saidessa

[ Warning ] explicit language 


What would you do if you met someone who can not understand the meaning of joy? Happiness? Love?

“It’s not that I believe it doesn’t make sense. I know it doesn’t.”

“But Calla, how can you live without love? Joy? Warmth?”

“And how can you feed with it? Can you eat it? Will it protect you from a rapist? Will it give you a shelter at night? Will it make you healthy?”

“From what you say I can see that you think money is the most important thing”

“Money?” Calla laughs and saying, “Can I eat money? I don’t work because I eat, I eat because I work. Without food I won’t have energy, I only do what I must. Money is not a goal, money is one of the means to reach my goal.”

“So all you think about is food?”

“You really don’t know me. Work, gain money, buy food, eat food, exercise to not develop indigestion, eat properly to not develop gastritis and etc”

“You think you don’t need anything else? Really?”

“Not all of us have a choice... I’ve never felt sad because love if that’s what you’re asking and how can I miss something that I’ve never felt?”signs Calla, “My dad was a criminal and he wanted me dead before I was even born. My mother was a mad woman that would’ve killed me in order to feel loved. That’s what love and hate are. Harmful extreme feelings that take your ability to think properly. 
Do you no what hunger is? Necessity to eat. Do you know what happens if you neglect your hunger? Starvation. Just remember that, again, some of us don’t have a chance. Some of us abstain from eating lunch in order to have dinner. The nights with an empty stomach are long. Trust me, I know it, I never had a chance, not when it came to food not when it came to love” 
Calla stops to breath a little and gazes at the man in front of her “I’ve never loved and I’ve never been loved still it didn’t kill me. You’re right, I only work, eat and sleep. I think about nothing else. So what? What’s wrong with that? Why do I have to live my life the way you want me to live? Can’t you just give me a break?”

“I can’t” says the man, “I can’t and I won’t” he raises his voice, “I love you Calla, you have been loved either you recognize it or not, I love you” he sees Calla standing up and then he rushes to hold her wrists, “You are mine Calla, you belong with me... I’ll show joy. I’ll teach you love. I’ll never let you starve, of anything, no matter what”

“tsk”

...

Table of Calla’s Lost Joy

Table of contents

Volume 1