I don't know how it happened…
What has happened to me…
What happened to that one popular kid in school…
What happened to my life…
I was once popular… Now a jobless, homeless, useless failure. I once had good looks, the key word is 'once'. I am standing there, in the rain, regretting my life, the choices I made.
I had only been homeless for a couple minutes, before, I was still living a blissful life, sure it wasn't what you would imagine the word 'blissful' as, but for me that was more than enough, a life where I don't need to worry about anything. Despite being a shut-in I would still say my life wasn't so bad, sure it wasn't a perfect life, sure I never went out, sure I never have anyone to talk to, but who can really blame me on that.
Nobody supported me after my 14th birthday, I had no family anymore. I made quite the scene at the hospital back then, flipping over tables and shit.
My arrogant personality at school didn't help me one bit either, when I was still a complete looker, I could easily get away with all of that. I was really the sort of guy to put others down to make myself look better, looking back, maybe that's one of the reasons my once 'friends' played around with me after I lost my support, by play around, I mean bully. I guess that's what pushed my depression over the edge, losing old gramps and getting bullied at school. I had no one to talk to, no one to help me push through. It's kind of like karma, I still don't believe I deserved all of that though…
It should have been around 8 o'clock. Today, I was mid-way through my hentai, wanking it to some rapey elf video, laid down on the bed, my hips arched and my laptop on my belly. That's when some randos dressed in black barged into my room, maybe it's for my long due rent or something, some of them held crowbars, others held baseball bats. I basically ignored their whole thing, looking back down at my elf hentai. It was then one of the men snapped my laptop. It wasn't something I'd think they dared to do, that triggered me. Oh yeah? Did you just break my treasured laptop? That was what ringed in my mind.
In the past, I was a martial artist. I trained under gramps before he died on my fourteenth birthday, I never knew my parents, it's said they died in a car crash when I was like, barely one years old. Back then I would say I was a pretty good fighter, at least the best in my school, or maybe even the whole state. I learned all types of arts, from being a black belt karate master to a U14 fencing champion, you could say I did it all. You can also say that I was pretty confident in my battle prowess, maybe I was a bit too confident.
I tried to throw a punch at the man that destroyed my laptop, but my motions were floppy, my body was not what it used to be, throughout these 'blissful' year I have probably gained 30 plus kilograms of just fat, not that I would know the exact amount, I never dared to measure my weight. My attempt to punch the man failed, as he easily dodged out of the way. I was banged onto the floor, as multiple others came. They beat me up pretty roughly, I felt powerless against them. As they continued to beat me up I had no choice but to whimper in pain while they destroyed my belongings. In the end I was dragged out of the house, thrown into the middle of the street with nothing but the clothes I was wearing.
They shot looks of disgust, as if they were looking at trash, sure I was a shaggy shut-in, but what the fuck did I even do wrong? I was going to pay back my rent sooner or later, just let me wank to my elf girl porn in peace.
What was done, was done, I guess I don't have a home now. Rain was pouring outside, the water on the streets were filled with gunk. Was there an oil leak somewhere?
What was there that I can do now? I stood there in the middle of the footpath, the pedestrians walking by shot looks at me, revolting looks, pedestrians with kids shied away walking on the side of the road to avoid me… I look down at myself, my previously white T-shirt, covered in blood, sweat, semen and gunk from the sewage water, my arms and legs covered in spots of blood and patches of purplish bruise marks… I was lookin like something you would see in a horror movie, I think I even heard a kid say 'Frankenstein' before their parents pulled them away.
I knew what I could do, the simple answer is to find a job, then rent a room, then actually live an average civilian life. But what I don't know is how I do this, sigh… I wish I had paid more attention in class now. Well, according to some unreliable sources on the internet, first I should go find a job agency and give them my resume, then they will do the rest and find me a job, finally I would have to go to an interview and if I was to be lucky, I would land the job.
*Please don't rely on this information
I flipped my pockets out… Empty… So now what am I supposed to do?
This time I actually don't have an idea on what to do, if I had some money I could at least eat food from the convenience stores and last like a month. Am I forced to be a beggar now?
