(tw: mention of self harm)
I feel my body not wanting to wake up. Wanting to fall asleep again, dream of the same nightmarish memories over and over rather than gaining new ones.
But I open my eyes.
I could say I can sense Cheshire lying on my body, but that would be true only partially. Yes, I do feel his presence, but I don't feel his weight.
I pet him on his furry head and he leans into the pet. I don't have to put on my glasses to see him lick my finger, the icy coldness traces where his tongue touches.
He floats into the air when he realizes I'm unbothered by his freezing warmth and lies on the windowsill where he purrs calmly.
I sit up on my bed and put on my glasses. My room is a bit messy. I should clean it up before Father sees.
I change into clothes I hunt from the bottom of my drawer that I know aren't dirty yet. Winter is starting, so I put on a purple turtleneck and black pants. I think about wearing a belt too, but I have no energy to put it on, so I leave it be.
Before going downstairs, I quickly shuffle my cards. Fool. I put the card in my pocket with a frown.
While thinking, I walk downstairs with my bag on my shoulders with no expectations whatsoever, but Father surprises me. He seems a lot more relaxed than usual.
"Good morning, Lucien," he greets me formally and I nod.
"Good morning, Father."
I put my bag on the chair beside me and I sit down, breakfast already prepared, which isn't very common, so I enjoy it. Father must be in a good mood.
"What is happening at school today?" he asks me as if he didn't just see the scars on my hands when the sleeves of my sweater rolled up when I reached for my water.
"Nothing much." But since I know he won't be satisfied with that answer, I add: "Teacher is setting us into groups for a herbology project."
"Herbology project, you say? You know, your mom was a big herbalist. She loved nature and plants and all those things."
As if you actually cared about what she loves.
He nods a few times. "Yes, big fan of that she was…I got some news."
I look up from my toast. "What news?"
"I'll be on a trip to France with my students for two weeks."
Ooh, so that's the thing about your good mood.
"Oh yeah? When are you going?"
"We're meeting in front of the airport in two days. So I got some rules. No parties, obviously. No one coming over. You sleeping under this roof. And I'm not giving you any money. Do you understand?"
I blink. "I won't have any money for two weeks?"
He nods. "It's time you learn how to make money yourself if something were to happen to me. Do you understand the rules?"
I pause before letting my head back down. "Yes, Father."
"Good. Also fix your hair, you don't want to go out in public like that."
"Yes, Father."
I eat my toast and pack lunch. Before heading out to school, I try to settle my curly hair down, but it's impossible. Not even magic could work on that big black mess.
I plug in my earphones and start walking towards the train station. On the way there, I pass the forest where I wave to a pale figure that's always standing and waiting to greet me there.
The train is late. I run to school with my backpack hitting my back painfully. I get to class just when the bell rings.
I sit behind my desk and exhale. I drop my books down just as the teacher walks in. Everyone in the room stands up in greeting and class starts.
Biology takes up our last two classes. Mr Payne, a tall white man who looks like he can teach biology that school doesn't want you to know about, walks into the room with his usual lazy posture, curved back and messy hair.
"Good morning class," he says, even though it's one pm. "Sit. Today I'll pick your partners for the project and give you the themes you'll make the projects about."
He slams his old bag on his desk with a big thump. "So." He rubs his hands together. "Let's see…"
His eyes shift around the classroom and he starts pointing to different people. "You and you. You and…you," he says as if he was deciding our fate.
Finally, he points to me. "You," he glazes around, "and you."
He points to a blond guy sitting next to his friends. The guy smiles at me and walks across the room to me. "Hi," he smiles. If I had to describe him in one word, it would definitely be: Sunshine.
I nod. "Hey."
He sits next to me and watches the teacher sort out other people. I secretly look him up and down.
His wavy blond hair falls into his eyes constantly, his green eyes glaze around the room with a spark of humor uncontrollably glowing and probably finding every detail they can, millions of freckles shining in the sunlight.
He has a yellow sweater on with overalls and a brown vest that is at least two sizes bigger than it's socially acceptable. Countless black necklaces hang down from his neck and mushroom earrings stare at me back.
Suddenly, he speaks up. "Everest."
I blink. "What?"
"My name's Everest, but everyone calls me Eef."
I pause before returning: "Lucien, but everyone calls me Luce."
Everest smiles. "They all missed the opportunity to call you Lace?"
My lips curve a little. "I guess they all thought that it didn't suit me very well."
He gives me a weird look before turning back to the teacher who started talking again. "We'll see."
Mr Payne doesn't give me a chance to react. "So now I'm going to go to each group and let them choose from a hat with papers. If you have any questions on the topic, ask me after the class."
He starts going around the groups and lets them draw from the hat. When he comes to us, I scrunch my nose. I can smell it even from far away.
Everest shuffles his hand inside the hat before picking out a small piece of paper. He opens it and turns to me. "Herbology in physical healing: generally and then choose one plant to describe its healing process and effects."
I make a humming sound. "It's not that hard, you just have to have the right source of information."
"We can look for some herbology books in the library."
"I actually have some at home. A lot. My mom was a big herbology lover, so we can look in those."
"Okay, we'll do the project at yours."
I nod. "Okay, but let's wait until my dad's not going to be home. He's traveling with his class in two days, so he's not going to bother."
Everest raises his eyebrows. "Your dad is a bother?"
I look at Mr Payne who's just been told he smells and is laughing about it. "...Sometimes."
The class then goes on. The teacher explains a new curriculum and we write notes in silence, occasionally raising hands to ask something.
When the class ends, a lot of students go to his desk to ask some questions, but I quickly disappear into the crowd of people in the hallway.
But before I can leave the school grounds, a person is suddenly beside me. "Hey, Lace." Everest smiles before continuing. "You disappeared into thin air before I could ask for your number." He pauses. "So we can talk about the project, of course."
"Of course." I take out my phone, giving it to him. He gives me his phone and we exchange numbers. He says his goodbye and then leaves.
I look at his back and sigh. I then turn and walk to the train station.