Will and I were both so busy the week after Annies party that it breezed past us. Which is great, because I've been so excited about our date tonight that I even went out after work at the school yesterday and bought a new outfit.
I've been stressing about what way to do my hair and how I'll do my make up. A step back for women everywhere I know, but how often do you have a first date with your boyfriend after you already live together right?
I'm half ready when Will pops his head into our bedroom.
"Are you sure that restaurant is still okay Iz? I have no problem trying to get a reservation someplace else."
"No, Wilde is great, I'm sure it will be nice."
"Yeah but what if it could be really nice?," he asks, "Like rich people nice!"
"You know it's not nearly as enjoyable for me if you make fun of yourself right?"
"Why do you think I'm doing it?" he says with a grin as he opens up his wardrobe.
Will pulls some pieces out for tonight. Black jeans and a belt, an off white button down shirt that he rolls the sleeves up on, and a deep green waistcoat that almost matches his eyes. He selects a tie that matches it all without even having to really think about it. Even when he has to dress up he still manages to keep his own edge to it. He exudes a kind of cool that comes so naturally to him.
I on the other hand took forever to select my outfit. I agonised over two almost identical skirts when I was shopping yesterday. Since I've met Will, his colour pallet has rubbed off on me somewhat, half of my wardrobe is now black. I did try to go for something brighter given the time of year, but I still ended out picking a black dress. It is killer though, even I have to admit it. It has a stunning sweetheart neckline with capped sleeves, coming in at the waist and floating back out to about half way down my thigh. If it doesn't do it for him, nothing I have will.
I eye him up as he closes the last button on his waistcoat. I'm tempted not to go anywhere seeing it fitted to his torso the way it is, but this is a special night, so I settle on giving him a compliment rather than jumping him.
"You look really good in that," I tell him, "really good."
I'm still in a towel, but at least my hair is done now. I put some loose curls in it earlier with the curling iron before running a comb through it, I do it like this all the time, but it's something I know works for me so I didn't want to risk anything new.
"Good? You're meant to tell me I'm devastatingly handsome and that you're lucky to have me!"
"On a first date? I can't give all my cards away at once Will, I need to keep a little something back."
"Fine, just as long as you're not planning on holding everything back tonight," he says.
"I dont think I've ever put out on the first date Will. So it depends, maybe if you work hard enough you can be the exception."
"I think we both know that it really depends on how much wine I ply you with," he says.
"Will!" I swat at him but he moves back, too quick for me. "At least pretend that you'll need to work for it."
"You really want this to feel like our first time out don't you?," he says.
"It is our first time!"
"You know what I mean."
"Yes, absolutely. You'll have to do some of that wooing you were talking about last week," I say.
"I thought that word made me old?"
"Older men are generally better at it, so you should be fine."
"Don't shower me with too much love there Isobel."
"Like I said, you have to work for it."
Giving him a wink, I turn back to the mirror, I need to get a move on if we don't want to be late. He leaves me alone to finish getting ready, I hear him strumming away on his guitar in the living room as I do.
I manage to get myself together with exactly five minutes to spare. My heels are sky high, cost a small fortune, and will absolutely leave my feet bloody by the end of the evening. But my god, when I see Wills mouth fall open as his eyes journey up my legs, it makes it worth every expensive drop of blood.
"Wow... you look... wow."
"You'll have to carry me home tonight if I stand in these too long," I say.
"I'd carry you over hot coals as long as I was taking you home. Izzy that dress… this date would have happened long before now if I knew I'd be seeing this."
"Okay," I say blushing, "that's enough, I'm starting to feel embarrassed."
"Don't," he says, "you look incredible, you always do."
"Can you take the tag off for me? I forgot it was back there and now I can't reach it."
"Sure thing."
Will grabs a scissors from the kitchen, taking care not to clip the fabric. I'd have yanked it right off if it were me doing it, but that's just another one of our differences I suppose.
