Will must have only been in my room a matter of seconds before a nurse came to bring me down to get an x-ray. That was quickly followed by seven stitches above my eye, and then the CT scan came not long after that too. There were only fleeting gaps in between where I got to see him, but he's here, that's all I care about.
The doctor who stitched my wound said that I'll have a small scar above my eyebrow, he recommended some creams and other kinds of products that might help, but it will still be there regardless, staring back at me every time I look in the mirror.
When I was getting onto the gurney for the CT scan, the hospital gown they gave me to wear rode up. Both of the nurses assisting me got a full blown view of the bruising up the inside of my thighs. It looks exactly like what it is, so now I'm getting plenty of reassuring smiles and sad looks, but thankfully no questions.
Sarah, Mark and Donna arrived to the hospital not too long after Will. I was glad to see them, but I did find that every time I got back to the room, the atmosphere was getting frostier and frostier.
Once I'm brought back to my room for the final time, I'm told that all I have to do is wait. It's empty in here now though. A nurse tells me that everybody was arguing so loudly that they had to make them all wait out front until I came back. She offers to go get them, but I ask her just to send Sarah for now. I'm going to need her to do something for me.
The nurse hovers for a minute before she leaves, her eyes roaming over the bruises and cuts. She wants to say something, I can tell by the way she looks at me, but in the end she decides against it. "I'll go get your sister now," she says, "I hope you feel better sweetheart."
I'm sure she wanted to say a million other things, but I appreciate that she didn't.
A little while later, there's a light knock on the door. The second I see Sarah I feel myself clamming up.
"Hey, you okay?" she asks, "The nurse told the others they had to wait?"
"Yeah, I asked her just to send you. What's going on out there?"
"Oh, don't worry about it, just some heated words."
"Between who?," I ask.
"Dad and everybody else. He's not happy about the whole situation. He wants you to tell them what happened, and he wants to call the police."
"Jesus Christ, I told him no. Why does he never listen?"
"He's worried about you Iz, it's just his way. But don't worry," she reassures me, "Will made it very clear that you'd be the one making those decisions."
"Really?"
"He sure did. I don't know who that guy is out there Izzy, but it certainly isn't the easy going joker I've come to know. Even Mark had a grin on his face, it's rare to see Dad get told what's what."
"Good," I say. I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that someone is looking out for me.
Sarah sits herself on the bed beside me, rubbing my leg. "How was the scan?," she asks.
"Weird, did you know that you literally cannot move an inch for those? The technicians voice just kept coming over the speaker telling me I wasn't keeping still enough. It was creepy."
She laughs at my trivial complaint, but we both know that I'm just trying to bring some sort of normality to all of this.
Sarah dives right in, asking me a million questions so that she can try to make sense of everything. I have to explain to her that it wasn't me she was talking to yesterday. She finds it hard to understand at first. She says that Jamie made his messages sound so much like me, but as I see her eyes begin to water, I know that she's kicking herself for what she said last night.
"I can't believe I didn't realise that it wasn't you," she cries, "How could I not know my own sister?"
"Why would you assume anything different Sarah?"
"But I should have known not to say anything about Will or you leaving. I can't stand the thought that I might have made anything worse for you."
Sarah is both heartbroken and riddled with guilt, the last thing I'd ever want her to do is put any blame onto herself for any of this. I need to protect her from it, so I lie.
"He'd done his worst at that stage Sarah, you didn't tell him anything that he didn't already know, I promise."
She wipes at her tears, I think that's given her some small comfort.
"Where is Jamie now?," she asks.
I shrug my shoulders. It would certainly be easier if I knew that answer.
"I don't know, he said he was going to work this morning, but Dad set the alarm off when he burst in so I'm sure he's been back to the apartment by now."
"And you really won't call the police?"
"No," I say definitively.
"Izzy, the guy literally kidnapped you and held you hostage. He could have killed you! You have all the evidence you need."
"Evidence for what?," I argue. "To press charges? Sure, and then Tom pays for his lawyers to drag me through the mud when it's time to face him. No thanks."
"But he deserves to be in jail for what he did to you Izzy! You deserve justice for this."
There's no justice in me having to re-live what I've been through for the last few years in painful detail, only to be told I'm lying about it," I tell her, "And even if he's found in any way guilty, they'll bury all of the heavy stuff. There'll be a lack of evidence, no pictures, no police reports. He'll walk away with a slap on the wrist and I'll be the one picking myself back up. No, that's not what I want."
She tries to understand, and I can appreciate that it's hard for her, it's not at all what she'd do, but I know my own mind and the decision is mine.
