I can't seem to keep my thoughts from straying to the worst case scnerio as I sit on the hospital bed and wait. I hope Mark gets to Will, all I want is for him to come back so that we can stick to our plan.
My dad has been hovering awkwardly by the door since Donna forced him in here and I honestly don't know why she bothered. For a guy with so many opinions earlier, he's spending a whole lot of time scratching his head right now.
"Are you going to just stand there all day Dad?" I grumble.
He opens his mouth to say something back to me, but thinks better of it and just nods his head instead. The chair beside my bed creeks under his weight as he sits down. I can't disguise how angry I am with him right now. I don't know why he even stayed here.
"That boy sure has a lot to say Isobel," he says as he folds his arms over his chest, clearly still not grasping that he's the problem.
"That boy has a name Dad. You should use it."
He clicks his tongue at my rebuke, but he knows he was being rude, he just wants to be a dick about it.
"Fine," he says. "Maybe I was a bit quick to point the finger, but can you look at it from my side for a minute? I'm going to need you to clarify some of this a little bit for me Isobel."
"I thought Sarah already told you everything?"
"She told me what she knew," he says, "But I want to hear it from you. When did this all start? How long have you been allowing that Jamie guy to treat you this way?"
"Allowing him?" I repeat. Does he think there were choices where Jamie was concerned?
"I don't mean it like that. I just... okay, I'm sorry. Sometimes things come out of my mouth before I've thought about how they sound. I know you're not at fault, I just want to understand how long all of this has been happening."
"A while," I say, "A long time actually. Never anything like this though. It was a slap at first. Pushing, shouting, stuff like that. It's gotten progressively worse over time, especially the last few months."
"Why was that?"
"I'm not sure. Work was hard, the secrets he kept were harder I guess."
"What does that mean?," he asks, "What secrets?"
I decide to tell my dad all about the video. And about Karl too, and all of the things I haven't shared with anyone else yet. I'm not sure why it's him that I tell, but I give him the whole overview of who I've come to understand Jamie is, and how it all made it so easy for me fall for Will.
He sits still for a while, taking it in. Thinking.
"So this video," he says, "what he did to that girl..." He pauses, sitting back in the chair and looking anywhere but at me. "Well you know what I saw in your bedroom Isobel, so tell me straight. Did he do that to you?"
My chin begins to quiver, just the mention of what he saw is enough to drag my mind back there.
"...Yes." I whisper.
A low grumbling noice creeps up his throat. I imagine this is every parents nightmare, relationships be damned.
"Is that why that bo-, uh, I mean is that why Will went stomping his way out of here?"
"Jamie called him and told him all about it. He just had to get one more shot in. I think he was trying to goad Will so he'd go to the apartment, but I don't know."
My dad then asks me the one question I've been avoiding for the better part of a week.
"Why hadn't you told him about it yourself?"
Tears build up in my eyes, I know I'd have told Will eventually, but a part of me still feels like this could change everything, and I'm terrified of it.
My dad must know what I'm thinking, maybe he believes it too, because he reaches his hand out and to hold mine.
"Alright, I get it," he says, "But Isobel, if he loves you, and I mean if he really loves you, then it won't change that, none of this will. The fact he could have lost you should only make him love you more. I know that's how it feels for me."
I stare up at him, both surprised and grateful for his honesty.
"Look," he says with a sigh, "I didn't mean to upset anyone earlier. I think I was just trying to put the blame onto anyone else so that I didn't have to look at myself."
"What do you mean?"
"This is my fault," he says. "I knew what Jamie was up to, deep down I just knew it. The day you lied to me about that bruise on your face, I let it slide because the easiest thing to do was believe you. I should have handled it."
"Do you think it would have changed a thing dad?," I ask. "Really? I'd have just continued to deny it. You'd have blown a gasket and we would have still ended up here."
"I stillshould have done more, I should have pressed harder."
"And I should have left, but I didn't."
My dad may continue to blame himself for what Jamie did, but I think in reality he knows I'm right, and he also knows where the blame really lies.
If I had never met Will or Annie or fell onto the path I did, I don't doubt that Jamie would have led us here, one way or another.
I have to admit that I like this side of my dad. It's his most honest. It doesn't make what he said to Will okay, but I think I understand it a little better.
"You still owe Will an apology dad," I point out, getting nothing but a grunt in return. I suppose something will be harder to change than others.
♾️
While we wait for news from Mark, I get a quick visit from the doctor. My X-ray came back and thankfully there were no broken ribs, just badly bruised ones. It's a welcome bit of good news and one less thing to worry about.
