I get up full of anger i dont wanna go to school. The same things happen, i just wanna be little and craw on the floor. I force myself out of bed and get dressed. I pack a paci in my bag just in case im to stressed and a stuffy, just because . I put my hair in a ponytail and go down stairs to watch tv. When i get downstairs my little brother is watching we bearbear's eating. Uhhhhh....i turn to go back upstairs im already getting triggered . As im walking upstairs i hear my mom call for me. "Yes", "are you going back upstairs cause of the tv, come on he's younger then you". Those words set off my depression . As if i don't already know, you let me know every chance you get. Its annoying "parents" expect you to be an functional adult and take care of their kids. When your a kid yourself, without giving thought as to how you feel. And if you say one thing about it your called ungreatful and so many other things. Its just to much, i go to my room wrap up in covers with my paci and wait until the bus comes .
When the bus comes i prepare myself from the world. I talk to my friends until i get off the bus, as im walking to breakfast i see someone .Someone so pretty... no beautiful , she stood there laughing . Just laughing yet she made it look so amazing, if laughing was a fashion show she'd be the winner . Wait....im thinking stupid, i look away cause honestly staring is weird. I go and look for my little friend Jade, when i find her we run to each other and hug. she's wearing an orang shirt with overalls matching me. I have on a light blue leotard and overalls, it makes me feel little and safe. Me and jade talk about something about her new paci. Im not really sure cause my eyes keep ,wondering back on that girl and can't help but follow her outline . By time the bell rings i find myself unable to stop thinking about her. I get to class and i see her sitting in my seat. OMG!! what should i do? wait why am i freaking out? im in high school now i can handle this .As i walk up to her i can feel my ,heart beat speed up and i start to get this earg to crawl. Breath, "Um y-your sitting in my seat", uhhh fuck i studderd what's wrong with me today? As i think this she starts laughing and it startles me a little . "Hi my names kaden", kaden stands up and locks our fangers.'Wanna be friends ?", i-i can't speak, my body feels warm and safe. Its like im being filled with love something of which i've never felt and i begin to cry. Fuck, the tears just keep coming and i start to back down. Im such an idiot, a pretty girl asked to be my friend and the first thing i do is cry. As im whipping away the tears i feel arms wrap around me. When i look up i see kaden, she's holding me , petting my head telling me everything is ok. And for some reason i cry even harder. I was sent home early because i had a " break down" and yeah. The whole drive back home was silent . I can tell she's mad even though i did nothing wrong. When we get home and the door closes she starts questioning me. " Why were u crying? are you having those thoughts again?if you feel like this why didn't you tell me?". This is why, i know she's worried and that makes it worst. she's stressed and i don't want to stress her out. But the more i try to not put stress on her i can tell im hurting myself.