Everyone so distant so cold
Living here all on my own
Life so monotone
Monochrome
Forever forlorn
In a state of despondency
Surrounded by the painful cacophony
Of happiness spoken so volubly
But I wannabe
Out of the anesthesiology
Suffocating me monstrously
Where is my sinuosity
My passion keeps bleeding right out of me
Need a bandage just to stay functioning
Everyone hating me is just so troubling
And my spirits keep plummeting
Hope glimmering just out of reach
Screaming crying need a dove
Away from this unrequited love
The ethereal happiness I've been deprived of
Connected to life support
Cannot breathe not here not there
Just need some real air
Why can't life and love just be fair
I'm ready to scream till my lungs bleed
But my cold family silences me
Since I'm only seventeen
And the impossibility being with my real love hurts me
Not happy not serene
hope sent up in a rocket
Down in a submarine
To depths in which I cannot reach
We haven't dated
Spent fourteen months as friends
But I've loved him this whole time
And I took a leap of faith that led to misery
he's too insecure to love
Says he doesn't want to even talk
Waiting to build himself a life
Tells me all I do is study
I used to think the same
But I want my life to start
NOW - not when I'm aged
And why can I not be enough
Because that's what I have been desperately grasping to change
I'm wondering if I'll ever find someone else
Or if I've just been dammed into solitude
Because fate hates me
I'm alone
Drowning in a sea of my own tears
I thought I knew how to swim
But for what purpose? My hope sunk with the submarine
My smile gone
Can't force it no more
My teachers asking me if I'm okay
I cry "IM FINE, I'm fine…." but really I'm crumbling
My mind raging with uncertainty
I've loved him for an eternity
Fuck, Why can't he just marry me