise that Aamaya di was talking about. The thought of surprise was giving me butterflies in my tummy. I was in a dilemma whether the surprise was good or bad. Considering my current state, every surprise has been bad for me.
I sat in my room and around 11:00 A.M. I came to know what the surprise was. Uncle came from Kolkata and asked all of us into the living room. He had some documents with him. He gave me a piece of paper that said "PROOF OF BIRTH". It is my birth certificate. It said that my name was Hermie Banerjee, and my sex is female. I was born on 16th August 1988 to a Mr. Somjit Banerjee. Uncle replied that from today I am officially their child and since I am homeschooled, I would need documents to register myself for the courses.
No school was willing to let me join a course from the 3rd Standard. So I had to study all over again. I was ok with that but when I told him my name is different and it says my gender is female. He finally told me the reason I live like a girl with them and why my gender is female. After knowing the reason, I am scared and I don't know what to do. I cannot tell Monika anything about it and I know of sure that I cannot run away too because it is quite evident from my past experiences that he will find me no matter where I run.
Amidst all the things he told me, the scariest thing was the medicines I am taking. I came to know that those are very strong anti-depressants and every 6 months I will need to undergo surgery to implant testosterone pellets which would eventually transform my wonderful body into a woman. However, by the grace of God, there was one surgery that cannot happen until I reach the age of 13. He even told me that I should start preparing myself to be exuberant because after the age of 13, I am going to be famous and I should start preparing myself for it.
I would even get to do all those things Aarohi did when she was alive. I later went back to my room, feeling helpless that my existence as Abhinu Banerjee son of late Col. Banerjee has also been erased from existence. I wanted to kill myself but I guess that is not an option for me too.
****Oh My God, what the hell. What was the secret he is talking about? This is wrong. Uncle wants him to be extrovert, exuberant but how does he expect him to be that, when he never let him meet anyone, assault him, molest him, turn him into something else.****
Wait a minute. July 1994 Abhinu was 8 years old. Today is 1999, the day the incident occurred 29th August that means Abhinu would have turned 13. He should be ready for the surgery. Does that mean, Abhinu or Aunty knowingly set up the plan to delay Abhinu's surgery? If that is the case then I hope that uncle should never be able to find Abhinu. With this huge dilemma, I decided to read on the remaining entry.
16th July 1994
I decided to forget about yesterday and felt like starting over fresh. As usual, I woke up at my own sweet time. I had my bath and got ready to help aunty in the kitchen.
As I was walking towards the kitchen, uncle called me. He was sitting on the couch. Aamaya di and my other sisters were already there with him. He asked me why I woke up late. I apologized to him but he was adamant and said that even though things are getting better for me, a few of the rules are still applicable and that includes waking up at 5:00 AM.
He didn't say anything much. At around 1 O' clock, another tempo entered our front yard. Uncle went out to talk with the people and then they brought something inside and uncle instructed them to take it to my parent's room. It was a table-tennis court. They set it up in my parent's room and left. Uncle told me that Garima di is been selected to represent the school in Table tennis and so he has got one set-up at home so that she can practice. He asked me never to touch any of the equipment.
He also warned me that they are out of bounds for me. Uncle also suggested that he will get me some dolls and stuffed toys to play as he doesn't want me to feel left out. My sisters stepped into the room to play and all I could do was to keep watching Garima di and pretend to admire her moves by clapping excitedly.
Her moves were out of sync and her feeble attempts at returning the serves reminded me of the initial struggling phase of a novice player trying their hand at the game. If she is really representing the school, then only by sheer luck she can win a match.
17th July 1994
There was nothing much to do at home. I woke up early today and went to help aunty in the kitchen. Aunty hugged me softly and reminded me of the promise about making sure she will protect me and no harm would come to me till she is alive. I know aunty tries everything in her power to keep me safe, even though she scares me sometimes.
We kept talking about random things while getting breakfast ready. Another 3 months and we are going to have a new member of the family. I came to know from aunty that it's going to be a boy. I just hope he grows up to be a better man, unlike my sisters. After breakfast, aunty called the 4 of us into the living room. She asked me to sit next to her and then started telling my sisters that officially I am a member of the family and that they should start treating me as their own and not as a bondmaid. She also told me that there is no need for me to start addressing Darika and Garima as my elders. I don't have to follow all the rules set by her anymore.
I was happy with whatever just happened. Later around 10:00 A.M. aunty had to go to the bank leaving 4 of us in the house. I went to Aamaya di room and sat on her bed and wanted to talk to her. She held the back of my neck and pushed me on the floor and started shouting at me saying that aunty might have asked me to be one of them, but I should remember that it is never going to happen.
