For the past 27 years I've received a Valentines card from the same secret admirer. So I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.
First my granny dies and now this.
It's an old joke. It's fine if you don't get it. You only deserve silly puns then.
Anyway, I asked for porn. All the porn of this world includes Aliens. I am curious to see. If I find it disturbing I'll stop watching it.
The Hero who shared that weird joke stayed standing and looked at other Heroes. They were all tense. Why are they in tension? I'll let you guys watch it too.
"What is it?" I asked directly.
"Well, my lord," The Hero spoke. "Porn is banned in the five continents that we still have."
The hell?
"Why?" I asked. I am shocked, not disappointed, mind you.
But why is it banned?
"The previous King before you banned porn, my lord." Erect gave me an answer.
Wait. Did he say the previous King?
"I am not the first Hero King?"
Erect shook his head. "No. You are the second one."
Oh.
"Who was the first one then?" I asked. Could it be that the first King was also from Earth?
"He used to live in this castle and I only know his name." Erect said.
"Tell me." I said.
Erect told me :
"Giacomo Casanova."
I coughed.
Casanova? Is he the same one I know?
[ Yes. ]
Supreme Man confirmed my theory.
'Why did you choose him as the Hero King and where is he now?'
[ I thought he might be able to throw the Aliens off but he died by their hands. I hadn't given him as many Skills as you. ]
'Why not?'
[ Well, I haven't taken the Aliens seriously. So I thought Casanova will be fine with just six skills. ]
'So when did he die?'
[ Fifty years ago. ]
'He died fifty years ago and you reincarnated me just a few years ago? Why the gap? You could have chosen someone else to reincarnate just after Casanova.'
[ After Casanova died, I waited and created many skills. When I was finally ready with 6969 skills, I found you and brought you here. ]
'Fair enough. Anyway, that's enough lore for now. Go back.'
The Supreme Man went away and I came back to the matter at hand.
"That guy banned porn because he had plenty of fun at his time. He never needed porn. Pretty self centred if you ask me."
The Heroes shrugged their shoulders.
"Can I not lift the ban?" I asked.
"No, my lord. You can't." Erect said.
"Why?"
"It's because of Purple Balls." Erect revealed the reason. But what kind of reason was Purple Balls? Premium version of Blue Balls?
"What is that?" I asked.
"It's a Skill, my lord. Sir Casanova used his Skill to make sure no porn comes in any of the five continents that we still have under us. And you can't undo this Skill as there is no way to do that."
"What does this Skill do?"
"Any porn that tries to enter this city gets destroyed immediately."
"How do people used to watch porn here?"
"In CDs."
"You guys have CD players?"
"Yes. Everyone has."
Huh? They don't know about stage, hygiene and yet people have CD players? And if everyone has a cd player then how poor my family is that they don't even have this player?
Anyway, if no one knows how to undo this Purple Balls skill, the Supreme Man must know it.
[ Forget about this. There are more important matters than Porn. Stop this! ]
The Supreme Man doesn't look in any mood to share anything. Well, let's forget about it.
"You can sit down now." I said.
The Hero sat down on his chair.
The other Heroes stared at me for further things and I really don't know what to discuss here. The room was silent.
However, I have a motto in my life. When things go silent, pull out a vibrator. Just kidding. I'll tell them a joke. A short one.
"Everyone, I also have a joke to share." I stood up from my throne.
All the other Heroes also stand up.
"You all sit down." I said.
They sat back down. They respect me too much.
They all gawked at me and I didn't let them down.
"What time is it when the clock strikes 13?"
"Hahahhahahaahh!!"
The Heroes bursted out in laughter. I haven't even said the main thing yet! What did they find funny?
Anyway, I finished the joke.
"Time to get a new clock."
Now laugh…
"Hahahhahahhahaha!!"
They laughed the same way as before. It wasn't that funny though.
One Hero coughed blood while laughing. Seriously.. that was just a joke I copied for starters. It wasn't worthy enough to spill your blood over it.
Another Hero broke his teeth while laughing.
One Hero's tongue fell off by laughing too hard. How is that even possible?
One Hero detached his jaw.
One Hero pissed himself.
One Hero shit himself on his pants.
One Hero started masturbating!
What the hell is happening here?
"Alright. Here is another one."
The Heroes looked at me again. They stopped laughing. The wanker was still going though. Don't look at me while doing that.
Anyway, I want to see something. I have a suspicion..
"Boobs."
"Hahahhahahahahhaha!!"
The same thing happened. The wanker increased his pace. Seriously, lift the ban, supreme man, otherwise people will use anything to rub one off.
But my suspicion turned out to be true.
They were laughing out of respect for me. They would laugh at anything I'll say. They don't want to make me sad by not laughing. They'll even laugh if I insult them.
For example..
"I have one more." I said and shared the joke :
"Your mom."
"Hahahhahahahahhahahaha!!"
The Heroes laughed and the wanker was still on it.
However, this is just the worst. I hate fake laughter more than no laughter. They don't want to hurt me.
I could order them to laugh only if they found the jokes funny but then if they didn't laugh it would really hurt my feelings.
This meeting is worthless. I thought they would laugh just like the people at the village.
"That's enough jokes. Let's discuss important matters."
I turned serious. Jokes are wasted on them.
"No. No. Don't stop it. One more joke. You are so funny. I am close. One more showcase of your talent will end this." The wanker said.
I was out of words. The other Heroes seemed nonchalant about this. Is this common? I don't want to be the reason for another man's orgasm. I won't tell him any jokes. Look at what you have done, Casanova!
"Casanova! Because of you this man will get purple Balls!"
I shouted and after my shout..
"Yessssss…."
The wanker Hero finally stopped. I lost.
That Hero rearranged himself and stood up.
He bowed his head.
"Thank you, my lord. I am sorry for my behaviour."
And now he hit his post nut clarity.
Seriously…
This is literally the climax for today.