I sit and listen to her yell and scream at me until i begin to shake. I cant- i cant take it anymore, i storm to my room trembling with every step. When i hit the floor tears start flowing. Im disgusting, im crawling in my own skin, i can literally do nothing right, im a mess up. Im in my head and i keep finding all the things that's wrong with me. I wonder why i beat myself up even though i know very well i've done nothing wrong. I keep finding myself breaking over and over again. Its hard and i can't help but be tired. It seems to always be the same. Do this Aleyona, say this Aleyona, its never what do you wanna do? or how do u feel? It seems like no one takes in consideration about me but i must care about everyone . I know why im falling apart and am broken to this point, i know very well. Yet i still blame myself...why?
I sit and cry letting the thoughts flow through my mind. Soon i grow tired and slowly feel myself regressing. My hands grow weak and my mind becomes unaware that im stressed. At this moment im not caring about how other people feel. Im not facing the world right now. Im definceless and soft, simply coloring on my soft carpet covered floor. Im giggling, rolling around , and drinking out of my sippy cup. I make sure the doors locked and simply fall apart. I find myslef drifting in and out slowly trying to stay up but soon i fall asleep. The next day i get up laying on the floor, uhhhh. I take a quick shower,get dressed and head out to wait for the bus. Yeah, i may have speeded out the house to avoid my mom but whatever. I do the same as yesterday but this time when i got off the bus she was standing there. Not just laughing, oh no she was waiting for me and when she saw me her face lit up. It was like she got brighter, her skin begin to glow as she walked over to me. She gently yet tightly, huged me close to her and whispered she's happy. Kaden...kaden just hugged me...im freakin out..Ok, ok breath..breath, think kaden is hugging you first why?...ohhh crap cause i was crying...right. Once i realize that i gently pushed her away,"thinks and my bad for crying yesterday ". When i say this kaden comes even closer and says"its ok to not be ok". She then hugs me again and ask"sooo about yesterday, you wanna be friends ?". Without thinking i giggle , god this girl is an angle, even after i broke down she still wants to be friends. I sigh in say "yeah", then she smiles and it makes my heart skip a whole beat. Not a half but a WHOLE BEAT, i get scared...this girl go kill me young. For a while me and kaden talked about eachother. I found out that she's from baltin and just moved here to Gena. Soon the bell rung and we had to go to class. But even then it seemed like we kept ending up next to each other. In every class we'd start off separated then close, it was crazy fun. Almost all day I was smiling and it felt good... like really good. I was happy, i mean come on I was talking to a pretty girl that held me while I'm not OK. Soon Infinity class hit and a wave of fear and anxiety hit. I forgot today is the day they tell you, your fated color's. You see when you turn 16 your given a color that,, only you and your fated person can see on you body. An exam basically determines your life.