As she was shouting at me, Darika and Garima came to the room. Aamaya di also threatened me that nothing has changed. Even though mom might want to make life better, but I will have to earn their respect first, to make my life better. and since I didn't take her permission to enter her room, I have to be taught a lesson.
They pinned me to the ground and tied my hands and feet together with my dupatta. Garima took off my shoes and then Aamaya di started to hit the bottom of my feet with a belt. I kept pleading them to stop but they kept assaulting me till they got tired. She left me lying bound on the floor for the next hours and then the 3 of them dragged me to my personal room and laid me lying on the floor.
She untied my hands and also threatened me that if I dared to tell aunty about it, she will throw me off the balcony and tell everyone that I wanted to kill myself. This room has an auto-lock system and as they pulled the door from outside, the room was locked. It can only be opened by my key. Once they left, I found both my feet had swollen up. I tried to get up but my feet gave up. Lying on the floor, unable to stand-up all I could do was to cry due to the pain. I pulled myself to take the support of the wall, pulled the teddy mom gave me as a child towards me, hugging it with one hand, and began to write the entry early. I knew for a fact that I would be unconscious at any moment. With the door locked from the inside and the key with me, it would be a few hours before I am finally rescued.
***** What's wrong with Aamaya di. why does she hate him so much? He has not done anything wrong to her. He is only a lost soul who has lost everything in life and all he desires was a little bit of love and care from them but they are frugal with that too. I just wish I could meet Aamaya di and show her what Abhinu might have felt that day. I continued reading the journal and suddenly figured out that 3 months of entries were missing from there. *****
28th October 1994
As I woke up, I saw a lady in a paramedic uniform sitting on a chair. Aunty was holding my hand and sitting next to me. I pulled myself up into a sitting position and saw that both my feet have been covered in a white-colored cast. I looked at aunty and discovered that her tummy was not swelling anymore. My new baby brother is probably born too.
Aunty rolled her hand over my hair and said that she is sorry for what her daughters did to me. She also said that I was unconscious for 3 months. Because of the beatings, my sisters gave me a few bones in my feet were dislocated. As a result, I have a cast on. Aamaya di has been admitted to a trauma center for anger-management.
I hugged her and told her that I am sorry that Aamaya di had to be in a lot of trouble because of me. She told me that it's her doing that let to this situation and I shouldn't be sad about it. I came to know from her that she lost her baby. He was born 3 weeks premature as a result he was kept in an ICU for observation however there were some medical complications and the baby didn't survive. She also told me that because of the way my sisters tied me up that day I suffered a serious injury in my spinal cord and due to the beating my tibial nerve had serious damage and I suffered a stroke. Doctors gave up on me and declared me brain dead.
Aunty told me that with the blessings of Devi Bahuchara I was returned back to her however I will have to be bedridden for atleast 4 months, till the nerves heal itself up. She said that she has been observing fast every Friday for my well being and that I should not feel disheartened about losing a brother. She already has a son in me and no matter what everyone says, how I look or what clothes I wear, I will always be her little boy and its a universal truth and no one can take that away from her.
***** 'O' dear... even though aunty always pretended to be strict with Abhinu in front of everyone, I never knew that she cared for him so much. I just hope Aamaya di is still alive and that woman from the accident is someone else. I am going to confront her and make sure she is going to take care of Abhinu for the rest of her miserable life.*****
Damn, How stupid I can be, I started hitting my forehead with my hand.
I remember after we returned back from Kolkata to Purulia and I found that they are our next-door neighbor, I went to meet them, Abhinu was not well that day, Aunty called me up and requested me never to give up on Abhinu and if possible to keep helping him any way she could so that he never break down and try to kill himself amidst all the abuses that her family would be giving him over the years.
I remember her telling me that she has a plan for Abhinu and to do that she needs people she can trust. She also told me that there are 3 persons who would come to Abhinu's aid when the time comes. Of them one is a very high ranking Police Officer in Kolkata, the other is a doctor who is also from Kolkata as for the last one I know him very well, and he has promised aunty that if and when the time comes he will come to his aid.
How the hell can I forget that day? That was the only reason I keep visiting that house every day. I didn't trust aunty a single bit however a part of me felt aunty was telling the truth. I was happy that aunty thought my presence would keep Abhinu mentally sane and he will know that there is someone who will never give up on him.
I thought I had enough for the day and decided to take a nap.