My CT on the other hand showed some tearing in my rotator cuff, it will take awhile for it to recover, so I have to be gentle with it. I find it hard to concentrate on the advice I'm given, but I hear the doctor tell me to expect some pain at night, then I'm given a prescription for some pain medication and told I can go home.
I half expected to be here all night, but because there's no signs of concussion, they won't need to keep me in.
A well timed Sarah arrives back with some clothes and a pharamacy bag just as the doctor leaves. I send my dad out to call Mark again, even he seems to be nervous now.
Sarah is fast to assure me that things will be fine when I fill her in. She's sure that Mark won't let anything bad happen. I'm too afraid to tell her that it's not only Will that I'm worried about. I really don't know how far Jamie is prepared to go, or who he's willing to hurt.
As soon as she hands over the pharmacy bag I grab a bottle of water off the table beside my bed and practically tear open the packaging to get to the tiny pill inside. This is the one part of my ordeal with Jamie that I can control, and I do it without any hesitance.
With the pain in my shoulder continuing to throb, I to have get Sarah to help me get dressed, making her close her eyes as she does. There's only so much I want to ask her to deal with today.
Slowly, I gather my things and get ready to leave. I find I'm delaying myself in the hope that Will and Mark turn up, but I've no real choice but to go, the hospital needs the bed.
It's only when I pick up my bag of old clothes that the door to the room finally swings open.
"Thank fucking christ," I say aloud as Mark walks in with Will in tow behind him.
I rush to him, pulling him into my arms. I hope that's the last time I'll ever have to worry like that.
Once the relief settles in, I'm suddenly flooded with anger, "What the hell were you thinking," I say, punching him in the arm for being such an idiot. "He could have killed you!"
Mark jumps right in to Wills defence, completely changing his tune from when we were at Sarah's house.
"Actually, if I were a betting man Iz, I'd say Jamie should have been the one worried judging by how determined speed racer here was to get to him, but he wasn't anywhere to be found anyway."
"How do you know that?," I ask, "Did you go into the apartment?"
"I didn't catch up to Will until we got to your place. We had a little chat outside, and I tried to get him to leave, but once I realised that there was no way I was stopping him, I figured I better join him."
"Mark! Why would you be so reckless?"
"Your my sister Izzy," he says, "why wouldn't I? Anyway it didn't matter, when we got up there, the front door was still open after the job Charlie did on it, and the place looked like someone had left in a hurry."
I look to Will, entirely baffled, but he's quite sheepish.
"When he called me at first, I let him think you were talking to the police," he says. "It must have spooked him. The place looked like someone was trying to clean up and pack at the same time. If I'd of known he'd be gone before I got near him, I wouldn't have said anything."
I'm a mix between skeptical and amazed. "Jamie left?," I ask. "Just like that?
I struggle to fully believe it.
"We took some of your things Iz," Mark says as he holds up a duffle bag, it looks stuffed to the brim.
"My things?," I ask
"Just what we knew would be practical, some clothes, toiletries, a few personal items we saw around the place. We found your phone in the kitchen too. Oh and lover boy there brought your violin."
Sarah elbows Mark in the ribs, shutting him up, but I thank him for getting my things all the same.
Will takes the duffle bag from Mark, letting them leave so we can have a minute together before we go.
"I doubt we got everything you wanted," Will says, "but you won't ever have to go back now if you don't want to."
How can I stay mad at him now?
"Thank you," I say, "but please don't ever do anything like that again."
Will purses his lips, refusing to say that he won't. We've so much else to think about now that I simply let it slide and just bank on him never finding out where Jamie might have gone to.
I still can't believe he ran. I really can't quite grasp it. He always made me feel like he feared nobody, like he was a law unto himself.
And yet, he ran the minute he thought I was reporting it, hiding himself from consequence.
He really is a coward.
♾️
As we step outside the hospital, everyone slowly comes to a stop, they want to know my next move, but I've no idea where I'm actually going. Will and I aren't meant to fly out until tomorrow, and I clearly don't need to pack. I have no plan for right now.
"Should we go to my place?" Will asks me.
I think he already knew that my answer was no though. I'm aware that when we leave Ohio that we're on our own, and I'm excited to do that, but right now I don't know where Jamie is, or how long the threat of the police will hold him off. And I dont want to risk finding out at Wills place either.
"Maybe we shouldn't," I say, looking toward my dad. He seems surprised, but I get the impression that he's little happy about it too, because he offers up a room before I even have to ask.
"Will the both of you be staying?" he asks, glancing in Wills direction. You'd swear I was a teenager asking if my boyfriend can stay over.
