Everyone was on a stand still, after I said those words to Alfred.
Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at napakagat ako ng pang-ibabang labi. Great! Should I have waited until this feelings of mine fade?
Why am I so reckless? "Mistress, it's late."
I looked at the clock and it was definitely late.
Nagpaalam na sila Ryn kahit na parang may gusto pa sabihin sa akin si Alfred.
He just couldn't look at me straight in the eyes. I felt the same way.
Nang makaalis na sila, pinagpahinga ko na rin si Demi at nilagay niya na si Dimitri sa Glass Coffin nito.
"After you dress up into your sleep wear, let's talk first, Raine." Halaaa!!!
Nag-half bath ako sa banyo and I got dressed into my sleep wear.
"Ano pag-uusapan natin, Kard?" Sabi ko habang inaayos ang tali nitong night gown.
Bigla akong napahiga sa kama dahil agresibo akong tinulak ni Kard doon.
"Kard?" I asked with confusing eyes.
He just sighed and sat on the bed. Nag-sit up naman ako, "Is this about, Alfred?"
Inunahan ko na siya kasi guys will always act before they decide to speak. And I am an impatient person.
"Kailan mo pa napagtanto na mahal mo na siya?" tinignan niya ako in worrying eyes.
"Hmmm... Since, the reception of our wedding." Nasuntok niya ng mahina ang kama, buti hindi naman nawasak yung kama, it was my dream bed kaya. Ipapalit ko ang kama na ito kay Kard kapagka nasira niya.
"And you still stayed married to me?" Napangiwi ako sa tanong niya and I unconsciously stood up from the bed.
"Well, I wasn't really at the moment na gusto ko na makasama siya." Sasagot sana siya pero hinand gesture ko siya na may sasabihin pa ulit ako. I paced around and held my hands with each of my arms.
"Noong panahon kasi na yun, talagang overwhelmed ako, bukod kasi na ikaw ang sumunod kong ka-relasyon, ikaw rin ang naging asawa ko within a year and then we had Kari." Mabilis na nangyari ang lahat, akala ko nga, hihiwalay na ang kaluluwa ko sa aking katawan.
"So within a year, everything just went this way, I was scared, so scared na makapanakit ng damdamin ng iba." Napalunok ako ng laway kasi alam ko iiyak na ako any moment.
"After our date earlier, doon ko na-realize na kailangan ko na tapusin kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko for him."
Tuluyan na ako umiyak, pero nakatalikod pa rin ako kay Kard na nakaupo sa kama.
"Kaya kahit mahirap man, I will choose the sake of our child rather than falling into love with someone," hinarap ko siya and looked at his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Kard, kung nagawa kong magmahal ng iba, na dapat ikaw lang, I've been always like this, late maramdaman ang dapat maramdaman." I used my hands to wipe away my overflowing tears.
Niyakap ako ni Kard na mas lalong nagpaiyak sa akin. "Ayos lang, naiintindihan ko, at least naramdaman mo ang magmahal," tinignan niya ako, "Kung siya ang magpapasaya sayo, then, break up with me, I am quite fond of you, but this matter affects not only you but Alfred too."
Tumigil ang pagluha ko. Bago siya muli nagsalita, kumuha muna ako ng dalawang tissue sa box.
"Whatever it is you decide, susuportahan ko."
He smiled but I saw the eyes of losing.
Those eyes I unconsciously fell in love with when I was a teenager. Kard is never bad looking to me.
He will always, look good and he'll always be my ideal, my dream and the guy who caught my heart. He's the one I like to have as a husband and the father of my child.
Na-achieve ko na yun. Bibitawan ko pa ba?
"Hindi, Kard, I will choose your sake too, kahit na ganito ang nararamdaman ko towards Alfred." I held his arms, like assuring him that I would still choose him.
He smiled pero may doubt pa rin sa kanyang mga mata. "Tulog na tayo?"
Bago pa ako maka-react, narinig namin ang iyak ni Karicha. "Una ka na, aasikasuhin ko lang baby natin." Ok I kinda blushed when I said that.
"Tulungan na kita," sinabayan niya na ako papunta sa crib ng aming anak.
"Hey, baby! What happened?" nanguna siya na buhatin si Kari. Nilagay niya sa may changing table, pinanuod ko na lang siya magpalit ng diaper nito.
"Should we feed her?" I nodded. I took her from his arms and gently positioned her to my breast. Thankful talaga ako na may gatas ako, ayoko rin naman kasi sa formula milk.
Besides, mas malasa kaya ang breastmilk, kahit na nakakaumay yung sweetness niya.
As long as napapadede ko ang aking baby, panatag ako. I sat on a rocking chair para na rin marelax ako while rocking.
"Galing mo na talaga Mommy Raine!" nginitian ko si Kard. "How about Alfred, what will happen between the two of you?"
I positioned Kari towards my shoulder para mag-burp na siya. "I'll talk to him, later."
It was already the next day when I noticed the clock. "Alright, basta kung ano man ang maging desisyon mo, suportado kita."
He even slightly knocked on his chest. Ang cute ng hubby ko.
"Burp!" sabi ni Kari. "Very good baby!" kinuha na ni Kard ang bata para ilagay na muli sa crib. He turned the switch of the toy mobile above our daughter's crib.
As it was playing a lullaby like most toys who are designed like that, bigla naman ako sinayaw ni Kard. "Aren't you sleepy yet?"
"Gusto lang muna kita isayaw maganda kong asawa." The lullaby song was playing "Once upon a December."
I have a music box that plays the same song.
"Kung ako ang first love mo? Kilala mo ba ang first love ko?" natawa ako. "Pakialam ko sa first love mo?" Napatigil siya sa pagsayaw sa akin. "Tulog na nga tayo!" Ginood night kiss niya muna ang baby namin.
Pasuplado akong tinignan habang magkukumot na siya. "Ang cute mo naman magtampo!" He abruptly face his left side.
Since, I find him cute, I embraced his chest area with my right arm. "Naks, nasaan na yung mga pandesal na gusto ko?" pang-aasar ko sa kanya. Nilead niya ang kamay ko sa may abs niya. "Tulog na, Raine."
Hinimas-himas ko ang mga pandesal niya bago ako nakatulog nang tuluyan.