"You need to get to school now, or you'll be late. "My mother said as she tapped me on my shoulders. That morning was just like every other morning, I had to wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed and go to school just to learn. Well, the truth was I was a nerd. All I did daily was adjust my glasses with round lenses and walk with my head facing the ground. I could not dare look up straight into someone's eyes. My mother was American, my father was Italian. So, I guess I am an Italian who basically has no knowledge about the culture. Not because I don't want to learn it, but because I guessed it would take a whole lot of time. Squinting my eyes and after getting dressed, I went downstairs for breakfast, sat down with my head faced down.
"Not even a good morning greeting?" Said my father who clearly expected me to be like him. Well, I do understand it. He was a cheerful young man. He would have been so pained after figuring out that his only son had no similarities compared to him. He expected me to be brave and be very cheerful. But all I did was to keep mute and write things I observed down.
I looked at him and bowed my head as I dug into the dumplings.
"Oh God! Do I smell dumplings? Who eats dumplings for breakfast?" My older sister said as she approached.
"Then, do not eat it. I still do not get why you have to complain so bad when you literally does nothing in this house. "My mother replied. But my sister was who I liked so much. You could say she was my first love. I had admired her since I was a child. To me, she looked perfectly like an angel. So, I supported her in my mind and actions but not with words. Nevertheless, I talked to her the most in my entire life.
She ignored her and came to seat next to me. I ate as fast as possible and headed out for school. I heard nerds usually get bullied. That was not the same for me. My school had a strict rule towards bullying, examinations and physical violence. I was smart. But no one knew because I never talked and we never conduct examinations. You might think my school was interesting but no! It was not. I loved examinations. But ever I transferred to that public school, I had been ignored and my parents thought I was a dumbass, sure my sister would think so. And that was what was more upsetting. Even at some point, I wanted to go out, protest and tell people how upset I was. But I was not brave. The moment I decided to open up my mouth to speak, words flew away. I would become speechless. So, instead of speaking to anyone, I would use body languages and whether or not they understand it, it was not my damn business. To me, people had their own way of being themselves and I did not think anything could change that. Not even my worthless parents who all their lives became obsessed with dumplings. I became used to it. As I planned to be the good child there. But no matter how hard I tried, I had been wrong. I had always been the bad guy. For being silent and unable to defend myself, I am the bad one and will always be. Because I am me. My father tried to give up on me most times. He would be like;
'Are you sure Ewan is my son? You don't go drinking with some guy that got you impregnated right?' He would say.
'What are you talking about? There is no I would go drinking. And Ewan is your child. I am sure he would change and learn to act smart someday. 'She would reply. And here is something she does not know: I AM SMART!
'If Ewan is not your child, it means I am not your child too. 'My sister would include.
'What? What are you saying too right now?' My mother would ask.
'He is my lookalike. What do you think?'
My name meant death. I don't know why I had to have that name, but I guess there would be a reason I would have been named 'death'. The name sounds good to the listening but the meaning does not. I thought maybe when I had the chance to speak to them, I would mention it, but I would not ask. I decided to ask my sister later. You might have been wondering whether or not I was interested in girls. No, to me, girls were just the opposite gender who had to live on their own. The only girl I became attached to back then was my sister. Except from my sister, other girls to me were showoffs. Showoffs in the sense that they try hard to make themselves too happy and flaunt their unbalanced lives. Hence, girls were not the people I love.
Time went as fast as it could that day. Then since I had no friends, surely I prepared to head back home not until a boy from 12th grade came to question my temper.
"Hey Ewan. What are you doing today?" He asked in a rather dumb tone than a normal one. Of course I did not reply. I stood up from my seat to leave. Then he pushed me back to my seat.
"Are you trying to disrespect my complete generosity? If you are, I'd rather tell you that it's not a good idea. "He said. I gave him a gaze which meant ' say what you have to say and let me go'. Luckily, he understood.
"I want you to go to the teachers' room and get me the examination questions and answers." He replied. That was the dumbest thing I ever heard.
"What?" It was the first time I spoke to a random person in that school and I still could not believe I wasted my saliva just to say that. The fact that he was my senior made me more disappointed in him. Like what kind of senior would ask a junior to do such a thing?
"Do I have to spell it out for you? I am asking you to do something for me and you are here questioning me. "He replied in a command tone. That time, I did say nothing. I believed replying to him would only cause nothing but trouble. Well, I am kind of a temperate guy. So, I'd rather not say anything. I stared at him with a look that I was not going to go. Well, fortunately for me, my homeroom teacher came in at the moment he was about to punch me in the face.
"What are y'all still doing in school? The school has been closed since like an hour ago." She said as she moved closer to us.
'Like seriously, I had been talking to this dumb senior for almost an hour? What a waste of time!' I thought. Literally, he did not want to get into trouble, so he excused himself by leaving. She came to me acting concerned.
"I hope he was not bullying you. If he is, you can tell me at all times. "She said. I nodded, carried my bag and move out of the school just to wait for the bus. Well, the school bus had left me alone. Since I had no money on me, I had to trek down home. Obviously, that day was clearly not my day.