*Leonora*
It has been a few days since Bethany left. I was still staying at the motel in case Jax had any tricks up his sleeve. My whole senses were alert and I was prepared for anything. I purchased a small dagger which I kept in my bag for safety purposes.
My whole senses were on high alert and it was beginning to affect my sense of reasoning. I was told to take a break from teaching as it was getting worse. I didn't want a break. I wanted to take my mind off of Jax and his pack. I wanted him to leave me alone and let me breathe.
I wanted peace.
Peace was out of the option when I was born as an omega. Omegas in Jax's pack would never have the opportunity to know or feel what peace is. Even after I ran away, I had to look over my shoulders every minute and couple with the fact that I'm his mate. I knew his wolf was freaking out. He needed to mate. I needed to mate but I've subdued my wolf, Jax hasn't so he's suffering.
I know why he wants me back. He wants me to reject him. Free him from this bondage we've put ourselves in but freeing him would also mean him admitting that we are mates. It was a lose-lose situation for him.
I could really care less whether I won or lost. All I wanted was my freedom and for Jax to suffer for what happened to Noah. He was the reason why we had to leave. He was the reason why Claire set Noah and I up. He was the reason why I had to over work so that no one would ever suspect there was anything going on between us.
He was the reason why Noah died.
I would never forget. The way Noah laid on the ground as the blood spilled out of his body. The way i rushed to his body to save him but it was too late. The way i tried to stop the bleeding but it got all over my hands and clothes.
I would never forget.
"Be careful." I heard a man say and I stopped in my tracks, turning to look at him. My hand was buried in my bag, clutching the dagger.
"What did you say?" I said as I stepped closer to him, squeezing my hand on the handle of the knife.
"I said be careful. You almost bumped into that stroller." He said, pointing at the stroller that was a few feet away from me. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Oh, thank you." I said continuing down my path, making sure to avoid the stroller. I didn't want the baby to suffer for my absent mind.
That baby would have added on to the list of casualties that Jax had left along the way. I was not going to be the last one, I'm sure of that. If I was going down, he would go down with me.
My mind wandered over to Bethany and I wondered what was going on with her. I prayed silently that Jax wouldn't touch her or punish her for my response. I know he only sent her here to convince me to come back to the pack but there was no way I would do that. He knew it. Everyone knew it.
I even wondered why Claire let him do it. Most likely because he wants me to reject him and they can live happily ever after. That was her goal. She just wanted Jax and Jax was oblivious to it. Oblivious to her lingering stares and flirting. Whenever she was around Jax and I, my wolf would get angry. Lycans are fiercely loyal to their mate which was the opposite of Jax and I. He really couldn't care less about me and I, him.
What was there to care about? His face and body that looked like he was sculpted by Greek gods? Or his abs I had seen once when he lifted his hands to stretch his body? I closed my eyes briefly as I remembered how he looked.
I quickly caught myself and shook that thought out of my head. I couldn't be attracted to that monster! I had to remind myself that he was the reason why Noah wasn't here with me! He is the reason why I'm suffering and living in fear.
I saw the view of my apartment and I walked quickly. All I wanted was to make hot tea and read a book. I actually needed the break. Maybe I would go out and have a drink but that would be too careless of me, especially now that I know Jax is out for me.
I can never be free.
I'm still living in a box. A box that Jax had prepared for me. I couldn't make friends. I couldn't go out. I couldn't have a drink. I couldn't be a regular at certain places. I always had to be calculating. I always had to be alert. I had to make sure that I wasn't being followed and nothing was going to happen to me when I fall asleep.
I got to the front door of the building and immediately took out my keys. I opened the door and stepped into the building, locking the door behind me. I immediately went straight to the table and dropped by bag on it, breathing out a sigh of relief.
Another day had almost ended and I was still safe. I went straight to the kitchen. I picked up the kettle, throwing the water inside it away. I filled it back up with water, placing it on the stand and turning it on. I went back to the living room and sat down on the chair.
I was waiting for Jax. Preparing myself for whatever plans he had next. I didn't want to be caught off guard. Not this time.