"All done, let's go," he says as he drops the scissors and tag onto the coffee table and grabs his jacket, he's eager to get there.
I pick up my bag, letting Will lead the way.
It's a gorgeous evening, the sun doesn't set for another few hours, and it's been relatively warm all day. The summer coming in shows us parts of Erie we haven't really seen yet, and it makes the walk to the restaurant all that more enjoyable.
Will seems to have taken my jabs about our first date seriously. He's laying it on thick with the compliments, opening doors, pulling out my chair. Things he usually does sure, but he doesn't normally quite make such a song and dance about it. It's borderline theatrical, but I guess making me laugh will win him some points either way.
I knew I was right about this resturant too. I can smell the food coming out of the kitchen as soon as we're seated, it's even better than I remember from the days we'd walk by.
I intensionally haven't eaten much today, so when I look over the menu it takes me all of two seconds to choose the salmon, and steamed vegetables. Will opts for chicken, which makes me second guess my choice, this happens all the time when we order in, I always end up wanting what he has.
He doesn't even have to look up from the drinks menu he's reading over now to know what I'm thinking.
"Yes, you can have some," he says, "I knew you'd like it, that's why I ordered it."
"You really know the way to a girls heart Will," I say.
"Nope, just yours."
Smooth. If he keeps this up he won't have to worry about working for anything, I'll just hand it over.
We order a bottle of wine to share, and then we enjoy our very first date together. We talk for hours, making plans for the summer and wondering what we might do in the fall. That discussion quickly turns to what our life might be like in a year from now, then five, then ten.
I can't remember the last time I felt this secure while looking toward the future.
It's all hypothetical of course. I think two children is plenty, Will wants to double it. I figure when it happens and he's in the thick of it with diapers and three a.m wake up calls that he'll come around to my way of thinking.
We live in one of those neighbourhoods where all the dads obsess over how the lawn looks and the moms car pool hoards of small gymnasts to their next class.
Not only do I chauffeur the kids to school, I teach music there too, and of course our own children are the gifted ones. Graced with musical talents from their parents that can take them anywhere they want to go.
We change our minds a little later into the discussion and consider that they could learn more about life in a city, somewhere New York-esque that's bursting with culture.
A house by the beach sounds just as nice too though, and a lot more chilled out. By the time we've finished talking, we've moved half a dozen times and are still no more set than when we started.
The one thing I do know for sure is this; our location may change, the number of children, the timing and plans too. But the one thing that doesn't waver is the fact that we're together. That is the one thing we both remain certain of.
We decide against ordering another bottle of wine when the waiter comes around again. We have some at home that we can open, and I cannot wait to take these shoes off.
Instead, we take a stroll home, hand in hand.
It's a little more lively around here at night than I thought, I can never hear it from the apartment. There's a karaoke bar on the street that seems to pull in most people. There's a big crowd outside it, some of them bump into us as we squeeze by.
"That's my worst nightmare," Will says as he looks up at the flashing blue neon sign.
"Karaoke is your worst nightmare?," I ask, "Seriously?"
"Yeah, I find it so cringeworthy."
"You find singing infront of people cringeworthy? You hear what you just said right?"
"Yes? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You don't see the struggle I'm having here?," I ask pointedly.
He takes a moment to realise the hypocrisy of his statement. "It's not the same Isobel," he says.
"It's exactly the same!"
"No it's not."
"It is!"
"So you're telling me, that if I just started playing the violin any old way I like that it's equal to what you do?," he counters.
"Well, when you put it like that..."
"Exactly," he says.
"I think we should give it a shot next time we're here," I suggest.
"I've heard you sing in the shower Iz, that's enough for me."
"Hey!"
"I'm sorry. You have the voice of an angel," he says, "that better?"
"Sometimes lies are okay Will."
"I'll be sure to remember that."
