Dated November 2014
In clear view of the date of suspension and time of
investigation, I would like to lodge a grievance, as this
is now influencing my mental health.
During the investigation there was no contact and I
ended up discussing this issue with the Unison lady
who was supporting me.
According to the hospital protocols. A suspension
decision should not be more than two weeks by the
manager who instigated the suspension, and the review
to be confirmed in writing by the employee. The
manager who is investigating these allegations should
be impartial.
One of the countless allegations was based on
hearsay as evidence.
Hearsay is inadmissible, meaning that it is not
permitted to go before a jury or magistrates at a trial
as evidence to prove a matter, either for the prosecution
or the defence. I was suspended for hearsay as evidence
of this horrible suspension:
When I attended the Nursing and Midwifery
Council (NMC) there were so many allegations, some
of which had originated from this home I went to do
extra shifts for two days, when I was on my annual
leave. I wanted a bit of extra cash as I had just bought a
house, but it wasn't a full-time contract, so I failed to
understand the problem.
I loved my job so much. I enjoyed doing what I was
doing, and I did this passionately. But I was struggling
mentally; I had no support, and I had to try to find six
thousand pounds to pay my barrister. I never received
any support from the Trust, which shocked the panel at
the NMC. I was suffering mentally, and I was crying
constantly as I had to live with this stain on my life when I was not guilty of any wrongdoing. It was so painful
having to deal with these false accusations as all I
wanted to do was to get back to work, however, the
cliques were causing me a lot of problems, and I was out
as far as they were concerned.
Once I got there, I realised I was not the only nurse
who had reservations over the job anymore due to a lack
of support from the NMC. It was a sad situation, but I
had concerns of my own.
I had taken the suspension personally and it was
such a difficult time for me, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't
pull myself away from my depression, and I thought of
the words that my lecturer had spoken to me: "Look
after your PIN number as there will be vultures out there
to take it away from you." I was in this dark hole and I
was hurting, and the tears never stopped running down
my face.
During that time there were two managers: one from
the home where I did extra hours and the other was from
the Trust where I was supposed to be fully employed.
She also had allegations of her own, which I had been
suspended for. There had been six allegations made
since I had been suspended, while the allegation of me
having two full-time contracts had been imposed upon
me. I was suffering with depression, and I did not want
people to see me this way.
At times when power is used against you, you feel
helpless, and always on your own. It was a terrible time.
I was not well mentally, and boy, was I struggling during
that agonizing meeting. I had studied to be a nurse for
three years, and this had come as a bitter pill to swallow.
I was devastated.
I was prescribed antidepressant Citalopram and
Zopiclone to help me to sleep but this did not work. I
was sinking very deep, I could not even leave the house,
and I was constantly on the computer.
I could not sleep, and I felt like I was drowning, and I did not want
anybody near me. I spoke to my daughter who lived in
London, and she came to see me. I had lost the Internet
and now I couldn't afford to keep my car, and I had to
watch as it was towed away.
I went through counselling sessions. That also took
time, repeatedly trying to find my way out of this. I was
angry, mainly with myself, and I realised that I was
psychologically damaged. this was a difficult journey. I
read a lot of other cases that were related to what I was
going through, as well finding out how others coped
during suspension.
I was hurting, and I told myself it was suspension
that went wrong, and this nearly destroyed me. I was
extremely unwell.
It felt like I was being hunted down, as if I had killed
someone. It was now 2015 and I had watched my
nursing career plummet after spending three years at
university and with nothing to show for it.
My brain was shutting down on me, I was so tired.
I visualized my mother, and then thought about the
person who was bulling me at work, and right in front
of the manager at that time, although bullying was
admitted under oath.
My ex-boyfriend encouraged my barrister to bring
this up, which she was reluctant in doing so at first, but
she did, and it was admitted. I couldn't believe it; all this
time the manager knew about what I was going through
but never even tried to intervene. The time had come for
me to resign from the job I loved. I did not make this
decision lightly, but I knew it had to be done.
To work in such an industry demands teamwork,
and I had now reached the point during my suspension
when the bullying against me had now been
substantiated. I was emotional, but the stain on my
career remained. Even if one is rich, successful, famous, or "has it
all", the psychological devastation can be ruinous. If
you are not believed, if you cannot fight back with the
true story, if now you are distrusted and under scrutiny,
the sense of helplessness is overwhelming. People with
inner vulnerabilities are easy targets. Others sense the
fragility and find it thrilling to gang up or attack. Having
a scapegoat can help a group form a strong bond and
find meaning in what could be otherwise empty lives.
