The elevator doors slid open with a dramatic whoosh, revealing a sprawling medieval village bathed in golden sunlight. Cobbled streets meandered between quaint thatched cottages, and villagers bustled about their business, clad in tunics and gowns straight out of a renaissance fair.
"Wow," Greg said, stepping out and immediately tripping over the uneven cobblestones. "It's like we time-traveled back to the Dark Ages."
Mallory stretched, yawning. "Why does every new dimension scream 'effort'? Can't we find one where I can nap?"
As if on cue, the apartment's tablet beeped:
Welcome to the Medieval Kingdom! Quest Opportunities Available: Speak to the Town Crier.
Mallory frowned. "Quests? Like in a video game?"
Alex smirked. "I guess you're the chosen one, Mallory. Should we start calling you 'Lady Sloth'?"
Ignoring him, Mallory trudged toward the Town Crier, a rotund man perched on a wooden podium in the village square.
---
The Town Crier bellowed, "Hear ye, hear ye! The evil sorceress Esmeralda has cursed our crops, stolen our gold, and turned our livestock into frogs! Who will brave her dark tower and save the kingdom?"
Mallory raised a hand lazily. "Is there a reward?"
The Town Crier squinted at her. "Brave adventurer, should you succeed, you shall receive a chest of gold, the gratitude of the people, and—"
"Yeah, yeah, I'll do it," Mallory interrupted, yawning again. "But only if it's quick."
Greg looked horrified. "Are you serious? A sorceress? Mallory, we're not exactly equipped to fight magic!"
Alex leaned closer. "You're just mad she didn't ask you to split the gold."
---
The villagers wasted no time equipping their newfound "heroes." Greg was given a dented sword, Alex got a rusty bow and arrow, and Mallory was handed a wooden staff carved with strange runes.
"What's this supposed to do?" she asked, poking at it.
"It is the Staff of Lazula, blessed with the power of sloth!" an elderly villager explained.
Mallory blinked. "The power of… what?"
The villager gestured dramatically. "It allows the wielder to achieve great feats with minimal effort."
"That's more like it," Mallory said, swinging the staff experimentally. "Finally, some magic I can get behind."
---
The group trudged toward Esmeralda's tower, a sinister structure looming on the edge of the forest. Along the way, Greg kept complaining about blisters, Alex kept muttering about strategies, and Mallory? She was riding on a makeshift cart pulled by a very reluctant Blinky.
"This feels oddly dignified," she mused, munching on a sandwich from the apartment's supply stash.
"You're unbelievable," Alex said, glancing at her. "We're heading into potential doom, and you're treating it like a picnic."
"Hey, I didn't choose this life," Mallory replied. "The lazy life chose me."
---
Upon reaching the tower, they found the entrance guarded by two burly knights in black armor.
"Halt!" one of them barked. "None may pass without proving their worth!"
Greg stepped forward nervously. "Uh… what kind of proof are we talking about?"
The knight pointed to a large boulder. "Move this stone, and you may enter."
Greg and Alex exchanged uneasy glances before attempting to lift the boulder together. It didn't budge.
Mallory sighed, stepped off her cart, and lazily tapped the boulder with her staff. The runes glowed faintly, and the boulder rolled aside as if it weighed nothing.
"See?" she said, climbing back onto her cart. "Minimal effort."
The knights stepped aside, bowing low.
Inside the tower, they encountered a series of increasingly ridiculous challenges. First, a room filled with sentient brooms that tried to sweep them out the door. Mallory dealt with them by turning them into a pile of toothpicks with her staff.
Next, a swarm of magical frogs blocked their path. Mallory waved her staff again, and the frogs obediently hopped aside, croaking in harmony.
"This is way too easy," Greg muttered.
Alex rolled his eyes. "Don't jinx it."
Finally, they reached the top of the tower, where Esmeralda sat on a throne made of skulls. She was every bit the stereotypical villain: black robes, glowing green eyes, and a cackle that echoed ominously.
"So," she sneered, "you're the so-called heroes come to challenge me?"
Mallory leaned on her staff. "Not really. I just want to get this over with."
Esmeralda scowled. "Do not mock me! My power is beyond comprehension!"
As she raised her hands to cast a spell, Mallory lazily flicked her staff. A beam of soft blue light enveloped Esmeralda, and she froze mid-cackle.
"What… what is this?" the sorceress sputtered.
"Sloth magic," Mallory said. "Now you're too lazy to fight back."
Esmeralda slumped onto her throne, yawning uncontrollably. "Curse you… I can't… be bothered…"
Greg stared. "Did you just win by making her too tired to fight?"
Mallory shrugged. "Told you this staff was my kind of magic."
---
With Esmeralda defeated, the tower's enchantments dissolved, and the villagers' stolen gold and livestock reappeared in the village square.
The villagers cheered as Mallory and her companions returned, though Mallory let Greg and Alex handle most of the celebrations. She was too busy enjoying a feast prepared in her honor.
"Honestly," she said between bites of roast chicken, "this hero stuff isn't so bad when you do it my way."
Alex raised a mug of ale. "To Lady Sloth, the laziest hero this kingdom will ever see!"
---
Back in the elevator, Greg was still buzzing with excitement. "That was insane! We took down a sorceress! Can you believe it?"
"I can," Mallory said, already lying down on the floor. "And now, I'm taking a nap."
The elevator beeped as the display changed to: Next Stop: Cyberpunk City.
Alex smirked. "Something tells me your nap won't last long."
Mallory groaned. "Why can't this thing take us somewhere normal? Like a beach?"
As the elevator descended into its next adventure, Mallory couldn't help but wonder what bizarre challenges awaited them in Cyberpunk City—and whether her sloth magic would be enough to get her through.
---
To Be Continued...