Steering the conversation back to why I asked to see her in the first place, I steady myself with a breath. This next part is going to be tough.
I know it's not ideal to ask her to do this for me, espically because she's already blaming herself, but I'm painfully aware of how time sensitive things are, so I can't really wait. I have to swallow my worry and ask for her help.
"Sarah, do you think that you could do something for me?," I ask.
"Anything," she says. I really hope she means it too.
"I need you to go to a pharmacy for me... I need you to get me an emergency contraceptive."
Even though Jamie gave me back my pill, there's no way that I can trust that missed day. I don't want to take the risk.
Sarah frowns at me a little before voicing her confusion.
"I don't understand Izzy, why do you need that?"
I keep my eyes on my hands, sitting them in my lap as I pick at my nails.
"I just need you to do that for me Sarah. I can't ask here or they'll report everything. I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important."
"But i don't get it?," she says, "Why would you sleep with him if he was..."
Things slowly come together for her, piece by piece. "Izzy... Did he..."
Her questions phase out, soon becoming replaced by her sobs.
I can't seem to comfort Sarah or tell her what she wants to hear, I wish I could. I wish none of this ever happened at all, but I guess life has handed us all things that we're just going to have to learn to deal with, like it or not.
On top of the bomb I've just dropped on her, I also have to swear Sarah to secrecy. She puts up no fight about it though, this isn't anyones business other than mine. I had no choice but to ask her to get it because I don't know when I'll be discharged and out of anyone's sight long enough to buy it myself.
She agrees to go right away, telling the others she's getting me some clothes as they all make their way back into the room. I take her up on that offer too, asking for some clean underwear and whatever she can spare from her closet. There's certain things I never want to see again, and the sweatpants I arrived in are one of them.
Will, Dad, Donna and Mark all arrive into the room, bringing a wayward chill with them. Will sits on one side of me, and my dad to the other. I already feel like a ping pong ball between them. Still, I'm glad that they're here. I don't think I really believed Will was alright until I actually saw him.
"I'm sorry we weren't here when you got back Iz," Will says as he takes my hand and brush's his thumb over my fingers.
"It's alright, you're here now, that's all I wanted. I was so worried something had happened to you."
"Sarah told me, but you had nothing to worry about," he says, "I was fine. I feel like such an idiot though, I let you down, I should have made sure we had some sort of plan to check in. We were so close, I thought things would be alright until then."
"I know, I thought I'd covered my tracks well."
My Dad clears his throat, reminding us that they're in here too, but Mark steps in before he can say anything rude.
"So what happened Izzy?," he asks. "I thought Jamie had no clue?"
"He went through my stuff and found an email, I tried to explain it away but it was obvious, he knew the second he found it that I was trying to leave."
"Fucking dirtbag," Marks mumbles as his eyes examine me. "Did he do that to you?," he asks, staring at the bandage above my eye.
I can't give much more to him than a nod of my head. I don't want to remember a thing about what Jamie did.
My Dad can't seem to hold in his anger about it all, he's the only one that really has a clue about how bad it was.
"Isobel," he says with his stern voice, "that boy is not getting away with this."
Mark agrees with him of course, but under different ideals.
"I've no problem going out there and finding him myself Izzy," he says, "you just say the word, you don't need the police involved in order for him to pay for this."
"No way!," I insist. I don't want anybody getting into trouble, and I don't want the police involved. Will and I are leaving, that's still the plan. It's all I want."
Will squeezes my hand tight as my dad gives him the side eye, he's been doing it the whole time they've been in here. I don't know what has been said between them, but the little grunt my dad does when I mention that we're leaving really irks me. Will didn't miss it either.
Unwilling to be ignored, my dad stands and hovers over me like his stance might give him some form of authority here.
"I think it might be best if we take some time to discuss it as a family Isobel," he says, "you can have your friend come back later when things have calmed down."
"Friend? Will isn't my friend Dad," I say, "and besides that, any decisions to be made on this are ours, nobody else's."
"I can't see why you want him involved at all Isobel," he spits, "it's his fault you're here!"
I sit myself up the moment the words leave his mouth, I've never heard anything so insanely stupid. I don't know if he's confused or senile, but it's got to be one of them.
"Nothing here is Wills fault," I tell him. "Not a single thing. If anything, he's the only reason I'm getting out of that situation at all. It's because of him that I finally had the sense to leave, you should be thanking him!"
"I'm not getting into it now Isobel. All I'm saying is that you wouldn't be in that state if you two weren't doing whatever you were doing."