It is widely known that people with certain kinds of
pathology are brilliant at looking like victims when they
are perpetrators. They can ruin the life of an innocent
person. And this is what happened to me; with so many
false accusations, my emotions took over, and I could
not pull myself up. I could not come to terms with the
reasons behind all this, whereas I am usually a very
strong person.
On my understanding of the MNC, they deal with
pills, and not employment disputes, which is where the
confusion remains. I was accused of sleeping with one
of my colleagues, who was brave enough to give
evidence to dispute that claim.
I had made complaints about the person who had
been bullying me, but this was never dealt with
appropriately.
All these allegations and groundless rules were false but
were thrown at me. According to the law when one
person makes false accusations against or statements
about another and "publishes" those statements (by
transmitting them to a third party by written word or
word of mouth), and those statements damage the
reputation, character or integrity of that person, in
relation to full time contract of which both could not
produce or give, these documents were sent to NMC.
With an intent to damage my reputation as a
Registered Mental Health Nurse, I started my search for
other work. I tried to focus on my mental health and
wellbeing as stated in Maslow's hierarchy,
characterising human portrait as the shape of a pyramid,
with the largest, most fundamental needs at the bottom,
and transcendence at the top.
In other words, the idea is that the individual's most
basic needs must be met before they become motivated
to achieve higher-level needs, which I needed.
The most fundamental four layers of the pyramid
contain what Maslow called "deficiency needs" or "dneeds": esteem, friendship and love, security, and
physical needs. If these "deficiency needs" are not met
– except for the most fundamental (physiological) need
– there may not be a physical indication, but the
individual will feel anxious and tense. Deprivation is
what causes deficiency, so when one has unmet needs,
this motivates them to fulfil what they are being
denied. Maslow's idea suggests that the most basic level
of needs must be met before the individual will strongly
desire (or focus motivation upon) the secondary or
higher-level needs. Maslow also coined the term "meta
motivation".
During my torturous suspension, they did not follow
their own policies, or should I say they did not abide by
them. It felt like there was something they wanted from
me, but there was nothing more I could do.
These false allegations destroyed me and there was
nobody who I could turn to. It felt like I was being
punished for something I didn't do. The medication and
supervision stopped, without any explanation. I used to
drive services uses out on leave in a unit car, yet I had
been informed that I was not supposed to be dealing
with medication, which baffled me. The clique culture
had singled me out and I was not wanted there.
In light of the court hearings, Human Resources had
disregarded my latest pay review, which was just
another case of discrimination towards me. The law
protects you against discrimination at work, including
dismissal, employment terms and conditions, pay and
benefits, promotion and transfer opportunities, training
and recruitment.
I read a lot of issues relating to me. I was hurting,
and I told myself it was a suspension that had gone
wrong, and this nearly destroyed me. Even to this day I
am still puzzled as to what went on and I have not found
the answers I need.
This made me seek for other employment and I was
willing to relocate from Oxford and go somewhere else.
But this wouldn't be easy as I had just bought a house. I
was about to jump from the frying pan and straight into
the fire.
"It is important not to suppress your feelings
altogether when you are depressed. It is equally
important to avoid terrible arguments or expressions of
outrage. You should steer clear of emotionally
damaging behaviours. People forgive, but it is best not
to stir things up to the point at which forgiveness is
required. When you are depressed, you need the love of
other people, and yet depression fosters actions that
destroy that love. Depressed people often stick pins into
their own life rafts. The conscious mind can intervene.
One is not helpless." – Andrew Solomon
The Berlin Wall was a guarded concrete barrier that
physically and ideologically divided Berlin from 1961 to
1989. Construction of the wall was commenced by the
German Democratic Republic on 13 August 1961. The
Wall cut off West Berlin from surrounding East
Germany, including East Berlin. The barrier included
guards, accompanied by a wide area that contained antivehicle trenches, beds of nails and other defences.
The Eastern Bloc portrayed the Wall as protecting
its population from fascist elements conspiring to
prevent the "will of the people" from building a socialist
state in East Germany.
I was crumbling mentally. I had lost everything and
now I needed time to heal and to get back on my feet
again. Suddenly, I had become a nobody.
Sigmund Freud said, "The pain of the ego is the
worst kind of pain. Kids who are scapegoated with
words that cause unbearable humiliation sometimes
commit suicide." Due to working in that difficult
environment we needed to offer support, not to
humiliate each other.
I was wounded. I could do any nursing anymore.
"The human spirit is more powerful than any drug—and
that is what needs to be nourished: with work, play,
friendship, family. These are the things that matter." –
Robin Williams. I needed to heal.
