In March 2007 I saw an advert in the paper for staff
nurses in Oxford, and so I decided to apply for the job.
A short time after, I was called for an interview with a
ward manager and the charge nurse.
Within a month I got word to say that I had been
successful and had got the job, but I was still living in
the West Midlands and working as a Registered Mental
Health Nurse. I had to inform my manager that I had got
a job in Oxford, and it was still under NHS, as I still
needed to fulfil my contract deal with NHS for two
years.
I then started looking for another house in Oxford,
which was difficult as I had to find a home within my
budget and in the right location. In 2008 I bought a twobedroom maisonette, with a kitchen. The property
needed decorating, and initially it was still under lease,
so it would take time before the deal went through.
I had been living with my sister who was working
in Oxford. I did not own a car, so decided to take some
driving lessons in order to be able to drive to work. I was
tired of getting the bus, which was often late, and would
cause problems if I failed to get to work on time in order
to make the handover from the nightshift member of
staff.
I learned about click bait, whereby you had to know
someone to get promoted or to climb the ladder. I used
to get along fine with my colleagues, then rumour had it
that I was paying them money, which was not true and a
very painful pill for me to swallow. I was being
constantly undermined as a student mentor, even though
I had been educated at Oxford University.
Although the working environment could be
difficult at times, I enjoyed working there, and I felt that
my training to be a nurse had been worthwhile.
Some people can be difficult to work with; they
have their own issues, but some of them were good
people. I saw good nurses leaving, which was due to the
lack of support they were receiving or the fact they
simply needed to earn more money elsewhere to be able
to afford their standard of living.
When we worked as a team, then all was well. There
were some good people amongst my work colleagues,
who were just there to do their job and pay their bills. I
tried to do my best while working with the service users,
and I gave them the respect that they were due, but click
bait was crippling the department.
On reflection, I cannot remember an occasion when
my manager called me into the office and thanked me for
my hard work. A little thank you would have gone a long
way. I know I was getting paid to do my job, but I
believed that my manager was responsible for ensuring
that a strong team mentality existed between us all, which
was certainly not the case. There was so much prejudice.
There were times when I had to put on a brave face
in order to do my job. I needed to be strong and less
judgemental, and more over I did not discriminate,
although I felt discriminated. I realized that if you did
not dance to their music, then you were out. This woman
claimed she was in love with me, and everyone knew it,
which was extremely difficult.
I suffered bullying, which was not dealt with by the
management team. I voiced my concerns, but they failed
to do anything about it, and so the torment continued.
This began to affect my work. I would dread having to
work with her each day, which could make it a long,
drawn-out day, even if she was in the office for most of
the time. I was made to work more than the others, and
still, nothing was done about it. I even asked if I could
be transferred to another ward, but my request was
declined.
The environment and the culture were toxic, but
nothing was done about it. I was viewed as a moron in
front of my peers.
Backward and Feeble-Minded Children, 1912. –
"Those whose mental development is above that of an
imbecile but does not exceed that of a normal child of
about twelve years." – Edmund Burke Huey
I continued to put on a brave face at work, but the
torment carried on. It was hurting me mentally, and
some of the staff would be quite supportive, and tell me
not to worry, and that they all knew what she was like.
But I found it difficult to deal with, and more so
knowing that she would be pleasant to other members of
staff, which surprised me. When she wanted a shift to be
covered, she would ask me; if another member of staff
phoned in sick, she would ask me to cover that shift.
And even if I covered the shift, it did not stop her from
undermining me. I requested a meeting to see if we
could work better together, perhaps resolve any issues
by way of mediation. She was reluctant to do this,
however, it was agreed that a meeting would take place
to resolve any issues, but nothing came of it. In fact, it
only made matters worse.
Things were starting to get on top of me, so I made
the request for a career break. My request was denied.
Psychological projection can be utilized as a means
of obtaining or justifying certain actions that would
normally be found atrocious or heinous. This often
means projecting false accusations, information, etc.,
onto an individual for the sole purpose of maintaining a
self-created illusion, e.g., that I was paying to have a
quiet shift, which was absurd. Policies and protocol
were not being followed:
Do not bully other members of staff regardless of
your position and do not abuse your position.
I was being treated unfairly on a regular basis and
the gossip was malicious and the rumours about me
were unfounded. I was constantly being undermined and
this hurt me. We all go through difficulties at times, and
we all deal with matters differently. Therefore, we
should never judge people, just support them and respect
their positions.
Nursing is not cut out for everyone; you need to be
patient and to able to work as a team with the right
people. You need to be strong and less judgemental, and
more over not to discriminate.,
It had become intolerable for me to function
properly at work. I had tried requesting a transfer to
Bullingdon for six months, which would mean having
to travel further, but I had a car. This was how bad things
had got, and I witnessed newly trained staff being
offered more opportunities and even promotion just like
that.