I paced around the streets in the rain, my body soaked in the grimy junk from the sewage and cold rain. "If only I could go back and restart from the beginning." I muttered as I continued to walk through the streets of Tokyo in my bare feet.
Back in my junior high days, I was a popular guy, I ain't the piece of garbage you see right now. I was in a pretty well off family, gramps owned a dojo, it was pretty famous. I was an only child, my parents died shortly after I was born, since then I lived with gramps. Everyone back then knew me as the prodigy, not academically, my grades sucked, but I had a knack for athletics. I was in the basketball club, the karate club, the boxing club… I was pretty involved with everything, really became the complete opposite later, huh?
It wasn't until high school, or more like last year of junior high, was the turning point in my life. I was 13 turning 14, it was my birthday, nothing really happened, by then gramps was still healthy and jumping, at least I thought he was. Now thinking back if I looked closely I might have found that his breathing is uneasy. That day was just like every other normal day, gramps and I never celebrated birthdays and all of that, on the day we would just go out and treat ourselves to a nice meal and that was it. My 14th birthday was no different, we went out to a nice ramen place, then gramps went home first, I stayed behind roaming the streets of Tokyo looking around for some games for my playstation. I stayed for quite a long time, probably around like 4 hours, it's almost midnight when I got a call. I don't know the number, it seemed like it's a scam call. I cut the line. The same number called again. If it was really a scammer I could just cut the line again, I picked up. A voice through the phone told me the news… "... is currently in critical condition in Misui Hospital."
A ring shot through my head, the news was sudden, just a few hours ago gramps was still slurping on ramen next to me.
Gramps died that same night, I became depressed, I lost my only remaining family, maybe there were still some uncles and cousins who I don't know out there in the world. I carried on with my life —, at least I tried to. My 'friends' got colder and colder everyday, I was less involved with everything, quitting out of one club after another. By the end of the year I wasn't in any. Slowly I went from the popular kid down to being the quiet kid, my grades dropped to a point where I was bottom of the class, the worse anyone can go. My once 'friends' kicked me out of the friend group, by then I was truly alone, no one to go to, no one to talk to.
I thought studying was pointless, my grades dropped even further, I was failing every subject, and it didn't help that my old 'friends' started to mock me, laugh at me. I thought I was doing just fine, who needs grades anyways, who needs friends? I figured I would be fine without those, who do you think I am, I'm way above the league of these idiots, I was wrong. So wrong. Without me realising my depression had gotten worse and worse. I started skipping school, over time I dropped out of school entirely, I became a shut-in.
Once I dropped out, I rented myself a small apartment with the money I inherited from gramps. Unless I was out for food or groceries I never left the apartment, I still had my laptop and internet so I was able to kill plenty of time watching anime and other stuff. Despite all of the 'fun' I'm having I wanted to go back to school, I really wanted to, thinking back now maybe I should have. But in the end I shook away the thought of doing that, I understood how much I would be bullied if I actually did that, you can probably imagine the situation by yourself, a 20 something year-old fatass sitting in a class with a bunch of juniors.
I maybe could have actually achieved something even as a shut-in, maybe I could have written a web-novel, or hell maybe I could have even become a successful mangaka. I had the time, a lot of it. With some real effort, maybe I could have even become a professional gamer, I mean I was grinding MMOs and RPGs, till the point I have actually gotten quite good at them. If I had chosen any of these paths back then maybe I wouldn't be standing here in the cold rain, "I really want to go back…"
I see crowds of people in front of me, "Hm?" I muttered under my breath, without me realising, I already walked around the streets for so long that I was already in Shibuya, to put in perspective that should have been around a 3 hour walk. I looked up at the billboards, all of these new gen stars, I never heard of any of them. I kept walking through the crowded feet, I couldn't stop my feet kept moving, taking me towards the large billboard's direction.
The ad on the billboard shifted, a new ad was played, it was a sporting drink ad. The model in the ad seemed familiar, have I seen her somewhere, maybe in a porn video or something? No way porn-stars nowadays get to be in public ads.
I continued to walk closer and closer towards the billboard, "Hmmm… Who is she?" I mumbled, as I desperately searched through my memory trying to find any hint.
The girl in my past
"Hehehe, look at you, you really got it done."