The whole room stills, Donna places her hand on my dad's shoulder, warning him to rein it in, but it's too late, he's already said it.
I can see now that he's somehow managed put the blame for Jamie's assault back onto me. I shouldn't be surprised, but after our conversation in the waiting room earlier, I'd gotten my hopes up that he understood. More fool me.
"You're right dad," I say, my blood boiling, "maybe if I had behaved, and agreed to every little demand Jamie made then I wouldn't be here."
"That's not what I-"
"It's exactly what you meant!," I yell, "it's always what you mean! Just once I wish you would be on my side, but you cant can you? It would kill you to believe that I didn't deserve this."
My dad huffs and folds his arms like I'm being over dramatic, but he has no idea.
"There's a hundred other reasons why I could have ended out here Dad," I say, "It never took much for Jamie to lose his temper. If you'd actually listened to anything that Sarah told you, instead of instinctively searching for a reason to blame me, you'd know that."
A knowing smile flashes across Wills face as he stares up at my dad. He's proud of the fact I finally stood my ground with him.
"Isobel, I'm not saying that you deserved it," my dad argues.
"No, but you are saying that if I wasn't sneaking around with Will, then it wouldn't have happened. Just like if I had never had that recital, then the truck wouldn't have hit our car. I hear your undertones loud and clear Dad, they've never been hard to miss."
Taken back by my outburst, my dad then makes an attempt to turn on Will instead.
"See?," he says, stretching his palm out toward me, "I told you none of this was good for her. She doesn't need this kind of stress, why don't you just leave?"
Will stands, continuing to hold my hand, but unwilling to let my dad cast a shadow over him.
"Actually," he says, "I think what Izzy is clearly telling you, is that she doesn't need you to force her to carry the blame for something that was entirely out of her control again."
My dad pauses a moment, allowing Wills words to sink in before he cocks his eyebrow.
"What did you just say to me son?"
Mark straightens up, ready to step in if needed, but Will holds firm, he's only saying what everyone else is thinking.
"Look, I can't tell you how grateful I am that you found Izzy," Will says, "or that you were concerned enough to go by her apartment. I don't even want to think about what else could have happened if you didn't get there when you did, but your job doesn't stop there. You're her dad. You're meant to fight her corner no matter what, even if she's wrong, which by the way she's not. The only way this wouldn't have happened to her is if that animal let her leave like she wanted to, like she was trying to do. This is on him, every bit of it."
My dad is left speechless. He's not sure how to treat this stranger that's delivering so many home truths. His face reddens, I know that he's pissed, but I don't care either. This isn't about him, or what might make him feel better.
You could hear a pin drop as he looks around the room, quickly realising that nobody here agrees with him.
"I think I'll just wait outside," he says before turning on his heel and walking back towards the waiting room. Donna follows him out, insisting that she'll talk to him. She might, but he won't hear her.
As soon as Donna and my dad have left, Mark lets out the breath he was holding onto, rolling his eyes at how Charlie will always be Charlie. But before any of us have time to complain about what just happened, Wills phone rings from inside his pocket. His brows come together in confusion when he pulls it out.
"Uh, sorry," he says, looking up at me and then back at his phone, "I'm just going to take this, I'll be back in a minute."
I figure it must be Annie, although I don't know if he's filled her in or not yet.
As he heads out to the corridor, I double check the clock again. It feels like time is speeding up as it gets later and later. I'm banking on being discharged as soon as there's some information on that CT scan they did. The nurse said it could be hours though. I don't have hours, I want to get out of here.
"Where are the girls?" I ask Mark, school is surely out by now.
"We left them with our neighbour," he tells me, "don't worry, they've three kids and a rabbit, they're probably having the time of their lives."
"I bet! Once Sarah's back with some clothes you two should get home. I hate the idea of her catching something in here so early in the pregnancy."
"And I hate that you worry so much about everyone else while lying in a hospital bed," he says, "but here we are sis."
I make no more effort to argue, it's his choice if he wants to stay awhile, and I certainly appreciate the company.
It's not long before Will comes back in, but when he does he's weirdly withdrawn as Mark fills me in on all the different ways that I can build the strength back up in my arm.
He fidgets and shifts continuously, I can't quite tell if he's worried or annoyed, but he's impatient to the point that he can't seem to take the chit chat anymore.
"Hey Mark," he interrupts, "do you think I could have a minute alone with Izzy?"
"Oh, uh sure," Mark stammers, "I should go check on Charlie anyway, give Donna a break." He gives my leg a reassuring squeeze as he leaves. I hope my dad doesn't start on him too.