"A supervisor in analytic school told me that kids
who are tortured with words are often more traumatized
than those who have been physically abused." –
Sigmund Freud
May (1976) considered Power against to be oppressive
and damaging to service users which thus takes a form
of a punishment. Smith (2008) pointed out that this
theory is like French and Raven's coercive power which
is always in a position to punish.
According to research, it is believed The Healing
Process is a new independent service formed to enable
individuals who feel they have suffered bullying or
harassment in the past while working for the NHS.
Highland Emotions―especially the dark and
dishonoured ones―hold a tremendous amount of
energy. We have all seen what happens when we repress or blindly express them. With the Language of Emotions, empathic counsellor Karla McLaren shows
you how to meet your emotion and receive their lifesaving wisdom to safely move toward resolution and equilibrium. Through experiential exercises covering a full spectrum of feelings from anger, fear, and shame to jealousy, grief, joy, and more, you will discover how to work with your own and others' emotions with fluency
and expertise. Although this was extremely difficult.
On my return from the NMC, I had requested for my
money to be paid, but this did not happen, even after
contacting ACAS and requesting their assistance. I was
told by Human Resources that I was going to get my
money, as the case had not been settled.
I had also gone through the Care Quality
Commission, who did nothing to help me. Any evidence
that would have supported my case had just vanished
into thin air. Nursing is not cut out for everyone, and I
found this to be true. Emotions, empathic counsellor
Karla McLaren shows you "how to meet your emotions
and receive their life-saving wisdom to safely move
toward resolution and equilibrium. Through
experiential exercises covering a full spectrum of
feelings from anger, fear, and shame to jealousy, grief,
joy, and more, you will discover how to work with your
own and others".
When I left my job, I had not been paid my final
month's salary, which I took up with ACAS. I found this
to be an atrocious act on their behalf, especially after the
false accusations that had been aimed at me.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) involves a
pattern of self-centred, arrogant thinking and behaviour,
a lack of empathy and consideration for other people,
and an excessive need for admiration. Others often
describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative,
selfish, patronizing, and demanding.
This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every area of the
narcissist's life: from work and friendships to family and
love relationships.
It's important to remember that narcissists aren't
looking for partners; they're looking for obedient
admirers. At times one could do extra work to cover
when there were not enough staffing levels. I was
getting paid; my efforts were not recognised.
Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect
and caring. But narcissists aren't capable of true
reciprocity in their relationships. It isn't just that they're
not willing; they truly aren't able. They don't see you.
Even NMC noticed this during their cross-examination
protocols which were not followed.
False accusations are similar to being bullied. Even
if one is rich, successful, famous, or "has it all", the
psychological devastation can be ruinous. If you are not
believed, if you cannot fight back with the true story, if
now you are distrusted and under scrutiny, the sense of
helplessness is overwhelming. People with inner
vulnerabilities are easy targets. Others sense the fragility
and find it thrilling to gang up or attack. Having a
scapegoat can help a group form a strong bond and find
meaning in what could be otherwise empty lives.
It is widely known that people with certain kinds of
pathology are brilliant at looking like victims when they
are perpetrators. They can ruin the life of an innocent
person. And this is what happened to me. with so much
false accusations I left my emotions take over, I could
not pull myself up.
I was informed that by whistleblowing, then the
court would afford me merits. However, giving the
timing of it all, I was told that any additional claims from
me now would be deemed late and therefore they would
be struck off. I gave names but nothing came of it, which
I found astonishing.
I had no money and I tried to contact NHS England
on several occasions. My health was not so good, and I
was falling deeper into depression.
The painful part about being found to be guilty was
that I was not fit to do my job. "You are guilty and not
fit to be a nurse, Miss Kearns," were the words that
echoed in my mind.
I read a lot of issues relating to me and the case; I
was hurting, and I told myself it was the suspension that
had gone wrong, and this nearly destroyed me. I got
extremely sick, both mentally and physically. I had to
live with the false allegations every day; I was living
with this dark cloud that did not want to shift. It took a
long time to try to put everything behind me.
It had been very difficult working at the hospital,
and there were times when I broke down and cried
uncontrollably. The NMC investigate complaints
regarding the following:
• Misconduct.
• Lack of competence.
• Not having the necessary knowledge of English.
• Criminal behaviour.
• Serious ill health.
I remember thinking I was someone's child and I
wondered what my own mother would think of me and
whether she would say that I was an orphan. I was crying
and hurting. I was my mother's child, who was trying to
work hard. I knew my capabilities, but the constant
bullying had been getting to me. I had been undermined
and given more duties to perform than the others. Even
when the ward had been short staffed, I had been called
upon to do above and beyond my normal workload.