"You are giving me too much praise, I really have to thank my manager for this."
Two voices spoke, it seems like your typical conversation, nothing really special. There were two young women standing under the billboard. They were both really cute. One of them especially stood out, she had a short bob cut above her shoulder, she wore little makeup, even still her features were defined, she was beautiful.
Seeing this sight brought back older memories. Back in middle school I once had a girlfriend who was really cute. She always wore a short bob cut above her shoulder, what I meant by cute was that she was perfect. To me she was a 10 out of 10, still to this day I can get off at least 5 times just by thinking of her face. Come to think of it, a few years ago I heard she became a big movie star or something like that, by 'heard' I mean seeing her posts on her social media accounts.
Our relationship back then wasn't bad at all, we were together for quite a while, almost 2 years if I didn't remember wrongly. We have known each other since we were young, we went to the same kindergarten, the same primary school, we were somewhat what they call 'childhood friends', that trope always pops up in LNs, it's always the losing heroines though. It was not until the end of primary school when I started developing feelings for her. First day of junior high, we were in the same class again. After a lot of thought, by a lot I mean a lot, I didn't want to lose our friendship nor did I want to miss the once in a lifetime opportunity, I was conflicted. At the end of the day, the bell rang and the class was dismissed. We walked out to the locker area where I decided I was going to do it. I mustered up all the courage I could get and confessed to her. I succeeded. Nothing really went south throughout the relationship, there weren't any arguments, there weren't any fights, all was good. As they say 'all good things come to an end', and that 'end' was the end of year 2 of junior high, there wasn't a big argument, it was just that her feeling slowly faded, we broke up and that was that. Even after we split up, our relationship was still not bad, it was back to the childhood friend stuff. Her name, Kuroi Shiina. Maybe if I talked to her back then I wouldn't have fallen into this hole.
"...?"
Did I just hear my name? No way anyone recognises me, I haven't been outside in almost 13 years. I'm sure that the voice sounded familiar, but who? Who would be able to recognise me?
"Is that you …?"
I'm sure that person is talking to me, but who is that person? I scan the surrounding area, looking around in the large crowd of people.
In the very back I see her… standing under the biggest billboard around… there she was— Kuroi Shiina, she didn't change much, she looked pretty much the same as how I remember. Kuroi was standing in the middle of the street, the moonlight shining off her clear shining skin. Then I noticed something out of the corner of my eye, a truck speeding at high speed onto the road straight towards Kuroi, the driver of the truck was slumped over the steering wheel, his head down, asleep on the wheel.
Kuroi doesn't notice it.
"He–hey, lo–look out… look ou…" Shit I can't speak properly. Since becoming a shut-in I barely spoke out loud, the only time I talk is when I have to say 'thank you' to the workers at the convenience store. My weak vocal cords can't even shout. Pathetic. Kuroi still doesn't see the truck, she just looks at me confused at what I'm trying to say.
I knew I had to save her, she was so nice to me before, if she got splattered to paste by the truck I'm sure I would have regretted it and I would end up like before again. Ah fuck it, I'll just push her out of the way. I tried to sprint at her as the truck approached us at a dangerously high speed. The likelihood of me pushing her out of the way and dying from the truck was nearly 100%. I mean that wouldn't be that bad, I don't even have a life worth living anymore.
I ran towards her, staggering from the pain of the bruises on my legs, I forced myself to run faster. The headlights shined brighter, and brighter as the truck approached. With all my might I pushed Kuroi out of the way, my hand reached around her chest area. Yeah, that felt good.
I feel a hard object push against the side of my arm, I feel my arm crack at the impact. A white flash blossoms from in front of me, was this what dying feels like? Is this what it feels like when my life flashes before my eyes?
She's safe right? Kuroi Shiina is not in the crash, right?
I wasn't dead just yet, I could still see, I felt the hard concrete floor under me, I couldn't move. Every bone in my body was probably shattered, I looked over, Kuroi was frozen in place. A bright light came closer and closer, the truck didn't stop. I felt something heavy above me, I was pinned onto the cold concrete floor, my lungs were crushed.
And then I was dead.
My bad Kuroi, you didn't have to see that.