I can tell by the way Will chews on the inside of his cheek that whatever that phone call was about, it wasn't good.
"Who was that on the phone?" I ask him.
He can't seem to fully look at me. His hands sit on his hips as he stares toward the floor, holding onto anger that he's fighting to keep in.
"What did he do to you Izzy?," he asks.
I'm quick to withdraw, that's not a conversation I want to have right now.
"Lets talk about it later," I say, "I don't really want to get into it here."
"No, I need to know right now. What did he do to you."
"Will-"
"Last night Izzy. What happened last night?"
He's specific about the time. Too specific, and I think I know why.
"Who was calling you Will?" I ask again.
"Tell me what happened last night Isobel."
"Who was it!?"
I feel a ball of rage form in my chest, I know who, I just need him to say it.
"It was you," he finally says, "Your number was calling me."
That twisted psychopath.
"What did he want?" I ask, other than to see how much more damage he could do from afar.
"He thought it was me that came to get you,"
Will says. "He asked me what I thought of the bedroom."
My cheeks burn with shame. I know I did nothing wrong, but deep down I'm afraid of what this means. Heat creeps up my neck as all of Wills features seem to turn to stone.
"He said that he made sure you'd never forget him Izzy..."
"Will, please can we just drop this, just for now?"
"What did he mean?"
"I don't want to talk about it!," I yell, frustrated by his questions.
Will closes his eyes like he can't actually believe what's happening, and when he opens them back up, he gives me that same pitiful look that everyone else has ever since I was eleven.
"Dont!" I say. "Dont look at me like that Will, like I'm some kind of sad story. I'm not! It doesn't matter what he did, it doesn't change a damn thing about me!"
I hate Jamie. I hate him! I hate what he did, and I hate what he continues to do. I never ever wanted to feel like this again.
Wills jaw tenses as he stares at me, he's like a ticking time bomb.
"I'm gonna' kill him," he says.
Without missing a beat, he turns around and storms his way out of the hospital room, leaving me to chase after him yet again.
The sound of the linoleum squeaks under my feet as I race across it to catch him, but he's already out the door when I get to the waiting room. I quickly look around trying to find Mark, but he finds me first. He must have seen Will rushing out of here.
"I'm on it kid!," he calls to me as he pulls his jacket off the back of a chair and takes out the keys to his truck.
"I think he's going to the apartment Mark,"
I explain, "He's going to do something stupid! Please don't let him."
"I'll do my best," he says, nodding at me before rushing out the door.
I feel like I'm in some corny drama series with the way people whisper and stare at me. I shouldn't be out here. I catch a glimpse of my dads disappointed face amoung the curious onlookers. That is the last thing I need.
I feel helpless, all I want to do is go after Will myself. I run through all of the things that could go wrong if he does get to Jamie, and feel myself completley spiralling.
Donna takes ahold of my hand, slowly directing me back towards my room while trying to keep my head straight. She reassures me that things will be alright, but I honestly don't believe that to be true.
"What if he gets himself into trouble Donna?," I ask.
"I'm sure Mark will stop him before that happens hunny, it will all be okay."
"But what if this is why Jamie called him in the first place?," I say, completely panicked, "What if this is just a trick to lure Will there so he could do something? Oh god, I can't stay here, I have to go after him!"
Donna blocks my path as I make an attempt to leave, giving me that mom stare of hers.
"Hold on Izzy," she says. "What are you going to do? Chase his car on foot? You can't do anything, you haven't been discharged yet. Mark will get to him, trust him, he won't let anything bad happen."
Donna forcefully leads me back to the bed, not taking no for an answer.
"What's all of this about anyway?," she asks. What made Will storm off?"
"Jamie called him from my phone," I explain, "He was taunting him. This is all such a big mess Donna. Everytime I see some light at the end of the tunnel, it all goes to shit. I'm finding it harder and harder to see how Will and I might come out this."
"Don't talk like that," she says, "it will all work out. I know I barely know Will, but if a man had ever spoken to my father like that in my defence, I'd have a whole different life right now let me tell you! I have a sense for these things, you two will get there, believe me."
It's nice that Donna has faith in us. I think I needed to hear it after how my dad reacted.
Speaking of Charlie, it's been hard not to notice him pacing outside the door of the room the last few minutes.
"I think I'll give you two a moment to talk," Donna says, slinking out the door and pushing him inside as she does.
I can't take another lecture from him. I don't want to hear about all of the ways that I'm a let down to him right now. Not when all I can think about is Mark reaching Will on time.
And more importantly, what could happen if he doesn't.