"If it's a problem we can always stay at a hotel," I say, "I don't want us to be in the way."
He looks from me to Will again, nodding his head once to signal his permission. I think this is as close to that apology as Will might get.
It all feels so surreal. I'm so glad I'm okay, and that the injuries weren't anything more than they turned out to be, but I'm just finding it hard to really believe that we've done it. There's no more Jamie and no more torture. This time yesterday, I didn't know if I'd ever see my family again, and now here they are, at my side as we walk to the car like a layer of protection. We made it.
♾️
Will follows my dads car back to his house.
Although for whatever reason, my dad has suddenly decided that now is the time he wants to drive like an eighty year old with sight loss, so we're not going at any real pace.
"You doing alright over there Iz?" Will asks.
I'm a little lost in thought, I think it might be a good idea to let Will know that I thought ahead, but I'm struggling with how to word it. I know I'm probably over thinking it, so I just go ahead and tell him.
"Sarah went to a pharmacy for me earlier," I say, "I asked her to go and pick up an emergency contraceptive. I've already taken it, so you don't have to worry about anything."
"Worry?," he asks,
"Yeah. I just wanted you to know that everything will be okay."
"Isobel, what he did to you is not okay, and it won't be okay for a long time. But for some reason you think your job right now is to make me feel better about it?"
"It's not that I'm trying to make you feel better," I say, "It's that I didn't want you to spend the next while wondering if there was anything else coming your way. I didn't want you questioning if you still wanted this."
Will suddenly sticks an indicator on and speeds us into a little side street, I don't think my dad even noticed. He pulls the car over before turning to me in his seat.
"Izzy, if you think for a second that anything he did to you, or the consequences of it would change my mind about us, then I've done a terrible job of letting you know just how much I love you."
"No, I know you do. But I also know that that would change things for some people."
"Right. Some people," he says, "not me. The only thing I'm concerned about right now is you. And that's because I don't know if you're going to be alright, or if you're going to be able to deal with all of this when it hits you, and it will hit you Izzy. But I do know that when it does, I'll be there. If you took the pill, or if you didn't, it wouldn't matter to me, I'd be there. You are what matters to me."
Yet again I find my face is streaked with tears, but this time they're happy ones in a way. Happy that I'm still here, happy that I'm with Will. And happy that I seem to have somehow found the most decent man I'll ever know.
I was with Jamie so long that I didn't realise that constantly having to reassure him wasn't normal. I don't need to coddle Will, I don't need to be afraid of telling him things. It will take getting used to I'm sure, but it's a freedom I never thought I'd have.
"I told you before Iz," he says, "you have to stop trying to look after my feelings, that's for me to do okay?"
He wipes the tears from my face with his thumb, removing any doubt I had in him.
I feel rich beyond my wildest dreams.
We stay there in his car and talk for awhile, away from the questions and prying ears of others. I share only what I can stomach to share, theres some parts of the ordeal that I feel I may take to my grave.
I'm sure we both know the next few months will be hard, but it still won't change our plans. My overall feeling right now is one of relief, there's a dead weight that's been completely removed from our shoulders, and we can finally look forward.
After a lot of tears and talking, we reluctantly head on back to my dads house, to save them all worrying about where we've got to.
Will has his reservations about spending any amount of time with my father, but he understands it's what makes me feel safest right now.
"He's a tough one Izzy," he says, "you weren't kidding."
"You seemed well able to handle him. It's rare for someone to give my father a piece of their mind like that."
"Well he needed it, you've had more than enough bullshit to deal with from him over the years, I wasn't going to allow him to add to it."
"I think you might have reached him," I say, "He came in after you left and we had a talk. He was a lot more understanding of things that time around."
"Good, he doesn't know how lucky he is to have you Isobel."
Will holds my hand as we whizz through traffic. I continue to think back over the things he said to my dad, there's a part of it that's stuck with me all day. Something he said about how a father should always fight their kids corner, even when they're wrong.
It's a strange thing to do when you really think about it, but it's true. Most parents would.
It makes me think about Tom. I know he wouldn't defend Scarlet or Mel if they were wrong, but Jamie? Oh boy would he do it for Jamie. He'd do just about anything for him I imagine, even hide his faults if he needed it…
I sit up straight, suddenly struck with an idea.
"Mark said you guys got my phone right?" I ask Will.
"Yeah, it's in the pocket of the bag we packed, why?"
"I'm going to have to fill you in on something, but I need to make a call first," I tell him, "I think I might have something that could change this whole situation for us."