Chapter 10 - His existence...

It's been a month since his existence in my life.Still it somehow feels new everyday,and a different kind of new everyday. Just knowing about him bit by bit is some kind of adventure.

Veronica says that he is nothing more than just a regular crush, but to me and my heart the feeling is kind of different. It is different than having a crush, a feeling that cannot be put into words. There's like no ending to it, it can go up behind the universe to discover the infinity but come back to earth to go down till the core. It's like that, simple yet complicated feeling. I cannot believe I've kept an eye on a boy for the past one month and it still feels like nothing! Let's see how many more weeks or even months it takes for me to get over with it. Sometimes I feel really poetic and feel like writing about this new feeling but nothing comes out rather than a little bit of scribbling. And then I gave up on the idea of writing anything and started daydreaming. Am I falling for him? Is it even possible to fall for someone under this circumstances? Or I'm just making fool of myself? The word 'love' actually never mattered to me. It was just like any other word which I was aware of and didn't want to delve into. People around me talk so much about it that I don't even get its existence in this world. I was so devoid of this word but now it somehow feels like a thing. A thing which has made me crazy, distracted but somehow made me think different of myself. I never cared of self appearance like this before. Sometimes now when I feel like crying I would just think of him or call his name out and that instantly brings so much light out in my surroundings and hope & cheer inside me. Maybe he's the one I was looking for, through all this years...

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The next day to somehow celebrate my supposed 'monthsary' of his existence in my life, I dressed up quite well with the same colours I wore on the first day I saw him. It was a white shirt with a navy blue printed skirt and a pair of white sneakers with my hair tied into a short ponytail. It made kind of sense to me and gave me nostalgic vibes of that day.And me being a obvious detector in his case, I observed that Blue was certainly his favourite colour and he wore it almost everyday and in his every picture. Oh! I also forgot to mention I have become an official stalker of his Facebook account and a regular one too. So as you know the drill, I had my breakfast and went out to board the bus and boarded the bus. What I saw on the bus was that he was absent in the bus. What the hell! All the effort I put into my look this morning was all in vain? I was about to break down, caring about nothing but then I realised I had a whole lot of people watching me in the bus. So what I did was,grab a seat and put my head dugged inside the backpack for the rest of the bus trip. Tears fell down my eyes and that ruined my whole makeup. Before entering the school, I wiped my face with a wet wipe and headed of towards my class. It was not until lunchbreak, when Veronica pushed me out for a walk and I got to see him. I pinched myself to realize this was real. Wasn't he absent? My mind was still ridiculed with what was happening around. I was numb until I heard Veronica shaking me up and whispering, "Mr.Robin Brown is in detention for slapping a boy in his class who is in the infirmary with a swollen cheek. So taking 10 rounds of the ground is one of his task for today."

"Is it true?" I shrieked.

"Quiet down,quiet down it's nothing new. I've heard that Robin has same records in his last school too." said our chilled out Veronica.

"But isn't he a good boy? I mean he looks like one, right?"

"Oh! Come on Alleisa, grow up!! You still get fooled by faces at this age? He's much more critical than you think him to be."

I remained quiet.Yeah,maybe it's true that I'm too silly to understand people yet or else how can I fall for someone of whom I could never had imagined of. Veronica understood my silence and so dragged me off there and returned back to the canteen.

She calmly started, "Listen Alleisa, it's okay to be making crushes but not getting into toxic relationships. You know very well he isn't your type and he doesn't deserves to be and it's also the other way around for him. I'm not looking down upon you but being brutally honest with you. I want to see you naturally happy but not forcing yourself to be happy with him because I know you won't be."

Her motherly advice took me time to mug up but I replied her ,"Opposite poles attract,don't they?"

"You're being unreasonable"

"I'm not, I love him!"

"What did you say? Are you even sure?"

"Yes,I do and I'll do"

This reply embarked a silence between us

and after the bell we went back to our classes. I somehow feel I wronged her but I cannot be untruthful to my own feelings, won't it be injustice to me?

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During the dispersal, I realised that Robin has changed his bus which goes by his route too. And the other thing I realised that it was also the bus of that 'prompt-figured' girl of that day. I was really sad and pissed of this event and the dispute with Veronica. At home, I was really absent minded and so thought of surfing through Instagram. While going through some random profiles,I got a profile with the Id:"_rob_bro_ " and with an identical profile picture of that of Robin's Facebook profile.It was indeed him but the account was private and I didn't follow him because I was afraid. The bio gave me a really good piece of information which was his birthday. It is on the 29th of April which makes him a Taurus. Hmm,interesting....

And the incident mentioned above gave birth to a tremendous amount of stalking to a person who is pretty much inexperienced in this stuff. Maybe his existence is something which moulded the me of now...