I'm just short of crawling the rest of the way home in these shoes, but we eventually get there none the less. As we approach the corner of the apartment block, Will comes to a stop.
"Shit," he says, "I left my jacket back at the resturant."
"Oh no. Don't worry though I think I have keys."
I begin to dig through my bag. I'm sure I threw my car keys in earlier. "Wait just a second," I say, elbow deep into a tiny clutch.
I get a hold of a keyring and triumphantly pull them out, happy that I was clever enough to take them.
"I better run back anyway Iz," Will says, "my keys and wallet are in the pocket."
"Why don't you call them, I'm sure they'll hold onto it until tomorrow."
"I think I'd prefer to go get it, I don't like the idea of anyone having the key to the apartment. You go on inside, I'll only be a few minutes."
"Are you sure? I don't mind coming back with you."
He glances down at my feet. "I'm sure. You wouldn't make it again anyway."
"You're probably right," I say. "I'll open some wine for us, be quick okay?"
"Twenty minutes! Don't start without me."
"No promises," I call after him as I round the corner and he disappears out of sight.
Sliding my key into the door of our block, I push the weight of it inward. As I do, I suddenly feel a hand at my back, ushering me forward into the lobby.
For a split second I think it's Will, deciding to leave the jacket until tomorrow like I suggested, but then I get the smell of that cologne, and I'm suddenly transported back in time.
I'm too afraid to turn around. If I stay as I am, this doesn't have to become real. Not until he speaks.
"Guess who," he says.
The hair on the back of my neck stands up when I hear his voice. This can't be happening.
As he spins me around to face him, it's then that all my desperate hopes of it being anybody else dissolve.
"Jamie?"
He's bearly recognisable in a pair of black sweats and a hoodie that he has pulled up over his head. His stubble looks days old, and his bloodshot eyes would make you think he's suffering some form of illness, but it's him.
"Where is he?," he asks.
"Wh- what are you doing here?"
"Where is he Izzy, you were together a minute ago."
Will. He must have been watching us.
"He left something behind," I say, "he's coming back. He'll be here any second."
I try to make it sound like some form of threat, but Jamie seems more irritated by his absence than anything else.
He checks his watch, then has a look around, making sure there's nobody nearby.
"Okay," he says, "your apartment, let's go."
As he tries to move me, I pull back from his grip.
"No! No way, I'm not going anywhere with you."
"I said move Izzy."
I try to warm him that he needs to leave, reminding him of everything he stands to lose.
"Jamie do you realise what being here means for you? Your life will be over, that video will be released, and your father's business is done for. If you go right now I won't do anything, but it's got to be now."
Jamie reaches back, pulling something from the waistband of his sweatpants. As he draws it forward, the light hits it, showing me the full length of the blade as he brings it toward me. It's bizarre to me that I can recognise it as one of the knifes from the block we had in the apartment of our kitchen.
As he moves, I back up so much that I nearly fall over myself. Jamie matches my steps, keeping as close as he can.
"Do you really think I give a shit about any of that now?" he spits, towering over me. He lets the tip of the knife touch my chest. "Move Izzy, or I'll let the food runner find you here bleeding out with this through your heart."
My mind races, I search my surroundings for something useful. All I spot is a little security camera in the corner above the mailboxes. But I can't possibly allow Jamie into our home, I'm just as at risk in there anyway. At least out here whatever he does can be proven, so I don't budge, I'll just refuse to tell him which apartment is ours. Then he'll have no options.
As if he knows what I'm thinking, he pulls me to him, pressing the knife into the skin on my arm.
"Don't be so stupid," he says. "It's number four, now get it open."
With that, he slides the knife over my skin, a small cut opens where he had it pressed a moment ago. The blood begins to trickle down my arm, pooling at the tip of my fingers before dripping to the floor.
The pain doesn't register, only the confusion of how he knows exactly where we live.
How long has he known?
Shoving me toward my apartment, he yanks the keys from my hand. "You just love to make things worse for yourself Izzy, you always have."
