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Scene: Dunphy Living Room – Dylan's Escape Plan
(We pick up where we left off. Dylan, still feeling the weight of Claire's death-stare, sits on the couch while Haley scrolls through her phone. Phil, oblivious, leans in excitedly.)
Phil: (To Dylan.) "So, my man! What's the long-term plan? Are we talking arena tours? A Grammy? A Super Bowl halftime show?!"
(Dylan chuckles awkwardly, glancing toward Claire, who stands with her arms crossed.)
Dylan: "Uh… I was actually thinking about… maybe heading out now?"
Claire: (Immediately.) "Great idea."
(Haley groans dramatically as Dylan gets up. Meanwhile, Elliot sits across the room, casually watching the show unfold like it's the best thing on TV.)
(Cut to Elliot's talking-head interview.)
Elliot: (Deadpan.) "I feel bad for the guy, I really do… but at the same time, watching Claire mentally dismantle him with just her eyes? That's entertainment."
(Cut back to the living room. Dylan, in an effort to escape quickly, turns toward Elliot and holds out a fist for a bump.)
Dylan: "Later, dude."
Elliot: (Casually fist-bumping.) "Godspeed."
(As Dylan heads for the door, Phil suddenly remembers something.)
Phil: "Wait, Dylan! Don't forget—next weekend! Father-Son Magic Camp!"
(Dylan hesitates, giving an apologetic smile.)
Dylan: "Oh, uh… yeah, about that… I might have a thing that day."
(Pause. Phil's face drops slightly, like a kid being told Santa isn't real.)
(Cut to Phil's talking-head interview.)
Phil: (Clearly upset.) "You try to be the cool dad. You open your home, you offer mentorship—and what do you get? Rejection." (Pause.) "Also, that magic camp cost eighty bucks."
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Scene: Kitchen – Claire vs. Phil (Again)
(In the kitchen, Claire leans against the counter while Phil paces.)
Phil: (Defensive.) "I don't get why you don't like Dylan! He's harmless! He's like… like a golden retriever in skinny jeans!"
Claire: (Flatly.) "Exactly."
(Phil frowns, confused. Elliot, grabbing a glass of water, leans against the fridge.)
Elliot: (To Claire.) "So… what is the problem, exactly? The bad songs? The fact that he says bro too much?"
Claire: "The problem is, my daughter falls hard for guys like him, and then I'm the one picking up the emotional pieces when it all goes up in flames."
Elliot: (Pause.) "Okay, fair."
(Cut to Elliot's talking-head interview.)
Elliot: (Shrugs.) "I mean, yeah. The guy's definitely got that human-golden-retriever energy, which is dangerous. But also… Claire acts like Haley's never gonna make a dumb decision ever again if she keeps Dylan away. Like, good luck with that."
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Scene: Outside – Alex & Elliot's School Plan
(Outside on the porch, Alex is sitting on the steps with her backpack, flipping through a textbook. Elliot steps out, stretching.)
Elliot: "You really bring textbooks outside? That's a choice."
Alex: (Without looking up.) "You really hang out here this much? Also a choice."
Elliot: (Grinning.) "Touche."
(He sits next to her. Alex scribbles something in her notebook before glancing at him.)
Alex: "So, have you figured out which classes you're taking yet?"
Elliot: "Mostly, yeah. I've got all the usual suspects—math, science, English. Oh, and computer science." (Smirks.) "Because I'm a nerd."
Alex: (Mock-serious.) "Finally, some self-awareness."
(Cut to Alex's talking-head interview.)
Alex: (Adjusting her glasses.) "Elliot's smart. He actually understands things, unlike 90% of the people I'm forced to interact with daily." (Pause.) "Which is why it's mildly infuriating that he's also weirdly good at talking to people."
(Cut back to them sitting on the steps.)
Elliot: (Nods at her book.) "So, what's your evil plan? To take over the school via sheer intellect?"
Alex: (Shrugs.) "That, or become so intimidatingly smart that people just stop talking to me."
Elliot: (Mock-impressed.) "That's next-level."
*(Pause. Then, casually:)
Elliot: "Hey, you think Haley would let me borrow Dylan for scientific reasons? I have a theory about how long it takes for his brain to reboot after someone asks him a complex question."
Alex: (Smirks.) "Probably not. But I'll time it for you next time she asks him what 2 + 2 is."
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Scene: The Dunphy Household Chaos Continues
(Inside, Luke is stacking pillows in the living room, attempting some kind of homemade obstacle course.)
Luke: (To himself.) "Okay, if I can make this jump, I am officially the coolest person in this house."
(Cut to Phil's talking-head interview.)
Phil: (Excitedly.) "Luke and I have been working on his athleticism! Some dads push their kids into sports… I let mine find his own path." (Pause.) "Turns out his path involves jumping off furniture."
(Cut back to Luke, standing on the couch, ready to jump onto his pile of pillows. Just as he's about to go for it, Claire walks in.)
Claire: (Sharply.) "Luke, NO—"
(Too late. Luke jumps. The pillows scatter instantly, and he lands face-first on the carpet with a loud THUD.)
(Pause. The whole room is silent. Then, Luke slowly lifts his head, grinning.)
Luke: "Nailed it."
(Cut to Claire's talking-head interview. She closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose.)
Claire: (Sighs.) "I need a vacation."
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