Opening the door, he pushes me inside, pointing to the sofa with the knife, "Sit down and don't move."
He hurriedly takes a moment to familiarise himself with the layout, surveying the kitchen and living room before coming toward me. I lean back into the sofa as he holds out his hand expectantly.
"Phone," he barks.
The cut on my arm has began to sting now, and I know I don't want another, so I hand it over and watch him stuff it into his pocket.
He then goes off to check the bedrooms.
In the seconds that he's out of view, I try to remember what precautions I took in case there was ever a moment like this. My mace is in my regular bag, not the one I brought out tonight, and I know it's hanging in the coat closest. Jamie would get to me before I get to it for sure. The bat in our bedroom is of no use right now either, not with him in there.
Searching the living room, I spot the scissors that Will left on the coffee table earlier and reach for it, sliding it under the couch to keep it close. That little kitchen scissors isn't going to be much of a match for that knife he's carrying, but any weapon is better than none.
When Jamie comes back into the living room, he watches me with every step he takes. I feel like I'm that girl again. His. Afraid to say anything that might set him off, afraid that saying nothing will do the same.
I try to calculate how long it's been since Will went back to the restaurant. Only minutes surely? This can only get worse if he walks back in here.
Jamie paces the floor in-front of me, checking his watch again. What is he waiting on?
"You look good Iz," he says. "Really good. You've added a few pounds but it looks like it's in the right places."
I Instinctively begin to pull my dress down my legs, I can't stand the thought of him looking at me like that, it makes my skin crawl.
"I have to give it to you Izzy, you were smarter than I gave you credit for. That stunt with Karl and Simon, I never saw it coming."
He wipes at his nose, his jittering giving me the idea that he's sick somehow.
"Jamie, none of this is going to end well for you," I say, "you get that don't you?"
He acts like I never spoke at all.
"I was prepared to leave you alone after that you know," he says. "For awhile I thought you'd really sucker punched me. But the longer I stayed under my dad's thumb, unable to do what I wanted to do, the more I thought about things, and just how unfair it all was."
"Unfair? Jamie you escaped prison, it was more than fair!"
"Not to me," he snaps. "You got everything you wanted, and what did I get huh? Stuck. Stuck in the same place with my disappointed father. It bothered me Izzy. It bothered me so much that I was tempted to follow Annie down here, I know she's been coming. And him, I've been to the bars he plays at. He's one cocksure piece of shit isn't he? God it was so tempting Iz… But you had that video, and I wasn't prepared to go to jail for you. So I toed the line for my own sake."
Jamie rounds the coffee table, coming to a stop right infront of me. He stays standing over me, making me feel an inch tall. It's then that I realise I was smelling more than just cologne earlier, he's been drinking.
"It might have stayed that way had you not come back you know," he says. "But you did, and so fucking brazenly too. Laughing and kissing the prick you left me for in the street."
"How did you...?"
"See you?," he asks. "Luck Izzy. Right place at the right time."
I can't believe it. Of all the places he could have been that day, he somehow saw us.
"So what was so funny?"
"What?," I ask, lifting my gaze to him just in time for his arm to swing out into the air as the back of his hand cracks across my cheek, sending me falling into the sofa.
He pulls me straight back up, bending over so he's just inches from my face.
"What was so funny when I saw you two together?," he yells.
"I- I don't know! I can't remember."
He takes my hair into his fist, pulling me to my feet.
"Was it that you thought you could come back and flaunt your way around with him?"
"No! I've no idea wh-"
I immediately feel a vicious sting hit my face. I look around only to find myself on the floor, holding my hand to my bloodied nose. It takes a couple of seconds for me to understand what just happened. I think he head-butted me.
My hands are stained red, but for some reason all I can think of is the land lady that we rent the apartment from. She's going to kill me if I get blood on the carpet. She was very clear about stains when we moved in.
Jamie stands over me, staring and smiling. Who could possibly enjoy this?
"Why aren't you laughing now slut?" he says.
"You have to stop Jamie, it was just one weekend. I won't come back again!"
"I watched you the whole time, do you know that?," he asks. "I was sure you knew, like you could sense it. I thought I'd find out you were just as miserable as I was, but it was the opposite."
He steps back, checking out the window to see if he can see anything.
"You smiled in ways I'd never seen Izzy. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to approach you and wrap my hands around your neck to see you suffer... I thought about hitting you both with my car as you crossed the street in front of me, I even thought Annie had caught me at one point at that little party you rocked up at, in your little dress... but it was just her mother. That took some self restraint I can tell you, I bet that would have killed them."
The horror of what he's saying unfolds in front of me. I feel violated by him all over again.
"But no matter how much opportunity came my way," he says, "I knew there was only one thing I wanted to do Izzy."
"Jamie, please."
"I wanted you to watch him beg for his life while I take it away. And then after I do that, I'll let you feel everything he did."
"Oh god, please Jamie think about this, you'll go to prison! You'll be there for the rest of your life! Is it worth it?"
"Yes," he yells, "What have I got now Izzy? My father thinks I'm dead weight, everybody knows what happened. My name is nothing now. You made sure of that with your little plan."
"I'll change it! I'll talk to your dad, I'll talk to Karl and Simon too."
"What is that going to do? My dad can't do anything! You succeeded in completely ending my career the second you walked into that meeting. You can't take it back."
I watch the clock as panic begins to settle in, Will is going to be back any minute.
"There has to be something Jamie," I desperately plea, "You can't hurt him please. What can I do?"
His brow furrows as he studies me.
"Can't hurt him? What about you?"
My head falls forward into my hands with heavy sobs, Will and I should have ran a lot further than we did. We took too much comfort in an agreement that meant nothing.
"I'm begging you Jamie, please."
Mascara stains my cheeks as it falls, it mixes with the blood on my face and drips away, leaving crimson pools on the floor.
"You really love him don't you?," he asks.
I search his eyes, unable to tell what he's looking for. I'm afraid to tell him the truth, but there's no way in hell I'll deny it.
"Of course I love him," I say. "I'd do anything for him Jamie. Tell me whatever it is that's going to stop this and I'll do it."
"It's too late Izzy."
"No! No it's not too late, you can still walk out of here! There's still a chance."
"No, there's not," Jamie says, shaking his head. "You'll tell me that nothing will happen but it will. You won't take this risk again. You'll release the footage and I'll go to jail. Or you'll report this and I'll go to jail then too. Either way you'll get to live happily ever after with him while I rot. But, if there is no you, and there is no him, then there's no happily ever after is there?"
"There's still prison," I remind him.
"It's a risk I'm willing to take to make sure you don't get what you want."
I wish I'd reported everything. I wish I'd stood in a court room and described everything he did to me. He should never have been allowed to walk this earth free after it. And now Will and I are going to pay the price for my mistake.
Jamie continues to pace and wait, his heavy footsteps on the floor sounding like a ticking clock.
After awhile, I hear humming coming from the hallway. My heat sinks. Jamie can tell from the look of fear on my face that it's Will.
He rushes to me, pulling me up and standing behind me before bringing the knife to my throat. "Don't say a word," he whispers. I wouldn't be able to anyway, because he places his hand over my mouth to make sure of it.
It's like slow motion. The key turning in the lock, the handle pressing down. I pray Will takes one look at this and runs for help, but I know he won't.
The door clicks shut, although the noises are being drowned out from how hard I hear Jamie's heart beating. Is he scared too?
"Iz?," Will calls out, "You here?"
He must be suspicious of how quiet it is.
Jamie presses his hand harder over my mouth, deciding to make himself known.
"We're in here," he says aloud, "Why don't you come join us Will?"